11/30/05 Underwater Poker

The first underwater poker game is sent by, none other than, Poker Jason.

Bands That Name Songs After Themselves

Random thought. What's with bands that have hit songs that are named after the band? Shouldn't this be illegal? Shouldn't the RIAA quit going after kids who download music and spend their time and efforts more wisely on this? This has to be the gayest form of self promotion I can think of. Yes, I wrote "gayest". Since it is the only word that properly describes my feelings about this.

Like Bad Company singing "Bad Company".

Company Always on the run
Destiny is the rising sun
Oh I was born 6-gun in my hand
Behind a gun I'll make my final stand
That's why they call me
Bad company
And I can't deny
Bad company
Till the day I die
Till the day I die
Till the day I die

(Skip to the end here)

Yeah
We're Bad company
Kill in cold blood

"Kill in cold blood"? Yeah, you guys *are* bad.


Same goes for Rammstein singing "Rammstein".

Rammstein
Ein Mensch brennt
Rammstein
Fleischgeruch liegt in der Luft
Rammsteinein
Kind stirbt
Rammsteindie Sonne scheint

(I just felt like putting something in German in my blog). But the translation is pretty much along the lines of Bad Company. It's like "Rammstein. We're bad ass. Rammstein. Yeah that's right. Rammstein. Lick our sacks." (Alright, not exactly. But close enough).

Others I can think of off the top of my head:

• Black Sabbath
• Damn Yankees
• Bo Diddley
• The Monkees (singing "Hey hey we're the Monkees")

I'm now boycotting any band that does this.

Oh, look what I found. Good ol' wikipedia.

11/29/05 Cheap Oil for the Poor

Cheap oil for the poor in the U.S. You'd think that would make people happy, right? Well, Washington's not happy. In part because the oil is coming from Venezuelan president, Hugo Chavez. Stories like this make me laugh.

Bowling rules.

11/28/05 Mr. Miyagi

I know. Three days without a post. Let's just chalk it up to turkey coma and traveling.

To honor the passing of Pat Morita, The Sports Guy writes about the Karate Kid trilogy. (Note to Cousin Jeff - I know that it was originally written in 2002).

Deja Vu?

I SAID... PASS THE MASHED POTATOES!!!

I know this is going to come as a shock to you. Brace yourself. "Experts say flu fears over wild birds over-stated".

I don't know if this really works (since I don't have speakers in the office). But it looks like Pandora will make a radio station based on a band or song you like.

Deja Vu?

11/25/05 The Mystery of Beer Goggles - Solved

Having eliminated all crime and having cured cancer, scientists have now unlocked the greatest remaining mystery. Beer Goggles.

In some very sad news, Mr. Miyagi died today. Wax on. Wax off.

11/24/05 Happy Thanksgiving

Did you know that the day we celebrate as Thanksgiving was supposed to be a fast?
The truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing. But it hurts.

11/23/05 Dish Texas

Charlotte Dan reminded me about the article he sent a couple of years back about people named Dunlop. I forget exactly what happened, but the good people of Dunlop paid people to change their name from Dunlop to Dunlop Tire or something like that. Well, Charlotte Dan is back for more. This time an entire town has changed its name from Clark, Texas to Dish, Texas. They get free Dish Network for 10 years. Anyone who moves there will also get the same deal. I hear the guy who founded the town (Clark) isn't real happy about the decision.

In case you're in 8th grade and your science class is having a paper airplane competition. Here's how to make the perfect paper airplane.

11/22/05 Angry Alien Productions

We've been begging for it. And now we have it. 30-second movie overviews done by cartoon bunnies. Thanks Mike.

Kobayashi retains his throne by eating 67 hamburgers. No word on how often he's used it since.

11/21/05 Hey You Guys!

Somebody blogged about the Goonies 20 year reunion. Sweet.

Now *this* is an idea. Let's put all of that CO2 we've been pumping into the atmosphere back where it came from. No, not your butt, that's methane. But rather where the oil came from. There are large empty caverns where the oil used to be.

Search Google for DSC00001.JPG - Check out people's photos.

Have I mentioned how much I love The Family Guy?

11/19/05 TV Theme Songs

This is pretty funny. There are old sitcom intros with songs from other sitcoms. Like ALF with the Survivor song. And the Real Ghostbusters cartoon with Sanford and Son.

