Something I learned today

So I decided to try eHarmony

2012-01-01T15:15:00.000-08:00

I was a post-holiday sucker and fell for eHarmony's free weekend trial over New Years. Having not dated successfully in years, there was really nothing to lose.

Joining

Their survey (or as they call it, 29 dimensions of compatibility) takes quite a while to fill out. I'm sure, like everyone else, there's a bit of self deception when it comes to some of your less desirable habits. Like, am I really going to admit that I spend a lot of time in front of my computer? Or that I don't really give a shit about over-priced gourmet food? Well, actually I did admit the latter.

So I'm as honest as possible without sounding like a total loser. It then searches for matches. You wait a minute while it does so. In fact, if you go to another window, the countdown pauses until you come back, so you can watch their advertising. After the 60 second countdown... Nothing. I wait a day, as I heard sometimes it takes a while. Nothing. 2 days? Still the same message....

Matching

After 2 days, I finally get a couple of matches. The smallest matching radius is 30 miles. In a major metropolitan area, 30 miles is far. (Ok, so I'm lazy.) I check out the matches, read their profiles and have no idea what they look like. You have to pay to see pictures. Let's face it... aren't we all interested in what they look like? If we were to be honest, that's a big part of it.

The cheapest plan is for 3 months at $45 a month. If my math is correct, that's $135 to give this a shot.

I'm not sold yet. So I read a little bit more, with some wishful thinking that there might be someone remotely interesting that would convince me to spend $135.

There's a profile "question" that has you list "5 things you can't live without". I put a lot of thought into this. I can live without most of what I have. I narrow my choices down to water, shelter, food, electricity and I reluctantly add clothes. I'm not being a literal minded dick here. I honestly could do just fine without my TV, computer and whatever else people say. In fact, it would be a breath of fresh air to find someone else that isn't so caught up in that nonsense.

I begin to read the profiles of the girls I'm matched up with. What are their answers? "Fluffy pillows", "pedicures", "hockey", "french fries" (she better have relatives that died in the potato famine, or this is unacceptable), "pinkberry" (That's frozen yogurt. Which I decided was ok, since 100% of all people that never ate frozen yogurt have eventually died. True statistic.) And almost every one put "My iPhone". So it's not just my imagination that most people I meet are materialistic.

Communication

I get an email this morning that one of the girls wants to initiate conversation. I read the first thing on her profile. It reads, "I am a Republican so Democrats need not apply. Sorry but I am looking for someone with the same values and ethics as myself." This alone I have no problem with. Good luck with that. I'm glad you're open and honest up front. You've just got the wrong guy.

When asked about politics, I pretty filled out the "Don't give a shit" form. Long story short, I don't think talking politics really ever accomplishes anything. You scream until you're blue in the face and nothing ever gets done. Life is way too short to get upset about things you can't control. You best enjoy whatever years you have on this earth, regardless of what's going on in Washington DC.

If you insist... At gunpoint, my beliefs are closest to libertarian, as I'd like to see the government stay out of most things (social and financial alike). At double gunpoint, I'd choose democrat over republican, for the simple reason that people shouldn't be told what to to with their lives. (Basically I'm choosing social freedoms over financial freedoms). How did I get matched up with this chick? Nice job, eHarmony.

Thanks, but no thanks

Thanks for the free trial, eHarmony. But I'm not interested. It's easy to get discouraged in life. Trust me, I know. There are plenty of people that'll remind you that you're not _________ enough. Instead, I'd rather surround myself with people that are genuinely happy with who they are and who I am. And for that, I suspend my search indefinitely, hoping that, one day, she'll be just right. And so will I.

Keurig Elite K-Cup Machine Broken? No Problem.

2011-12-05T18:42:00.001-08:00

It appears I'm not the only one who has had a Keurig K-Cup Machine break. And just as advertised, Keurig replaced it, free of charge, no questions asked.

I received the Keurig Elite coffee maker as a gift 11 months ago. Just this weekend, it wouldn't power on. I called them, quickly explained the issue and they went on to send a replacement. The lady was nothing but polite.

Note to every other company... This is how you do customer service.

Daylight Saving Time

2011-11-05T10:34:00.000-07:00

Daylight Saving Time never really made a whole lot of sense to me. Even as a kid, I had questions. It was explained to me that we moved the clocks in the spring so that we'd have more sunlight in the evenings to play. "Well," thought 7 year old me, "if that's the case, then why don't we leave it like that all year long so we can play all year round?"

As a teenager, I began to feel the effects of changing the clock twice a year. In the spring, my already sketchy sleep schedule became worse for the entire week after. Teenagers aren't meant to wake up at 5:45am. Waking up an hour earlier was something short of a disaster in the high school classroom. I cherished the extra hour of sleep in the fall. But then always felt a pit of depression in my stomach when the sun would set before I'd get home from school. It never felt right.

Soon after college I was working on some big project with my company to sync up clocks among a whole bunch of companies across 5 states. It was then that I learned how parts of Indiana didn't adhere to daylight savings. We had to figure out, county by county which ones didn't use daylight savings and fix those individually. The only explanation I got was that the farmers would startle the cows if they were milked an hour earlier or later. To which, I'm sure I'm not the only person who thought, "Why don't you, the farmer, just wake up a bit earlier or later and not startle your cow?"

At this point I realized that I've both been in favor or daylight savings and somewhat against it. More to the point, I'm more interested in a standard.

My solution is this: One time, worldwide. Let's say we all adopted Greenwich Mean Time. If you live on the east coast of the United States, instead of waking up at 6:00am, you'd wake up at 11:00am. After some time, you'd simply think of 11:00am as the time to wake up. You'd get to work with 1:00pm and finish around 9:30pm. You'd then eat, spend time with the family and go to sleep at 3:30am. Why not? Except for the "It's just the way we've always done it", I don't see an issue. There'd be no more lost or gained hours when traveling. Every computer, phone, call center would be on the same time. One time, worldwide. That's my solution to all of this. We can then adjust our days and nights accordingly.

Verizon Wireless Customer "Service" - Can You Hear Me Now?

2011-06-18T12:25:00.000-07:00

Before sounding like a bitter consumer, hiding behind an outdated blog, let me say a few positive things about Verizon Wireless. First, I've been with Verizon for 7 years. I'm ok paying a bit extra for their plans since their coverage seems to be better than the competition. I have a $60 / month call plan plus some limited texting and the mandatory $30 / month data plan. I figure I've paid upwards of $10,000 since 2004 to Verizon. I probably get a new phone every two years and continue to autopay around $100 a month. Again, I'm alright paying a bit more per month when the service is worth paying for. Verizon is expensive. And that's been alright with me. Until now.

I bought my first smart phone about 18 months ago. The original Droid. In recent days the battery meter had a question mark in it. As a result, the battery won't hold a charge, but is alright if it stays plugged in. I was as resourceful as I knew how and looked up the problem online. As usual, I'm not the only one.

I went to the closest Verizon Wireless store on Thursday. The girl behind the counter doesn't really know what to do and suggests upgrading my phone and committing to a 2-year contract. This is my biggest problem with Verizon. They don't want to fix problems. They want you to commit to a 2-year contract. At $100 a month, that's $2400 plus the cost of the new phone. Yes, that's business. I understand. Just realize, Verizon, that I've shown over 7 years, that I'll upgrade my phone and re-up my contract in another 6 months or so anyways. Why won't you spend a few minutes getting to the root of the problem?

Her other suggestion is to try a new battery. I say, "Great. I'll buy a battery." They don't have batteries. I ask where the closest Verizon store is so that I can buy a battery for the phone. She tells me to order one online. Thanks, Verizon. I don't blame the girl. She's new. I blame Verizon. Why don't you hire people who can do anything more than repeat the company line?

I go home and order a battery online. They have free 2-day shipping. The battery comes a day early. The Fedex guy acted surprised at the fact when he delivered it. I do everything suggested online. I clean the battery contacts, I replace the battery. And, still, the question mark in the battery meter and the phone won't work when not charging.

Now it's Saturday. I decide to go to another Verizon Wireless store. It's bigger and I figure there's a better shot and getting something figured out.

I walk in and an older gentlemen mumbles something. I politely let him know I couldn't understand. He repeats to me, in an insulting manner, "How. Can. I. Help. You. Today?" Well, great. I see where this is going. I explain the battery situation, how it doesn't hold a change. He asks me two idiotic questions. First, he asks me what phone I have. Listen, if you work at Verizon and don't know that you're holding a Droid, something is severely wrong. He then asks if he's pressing the correct power button, wondering why it won't turn on. I calmly explain again that the phone will not hold a charge. You know, the whole reason I came to the store in the first place.

He plugs it in and upgrades roaming capabilities by dialing *228. Awesome. Roaming. Without trying to sound insulting, I ask if there's a technical expert in the store. There were at least 10 people working and only 5 customers. He gets offended and tells me he's the technical expert. When his brilliant *228 doesn't miraculously cure my battery issue, he sends me to a young guy behind the counter.

Young guy behind the counter immediately tells me to upgrade my phone by doing the 2-year contract. I want to know if he'll look into the current problem on my current phone. "Sorry sir, your phone is out of warranty." I know. I understand. There's a one year warranty. I'm fine with that. But can't we spend a few minutes looking into the battery issue? Perhaps it's an easy fix? Or is your only goal to get another $2400 contract + $200 phone purchase from me? Clearly, it's about the money.

He refuses to even look into the problem. My option is to buy a new phone with a 2 year contract or leave. I left. But before I did, I insisted on getting a refund on the battery. I got my $43.99 back.

Again, I'm not upset with the people at the store. They all seem woefully inexperienced and underpaid. It's the long term business model of Verizon. I've been happy to pay you $1200 a year for your better than average coverage. Just help me a bit during a time like this. If it's going to cost me a couple hundred dollars to break my contract with you, it may be worth it. Five years ago, I was always given the benefit of the doubt when I had cell phone issues. Now we've been reduced to the company line - Upgrade your phone. You've failed, Verizon. And when thousands of people read this and begin making decisions to go elsewhere, perhaps you'll hear me then.

Side note: If I could get a mobile device with data only (no call plan), I'd do it in a second. With Google Voice and Skype, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't miss voice or text. I think that's where we'll be in a few years anyways.

Chicago Bulls Drafts since 1999

2010-12-27T22:43:00.000-08:00

I'm very excited about the Chicago Bulls in 2010-11. They're a fun team. They're easy to like and hard to hate. They're a group of good guys who work hard.

I was recently thinking about why it took so long to rebuild since the departure of Michael Jordan. Since 1999, the Chicago Bulls have had their share of lottery picks. They've had two #1s, two #2s, a 3, two #4s, two 7s and a 9. Of those picks, only Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah remain on the team. You'd think with 10 picks that high, they'd have been able to rebuild quicker.

Drafting is tough. But some teams do a much better job than others. And there's some luck involved in the quality of the draft. Let's quickly take a look at guys passed on by the Bulls. Instead they took Marcus Fizer (#4), Eddie Curry (#4), LaMarcus Aldridge (#2) and traded for Tyrus Thomas on draft day.

In 2000, they have a 4 and a 7 and take Marcus Fizer and Chris Mihm (trading him for Jamal Crawford). Ugh. Just passing on Joel Pryzbilla, Hedo Turkoglu and Mike Miller.

