10/31/04 Overclocking

First off, Happy Halloween. Some kiddies came by to trick or treat (as would be expected). Then I saw them get into their mom's minivan to drive to the next house. That HAS to be a party foul! If they're going to be eating candy for the next 3 weeks, the least they can do is WALK to the next house. Next year if I see that, I'm going ballistic. No walking, no candy. You heard it here first.

These Halloween memories also got me thinking about a couple of other events from my youth. One being that my more technically savvy friends used to 'overclock' their computers. So they'd buy a 50 MHz chip, supercharge the fucker, and make it go 58 MHz or something. Which always made me a little jealous. The first question that probably comes to mind is - where are these techie geniuses today? I found 'em - They're overclocking their toothbrushes (give it a minute to load up).

10/30/04 Free Burrito!!!!

Thanks Mike - Chipotle's free burrito deal. AND also from Mike, the Camo Phone.

Thanks Cousin Jeff - We're not here looking for trouble, we just came to do the Superbowl Shuffle.

New Yeti Game!!!! - My top score is 4519. This one's "ok" on a scale of sucks balls to fuck yeah.

10/29/04 WWJDD?

In my 5 days away, probably the most fun thing I missed/learned is Johnny Damon's following across the country. We can now ask WWJDD (What would Johnny Damon Do?).

I also learned that San Diego Jennifer makes kick ass nachos. Pictures will be up shortly.

The Department of Homeland Security is using its funds and time wisely by cracking down on Communist Rubik's Cubes.

And finally, in case you haven't heard, I'm moving to California next week. I tried sending out an email to everyone, but I had my share of problems with that, so if you didn't get it, it wasn't for lack of effort. So the gaps in my "Something I learned Today" will continue on and off until I get settled. Oh, and if you live in Southern California or have friends out there, send me an email - I know all of about 3 people right now. Nachos are on me.

10/24/04 It's all about the Benjamins

Wanna know what strippers really think about??? I thought you might.

Well, I haven't learned a whole lot today, but here's some magnifying glass, burning people kind of game that's fun for about 20 seconds.

I also found some sorta cool website - Heavy.com. I honestly lack any motivation to explain it. But there ya go.

10/23/04 I could teach you but I'd have to charge

I'm watching the World Series and Pujols (pron. "Poo Holes") just came to bat. That's it. He just got a 2 out double off of Roy Hobbs, er, Curt Schilling.

I'm really writing this on the 24th, but I was away, so let's pretend for a second that I wrote this yesterday. Congratulations to Cousin Michael and Rachelle on their marriage. Only in our family would Neil Diamond's "Coming to America" bring everyone out on the dancefloor. And only at their wedding would they be cool playing "Milkshake". Damn right, it's better than yours.

What I learned that night is of great importance. I witnessed the pick-up power of men in tuxes and suits in bars. For probably the first time, well ever, people actually talked to people in my family. It was a sight to behold. I also learned that telling a girl that you got stood up at the alter might make her cry. Next thing you know, you'll be making 12 year old kids cry on a basketball court.

10/22/04 Reverse the Curse

I'm going to admit that I've gotten wrapped up in the baseball playoffs this year. In each and every series I have had a favorite. As usual I am going to recommend reading The Sports Guy's Archive. He has written some unique insight into every game of the ALCS.

As for the rest of Boston, World Series tickets are coming at a premium - With no pun intended, there are even posts on Craiglist.

You can talk about Babe Ruth or the Goat all you want.... Cousin Jeff sent an article about the REAL curse.

Fidel Castro fall down, go boom.

What happens when you combine He-Man and the Big Lebowski? Uh, this.

10/21/04 Who Am I?

I'm not talking about the Jackie Chan classic. I'm talking about the Myers-Briggs personality test. I took the test once in college, and I took it again yesterday to see if it stayed the same. It did. In fact, I learned quite a bit about myself by taking the test and reading the results. I learned about famous people with the same personality (there are 16 total personalities according to this test). I learned many of the reasons for my strengths and weaknesses. And I learned what professions suit me best, which is probably the greatest outcome.

I strongly recommend that you take the 3 minutes to honestly answer the Myers-Briggs test. I would be curious to know what personality you are. And I'll let you know that I am INTP (which will make more sense once you take it). Based on your personality you and I may or may not get along.

10/20/04 Champions

The Rock Paper Scissors World Championships were held this past weekend in Toronto, Canada. Once again the trophy remains north of the border. A hearty congratations to Lee Rammage and all of the winners. Also, here's the photo gallery.