Remember that nutty Norwegian band from the other day that sings Total Eclipse of the Heart with kitchen appliances? They have a website. They're called Hurra Torpedo. And they're on tour in the US. Given my history, it's quite possible that I'm the only person who didn't already know about this.

It's about freaking time.

Both Mike the Nacho Expert sent this probably 2 weeks ago. At least. Yes, it is cool, guys. My bad for forgetting to post it.

All Your Base are Belong to us. Rhapsody.

11/18/05 Greetings, Professor Falken

How about a nice game of chess?

Kids today have the coolest toys. I can't believe we had to deal with color-less bubbles.

Maxim has come out with its list of "The 25 greatest short dudes of all time". Number 1? AC/DC's Angus Young.

Has anyone else noticed that the baseball free agents signing first all used to play for the White Sox? Tanyon Sturze, Scott Eyre (nice pick up by the Cubs by the way) and Geoff Blum have all signed with teams already. Raul Casanova, however, remains available.

11/17/05 The Ghost of Tom Joad

Within the last 2 weeks, I shifted my music listening into the 21st century and got myself an iPod. The first thing you do when you get an iPod (after freaking out that there's no power cord) is install the iTunes software. One of the first questions it asks you is whether you would like it to search your hard drive for mp3 files. Why yes. That would be lovely. After nearly a decade of amassing odds and ends mp3 files, backing them up on CDs, transferring them from computer to computer, and saving them in various folders all over the place, iTunes finally organized them. I then spent the better part of a Sunday ripping CDs onto my laptop, creating all sorts of duplicate songs. But whatever. At this point, I plugged in my new iPod and it started sucking up every song in that iTunes folder. All 1500 of them, at what seemed like about a song per second. It was amazingly quick.

So now I just sit at work, click "shuffle songs" and listen to my iPod all day. Even I'm shocked at some of the mp3s I have. Just before I started writing this, "The Ghost of Tom Joad" by Rage Against the Machine came on. It's one of those songs I haven't gotten tired of after all these years. That's pretty rare for me. But after all these years, I never decided to learn what the song was about (My bad, I know). I learned 2 things in this search. One - This is a Bruce Springsteen song (again, my bad. I just didn't know). Two - the song is about a character from "The Grapes of Wrath" by John Steinbeck. I probably should've known these things before. But hey, I'm the guy that, up until 2003, thought that Spinal Tap was a real 80's hair band.

Once again, CNN is on the spot with breaking news - "Half the homes sold for more than the median and half for less."

My dad, who has a real talent and eye for photography, suggests checking out Liquid Sculpture.

Good Gear Guide

My good friend, Nigel, in Australia asked me to post a link to his new site. So here it is - The Good Gear Guide. He claims to get as many hits in 3 days as I get in a year, so I really don't know how this is going to help him. But hey, he asked, and he got.

Our IM conversation continued like this:

Me: Does it piss you off that that US owns the internet and you have to settle for a .com.au suffix?

Nigel: No. I'm glad the US owns it.

Me: C'mon. A little bit?

Nigel: Those dumbfuck harebrains at the UN should be kept well away. The idiots who are anti-US are just idiots. What are the other options? Pro-china? Pro-Iran? gimme a farking break already.

Me: You're more pro-US than we are

Nigel: Seriously, they piss me off. They sit in a world, ruled by democracy and human rights, using US technology, protected by US security - and then they trash the US without ever saying anything about anyone else. And anyone with intelligence can see that.

So there you have it. A foreigner who thinks more highly of the U.S. than any American I know.

11/16/05 No Thanks. I Already Have Enough Imaginary Friends.

I woke up this morning (as I tend to do every morning) and turned on my computer. These ten minutes online are my only chance to check personal email, IM any friends and family members and do anything fun before I go to firewall purgatory known as my job. This morning as my AOL Instant Messenger was loading up (stop me if you know where this is going) I received a message from AOL stating that they've added two robot IM buddies for me. Why do I need 2 robot friends? I could've added them a long time ago. I chose not to. What are you up to AOL?

I'm giving her all she's got Capt'n.