In 2001, they missed out on Shane Battier, Joe Johnson, Gerald Wallace and Tony Parker. Instead they do their Eddy Curry and Tyson Chandler rebuilding strategy.

In 2002, they had the Jay Williams tragedy, so there's a pass. Amare was taken #9 though.

In 2003, they just got hosed with the 7th pick. Ahead of Kirk Hinrich, you had Lebron, Carmelo, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. Then 3 of those fuckers decided to play together.

In 2005 they have no pick (which is ok, since it turned into Luol Deng in 2004) and miss out on the Chris Paul and Deron Williams lottery.

In 2006, they have the #2 pick and inexplicably flip LaMarcus Aldridge for Tyrus Thomas and miss out on Rudy Gay, Brandon Roy and J.J. Redick.

I'm too lazy to research this, but something happened between the 2006 and 2007 draft. The Bulls went from completely screwing up each and every pick to doing something right. What was it?

In 2007, they start to figure things out, stealing Joakim Noah at #9. There was talk the previous year, had Noah come out, he might have been a top 3 pick.

In 2008, the luck out on the #1 and obviously take Derrick Rose. There was talk about Beasley, but even the Bulls couldn't screw that one up.

In 2009, they do a great job of getting Taj Gibson at 26.

NBA 2K11 - A brief history of sports video games. And a review of "My Player" mode.

2010-12-21T22:35:00.001-08:00

I have lived through the earliest generations of video games to what we have now. My first memories of sports games were on the Odyssey 2 system. I remember playing baseball, football, basketball and golf. The football game had a field that wasn't quite big enough (80 yards?). The basketball game was 1 on 1 with two large "hoops" on either end. The 2nd baseman in the baseball game played directly on 2nd base. (In hindsight, I think this is why I learned to hit opposite field in real life.)

Only 5 years later, the NES brought us Tecmo Bowl, First and Ten, Baseball Stars, RBI baseball and other games that were leaps and bounds beyond our original game playing experience. I'd spend nights with my neighbors creating our own leagues in Baseball Stars. You couldn't save games back then, so we'd just stay up all night. Eventually our Nintendo would overheat and give out, leading to 4:30 am yelling sessions.

Fast forward another 5 years to the early 1990s. My brother and I would gasp at the latest on Sega Genesis. The Madden games were amazingly innovative. We had real teams! And playbooks! And announcers! ("Oh no. There's a man down.")

My brother still hesitates playing sports games with me after the "Madden Years" of the early - mid 90s.

The point here is that he and I used to say, "Wow. Look at what's happened to games over the past 10-15 years. Imagine what's going to happen 10-15 years from now." We were legitimately excited. Well, here we are, in late 2010. And that time is now. And I've recently purchased NBA 2K11 for my first basketball experience since NBA Jam some 15 years ago.

THE REVIEW

First off, I just want to give all sorts of praise to the video game industry. The level of detail in this game (and many other games) is simply extraordinary. Yes, you can play as any of the NBA teams. Yes, the likeness of the players is pretty impressive. And yes, they do tend to play to the skill level of the real player.

Many other details are not overlooked... The stadiums, the advertisements and even tattoos.
Each stadium even has their own sounds - For example, Minnesota has the howling Timberwolves.

Where I'm truly impressed is how lifelike the experience can be. The announcers, for the most part, are seamless in their play calling. Doris Burke is also on the sidelines giving updates on player health and what the coaches say.

Joakim Noah got hurt in reality? The game updates itself and you play as the Bulls. But without Noah who's injured on the bench. Current (real) scores tick away as you play, allowing you to keep up with your favorite team.

This game isn't for the faint of heart. It takes amazing amounts of practice. I would say that sports games are no longer for the casual player. (Although, I wouldn't mind seeing an NBA Jam type game that doesn't take oodles of skill.) You really have to understand basketball to play the game. You need to run plays, space the floor, make good passes in the passing lanes and only shoot high percentage shots. Playing with Kobe or LeBron won't help poor decision making.

Oh, and let's not forget, you can play as Michael Jordan on a few of his Bulls teams.

MY PLAYER

My favorite (and most frustrating) part of the game is "My Player". You make a player and try to work your way into the league. I gave my player my real name. And I decided I wanted a Deron Williams mold point guard. So he's 6' 3", 210 pounds and passes first. They intentionally make your skill set pretty raw, so you have lots of room to improve.

Listen, I'm not a great basketball player in a real life. But I understand the game and can hit a jump shot. We're at the point that, even in my basketball fantasy world, I'm worse than I am in real life. That's where we're at when it comes to some of these games. If you're new to the game, you're going to be terrible.

So, in my fantasy world of making the NBA, I start with a few scrimmages. I commit too many turnovers, allow my opponent to score on me and begin falling in the NBA draft projections. Eventually, I'm drafted by the Miami Heat in the 2nd round. Which, despite my hatred of the Heat, I figure it would be fun to be the point guard on their team.

Before I can do anything, they get rid of me. So I've been relegated to the D-League, playing for the Springfield Armor. So now my NBA fantasy has me playing point guard in the D-League. Oh, and did I mention I was the backup point guard, coming off the bench?

At this point I consider restarting "My Player" mode, but it really wouldn't make me any better. So instead, I play as a backup in the D-League. The player you get is bad. You're slow. You can't jump. You're not strong. Your shot is terrible. And you're forced to really learn fundamentals. It's like being a real player who's fighting for an NBA spot. You have to learn the ropes, run the plays and just get the fundamentals down.

After each game, based on your performance, you get points to improve your player. You improve slowly. VERY slowly. There are dozens of categories to improve. And the improvements you can make are incremental at best. It's depressing to think about how long it will take to become decent.

After a day or two in the D-League, I get the big announcement. The Charlotte Bobcats just signed me to a 10 day contract. I'm telling you - even in my fantasies, I'm lame. I come off the bench, again. I now understand why players want out of bad teams. When you're the point guard for a team that can't score, it's frustrating. They judge you on your assists. And Gerald Wallace blows far too many layups.

There's a "request a trade" option. So I did. The home fans got pissed and began chanting "Trade him! Trade him!" whenever I touched the ball. I play a good 15 games as the backup point guard, with one good game. I scored 23 points and had 13 assists.

Just today I got my trade approved. To the Lakers. So now I start instead of Derek Fisher. After all these hours of playing NBA 2K11, it's fun. It's as if, working towards playing for a winner was all worthwhile. Passing the ball to Kobe and Gasol makes me look better.

So there you have it. I wish I was about 12 years old right now. As an adult, I don't have the time or desire to get really good at a game like this. But my competitive nature is somehow reinvigorated. In just one generation, we've gone from Odyssey 2 to this. Not too shabby.

Heavy Rain reactions

2010-02-27T09:57:00.000-08:00

----- NO SPOILERS -----

I've been looking forward to the PS3 game Heavy Rain for quite some time now. On my way home from work on Friday I stopped at Target to pick it up. The kid at the electronics register was super excited about the game too. Now, outside of the gaming community, very few people have the slightest clue what Heavy Rain is. This is why I've chosen to give my initial reactions to the game here online. Since I can't discuss the game with most others. Plus, for reasons to be explained, I can't really discuss it with the people who are playing the game.

It's my opinion that game developers, much like movie studios, have figured out a money making formula and will seldom deviate from that. And why would they? Money is money. In the movie world, big action adventures with tremendous special effects will be your meal ticket. Intriguing plot lines are irrelevant (see Avatar). If you know your movie can make $100 million or more, you're going to produce it. The same goes for video games. The top games year after year are first person shooters and the musical (see Rock Band and Guitar Hero) games. Personally, I've peaked as a faux-musician and I'm tired of shooting "enemies" in a variety of ways. I've played Uncharted 2 online for months now and have amassed something like 5000 kills of other online players. When is enough enough? When will the senseless killing end?

It is for this reason that I would support Heavy Rain, regardless of reviews. Heavy Rain is simply a complex, plot driven drama that intends to immerse you into the story line. For their risk taking alone, I am behind this game. Worst case, it will open the minds of some video game makers. Best case, it lives up to its tremendous hype and begins an entirely new genre of game.

As I give my reactions to the game, I won't give any spoilers that you wouldn't already know from seeing the game trailer:

I played for 5 hours on Friday evening to the point where I basically fell asleep due to exhaustion. Here are my initial thoughts beginning the next morning:

- The story line is compelling. Within the first hour I was immediately immersed in the characters.

- Don't play this game while you're tired. You have to think quick and act quicker. Often times when you're least expecting it.

- Most games allow you to save and go back to where you saved the game. This game forces you to make split second decisions and live with them. The resulting gameplay is based upon those decisions. For the first time in ages, I've felt a heightened sense of thrill while weaving my way through the story, knowing my decisions could be permanent to the outcome.

- (VERY MINOR SPOILER if you haven't seen the trailers) Within the first hour or two of the game, I suggested they market the game as "Heavy Rain: Where you can suck as a dad even in your fantasy life."

- Music is often under appreciated in games. Heavy Rain is no exception. The music immerses you in the moment.

- The first time through the game, you have no idea how your decisions are affecting the subsequent gameplay. Honestly, I have no idea if my decisions play any role in the overall game. It seems like they do.

- Which brings us to the question of replay-ability. If I play this again, will I get a completely different story? Or is the story basically the same with the illusion of choice?

- When you install the game, there are instructions on how to make oragami. In fact, they give you a piece of oragami in the game box. My oragami is sitting in front of the TV. One of those neat little extras that make the experience just a little bit better.

- My brother and I are comparing notes over IM right now. Since we don't want to spoil each others' game, we have to ask "How many inches of rain have fallen in your game?" That's the best way we've figured out how to compare our progress without ruining anything.

- Based on our vague conversations, certain scenes played out differently for us purely upon our skill and/or decisions. This alone has me excited for a replay of the game.

2010 Winter Olympic Running Diary

2010-02-12T22:20:00.000-08:00

As I'm watching the 2010 Winter Olympic opening ceremonies, the parade of nations just began. For no reason, I've been inspired to write about it. In a flashback of my early days online, I vaguely remember writing about the 2002 Winter Olympics as one of my first "Something I learned today" entries.

- My interest in the Winter Olympics has greatly increased simply due to the attractiveness of the competitors.

- Speaking of which... Holy Denmark! Have you ever seen an unattractive Denmarkian... er, Denmark-an... Point is, couldn't they promote tourism simply based on how hot they all are?

- Pakistan is representing, huh? Didn't see that one coming.

- Seems a little unfair that Bosnia and Herzegovina get to team up and compete together.

- Poland needs a new flag. Their overall standing in the world would jump dramatically if their flag weren't so lame.

- What's the theme? Snow? I know we're in a recession, but creativity should never slump.

- We're seeing the greatest moment in so many of these peoples' lives. It shows on their faces.

- China is poised for world domination. First, the 2008 games in Beijng. Now, it seems like they're ready to surprise in the winter games. In a decade, I'm preparing to pledge my allegiance to whatever overlord takes control.

- You ever wonder what happened to Pikaboo Street? She's working in a hospital now. Intensive care ward. When she picks up the phone, she answers, "Pikaboo. ICU." (None of that is true. Or funny. But it had to be said.)