RPS Dave sent me Nickelodeon's Kid's Vote. According to Linda Ellerbee, "Kids aren't dumb, they're just younger and shorter". George Carlin takes a little bit different perspective - "Not all children are smart and clever, got that? Kids are like any other group of people: a few winners...a whole lot of losers".

10/19/04 Gettin' Down

I've been known to bitch and moan about music today. I long for the days of the return of 90's grunge rock and 70's classic rock. After watching this video, I am going to admit that I might be wrong in my assessment.

Remember the Blue Oyster Bar from Police Academy? Good. Michael Winslow hosts this sort of ok Sound Based Movie Trivia.

You may also remember that a while back I had links to Communist Smurf and Mario Brothers pages. Now, the Wario Brothers are Nazis.

10/18/04 You Forgot Poland

"You forgot Poland" - Be sure to check out GW's test about 1/3 of the way down the page.

I know, this fact sucks. I just forgot to write something yesterday and I'm making it up by linking to the first webpage I came to.

Oh, and while I'm thinking about it, nobody's answered the trivia question from the NachoContest (see link to the right). Hint #1 - It's a football team.

10/17/04 Nectar of the Gods

An IM conversation I had inspired me to read up on tequila.

Mexican poet Alvaro Mutis wrote:
"Tequila has no history; there are no anecdotes confirming its birth.
This is how it’s been since the beginning of time, for tequila is a gift from the godsand they don’t tend to offer fables when bestowing favors.
That is the job of mortals, the children of panic and tradition."

Everything you ever wanted to know about tequila can probably be found on this page.

10/16/04 Dares and Elections

The internet has helped make stupid people popular. And I'm promoting this by writing about The King of Dares. People email him dares and then he videotapes himself doing it. It's a little hard to find the videos, but just click "Read More..." underneath the dare. They have the guy drinking a gallon of milk in an hour, which I've always wanted to see.

In a very un-John Stewart like move, he went on CNN's Crossfire last night. It's definitely worth a look-see. It's already on IFilm.

And in case you didn't watch the debate, President Bush warned of "Rumors on the Internets". I'm seriously embarrassed that's he's my president. I'd be embarrassed if he were my kid's grade school teacher.

10/15/04 Stupid People

It must be the cold rainy weather. But I've just sort of run across a theme of really disgustingly stupid articles, conversations and webpages today. In order to get them off of my chest, I've decided to post them. To steal a quote from my favorite writer, The Sports Guy, of ESPN - "Man, I hate everybody right now. I feel like Barry Bonds."

An AP News analyst writes "Gas Prices Jump With Oil Prices". Brilliant analysis. Now I realize why I'm unemployed and this nimrod works for AP.

For only $995 you can overcome your porn addiction. It probably goes without saying that this will also require you to take Jesus Christ the Savior into your life as well. I don't think I should go because Jesus kind of turns me on.

Google Nicki also writes to complain about bathroom etiquette and sent me this straight shooting website. She also sent me a link to the new Google Desktop. Her selling point was "Trust me. It's cool." Actually it's making big news lately about how it blows away your normal Windows search, and will find just about anything you've seen on your screen - Emails, IMs, documents, Jesus porn.

I know my facts are usually pretty short and to the point. But the topic of "Stupid People" has really got me going. So I continue on the topic of Undecided Voters. How could you possibly be undecided at this point? No two presidential candidates in my lifetime have been as different as these two guys. Next time you're in line for some ice cream and the douchebag in front of you gets nine samples and can't decide between choco-mocha fudge and cappu-choco swirl, shove a frosty metal scooper up his ass. He represents the "undecided" demographic.

Let me end on a less downtrodden note. Everyday Electoral-Vote.com updates the status of the latest polls from each state, and displays who would win the election based on those polls. As of today, Bush is winning 284-228. 270 is the magic number of electoral votes (EVs) needed to win the whole damn thing. According to the site, 26 EVs are tied, 30 EVs are barely in Kerry's favor and 62 EVs are barely in Bush's favor. I can't friggin' wait for all of the riots and protests on election day.

10/14/04 Bigger and Better

The Nacho Expert and I have worked tirelessly to increase the content of NachosRule.com. We're both very excited and hope you share in the anticipation. In the last week we have created these new sections:

Nacho Deep Thoughts

Happiness Is...

Life Sucks When...

Nacho Contests - We'll have periodic questions and contests here, so check back frequently.

Cousin Eric also found some top secret documents from the debate last night - Bush's Notes.