I've had this business idea for a couple of years. Just about everybody I've shared it with says it's pretty stupid. Except for Cousin Kevin - He always likes to brainstorm new business ideas. The idea was a place where you could relieve stress by hitting and breaking stuff. I wanted to call the place "Serenity Now". I thought it would do well in New York or Chicago near the financial institutions. Without going into details, it was hard to figure out a way to make the place profitable over a long period of time. Well. The Chinese stole my idea. "Students have flocked to the room since it opened eight days ago and hundreds more have booked in, presumably in anticipation of upcoming bouts of fury"

116 of the 200 most profitable law firms have a blue logo.

More proof that the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree - Jong Il's 24-year-old heir Kim Jong Chol has presented an ingenious idea to combat terrorism. "I'd destroy all terrorists with the Hollywood star Jean-Claude Van Damme."

Admittedly I don't keep up with pop culture. I don't watch MTV. Nor do I really care that Jennifer Aniston was named GQ's man of the year. Probably my least favorite part of living in California is the obsession with celebrities and fashion and all of that inane crap. This is why I had no idea that R. Kelly is doing this "Trapped in the Closet" saga. On the radio this morning I heard some song that ends Chapter 9 of this saga. He sings about approaching the cabinet. Looking at the cabinet. Walking toward the cabinet. Opening the cabinet. He says "cabinet" a lot in a 10 second span. And it turns out that there's a midget in the cabinet. And this midget was boning someone's wife, I think. All I know is that I was laughing pretty hard at the insanity of whatever was going on. I'm actually curious what led up to this midget in the cabinet scene. Damnit, now I'm gonna have to buy the DVD.

11/15/05 Steroids - Who Knew?

For those of you who followed my "Fact of the Day" back in 2002 and 2003, you know that I've always spoken out about steroid abuse in the major leagues. It has been a secret in baseball for longer than most of us had ever suspected. ESPN the Magazine has finally broken the silence with their exclusive article - Who Knew? Ironically, the story begins with Pete Rose in Cincinnati in the mid-1980's.

In related news, the Baltimore Orioles have opted to not bring back their steroid user. Same goes for Rafael Palmeiro.

There's still one part of the new MLB steroid policy that bothers me. I haven't seen one article that mentions it either. Why does it take so long from the initial test to the formal announcement when a guy gets caught? When was Palmeiro initially tested? I forget the exact date, but it wasn't after May. He got suspended in August? 3 months later? This means that guys can "roid up" in September, have a monster playoff run, potentially win a World Series, get caught in December and then get suspended for the beginning of the following season. The team will suffer no consequences, keeping its World Series trophy. In my nightmares I fear that one of the White Sox players will be caught, leaving a gigantic, dark cloud over their tremendous accomplishment. That being said, there is an extra sense of pride knowing that the White Sox won the World Series in the same year that official steroid testing began.

Popular Science has unveiled the Best of What's New 2005.

(Imagine the deep voice of the guy who does NFL films for this). On the murky gridiron of Niles North High School, something far greater than pride is on the line. Thousands of years of tradition clash in the frozen tundra known to us as Skokie, Illinois. Their gods may have varying numbers of arms, but for one day, their goal is the same. To march down the field and vanquish the enemy. For one day, the Jews line up on one side of the field while the Indians prepare on the other. This one day, is now known as The Indo Jew Bowl.

11/14/05 Life Expectancy

How many times have you heard, "We live in the greatest country" when referring to the United States? I'm not going to go off on another rant today (although if I weren't so busy at work, I might have). But rather, I want to talk about life expectancy. To me, average life expectancy is, in part, indicative of the quality of a nation. It combines overall health, air quality, food quality, medical services and disease prevention. True or false: The United States ranks in the top ten nations in terms of average life expectancy? False. It ranks 42nd, narrowly beating out Guadeloupe, Cyprus and Kuwait.

For baseball fans - Here's the free agent tracker. White Sox catcher Raul Casanova is a free agent. Admittedly, Casanova is a great last time. But I've never heard of the guy. When did he play for the White Sox?

In an effort to create fluffier popcorn, Northrop Grumman developed a 27 kilowatt solid-state laser.

11/13/05 Sister Christian, Oh the Time Has Come

And you know that you're the only one... to write this many words about the song.

Turn Around.... Every now and then I feel a little bit lonely... Oh my dear lord, what is this?!

If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: The Next Generation...