- I was looking at a map of the winter games. The farthest south the games have ever been were either in the U.S. or Japan. The latitudes were pretty close.

- If you were offered the opportunity to be one of those Canadian snowflake people who dances during the parade, would you take it? I couldn't dance, nor appear that happy, for that long.

- Mexico sent one dude in his 50s? If you're under 25 years old and live in Mexico, wouldn't you just take up any winter sport to be their representative next time?

- The danger factor in the winter games is WAY higher than the summer games. You'd think that alone would generate some interest.

- In 1948 the winter pentathlon was an event. It consisted of cross-country skiing, shooting, downhill skiing, fencing and horse riding. Wouldn't you love to see that? Especially shooting on a horse with skis?

- Call me unpatriotic, but I'd give up every U.S. medal to see other countries who have never medaled win it.

Songs Ruined by Commercials

2009-08-24T15:21:00.000-07:00

Music holds a special place in my heart; as I'm sure it does you too. Music brings you back to places past. Music elicits emotions of all sorts. Songs remind you people, places and are one of our greatest connections to our own past.

That is why it kills me when companies use some of the greatest songs to market their products. The songwriters are often just as guilty - But the rights to songs isn't really my concern here. It's the fact that I will forever lose that beautiful connection to those past emotions and now think of some McDonald's meal or morning coffee.

Here are songs that have absolutely been destroyed by being used in commercials throughout my lifetime. Feel free to add your own...

- Stevie Wonder's "Sunshine of my Life" - Used in a Minute Maid orange juice commercial many years ago. (Let me know if you can find that commercial - Right now, I can't).

- The Killer's "I've got soul but I'm not a Soldier" - Used by Nike

- Nike also used John Lennon's "Instant Karma" many years ago. On a side note, during high school my buddy Dan used to sing "Yeah we all shine on... Like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar". Which was funny to me since he moved from South Africa no more than a year earlier. To this day, I wonder if he even knew who Kareem was.

- The DeBeer's diamond commercial. It's not so much the song as the way they've brainwashed everyone into buying their product for far too much money. Not to mention the fact that diamonds are often mined by child and slave labor. But that's a rant for another day.

- You don't think that The Moody Blues had something deeper in mind with "Tuesday Afternoon" than a Visa commercial and an aquarium?

- I'm not forgetting 3 Doors Down "Let Me Be Myself" from the Geico caveman commercials... You know, since nobody has any kind of emotional attachment to 3 Doors Down.

- How about Lincoln destroying both the name of a great president, but also "Major Tom (Coming Home)".

- Kodak took "True Colors" and killed it. Apparently this destruction went international...

- I have to admit, I actually like this one. Starbucks' Glen commercial is fantastic. The fact that Survivor was part of this makes it A-OK in my book.

- Way to go McDonald's. You took "Fur Elise", intentionally inserted mistakes AND had this girl make up some ridiculous words. More than 20 years later, this is all I can think about when I hear "Fur Elise"... Which was probably your goal in the first place, wasn't it?

- To fix the problem, this guy needs to be doing all marketing for all commercials that use popular songs...

Like I said before, add your own in the comments section. This is a national tragedy that can no longer go overlooked or understated.

Twitter Account Hacked

2009-08-01T23:06:00.001-07:00

My Twitter account was hacked the other day. Whoever (or whatever) logged in and made one Twitter post. It was effectively a spam email with an "adult" link. Twitter then suspended my account pending an investigation of suspicious activity. Twitter provides a link to get your account back.

As part of the report, there is a required field where you complete the statement "I feel: ________". I wrote "violated". On that request page, it says that "tiger is assigned to your request." I address tiger directly later on.

Here is a running log of the exchange between Twitter and me in an effort to un-suspend the account....

- Submitted Jul 30 01:02 pm by you
It appears that my account has been hacked. I am going to change my password. I hope that Twitter can un-suspend my account soon.

- Twitter also sends an email to my default account

- Jul-30 2009 01:28 pm.
Thank you for the email. My Twitter password appears to have been hacked. Since this happened, I changed my password. I also deleted the spam-like tweet that was posted as part of the hack. I don't believe I have violated any other terms. I hope to have my account reinstated promptly.

- Twitter sends another email requesting that I change my password. (Notice I've explained twice that I've already done so).

- Password has been reset. Again. Are we good?
Jul-30 2009 02:48 pm.

- At this point, my Twitter account disappears for a few hours. Eventually, it moves back to being suspended. Twitter does nothing from this point onward. I decide to add to the online request form every 8 hours or so, hoping to get the problem resolved.

- Seriously... When can we set my account straight? Or is this like a 50 game steroid suspension?
Jul-30 2009 09:53 pm.

- What's with this suspension? What do you need to hear from me? That I like Michael Bolton's music? Fine - For my money it doesn't get any better than when he sings "When a man loves a woman". Happy?
Jul-31 2009 10:34 am.

- I've tweeted 38 times in 7 months. That averages out to one tweet every 5.5 days. And, to be perfectly honest, nothing I have to say is that interesting anyways. How could I possibly have violated your terms? Let's fix this, fellas.
Jul-31 2009 11:47 am.

- Do you guys not work on Fridays? As much as I really don't "get" the whole Twitter hype, I would like to have my account back. My account was hacked. I changed the password. That's it. What's so complicated?
Jul-31 2009 04:30 pm.

- Tiger -
Do you want to know what happened today? I did something for the first time. I used 3-ply toilet paper. It was pure bliss. But guess what? I didn't get to share this joy with anyone. I'll give you one guess as to why.
Aug-01 2009 05:02 pm.

As of today, my account remains suspended.

-------

Update: Still no word from Twitter. So I've continued my "follow ups" to the open request...

- We've now hit the 5-day mark. And my account is still suspended. When a major league pitcher initiates a bench clearing brawl, he's allowed back after 5 days.
Aug-02 2009 01:15 pm.

- Can't you do a simple IP trace on the malicious post? I guarantee it's not mine. Speaking of, if you can't do an IP trace, I'm just going to open a new Twitter account using a different email address. I mean, yeah, that's a pain for me. But if that's what it takes to bring Twitter happiness back to my life, then that's what I'll do. Just let me know, since this suspension is now beyond ridiculous.
Aug-02 2009 08:55 pm.

------

The issue is resolved, nearly a week after it began. Thanks to tiger at Twitter for the following...

- tiger, Aug 03 03:39 pm:
If you have not already, you should shortly receive notification that your account posted some updates that led us to believe that it was compromised. We are in the process of cleaning things up and should have already sent you a password reset notification. Your account is at this point back up and running; please only reopen this ticket if you encounter further issues. Make sure that sweep your computer for malware and create a secure password consisting of both letters and numbers; do not provide your username and/or e-mail and password to untrusted third-party sites.
Thanks, tiger

2009 Scripps National Spelling Bee

2009-05-29T16:24:00.000-07:00

The 2009 Scripps National Spelling Bee is here. The way I see it, there's really no better way to resurrect this page than to write my annual Spelling Bee running diary. The bee ended last night, and I've yet to watch either the preliminary rounds or the finals. Fortunately, I'm spoiler free thus far and plan to watch about 6 hours of spelling bee as I write seemingly random thoughts. I'll begin with the preliminary rounds and will move on to the final rounds afterwards.

Preliminary Rounds:

- This time around, I'm watching in HD. I can't think of any other occasion where I have thought, "You know, this might be better in SD."

- Nice job with the intro. Bees and honey. Clever.

- An 8th grader named Alex has the craziest, long hair. He also looks like he's 6 foot 2 and plays center for a varsity football team. They need to be checking for HGH next year.

- I feel like I'm getting far more words correct this year. It must be an early round thing. There's no way my spelling abilities have gotten any better.

- There needs to be a Hevad Khan kid. One that just goes nuts every time he gets a word right, high fiving the other kids, judges and camera crew.

- I've asked this before and I'll ask it again. Why are Canada and Jamaica allowed in the NATIONAL spelling bee?

- Some real young kid named Sriram got eliminated early. He was interviewed while eating a chocolate chip cookie, with gooey chocolate mess all over his face. He couldn't have been happier. Ah, to be a kid again.

- Speaking of interviews, Erin Andrews is smoking hot. She might kickstart puberty for half of these kids. Between talking to her and the cookies, it might be the first time that losing is better than winning.

- There is going to be a massive spelling bee scandal in the next five years. You don't think that someone could either signal words to a kid from the audience? Or, they could go high tech with an earpiece. Either way, it's happening. Mark my words.

- Kennyi looks to be as Hevad Khan as it's going to get. He came up there all super cool and confident. Then he nailed voussior. I'm not sure if I really like him or I'm concerned that he's the next Chad Ochocinco.

- Round 4 = words I can spell. Round 5 = words I cannot spell. At this point, I'm very impressed.

- These kids give more level headed analyses than Lebron James.

- 20 spellers were knocked out during round 5. The final one was Eleanor Runde, who, to be blunt, seems to be too good looking to be in the spelling bee. How wrong is that to say? And on how many levels?

- Serena Skye Laine-Lobsinger. With a name like that, you have to learn how to spell. She also has a self-confidence you rarely see among adults.

My DVR cut off. So, that's it for the preliminaries. When I get a chance to watch the finals, I'll continue here....

-----------

12/24/08 A Kazoo Christmas

2008-12-24T12:29:00.000-08:00

After much thought and deliberation, there seems to be no better way to pass along holiday cheer and to ring in the new year than with kazoos. So, here's my holiday gift to you... the patient reader who stuck around as I didn't write anything for weeks on end... A bunch of kazoo songs.

Metallica on Kazoos

The Final Countdown on the KazooKeyLele (Which, if my math is correct, is only 33% kazoo. But 100% awesome.)

For the more traditional of you, here's Handel's Messiah on kazoos.

Eleanor Rigby on Kazoo

This is especially for my cousins who text me every time they hear Billie Jean...

Rocky on kazoos.

Finally, a tribute to John Williams. With no kazoos.

The Ultimate Nacho Bowl and The Ultimate Nachos

2008-12-23T15:42:00.000-08:00

I received this email a week ago from Jonny O. He writes about "The Ultimate Nacho Bowl". The story brings a holiday tear to my eye...

--------

So... the end-of-semester potluck in my ceramics class. The anticipation was building for several weeks. Many asked as I was crafting the thing what purpose it could possibly serve- such a massive beast of a thing. What could justify such effort and magnitude? Such devotion. So I explained to them in bits and pieces my long pedigree in nacho making: The triumphs. The tragedies. The hours of study. The adulation. The fame. The women. Had my tales run thin? Was I all talk and no action? The class demanded proof, I sensed. "Fine, you shall have it!!"

I was a bit worried, to be honest. It's sort of my magnum opus, my A-Game,these nachos. It's something I've perfected and re-perfected over years and years. How many Super Bowl parties? How many 4th of Julys? And each time, trying to make things truer and wiser and more perfect. But this was a whole different crowd. These were "artsy" types. I fully expected the other offerings at the table to be of the "cruelty-free, fair trade tofu" variety. How would my display of ostentatious machismo play out? My dish, which basically says, "screw calories, screw fat and cholesterol. This is about the EATING." How would it go? Would they turn their noses up at it? Politely say "thank you, that's nice"? Would it sit there untouched, unloved, as I slunk into a corner and made polite conversation? So with worry in mind, I put special attention to dialing in the seasoning just right: Paprika, onion, garlic, chili, several peppers, half a beer and others.