10/13/04 Oh Dear Lord

Carl Lewis was one of my heroes growing up. One of my first sports memories (right after the White Sox winning the AL West in 1983) was the 1984 Olympic Games in Los Angeles. Which is why I had a real tough time sleeping last night after watching this video. Carl, if I were you, I wouldn't be promoting that video on your website. Let your illustrious career do the talking.

10/12/04 If I had a million dollars

Want your own private island? Mind if I visit?

In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture. In Florida, having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. And there is, in fact, an Illinois law that prohibits a number of things—one of which is a public erection, another is nude dancing. The prohibition against the public erection has never been challenged in the Supreme Court, but the prohibition against nude dancing has. These and other goofy sex laws here.

10/11/04 Whoa...

You've gotta check this out - Zoom. It takes a minute to load and then remember to use the up and down arrows.

A month or so ago, Cousin Dave told me that the story of the marathon isn't really true. The story I knew was that some dude ran from Marathon to Athens to deliver a message and died upon arrival. And that today's marathon is the same distance of 26.2 miles. Turns out that Cousin Dave is right and there's very little truth to that story.

According to MarathonGuide.com, some guy (Philippides, not Pheidippides) actually ran 150 miles from Athens to Sparta and back to ask for the Spartans' help in battle. And he didn't even die. Well he died eventually, I'm sure, but not because of the 150 mile run in 2 days.

10/10/04 The times they are a changin'

A couple of regular readers have told me that they don't like this new blog format. And honestly, I'm not exactly thrilled with it either. I'm humbly asking for suggestions for improvement. Either post your comments below or send an email to nachomaster@nachosrule.com.

In the meantime, here's Part 2 of Checking Away Messages.

10/9/04 Darwin Awards

My dad sent me an article with the Darwin Awards. If you're a Lewis Black fan, you'll recognize the winner of the award - From the Arkansas Democrat Gazette - "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both be dead"

10/8/04 I'm Away from my Computer Right Now

Admit it - You read other people's away messages. You even have that buddy you haven't messaged in 2 years, but you still check what he's up to every now and then. This guy wrote a little article about this strange little obsession.

My weekly public service announcement is valid, well, forever - Redeem anytime.

10/7/04 Bitch better have my money

Through rain, sleet, or snow, Bitch better have my dough. It's games like Pimp Valley that I find when I'm up at 2am. It's actually a well done game, in the spirit of Lemonade Stand and other numbers driven games. I started playing last and I'm now recruiting for my "Crew" - We're called "WhiteSox", so jump on board and start smackin' some hoes. I'll offer my expert protection.

10/6/04 Goonies Vacation

Once again Cousin Eric comes through in the clutch. He found two people who put our annual video scavenger hunts to shame. If you have 15 minutes, a high speed connection, and are as obsessed about the Goonies as me and my family, here's a link to The Goonies Vacation. In a sad way, I'm actually somewhat jealous of these guys.

Bob is also showing signs of his former brilliance by sending 1980's video games online.

And finally, Nicki made a late afternoon showing by IMing me a clip of George Bush's re-election platform.

Thanks Nicki, Bob and Eric for these contributions.

10/5/04 Games we used to play

Once again it's time for the World Championships of Rock Paper Scissors. In honor of the event on October 16th, check out the trailer for Rock Paper Scissors, The Movie - It takes a while to load and requires Quick Time. For everyone who said they "might go" to the event this year, let me know this week whether or not you were serious. Because if we're going, we've gotta plan it now.

While I'm on the topic of playground games, did anyone else used to play MASH (Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House) to predict your future? The game has been updated for the 21st century - Try it here.

10/4/04 Over and Out

Once again, Odd Tood has created a new cartoon about his experience in Hollywood. If you're new to his fine work, start here. He has also made a new game called MEP Ball - I'm still pretty bad at it.

And I'm (whatever the opposite of honored is) to report another sad year of baseball in Chicago. The Cubs finished in 3rd place and the Sox finished in 2nd. And after a spring of high expectations for both, we should have known better than to believe the hype. Feel free to comment and post your thoughts below.

10/3/04 Lost in Translation

I know, it's been a few days, and I'm not even gonna pretend to make up facts for the last few days. But having just returned from a foreign land, I present Lost in Translation. It's like one of those Google tools for language translation, but it translates from English to another language then back to English and then to another language, and so on and so forth.

For example:
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore.
translates to:
If the moon fixes its eye like a great vector of Fleischpie of the vector of Pizzapie, is the lover.