Mr. Abrams noticed the blog value generator thing on the right side of this blog. He found this blog to be worth over $8 million.

Philly Leah sends one of those good news / bad news articles.. The book "Blink (The Power of Thinking Without Thinking)" is being made into a movie (good news). It will star Leonardo DiCaprio (not good news, if you ask me).

11/11/05 NCAA Rejects Illinois' Appeal of Mascot Ban

The University of Illinois appealed the NCAA's ruling to ban on mascots that represent a "hostile and abusive image of American Indians." They lost their appeal. In my four years of undergraduate studies at the University of Illinois, I never once saw Chief Illiniwek as a hostile and abusive image of American Indians. The representation was always of the highest and utmost respect. The halftime dance done by "The Chief" attempted to best adhere to the traditional dance done by the Illini tribe. The individual chosen to be "The Chief" required an arduous process and was a great honor to be chosen. Nothing about the process ever struck me as "hostile and abusive".

You don't see Americans of Irish heritage upset that they're represented by a drunken, fighting leprechaun at Notre Dame. Why not?

Now, since I don't have a girlfriend, or really any friends for that matter, I occasionally sit up nights concocting conspiracy theories. For fear of questions about my sanity, I've been keeping this one to myself for a few months now. But I think it's finally time to unleash it to the few dozen people that read this blog. Here goes...

Answer this question - Why would a large governing body want to eliminate mascots that represent American Indians? Don't answer right away. Just ponder it for a few minutes.

When was the last time any large governing body did anything to really help American Indians? No really. Indian Reserves? Those are on pieces of land that NOBODY wanted. The ability to put casinos on their land? Here in California, they've legalized gambling in other areas. Small pox blankets? That wasn't helpful, now was it? The point here is that the treatment of American Indians is probably the biggest stain in the history of The United States (African slavery being the other. Seeing as though American Indians were also used as slaves, they earn the "biggest stain" tag in my book. Either way, it's up there). How many American Indians do you know? In fact, how many have you met in your life? I think it was Chris Rock that said "You ain't NEVER seen 2 Indians at the same time". Basically, the culture of the people who lived here for thousands of years is really non-existent in our daily lives. The only place where any representation of that culture remains is in sports mascots - both collegiate and professional.

This brings us back to the original question - Why would a large governing body want to eliminate mascots that represent American Indians?

Here's the theory. Why not erase the greatest stain and blemish in United States history? Without mascots to remind us of the American Indian culture that was essentially destroyed over the past 200 years, then it really didn't exist. If a piece of history is no longer discussed, then it is no longer a piece of history. How many other cultures are we unaware of since they don't exist in our history books? I'm sure the answer is greater than zero. The NCAA ruling is a red herring. The ruling appears to be respecting the American Indian culture under the guise of "hostile and abusive images". When, in fact, the ruling is helping erase the culture completely from our memories. What happens in a decade. What about 50 years from now? Who is going to talk about American Indian culture? If it weren't for sports mascots today, I wouldn't be defending the memory of their culture.

The question remains - Why would a large governing body want to eliminate mascots that represent American Indians?

On that note - Happy Veterans' Day

While I'm on a roll - Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

If you're planning to have a kid soon, might I recommend that they not watch the 2008 Olympics. The new mascots for the 2008 Olympic Games have been unveiled. And they will permanently torture your kids' dreams well into adulthood.

11/10/05 How to Clean Your Bowling Ball

I've owned my own bowling ball for, I dunno, 8 years now? When I got it, it was a top end ball (well, not super top end, but a good $200). It had a real nice hook to it and helped me raise my average from 105 to 160 or so. I even managed my first official 600 series, which, for me, was a huge accomplishment. Never before and never since have I repeated the feat.

Anyways, in recent years, I haven't bowled nearly as much as I did back in college. And when I do bowl, I'm pretty bad. Like 120-130 bad. My ball just doesn't hook anymore and it's almost as if I completely forgot how to bowl.

Then I had a nasty acid flashback recently. I had vivid memories of my Russian college roommate, Vlad, putting a hair dryer to his bowling ball. (Note: I've never taken acid. I'm simply comparing what I think a bad flashback might be like to the memory of living with Vlad). (Note 2: Vlad, I'm just kidding). (Note 3: Or am I?) Ok, now Vlad went from bowling off the wrong foot to joining the University of Illinois varsity bowling team in the course of a year or two. This, for one, should be a good indication that bowling isn't really a sport.