I tasted it at the edge of its last bit of reducing and knew I had hit some magic luck. It was just right. I knew, from one taste, there was no way of making it better. Nothing to add, nothing I could take away. It was just damn right. Rare perfection. That gave me confidence. As I entered the studio I surveyed the spread and realized I overestimated my foes. Many brought in store-bought cookies. Trader Joe's fare was abundant. A few brought in simple homemade goods. One brought a decent pasta salad. Still others brought in heartfelt endeavors, such as fresh baked breads (which were quite good, I must say). But they were all token gestures to this magnanimous occasion. In fact, the whole spirit of the thing was to "bring a dish in your DISH" - make a dish in the class - forge something by your own hand - and then bring something equally delicious to fill it. And looking over the plastic Trader Joes containers of hummus, the collection of store-bought crackers and soups, and otherwise petty endeavors, I chuckled inwardly. I was the newbie, and yet they didn't have the spirit of the thing. I pulled the cover off the ultimate nacho bowl to a collective hush. And they knew, oh my brothers, it was the main event.

The total package had arrived. They'd never seen anything like it. And the combination of the Ultimate Nacho Bowl with the Ultimate Nachos in it, well, they were utterly powerless. I sat back in somewhat fascination as they descended upon it. Like ants. The class made those nachos gone in short and decisive order. GONE! The bowl scraped clean! All I had to do was rinse the sucker out at the end of the night. I inwardly reveled in my nacho-dom, my confidence restored, my nachismo intact. All in all, another victory for the greatest food of all time. And another victory for your's truly, the king: I am the Ric Flair of the Nacho.

peace, love and nachos

- j

12/14/08 Active Ingredients

2008-12-14T19:03:00.000-08:00

I got this Lip Balm from Trader Joe's. One of its selling points is "50% Organic Ingredients". Then, under the active ingredients, there are two: Octinoxate and Oxybenzone. So, your Venn Diagram of active ingredients and organic ingredients do not overlap. Which, to be technical, doesn't really constitute a Venn Diagram at all. All that aside, I am a fan of this Lip Balm.

-----

It's weird not writing on this anymore. The strangest part is that I often save webpages and links to remind myself that I want to write about a certain topic. Over the course of the past month or two, I've collected dozens of "favorites" that were intended for here. The options were to 1) Erase them all 2) Post them all in a brain dump or 3) Organize them and post them in some sort of logical manner over the next week or two. I've decided to go with Option #2. I'm just going to post stuff until I get tired of it. This can be your go to page for the holidays when you need a new link or game or something when you're bored at work. Or not work as the case may be for 6.5% of the US Population and rising.

-------

You never really put much thought into the allure of video games. One of the assumptions you probably don't think much about is that you get to do things in video games that you probably couldn't in real life. You get to play a professional sport, fight a war, be a rock star... You're hard pressed to find a game in which you're better in real life than you are in video game land. Until now. Try this Running Game. You use the Q, W, O and P keys to control the guy's thighs and calves. After at least a dozen tries in the 100 meter dash, I maxed out at 5.5 meters before I fell. (Warning: For the competitor in you, this could quite possibly be the most frustrating gaming experience of your life).

-------

I made my first contribution to Wikipedia today. There's a List of White Sox Players' Nicknames. I added one. I rule.

-------

The Quake Catcher Network is asking for your help if your computer has an accelerometer. The detector comes standard on Macs - Its purpose is to save your hard drive if your computer falls. However, the Quake Catcher Network wants to collect simultaneous data from those sensors to warn and analyze earthquakes.

------

100 things you should eat before you die. I'd guess I probably still have 50 to go.

------

Bored again? Play just about any Original NES Game here. I suck at Baseball Stars.

------

A few months ago I saw a world map poster unlike any I had ever seen before. The dude told me it was a Gall-Peters Projection. He explained that most world maps you see inflate the size of the United States and Europe so that the powers that be appear more powerful. In this projection, Africa looks pretty friggin' huge.

------

In the best/only good move MTV has made in the past 15 years, they are offering up old school music videos online.

------

"Synesthesia is a neurologically based phenomenon in which stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway." I guess it's common that people see letters and numbers in colors. Personally, I think the number 6 has a hat. And convinced I once saw 6 wearing a hat in a kindergarten book or something and it's embedded in my subconscious.

I'm fascinated by the phenomenon, but would be frightened to have a severe case of it.

Speaking of colors, I had an intense dream a couple of night ago where colors played a blatantly obvious role. I won't explain the dream now, but the colors I remember were the girl in orange, and green and blue train lines. Perhaps I'll research it later and give an analysis.

------

"In 1993, the UK Science Minister, William Waldegrave, challenged physicists to produce an answer that would fit on one page to the question 'What is the Higgs boson, and why do we want to find it?' " Here are the best 1 page answers.

------

Some guy's list of the Top 10 Naked Gun Moments:

------

I think this was from PostSecret. It's about playing RockBand.

-----

ESPN's SportsCenter Commercials throughout the years.

-----

In October, MSNBC wrote an article about how Americans have lost $2 Trillion or 20% of their retirement plans. Which got me to thinking. That equates to about $10 Trillion in total retirement savings beforehand. The national deficit is also right about at $10 Trillion. Where I'm surprised is that, if you took every single penny saved by every single American over the course of decades, it would barely equal the wasteful government spending, $5 Trillion of which has been accumulated this decade alone.

------

Here's a goofy site where you look at random photos of people and guess their age.

------

Another game for you - It's called Factory Balls. It's a great thinking person's game.

-------

This game is like Tetris. Only being bad at Tetris helps you. 99 Bricks.

--------

The story of Oedipus. As written by some high school kid.

-------

Point: Pachebel's Canon in D rules

Counter-Point: Not so much

11/6/08 I Love Nachos Day

2008-11-06T10:07:00.000-08:00

Happy "I Love Nachos Day"!

If you need to send a last minute card, here ya go... Here are some more e-cards...

Thanks to the Almanac of Miscellaneous Merriment for the reminder.

If you're an elementary school teacher, here's a lesson plan for I Love Nachos Day.

And finally, some medicinal uses of nacho cheese.

10/29/08 Candy Corn

2008-10-29T17:22:00.000-07:00

While stopped in my car at a light this morning, a truck pulled up next to me. Out of the corner of my eye, the back of the truck read "Superior Super Dump". To which I thought, "That sounds fantastic."

------

During that same car ride, some guys were talking about the website HotChicksWithDouchebags.com. At that exact moment, I saw a guy in my rear view mirror with both iPod buds in his ears as he was driving. I began to wonder if it was the same guy I played basketball with this past weekend that insisted on listening to his iPod during the game.

------

Your IQ at age 10 has a positive correlation with alcohol problems as an adult. "... for every 15-point increase in childhood mental ability score, the likelihood of drinking problems increased 1.38 times for women, and 1.17 times for men."

------

Here's something you probably never expected to hear me say - This is my favorite Nickelback cover ever.

------

Have you seen the new Guitar Hero: World Tour commercial? It seems like risky business to pay four of the top athletes to endorse their product. At first glance, I recognized A-Rod, Michael Phelps and Kobe. After doing some research, I learned that the drummer doesn't have special needs. It's Tony Hawk. All I can think is that 1) Whatever money they paid those four guys, they probably could have put into better development. And 2) As great as those guys are as athletes, A-Rod, Kobe and Phelps are all kind of strange guys. I mean, if you had to choose 3 other athletes to come hang out and play Guitar Hero with you, would any of those guys make your top 20? When I think personable and fun, those aren't the guys that come to mind.

-------

Finally with Halloween creeping up on us, here's my favorite Halloween comedy bit by Lewis Black....

10/18/08 My Ding Ding Dong

2008-10-18T16:57:00.000-07:00

The best part about watching playoff baseball on TBS this month??? Waking up the next morning and finding "Saved by the Bell" on TV.

-----

Speaking of high school, yesterday I attended my first high school assembly since I was that age. During the homecoming rally, songs would be played every now and again on the loud speaker. Included in the song selection were, "Crank Dat" by Soulja Boy, "I kissed a girl (and I liked it)", and that goofy song what goes, "Oooh, you touch my Tra la la. My ding ding dong." I want to talk about "Watch me crank dat Soulja Boy then Superman that hoe" but I don't have the heart to even explain it. You'll have to search the internet to find out for yourself what that's all about.

Now, I'm the last person to really care about protecting teenagers from music and lyrics. In fact, my personal opinion is that teenagers should be exposed to the realities of life sooner than later. But I wonder if the administration has a clue what these songs are about. Or maybe they just don't care - Were we listening to songs like that in high school? Like, did we play that Bel Biv DeVoe song where they say, "Me and the crew used to do her" at high school assemblies?

Here's that Tra la la song -

Here's my favorite version of Crank Dat -

-----

Kid Rock is a no talent ass clown. He takes "Werewolves of London", adds in a few "Sweet Home Alabama" rips and claims a song of his own. Even worse? He thinks the best word to rhyme with "things" is... well, "things". The chorus seriously goes, "And we were trying different things / And we were smoking funny things."

10/4/08 Frustration, Good Buddy

2008-10-04T22:51:00.000-07:00

I've found the most difficult online flash game ever. It's appropriately named Frustration II. Good luck. And let me know how you do. (I made it to level 4 and quit). (Update: I beat it with 90 mistakes.)

9/28/08 Spider Dream

2008-09-28T13:31:00.000-07:00

I have an irrational fear of spiders. When it's hot at night and a bead of sweat rolls down my neck, I wake up and quickly brush it away, fearing it's a spider crawling on me.

Last night I had a vivid spider dream. For your reading pleasure, you get an account of the dream, an online dream interpretation of spiders from DreamMoods.com and the ability (if you so choose) to combine the two and determine your own take on the dream. If you know me, this is an extremely rare opportunity where I'll open up and leave myself vulnerable.

The dream began in a public room with a strand of spider web hanging from the ceiling about halfway to the floor. On the bottom was a cocoon beginning to bud. The cocoon began to grow and evolve into individual chambers. Those chambers then turned into eggs, with the assumption that there was a baby spider in each one. (I've read that the logic part of the brain is shut off during dreams. This is an obvious example.)

Next time I check the spider web strand, it had developed into a bigger, more intricate web and the "queen spider" had entered the picture. (Again, logic be damned, the spider in my dream behaved more like a queen ant where there's one mommy for the colony.) The queen was very cartoon-y. It was overly large with almost human-like characteristics. I was unable (out of fear?) to destroy the web or the spider in its initial stages. Due to that, it was beginning to grow out of control.

Towards the end of the dream, I walked across the room. The web had grown to such immense proportions that much of it clung to my body like sticky lint. The queen spider was now in a jar, caring for the cocoon-turned-eggs. The jar, too, was like some sort of protection that people from the outside world were providing for the queen spider. I couldn't quite understand why anyone would protect the spider that way and allow it to live and multiply. The queen, almost tauntingly, began taking its baby-ready eggs and tossing them around the room. One of them was intentionally aimed at me and went straight down the back of my shirt, causing a mini freak out on my part.