The important thing here is the hair dryer. We'd watch Vlad blow the hair dryer over his ball, like it was his first Cabbage Patch Kid. Then he'd wipe it with a towel and repeat. Vlad kindly explained that he was making the ball sweat oil. (Note 4: Vlad never explained things kindly. But for the sake of this story, he did). The newer balling balls soak up oil and lose their ability to grip the lane. The hair dryer released the oil from the ball and returned the ball to it's hooking self.

Why am I telling this story? No good reason. It's just that I took my bowling ball out of my trunk the other day and decided to give it a good cleaning. First, I put it in my sink and ran real hot water over it. It bubbled with tiny beads of oil. I continued to wipe it off and pour more hot water over it. When I was done, I rinsed out the towel. The water in the sink became pit stain yellow.

Anyways, I wasn't completely satisfied with the results. So I looked up how to clean a bowling ball. The answer? Put it in a dishwasher. So I did. My roommate asked why the silverware holder thingie was on the counter. You wonder why she's moving out. I think the ball is relatively oil-free now though. I've just gotta go bowling now.

I've been way too busy to learn much else new. Hence the long story for no reason.

Well, my friends. It's out in the open. Richard Roeper has unleashed "The Shocker" to the mainstream. It's no longer cool to do.

11/9/05 The Official Unintentional Comedy Rating Scale

As always, the Sports Guy has me in stitches (does anybody talk like that anymore? or is it just me?). For a year and a half now, he has passively mentioned Unintentional Comedy. His definition is "Those moments when something or someone cracks you up ... even though that wasn't necessarily the original intention." So he writes an article filled with those moments, ranked 65 (low) to 100 (high). Some of my favorites:

• the "Saved By The Bell" episode when Jessie took too many caffeine pills
• Journey's "Separate Ways" video
• Pedro getting mad because Puck ate his peanut butter on "Real World: San Fran"
• Col. Jessup inexplicably taking a shot at Lt. Weinberg in "A Few Good Men."
• Dave Wannstadt's mustache
• the '92 NBA All-Star Game, when everyone was afraid to guard Magic

Speaking of the Sports Guy, he also has a good article on the people you hate at the ballpark.

Forbes has created "The Email Time Capsule". You can email yourself and have it sent up to 20 years in the future. So, in 20 years you'll get an email (ok, you probably won't cuz I guarantee you won't still be using hotmail in 20 years). But let's assume that you somehow get this email. You can look back at what a loser you were, writing emails to yourself.

11/8/05 Relativity Challenge

I was reading one of my old blog entries and one of the Sponsored Ads on the the right reads, "Did Einstein Make a Mistake?". So I checked out it. Then I thought to myself, why would somebody need to pay for an ad that proves Einstein wrong? Turns out the dude uses some crappy PowerPoint presentation to prove some point that doesn't really make sense. Included on this brilliant website is a puzzle section. The first puzzle - Three Men and a Hotel. While that's a fun puzzle for a few minutes, you don't need to be an Einstein to solve it.

"So, the Zimbabwe President sez to me, 'Go to hell' and I was, like, 'No way' and he was, like, 'Yes way' and I was, like, 'Oh no you din't!' and he was, like, 'Whatever'"

I saved this link about NBA Myths last week. My favorite is "The Crowd Can Affect Free-Throw Shooting". "As it turns out, Thunderstix and wiggling balloons have little effect because the brain simply blocks out random motion, like white noise on a television screen. According to this Slate.com article, fans behind the baseline would be better off moving side-to-side in unison."

The world's worst software bugs.

11/7/05 Fantasy Football

Welcome to your 2005 fantasy football team.

The WHO claims that human flu pandemic inevitable, ignores requests for pinball wizard.

Howard Stern got $500 MILLION to move to Sirius Satellite?!?! Holy shit.

11/6/05 Gravity Waves

The only part of Einstein's theory of general relativity that hasn't been proven experimentally is gravity waves. We may be only months away from an experiment that will prove it true. Gravity waves are "shifts in space and time caused by the movement of massive astronomical bodies".

Ahh, high school memories. I think my freshman year intramural team once lost to the same score.

And now, the award for most damaging computer virus of 2004 is....

Is there something new in the water supply in Chicago? First, the White Sox. Now the Bears are in first place? Not only are they in first place, but they're in front by 2 games.

Texas Adultery Law

A lawyer who works in Texas gets a call about an emergency which requires him to immediately fly out of the state for a short period of time. He doesn't even have enough time to pack, so he calls home to tell his wife about the trip.

The maid answers the call, but is quite hesitant about putting his wife on the phone. After quite a bit of interrogation, she admits that the wife is upstairs in bed with the mailman! The lawyer is furious, and wants to rush right home, but of course there is this emergency he must take care of. So instead, he tells the maid to go get the gun from the desk drawer and kill both his wife and the mailman.

The maid protests, but the lawyer explains that under Texas law it is legal to kill your adulterous spouse and his/her lover. Using his silver tongue, he finally convinces the maid to do it, offering a hefty bonus as a reward. She puts down the phone, and soon the lawyer hears the sound of two gun shots, a scream, a dozen or so loud thumps, and finally, two splashes.
The maid comes back to the phone. The lawyer asks, "Did you kill them?"

"Yes," she replies.

The lawyer questions her again, "What did you do with the bodies?"

"I threw them in the pool," she responds.

There is a brief pause from the lawyer. He asks her, "Did you say the pool?"

"Yes! I threw them in the pool!" she says.

"Uh, is this 555-8234?"

11/5/05 Jay Mariotti Year in Review

Cousin Jeff sends Jay Mariotti's Year in Review as written by Eric Zorn. Eric went back and read Mariotti's articles for the last 12 months about the White Sox.

Mariotti writes:

December 19 --If the Sox had given (former Cub Matt) Clement an extra $5 million and (pitcher Omar) Vizquel an extra year and $3 million, they would have a quality No. 3 starter behind Freddy Garcia and Mark Buehrle and a fielding wizard to anchor the infield. But because they bid low in both cases, they'll be a .500 team next year. Or worse.

May 21 --It should surprise no one.. that the Sox would rise impressively.... the Sox seem poised for glory.
May 30--You can't chip and dink out runs for 162 games and expect your starting pitchers to bail out the cause every time. ...Excuse me, but are those the Minnesota Twins only 3 1/2 games back now? Pardon me, but have the Sox sunk to ninth in the American League in runs scored after managing 17 in their last seven games?
July 30-- Williams insists the Sox don't need major roster surgery, but I couldn't disagree more.
August 20 --Only a fool thinks a scratch-and-tickle offense doesn't need Ken Griffey Jr.... A theme is emerging, and it isn't pretty for the South Siders. Barring an unforeseen deal by general manager Ken Williams, who is too protective of team chemistry and not focused enough on reality, the Sox will enter the postseason with one of the tamer offensive lineups in recent memory
September 1 --The final, final, final trading deadline passed late Wednesday night without activity, leaving the Sox with one of the flimsiest batting orders of any contender in years. (The Sox are) a downwardly spiraling imposter that has little chance to win a postseason series, unless ominous patterns unexpectedly turn bright in coming weeks...... Buehrle doesn't have his stuff. You don't know what you're getting from Garland. El Duque is fading. Dustin Hermanson still has an iffy back. The team looks tired. The defense has been woeful. The lineup has too many automatic outs. The Sox aren't playing well at home. Who is Geoff Blum, anyway?
Read the article for the full low down.

Six rules for IM-ing at work. Rule #5 - Learn how to count.

The 25 Best Pee-wee's playhouse moments.

11/4/05 Fred Marshall, Cam Karoake Man

Cousin Eric called me at work to let me know about Fred Marshall. You're probably thinking, your cousin called you at work to tell you about a guy in the internet? I was thinking the same thing. Until I saw Fred Marshall, Cam Karaoke Man. Then I realized how important this was. And immediately, I told Cousin Eric that this would be the next fact I post. Please, check out Fred's site. Be sure to click on his first cool link - video.google.com/videosearch?q=fred+marshall+karaoke. And enjoy the videos.

Like I said a couple of days ago, I have all sorts of outdated links sent from all sorts of people. I'm going to try and put some of them here tonight. First off, my dad sends an Ice Swipe game from Coors Light.