Still fearful of the queen spider, I devised a way to kill it without having to touch it. I decided that, if I covered the top of the jar, the spider would suffocate. I carefully placed a magazine over the jar and waited. On the ground was a slug shaped bug wearing the classic red and blue spiderman costume. The slug crawled to the jar and removed the magazine. Again, I put the magazine back on top of the jar. The slug returned again to protect the queen spider.

At this point I resigned and gave up. I also had this feeling of regret that I didn't address the spider problem early on when I could have dealt with it. Dream over.

Now that I've accounted for there dream, here's what DreamMoods says about spiders...

"To see a spider in your dream, indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation. Or that you may want to keep your distance and stay away from an alluring and tempting situation. The spider is also symbolic of feminine power. Alternatively, a spider may refer to a powerful force protecting you against your self-destructive behavior. If you kill a spider, it symbolizes misfortune and general bad luck.

To see a spider spinning a web in your dream, signifies that you will be rewarded for your hard work. You will soon find yourself promoted in your job or recognized for your achievement in a difficult task. Spiders are a symbol of creativity due to the intricate webs they spin. On a negative note, spiders may indicate a feeling of being entangled or trapped in a sticky or clingy relationship. It represents some ensnaring and controlling force. You may feel that someone or some situation is sucking the life right out of you.

To see a spider climbing up a wall in your dream, denotes that your desires will be soon be realized.

To dream that you are bitten by a spider, represents a conflict with your mother or some dominant female figure in your life. The dream may be a metaphor for a devouring mother or the feminine power to possess and entrap. Perhaps you are feeling trapped by some relationship."

Now it's your turn. Go ahead. Analyze away.

9/27/08 Happy Anniversary, Telescope

2008-09-27T09:56:00.000-07:00

Happy 400th Anniversary, Telescope! Thanks to Hans Lipperhey, who first filed for the telescope patent in October, 1608, humankind would eventually grow up and realize that it's not all about me, me, me. Sure it took some longer than others, but our egotistical "We're the center of everything" place in the universe eventually became more clear. And far more humbling.

The following year, Galileo Galilei, making improvements of his own to the telescope, saw four of Jupiters moons (Io, Europa, Casllito, and later Ganymede) and began plotting their orbits. This alone proved that the earth wasn't the center of everything. In that same year, Johannes Kepler published Astronomia Nova, containing ten years of research and observation on the orbit of Mars. One of the biggest findings was that Mars' orbit was not circular, but rather elliptical, leading to one of Kepler's Laws. In honor of these great accomplishments in the year 1609, next year is being celebrated as the International Year of Astronomy.

------

A very near and dear friend encouraged me to still write, despite my sad attempts to even do this once a week. So, for those of you that enjoy reading this, you have No Longer Neighbor Natalie to thank for my attempt at some sort of writing resurgence.

------

From the nerdy to the heartfelt to the childish, a new absurd song has toppled "Milkshake" and "Umbrella" as the one to get stuck in my head for days at a time. In what Mike has accurately described as "appalling", "Paper Planes" takes the top spot in this week's top horrendous songs that I still listen to. I think I enjoy the gun shots in the chorus most.

9/20/08 Do You Pay Taxes?

2008-09-20T08:54:00.000-07:00

During 2008, if you paid taxes for the previous year, you probably received a tax rebate check. For most people it was $600. For married couples, it was $1200. 130 million Americans received that check.

This week President Bush wants $700 billion to bailout various financial institutions. In a world where the words million and billion barely get notice, I want to put this into context. If, instead of a bailout, each of the 130 million tax payers that received rebate checks got the money instead, how much would they get? $700,000,000,000 divided by 130,000,000 people.... Equals exactly $5,384.62. You can look at it one of two ways. Either you deserved that money as an additional rebate. Or, more than $5,000 of your hard earned tax money just went to a bunch of irresponsible financial executives.

If you're not bothered by the current economic situation, I have one more little factoid that is personally bothersome. This is geared more towards those of you in my generation who have been in the workforce for perhaps a decade or so. Let's say you followed "sound" investment advice as you began in the workforce, putting away a few percent of your paycheck, preparing for big life events (a mortgage, wedding) and/or retirement. I know a lot of my friends have been doing this. If you began investing at the beginning of the decade (January, 2000), the Dow Jones closed at 11,522. This weekend (some eight years later) the Dow Jones sits at 11,388. It began Friday lower, at 11,027 until news of the government bailouts. So, for those of us that have worked our tails off, hoping for some long term prosperity or perhaps just a day when we can retire, things are not looking so good.

------

You know what though? Despite the increased financial difficulties of my generation, I'm happy. You want to know why? Because science once again has made life worth living. No, I'm not talking about the LHC (which was online for a few days, then has subsequently been shut down for 2 months). It's much, much more divine that that... Quilted Northern is now offering 3-ply toilet paper, putting the giant Q in Quality Time.

8/30/08 ShutYer/PieHole '08

2008-08-30T23:57:00.000-07:00

I wish I had a sign or a button or some universal symbol that says, "No, I do not want to talk politics with you". That season is heating up again. It's evident everywhere you are. It's even plastered on many of my friends' Facebook statuses.

While I don't deviate from my initial New Year's Resolution of not talking politics and the reasons why... I want to elaborate on the reasons. It's as if I've already formed some sort of opinion of you. (Not that you probably care what I think, but you can extrapolate my opinion and figure other people think the same of you). By talking politics, you're only going to lower that opinion I have of you, regardless of what you say. The more you talk, the worse it gets for you. Somehow, when people talk politics, the limits to their mind become clear.

The only example I can give to help explain where I'm coming from is when people talk poker. When you listen to someone tell you about their inevitable bad beat story (or on rare occasion a great play that they made), you can tell the limits of their poker skills by how they tell the story. The more you delve into their story, the more it becomes clear that they just have absolutely no clue.

Example Poker Story One: "I can't believe I got my aces cracked by four deuce offsuit! I mean, seriously, who plays four deuce offsuit?!" (This would be 90% of poker stories I hear. It's clear there's no context and no higher level thinking involved. It's simply - I have aces, I should win.)

Example Poker Story Two: "I raised with Ace King and some guy calls me with Ace Jack. Of course he rivers a jack and busts me. It's always on the river!" (Again, there's no context here. Even when I ask questions about the details, very few are remembered. Good poker players remember the details).

Example Poker Story Three: (Let's pretend this is the guy who played four deuce offsuit from the first story). "The tournament started with 27 players. We bought in for $20 each, started with 4000 in chips and there were no rebuys. We were down to the final seven players with the top five positions paying. With over 100,000 chips in play, the average stack was just over 15,000. I was 2nd in chips with around 22,000 and with players not wanting to bust before the bubble, I was ready to take advantage. A real tight player limped from early position with the blinds at 200/400. Both the cutoff and button smooth called. I'm in the small blind and decide to call with 4 2 given the pot odds and nobody showing any real strength except for maybe the initial limper. The big blind checks, leaving us with 2000 in the pot already. Just as I had hoped, the flop rolled off beautifully for me - J22 rainbow. I debate leading out a weak bet, but opt for the check raise, hoping somebody hit that jack or has a pair that he thinks is good. I check, as does the big blind. The initial limper bets the pot and leaves himself only 5000 behind. The cutoff folds. The button strangely smooth calls and still has 9000 behind. Does he really have a 2? Nah, he wouldn't be playing any hands with a 2. He must either have a jack (like QJ) or a middle pair that he thinks is good. With the pot getting juicy, I decide to make my move. I check raise all in. The bb mucks. The initial limper is stunned yet excited at the same time. He quietly gives me music to my ears and says, "I call." The button is forced to fold. I flip over my trip 2s and the limper can't believe that he's invested 7400 chips with aces only to have them crushed. If only he had raised preflop, I wouldn't have had such great odds to play my hand in the first place." (Honestly, unless you won some major tournament by playing this hand, I generally don't care either. But at least it's clear that you know your stuff.)

Despite my poker tangent, the point here is I don't want to hear your politics. When you write a sentence or two on your Facebook status, you sound like Poker stories 1 and 2. When you comment back on someone's status, you sound like an even bigger idiot. It's a crude, insensitive way to put things, but it's the only way I've ever gotten my point across... Arguing politics is like participating in the Special Olympics. Even if, by the slightest chance you happen to win, in the end, you're still retarded.

I'm trying really hard to help you here... Quit sounding retarded when you're not.

I had intended to just get a few things off my mind. Then that happened. I kind of got carried away. But, for what it's worth, it made me feel better.

=======

In a sign that I don't think I'll ever grow up - All I can think about is Rock Band 2. I don't own Rock Band. But I've played it and love it. Now, with the equivalent Guitar Hero World Tour coming out, people will have to decide which one to purchase. Some people will choose one over the other based on brand loyalty or the songs or gameplay or cost or whatever. You know what the honest to goodness deciding factor is for me? (Assuming I eventually have the money for it). The one with the best bass pedal on the drums. That's it. After breaking so many bass pedals on the Rock Band that wasn't mine and not being able to replace them without replacing the entire game under warranty, I decided that the bass pedal is by far the limiting factor of that game.

Rock Band 2?

Or Guitar Hero World Tour?

After watching those videos, the answer is clear. It's Rock Band 2. Any game that advertises using Lenny Kravitz loses in my book.

8/27/08 I've Got Something in My Front Pocket for You

2008-08-27T12:40:00.000-07:00

When I write, I write about random stuff. But today's extra random - Just because I need to get things off my mind...

I'm still bothered by commercials during the shows I watch. Because, based on sound capitalistic desire for profit, the commercial makers want to gear their commercials towards some sort of target audience. Now, if I'm watching a certain TV show, I imagine that I'm part of that target audience. For example, it would be kind of stupid to advertise Depends or Poly Grip during the kids' show "Dora the Explorer", right?

I'm watching the latest "World Series of Poker" last night on ESPN, when a commercial for some product that waters your plants evenly over time is on. It's some long, bulbous Chemistry lab looking device that you shove in the dirt and it releases water at some proper intervals or something. Honestly, I've never owned a plant before. Most likely because, even with that product, it would probably still die. How is the poker playing community the target audience for a product like this? Do they really think that we're sitting at a 2:30 am session at the casino thinking to ourselves... Ok, I'll play one last orbit and then I've got to get home and water my plant. Never mind the fact that I'm up a month's rent and the guy to my right is loosely bleeding chips, ready to double me up again. My ferns are thirsty.

Here it is. They're called Aqua Globes....

On Comedy Central within the last hour there was some commercial for Enzyte. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it August? You think I'd be bothered by the creepy guy on whose lap everybody wants to sit. But I'm more bothered by the idea that a Christmas themed commercial seemed anywhere near appropriate in August.

------

Now that the Olympics are over, there's virtually nothing on my DVR. Which is fine, in and of itself. But I'm missing all of those stories about Michael Phelps and his breakfasts and ADHD. So, let's relive that magical moment where he wins by .01 seconds...

8/22/08 Dome Hockey

2008-08-22T10:35:00.000-07:00

My biggest disappointment in the Olympics, by far, is the US vs Russia men's volleyball match. The US is in red and Russia is blue?! Is nothing sacred anymore? It's as if the IOC just said, you know every game of US vs. USSR dome hockey you've ever played? Erase those memories. Remember Rocky IV and Rambo 3? The communists weren't really red. Your memories are no longer valid. Honestly, I'm very upset about this. It's as if every hope, dream, aspiration and belief I've held since I was a child has been, at the minimum, put into question.... And, mostly, just crushed.

------

Rock Paper Scissors: A Geek Tragedy is coming out in theaters. Or maybe on DVD. Or maybe straight to YouTube. But it's coming out.

Here are some other Rock Paper Scissors movies for your viewing pleasure.

8/16/08 Ardilla

2008-08-16T10:46:00.000-07:00

I think the Kayak event is discriminatory. The gates are red and green. Those are the two colors that people who are color blind cannot distinguish.

It's also unfair to people who flip over and miss gates that way.

-----

I'm finding myself watching more shot put than anything else track and field. Some of these guys are throwing the shot put upwards of 70 feet. That ball is 16 pounds, right? The weight of a full on bowling ball? How far do you think you could throw a shot put? I think, going granny style, I could maybe crack 12 feet.

-----

It's not often I get a chance to brag about anything. It's not because I'm humble. It's because I rarely do anything significant. Today though, I'm going to brag.

My softball team once again won the league. Our once sad, sad co-ed team somehow is repeat champions. Before the game, I checked our roster and saw I was batting last. I looked at the coach and asked, "You're serious?" He said, "Yeah, I'm serious." I then flipped the page with our season stats and said, "Ok. That makes sense. It must be that I'm only hitting .950 this season." I looked at the details and saw that, in 20 at bats, I had 8 doubles, a triple, a homerun and 13 runs scored.

I was extra inspired to keep that batting average in tact and went 3 for 3, ending the season batting .957. (It's funny - you have no idea how mad I am that I made that one out a few weeks ago). Not only did we win the game 18-3, but my pitching record for the season remained a perfect 6-0. Despite what they say about how you play the game - it's way more fun to win.

That's it. I'm done talking about me.

------

My dad sends the Squirrel Obstacle Course for our viewing pleasure....

8/14/08 Olympic Riddle

2008-08-14T09:15:00.000-07:00

Five swimmers (Adam, Brad, Carl, Doug, and Eric) have been preparing for the Olympics. It is now time for the swimming time trials. The five swimmers each compete in the four different strokes (backstroke, breaststroke, butterfly, and freestyle). The top three finishers in each event will qualify for the Olympic swim team in that stroke. Using the following clues, determine the order of finish in each of the four strokes. (If you need the answer, I can post it later).

1) Only one contestant qualified in all four strokes.

2) No contestant finished last in more than one event.

3) Adam finished better in the backstroke than he did in the butterfly.

4) Brad finished better than Doug in the butterfly.

5) Adam finished just behind Brad and just ahead of Eric in the breaststroke.

6) Doug finished just ahead of Carl in the freestyle.

7) Neither Brad nor Eric finished third in any event.

8) Eric's finish in the backstroke was the same as Doug's in the butterfly.

9) Doug only finished in the same position in the backstroke and the freestyle.

10) Carl finished in a different position in each event.

11) Brad finished only two events in the same position.

12) The contestant who finished second in the butterfly beat Doug in the freestyle.

13) The contestant who finished first in the freestyle did not qualify in the backstroke.

14) The contestant who finished fifth in the backstroke did not finish third in the butterfly.

15) No contestant finished in the same position in both the breaststroke and the butterfly.

8/12/08 Asparagus

2008-08-12T13:55:00.001-07:00

To Ira and Barry, here's another brain teaser for you....

Divide $318 (in whole $ increments) into a number of bags so that I can ask for any amount between $1 and $318, and you can give me the proper amount by giving me a certain number of these bags without opening them. What is the minimum number of bags you will require?

8/11/08 Citius, Altius, Fortius

2008-08-11T21:35:00.000-07:00

Oh DVR, why must you do what I ask? Last Friday I found the Summer Olympics on TV and decided to "record all". I now have 30-some hours of recorded Olympic coverage. Regardless of what I'm doing or where I am, the Olympics are pretty much running constantly at my place. I'm up to last night's coverage... the synchronized diving part. As much as I can appreciate the amazing dedication and talent this sport takes, how can this remain in the Olympics when both baseball and softball got kicked out?

Mike sends the gripping story of the guy behind the opening ceremonies. Zhang Yimou has spent most of his life making movies that have been censored in China. Talk about getting the opportunity to finally shine, huh?

------

How is it obvious that my closest friends know me well? Both Mike and Joe sent the latest CERN press release... The Large Hadron Collider will be up and running on September 10th. I can't friggin' wait.

Confused about the LHC? Mike sends a rap that might help explain what's going on...

How much information are the LHC detectors collecting? 10,000 Encyclopedia Britannica's per second.

------

My family was here visiting recently. We took some video of our time together. Here's the highlights....

------

And finally, for those who are still reading (today and at all).... A brain teaser....

Grandpa: "My grandson is about as many days as my son is weeks, and my grandson is as many months as I am in years. My grandson, my son and I together are 120 years. Can you tell me my age in years?"

8/6/08 Where the Hell Was I?

2008-08-06T12:08:00.001-07:00

When you're using the channel guide on the TV screen, you have to press down to get to the higher numbered channels. But once you select a channel, you have to press up to get to the higher numbered channels. TV can be confusing.

-------

Does anyone else suspect something goofy is going to happen at this year's Olympics?

-------

For the Lost fans out there, you can join the Dharma Initiative. I have no idea what this is all about (we've already established that I get confused easily), but it is part of Lost and looks like it'll be updated periodically throughout the next season. (Thanks to my brother for this link).

------

Cousin Danny sends a photo and interview with the hottest girl ever. (Hint: See question #3).

------

The Chicago Bears have unveiled their new offense for 2008.

------

This is for my brother who has no idea what I was talking about when I referred to a singing piece of fruit from Sesame Street...

P90X Best Quotes and Moments

2008-07-25T01:09:00.001-07:00

As many of you know, I somehow duped myself into doing P90X this summer. If you're unfamiliar with P90x, it's a workout routine that you'll see on a whole bunch of late night infomercials. It's 90 straight days of working out for 60-90 minutes per day. And it's meant for people that are in way better shape than I am. Honestly, I am hoping that my "after" photo looks as good as most "before" photos in their advertisement.

To give you an idea of how sad it is I'm doing this, I was telling Cousin Eric today that my goal is to be able to do one honest to goodness pull up by the end. Even sadder is that I've never been able to do one in my life and it would be an amazing accomplishment.

Since the workouts consume 60-90 minutes of my day... everyday... that's all I've been talking about lately. Just the other day I made it to the halfway point. Now, you'd probably expect me to talk about my numbers and give some sort of half way progress report with pounds and inches lost and strength gained. But that's not my style. Nor are my numbers all that impressive. In fact, I was about to say that I'll give a full report after 90 days, but I don't want to make any promises.

What I did want to do, however, was come up with some sort of "Top Ten" type list for those who have done P90X. This only really makes sense for those who have done the workouts since you've spent dozens of hours with Tony Horton and are starting to feel like he's living with you. So, my apologies to those who haven't done P90X - I know this all seems elitist and exclusionary.

There are so many classic moments in these videos that I want to make this some sort of "Work in Progress" where people can submit their own "P90X moments". So, if you have a P90X story/moment/favorite quote, send them to nachomaster@nachosrule.com. In the meantime, here's my preliminary list to give you an idea of what I'm getting at here:

- Just about halfway through the yoga video, Tony talks about doing the best downward dog of your life. He then proceeds to say, "They're coming in to shoot the cover of Downward Dog Magazine." I laughed the first time. Now I look forward to it as inspiration.

- Just to make you feel worse about yourself, one of they guys in the Plyometrics (jump training) video has a prosthetic leg.

- Phase 2 brings all sorts of harder push ups and pull ups (not that I could do a whole lot of regular ones to begin with). At the end of the Phase 2 pull up day, Tony talks about doing pull ups that are easier for you if you're "wasted" and the ones you don't like if you still have energy. Needless to say I'm beyond wasted every time, hoping to do maybe 6 pull ups with the aid of a chair. Then smiley chick on the right in the video says, "I'm going to do corn cob pull ups." For those unfamiliar, corn cob pull ups are pull ups where, at the top of the pull up, you move your body right, then left, then away from the bar, then towards the bar, before going down again.

- Does Tony really need to do the pterodactyl every time he does the big reverse arm circles? Wasn't it enough in one video? If my count is right, he does it in three.

- Since you do the Ab Ripper X routine more than any other (three times a week), everything gets magnified. A few minutes before the end, Tony walks in from the back, acting all macho, slowing saying, "Ab.... Ripper... X..." For whatever reason I hate that.

- Tony's dad really threw some no hitters? He says so at the end of the Plyometrics video. Who's his dad? I actually checked the all time no-hitter list for the major leagues and there's no Horton on there. What's he talking about? Slow pitch softball?

- Thanks for the P90X recovery drink shameless promotion at the end of every workout.

- What are the odds that Tony and Dreya Webber are/were hooking up? Even odds? Big Brown 1-5 kind of odds?

- I love those pot stirrer cool downs at the end. Tony always asks what kind of soup people are stirring. During Phase 2, Phil says, "I'm stirring up trouble." Tony is obviously upset that somebody else was trying to be funny. Phil's my new hero.

- Speaking of Phil, he gets verbally massacred during the Stretch video. I somehow have a feeling that they filmed the previous pot stirring video first and Tony decided to get revenge here by pointing out how inflexible Phil is.

Thanks to newly discovered Cousin-in-Law Chris M. for some more fantastic P90X moments...

- "X me baby"

- After a tough set he'll look at the computer and say "Now that's.....P90X"

- "The Georgeous Dreya Weber"

- "German Potato Soup!"

- "How many are you going to do Phil?, How many are you going to do Morraine". I'll still be doing pushups when both of you are done". What an ass!

- (Send more and I'll keep this list updated)

7/17/08 KK

2008-07-17T22:36:00.001-07:00

A gigantic congratulations to Kelly Kim on making the final table of the World Series of Poker Main Event. The event began with 6,844 players each paying $10,000 to enter. The November Nine remain. I had been receiving daily blog updates from Kelly via Poker Jason outlining the ins and outs of his experiences throughout the week. It's super exciting to see someone you know make the final table, especially knowing that he's guaranteed $900,000 already. Sure, he's the short stack, but there's plenty of poker left to be played and stranger things have happened. (Poker Jason - If there's a link to his blog, let me know and I'll post a link... Kelly's needling of Phil Hellmuth is priceless.)

-----

Speaking of poker, a computer beat some some professionals heads up. The computer won 3 games to 2. This is a giant feat for computer nerds, as poker is a game of imperfect information (since you don't know what your opponent is holding). Which makes the programming far more complex than, let's say, chess, where you know exactly what you opponent has and can do.

-----

Remember a couple of years ago when I'd talk about my softball team and how bad we were? I mean, we got mercy ruled just about every time out bad? Well, in addition to our D-league championship last fall, we're 6-0-1 so far this season. We even got bumped up a league due to our "stellar" performance last time around. Don't let the undefeated record fool you - Until tonight, every one of our wins was by three runs or fewer. But we put on a show tonight, amassing a 14 run inning. After 12 runs, the umpire went out to the field and joked "Time out for the team in the field to take a bathroom break." I'm sure the other team didn't find it quite as amusing as we did.