Pinche Edgar sends me a link to the restaurant he works at in Cincinnati - El Pueblo. Edgar's a good guy. If you're in Cincinnati, you should check it out.

Nigel from Australia sends me his latest endeavor - Good Gear Guide. Get yourself a better deal and check out his site.

I'm such a crappy son. My mom sent this to me like 10 days ago and asked if I'd post it. Well Mom, the answer is yes. Man coughs up a screw.

Are you right brained or left brained? Take the Hemispheric Dominance Test. When I was a kid, I learned that the rule of thumb is that your dominant hand is the opposite of your dominant brain half. I'm very much right handed and figured that I am left brained. I was SHOCKED to find out that I favor the right half of my brain. I demand a recount.

11/3/05 No-Nonsense Flu Season Tips

MSN offers up No-Nonsense tips for the upcoming flu season. Tip #9 - "During flu season, never let anyone lick your keyboard." Still no warning against salad tossing.

Mitchell Friedman? Who the hell are these guys?

From the "Huh huh. You said Sack Pain" files - Steve McNair

The technical lowdown on RFID in passports.

11/2/05 Put Your DNA in a Tree

And we live a life of ease, in the middle of a tree. All together now... "D-N-A in the middle of a tree. The middle of a tree. The middle of a tree..."

When I'm 64.

She came in through the bathroom window... Ok, I couldn't figure out anything to continue the Beatles theme I spontaneously created. But on a serious note, I want to buy this as a gift for someone. So if you know where I can buy it, please let me know.

Wouldn't you know it? The universe actually does revolve around Paris Hilton's hoo-ha.

11/1/05 Will Perdue

Will Perdue scarred my childhood. Will Perdue made me lost faith in all that was good in humankind. I was only 12 years old at the time, but I remember the Will Perdue incident like it happened this afternoon. Back when the Bulls were good, they used to have these clinics at the local high schools during the summer. Two Bulls players would show up. Usually they had one decent guy and one scrub. Like John Paxson and Cliff Levingston. Or BJ Armstrong and Will Perdue. It was always one of our summer highlights to attend these clinics. If you were lucky, you got to go down on the floor with them and practice some sort of drill.

This one particular year, my friend's mom was late picking us up from the Bulls clinic. A good twenty minutes had passed since the end of the clinic, and we stood there, the three of us, outside of the gymnasium. All seven feet of Will Perdue came around the corner. Now, it's not like I was a big Will Perdue fan. But he was a celebrity. It was exciting for a 12-year old. So I looked up at him as he walked my way, and with my pen and paper timidly asked him, "Mr. Perdue, can I have your autograph?"

"No." He quickly responded. "Please. Can I please have your autograph?" "No. Sorry." And he walked away.

There's a reason I tell this story. And it's not because I enjoy reliving one of the most traumatic moments of my life. Today on ESPN.com they had sessions where you could ask their experts about the upcoming NBA season. Guess who one of their experts was? Yup. Will Perdue. They let you submit questions and comments a couple of hours ahead of time, so he could offer his insight.

I wrote a quick, succint submission to Will.
"Hey Will - 15 years ago you took part in a Bulls Clinic at the local high school. My friend's mom was late picking us up and we were the only ones left in the building. When I kindly asked for your autograph, you said no. When I begged please, you said no again and walked away. While that scarred me as a 12 year old, I want to give you a chance to apologize. A simple "I'm sorry" would allow me to finally move on from that crushing incident in the Buffalo Grove High School gymnasium."

Needless to say he didn't respond and this story has no good ending. Except for the fact that his responses sucked, he doesn't know how to spell, he was 5 minutes late and it took him an average of 6 minutes to actually type a response. Even worse? You now have to be an "IN", paying member of ESPN.com to read it.

Just to give you a taste, here's how the Q&A session kicked off...

Will Perdue: sorry I'm late.let's get started.
Thomas (Florida): How many games do you see the Lakers, Pacers, Spurs and Heat win this season?
Will Perdue: the team that's the wildcard in the big picture is the lakers.We all know ego is a big thing in the NBA(no pun ),but are Phil and Kobe really able to put the past behind them.I still donot see the Lakers making the playoffs.

Will Perdue. I still don't like you. And you still suck.

Mel Gibson is planning a new movie. Passion of the Christ 2: Yucatecean Boogaloo.