-----

Kidney stones are on the increase due to... Wow, is there any global warming CAN'T do?

-----

I meant to post this on Bastille Day....

-----

Under my umbrella ella ella eh eh eh.... (Yeah, I'm still kind of obsessed)....

-----

And certainly not least, thanks to Mike who, I am proud to announce is now part of Mr. and Mrs. Mike... What I'm trying to say is he got married this past weekend and deserves all sorts of congratulations...

7/11/08 Wii Fit

2008-07-11T10:39:00.000-07:00

Facebook is confusing. It says I have 150 friends. But when it comes to social plans, it's closer to 4. It seems like something academic enough where I could write a Master's Thesis on it.

-----

Have you joined the Wii craze yet? I know it's been around for a year and a half now. But my crowd is finally starting to get Wii's. One of my four friends is even having a Wii Party this weekend. Being more of a traditional gamer, I still think I'd get a PS3 over a Wii if given the choice. But I tried Wii Fit at my brother's last week. It's one of those games where you just have to get better. You say, "Oh sure, I'll try it." Then you're standing there four hours later still trying to get your bubble boy down the river. My opinion is swinging towards actually considering a Wii. If I wasn't convinced enough already, Zoo Magazine(?) has made quite the closing argument. I bet her Mii doesn't have the gut like mine does.

-----

Major League Baseball chose one of my favorite songs of the last couple of years for their All Star game promo. It's called "Lazy Eye" by the Silversun Pickups. (I know, I'm also shocked that I listen to music written this century). So, kudos to Major League Baseball, right? Not so fast. They select the part of the song that repeats "I've been waiting for this moment all my life..." What they neglect is the second half of that sentence. Which says, "...but it's not quite right." Given Jason Varitek's selection to the game and the controversy surrounding World Series home field advantage at stake, perhaps it's more appropriate than I originally thought.

6/29/08 Monday Funday

2008-06-29T22:23:00.000-07:00

Here are two games to kick off your Monday.

First - The red square game. Keep track of your scores and leave the high scores in the comments section.

Second - Type the alphabet in order. Poker Jason and I have been competing a little bit. He's currently winning with a score of 4.95 seconds.

Check out MySpace's Intervention....

6/24/08 I Love the New Millennium

2008-06-24T23:05:00.001-07:00

Why do I make fun of all sorts of TV shows... And then find myself watching multiple hours of VH1 countdown kind of shows? It's like I owe a big apology to American Idol and Nickelback fans everywhere. Like, whenever they have "The Top 100 Heavy Metal Songs (or whatever)", it lasts for five hours. And if I'm only semi-busy, I'll work on my computer and end up watching all five hours, wondering where "Thunderstruck" might end up, only to find out that it didn't even make the list.

This week, VH1 has out-nostalgia-ed itself. I get "I Love the 70's"... in the nostalgia sense. I more get "I Love the 80's" in a "I sort of remember that stuff" sense. For me "I Love the 90's" really hit home. This week they're premiering "I Love the New Millennium". We're still a couple of years from the end of the decade and they're already giving a fond look back at it? If that's not bad enough, I got hooked into it as I was doing some other work.

Probably the biggest "Wow" moment I had was that the Milkshake song came out in 2003. To which I could only think - What the hell happened to the last 5 years of my life?

For whatever reason, the video for Milkshake can't be embedded. So you'll have to click here to see it. I miss being able to say, "I could teach you, but I'd have to charge" and not have someone look funny at me.

6/22/08 Mood Stream

2008-06-22T16:05:00.001-07:00

If you're like me, and I hope for your sake that you're not, you'll spend all sorts of time on Mood Stream. You input varying degrees of variables like calm/lively, happy/sad, nostalgic/contemporary. Then you let the site go. Images and songs will just go and provide that kind of mood. It may be the heat, but I think it's working.

------

I now get all of my foreign news from CBS. For reasons you probably already suspect. Lara Logan is smoking hot.

------

Speaking of hot, it's been miserably hot here lately. I also have no AC. So, if I've done or said anything bordering delusional, it's my frying gray matter. Honestly though - it's that kind of hot where you can't even sleep past sunrise.

------

Poker Jason sends the greatest win-win link so far this year. You can test and build your vocabulary, while simultaneously have rice donated to the hungry. Try it yourself at FreeRice. (Now you have to try it. Because, if you don't, you'll feel responsible for someone that dies of hunger.)

------

Have you guys seen this? The office worker who goes berserk? Did the German kid grow up that quickly?

The Office Worker video was exposed as a Viral Video. It's probably better I say something now than wait for the emails later this week.

------

Finally, the top 10 shirts to get arrested wearing.

6/19/08 8-Bit

2008-06-19T13:24:00.000-07:00

During my college years, I had an inexplicable obsession with MIDI files. When everybody else was looking for higher quality MP3 files, I took some odd pleasure in stuff that sounded like old Nintendo games. In hindsight, the old Nintendo memories may be the reason I like them so much. There's even a Bad Midi Museum that's been around for years. Just for the sake of doing it, here are some more 8-bit sounding songs - Most of them from Guitar Hero, Rock Band and the like...

Megadeth's Hangar 18 8-bit

Metallica's Master of Puppets 8-bit

AC/DC's Thunderstruck 8-bit

And Metallica's One 8-bit (This sounds like you've just entered the wrong level in the original Zelda).

And finally, if some snotty music critic really reviewed your Guitar Hero Performance.

6/11/08 Smoked Sausage

2008-06-11T11:17:00.000-07:00

The Internet is a beautiful thing. Some gracious, anonymous reader found the holy grail of Carl's Jr. commercials. Here it is, in its uncensored glory.... Smoked Sausage.

6/8/08 I'm Going Hungry

2008-06-08T10:39:00.000-07:00

A while back I saw some Carl's Jr. commercial where some guy says something about letting them "smoke my sausage". Then I couldn't find the video. Two years later, I'm still sort of looking for it. Anyways, I just searched Google for it. And, well, the first result was my own blog talking about that same damn commercial that I couldn't find. It's moments like this that make me question my own sanity.

-----

Here's the problem with the PS3. I enjoy video games - I'm not that ashamed to admit it. If I'm going to buy a video game system, I'm already set on a PS3. (For the sake of what I'm about to write, assume that one day in the not-so-distant future, I will have a steady income). The problem isn't with the $400 game system (although expensive). It's not even about the fact that I'm going to buy GTA IV as the first game at an additional $60. Or the fact that I'll probably splurge another $169.99 on Rock Band. It's the fact that I have a TV from about 1994. And the entire PS3 purchase would be wasted without a proper HDTV. Let's not even think about the need for speakers and surround sound. All of the sudden, an initial $400 buy turns into a $5000 ordeal. This, my friends, is the reason I don't ever see getting a PS3.

I say this only because I had a chance to play GTA IV at a friend's place for a couple of hours. It's absolutely amazing. Here's a stunt montage from the game that's edited to Metallica's "Battery" with the San Francisco symphony. In related news, I conducted a lab experiment with batteries recently and considered playing that song in the background. I didn't.

------

I've been on a little bit of an early 90's Seattle grunge kick as of late. I found the video for Temple of the Dog's "Hunger Strike". Watching it gave me a mixed sense of sentiment and cheese.

------

Mike sends a commercial for an office swear jar. F*&$in hilarious.

5/31/08 Scripps National Spelling Bee

2008-05-31T11:36:00.000-07:00

There hasn't been much that will distract me from my blogging hibernation. But if the Scripps National Spelling Bee can't do it, nothing can. Continuing in annual tradition, here are my running observations of the event.

I DVRed the opening round on ESPN (3 hours) and the final round on ABC (2 hours). This time around, I set my DVR for extra time so I wouldn't miss the final word again.
To be fair, I'm sort of half watching it in the background as I do work that should be deemed as more important.
Rankine - It's some temperature scale that nobody uses anymore. It was probably never really used except in Mr. Rankine's home. It's named after the dude who invented it. The fact that the kids have to spell someone's last name is absolutely unfair. Does this also mean that you could just invent some new unit of distance and name it after yourself? Is there a legal process you have to follow to get a unit of measure named after you? Like one Johnson is equivalent to 16.3 centimeters?
The guy who reads the words is the most patient dude who ever lived.
Since I'm knee deep into classes on multicultural education, I feel more comfortable talking about race and gender in terms of kids. Previously I've talked about how the spelling bee is pretty gender neutral. On the contrary, the number of white contestants is not representative of the overall white population in this country.
The success rate in the spelling bee is comparable to the success rate of a major league hitter getting on base. You're lucky to see a round where four out of ten contestants get the word correct.
I miss the whole Samir Patel hype. Don't worry though. He made the cover story of ESPN.com the other day. He's fine.
Sade is the most polite sounding person I've ever seen. It's a combination of her proper British accent and her overuse of "Please" and "Doctor Bailey" every time she asks a question. They just announced that she's Jamaican.
Speaking of countries, who is eligible for this competition? During the first hour there was a mention that all six Canadians got knocked out in the same round. Why are there no British contestants?
You can tell immediately if the kid knows how to spell the word. I get empathetic pain when I know that they're desperately searching for clues as the clock ticks down.
The backup lady judge keeps asking the contestants to speak the word towards the judges off to the left. I would suggest that next year the judges sit directly in front of the stage.
Keeping with my racial stereotypes, the kid with the big nose from New York got the word with Jewish and Yiddish origins. He still got it wrong.
I learned that the Greek "chiros" means hand. Now the scientific word "chirality" makes a whole lot more sense.
Nearly all of the words have European languages of origin (Greek, Latin, French, German, Italian, etc). Yet so many Asian kids are succeeding in the competition.
After five rounds the total number of contestants went from 288 to 90 to 63 to 45 to 24. So my previous example of a baseball hitter isn't exactly accurate. This is more like a game of HORSE in basketball. But once you get "H", you're out. The first round was a 3-pointer from the corner.
I take some strange comfort when I spell the word incorrectly but spell it the same way as the kid. It's not too often that I look up to a 13-year old like that.

I'm taking a little break here between the ESPN portion and the ABC portion....

Tom Bergeron is the announcer? He's the d-bag who does that America's Funniest Home Videos, right? What's his deal? It's probably my inflated view of this event, but he's not good enough to be doing anything at the National Spelling Bee.
I'm doing far worse than I did last year. This is confirming my theory that I've become way, way dumber over the past 12 months.
11 spellers remain. 6 girls, 5 boys. I love the gender equality.
I'm starting to recognize words. I nailed Rorschach and Huguenot. What up?!
"Numb Nut?". (Kid freaks out, finally figures out the word and gets it). N-U-M-N-A-H.
I like Justin Song because he talks like Napolean Dynamite. Oh great. He just got dinged.
A lot of the boys are starting to look like the kids from movies from the late 70s and early 80s. They have that long summer camp looking hair and the drugged out eyes. (Watch movies like E.T. and Meatballs again - the kids seriously have crazy druggy eyes. It's the point where I'm convinced there was something in the water.)
Jahnavi Iyer's favorite movie is "What About Bob?". She's also kind of funny. I'm now rooting for her.
She's out. I need to quit rooting for these kids.
Tia Thomas is chock-full of confidence. She's good too.
It's Round 12, they're down to 3. This is where they bring out the "Championship Words". Ya know, because everything was so easy up to this point.
Alright, take an honest assessment of yourself. How likely would you be to get any random word correct? Maybe 5%? 10% at best? Ok, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say 10%. So the odds that you'd make it past Round N would be (.10)^N. So you'd have a 10% chance of making it past round 1. 1% past round 2. 0.1% past round 3. (See, this is why I confuse my students. They don't get math either). Point being, these kids are really, really, really good.
Ok, the championship list is 25 words long. If there's no winner after the 25 words, co-champions are declared. That seems fair. I guess. For kids. In professional sports, that would never go over well.
The confident Tia Thomas is the first of the final three to miss a word. Opificer is tough to spell. Or say. I feel like the ultimate jinx. The final two contestants, Sameer Mishra and Sidharth Chand, have received no mention by me at all. It should figure that one of them is going to win.
We're just passed the point on my DVR where the regular broadcast should have ended. I can take pride in the fact that I learned my lesson from last year and added an extra half hour.
I kind of spaced out at the end there. Samir won. Next thing I knew, 20/20 was on. They were talking about the crane collapse in New York. And all I could think about was the famous scene from City Slickers....

"We got this job on 65th and Third. This big freakin' ballbreaker of a job, right, and we got the area roped off so that some schmuck don't walk through there and take a wrecking ball between the eyes. All of a sudden this woman, you know with the big dark glasses and the Bloomingdale bags, she starts walking right through the ropes and I yell down at her, "Hey! You can't go there ya stupid bitch." And suddenly, this big steam fittin' bursts and this God damn crane crashes right down on her legs. And she's screaming, "My Legs! My Legs!" And I say, "No shit, your legs, you got a two-thousand-pound goddamn crane on you." Now you know that in an emergency situation you can get superhuman strength? I reach down and I lift this crane and was able to slide her out from under, and the doctors were able to save her legs. So the moral of this story is: don't walk where you're not supposed to walk because there may not be someone with superhuman strength to save your little ass. And don't do drugs."

Here's the Numb Nut clip...

5/20/08 6,666,666,666

2008-05-20T08:42:00.001-07:00

The world population cracked 6,666,666,666 recently. That has to be a good thing, right?

------

Speaking of doom and gloom, check out environmentalist predictions from 1970. Paul Ehrlich (whose books on population growth I read as a teenager) predicted that global cooling would continue so that a food shortage would reduce the U.S. population to only 22.6 million.

------

------

I've been casually watching the NBA playoffs this year. That's new for me. There's something a little extra exciting about this season. Then, my two least favorite teams (San Antonio and Detroit) advance to the conference finals. I don't care for Boston either. Over the last few days, things went from exciting... to... dear lord, not them again. Even worse, by default, I'm rooting for Kobe.

------

This video takes a real hard core baseball fan to understand. It's the batting stances of White Sox players over the years.

5/10/08 Slump Buster

2008-05-10T00:21:00.000-07:00

I've been completely out of commission all week. Computer wise, that is. An overly generous and anonymous donor has allowed use of a Pentium III laptop to help fill my computer needs for the time being. I don't have a lot to say. But I need to break my week long writing slump.

This is why I present of bunch of those NBA playoff commercials.

This one gets my MVP vote, simply for the music.

Adam Sandler parodies these commercials with Baron Davis for his new Zohan movie.

5/3/08 Big Brown

2008-05-03T18:51:00.000-07:00

Hillary Clinton's pick for the Kentucky Derby finished a close second, collapsed at the finish line and was shot in front of thousands of fans. You can't make these things up.

-----

You may have heard that Albert Hofman, the inventor of LSD died this week at the age of 102.

------

4/29/08 Hello Again

2008-04-29T20:55:00.000-07:00

I always thought it would be cool to go on the vomit comet. For those who are unfamiliar, the vomit comet is a commercial airplane hollowed out so that passengers can experience zero gravity. The plane goes up and then freefalls (repeat a bunch of times). After seeing it on TV and the fact that there were quite a few passengers going a very short distance, I thought that maybe it would be in the realm of affordable. It's over $4,000. So there goes that idea.

-----

From the "Never say never" files: Not only did I watch "American Idol" tonight, but I DVRed it. Some of you know that I don't think highly of "American Idol". But, when I heard that tonight was going to be Neil Diamond night, I couldn't resist. After watching it, I stick with my original opinion. It's glorified karaoke. Karaoke where the effects and background music make it much more impressive.

But Neil Diamond still rules.

-----

Have you seen Hulu.com? One of the benefits of being around teenagers is that I'm exposed to these things before I read about them on MSN or Fox News two months after they do. Hulu is just full of TV shows and movies. I mean, TV shows the day after they premiere.

-----

As a kid, my brother used to tell stories like The Chris Farley show. He'll be the first to admit it.

4/26/08 Yippee Ki-Yay

2008-04-26T10:11:00.000-07:00

I may be behind the times, but at least I'm 2 weeks ahead of Fox News. They jumped on the Rick Rolling bandwagon, too. Remember the Rick Roll of the Mets I wrote about a couple of weeks ago? Apparently they got 5 million votes for "Never Gonna Give You Up".

------

In a battle of just awful, awful looking sequels, Speed 3 takes on War Games 2.

------

From CollegeHumor.com - The Die Hard friendship scale.

Level 1: Holly McClane-Gennaro - My closest, most battle-tested friend. I would walk over broken glass for you- and not in the gay Annie Lennox way, I mean it literally. Fact of the matter is, at the end of the day, I can count on you to punch a douchebag reporter in the teeth when I'm just too exhausted to do it myself.

Level 2: Sgt. Al Powell - When the shit hits the fan, you'll have my back. You're the type of person who is so loyal you'd be able to overcome your fear of using a firearm to save me from a gargantuan German whom I thought I had strangled with a steel chain. There is also the slight chance you've shot a kid.

Level 3: Argyle - The definition of a friendship of convenience. Yeah, we can share some laughs, but when the going gets tough, you're too busy raiding my limo's mini-bar and making your plans for tonight.

Level 4: The Principal from The Breakfast Club (Police Chief Dwayne T. Robinson) - You're a dick. Plain and simple. But, because of your position, I am forced to respect your decisions. That will not stop me from undermining your authority and making fun of your stupid name.

Level 5: Ellis - I try my best to be civil around you, even if you do spend your time hitting on my wife and doing blow, but it wouldn't ruin my night if you were shot in the head by German terrorists.

Level 6: Hans Gruber - You are my sworn enemy. Need this to be any clearer? Let me put it this way- I would consider my night a success if I was the reason you plummeted to your death from the 40th floor of a Los Angeles highrise. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.

Level 7: Broken Glass - Fuck you.

-------

No Longer Neighbor Natalie sends a mashup of Joel and Ethan Coen movies. See how many you can recognize.

------

Gas prices nearest to where I live - 3.93 / 4.05 / 4.17. Sadly, in three years, that'll seem affordable.

4/20/08 Memory

2008-04-20T10:28:00.000-07:00

It becomes abundantly clear that there are not enough updates here when I start getting floods of emails during the week with cool stuff. But, for now, that's just the way it has to be. I'll try and make it up to ya'll somehow. I have no idea what the making up is going to entail - But I can assure you that I'm really swamped lately and just don't have the time.

Google Nicki sends me "An Engineer's Guide to Cats". For the engineers and/or cat lovers out there, enjoy...

This video is just the link/transition/double entendre that's keeping this post glued together. And for those of you who have a thing for Andrew Lloyd Webber.

------

Poker Jason sends a fascinating article on Building a Better Brain. I was amazed that "By nine months of age, our nerve cells stop dividing, leaving us with about 100 billion to a trillion each". The fact that our "processor" is built by the age of nine really enforces infant nutrition as a factor in brain development. Many times I am in complete awe of the 3 pounds of goo in our skulls. (I can't confirm this stat right now), but I've heard that the number of possible connections that your brain can make is greater than the total number of atoms in the known universe (10^79).

In an effort to reinforce my coffee vice - Studies continue to show that daily caffeine consumption can protect your brain.

------

Poker Jason also sent me an uplifting article on the likelihood of a massive earthquake in Southern California by the year 2037. It's 99.7%. Then a 5.2 magnitude earthquake hit Illinois... What were the odds of that?

------

Are you as excited as I am for the Tetris movie?

To be honest, I'd much rather see "Minesweeper: The Movie".

Two random thoughts I need to get out of my head:

1) When the light on my DVR is on (showing that it's recording), I guess what it's recording. I'm right about 90% of the time. On the "how sad am I" bell curve of life, I'm beyond the 90th percentile.

2) I found a long spider web strand in my car yesterday. That didn't make me happy.

4/14/08 Cosmic Gall

2008-04-14T13:02:00.000-07:00

In 1995, two professors from the University of California, Irvine won Nobel Prizes. "Frederick Reines, distinguished professor emeritus of physics, received the 1995 Nobel Prize in Physics for the first experimental detection of neutrinos during the 1950s." And "F. Sherwood Rowland, Bren Professor of Chemistry, has received the Nobel Prize in Chemistry for atmospheric studies which led to an understanding of how the ozone layer forms and decomposes."

It is my understanding that this is the only time that two Nobel Prizes were awarded to more than one person from the same university in the same year for different accomplishments.

I had the pleasure of taking a brief tour of some of the science and research buildings on the UCI campus last week. (My smarty pants friend is working towards her PhD in Chemistry at the ripe age of 25 and guided my tour). In the foyer of one building, there is a large poster with the accomplishments of Frederick Reines and his work on the neutrino. On that poster, Miss Smarty Pants noticed a poem about neutrinos titled "Cosmic Gall".

In keeping with the poetry tradition (started yesterday), here's another:

Cosmic Gall

-John Updike-

Neutrinos, they are very small.
They have no charge and have no mass
And do not interact at all.
The earth is just a silly ball
To them, through which they simply pass,
Like dustmaids through a drafty hall
Or photons through a sheet of glass.
They snub the most exquisite gas,
Ignore the most substantial wall,
Cold-shoulder steel and sounding brass,
Insult the stallion in his stall,
And scorning barriers of class,
Infiltrate you and me! Like tall
And painless guillotines, they fall
Down through our heads into the grass.
At night, they enter at Nepal
And pierce the lover and his lass
From underneath the bed-you call
It wonderful; I call it crass.

The New Yorker Magazine, Inc. , 1960

------

Neutrinos are elusive. A low energy neutrino has some chance of passing through 1000 light-years of lead without interacting.

YOU are now being invaded by about 10^14 neutrinos each second.

-------

4/12/08 The Giraffe

2008-04-12T14:32:00.000-07:00

I accidentally turned on some Ironman Triathlon show on NBC this afternoon. While I consider my general musical tastes somewhat atypical, the background music during the trialthlon made me feel right at home. I mean, we're talking Radiohead's "Weird Fishes", Tool's "The Grudge", some Smashing Pumpkins and Audioslave... I guess what I'm saying is that someone, somewhere, doing audio editing at NBC, would probably be cool to hang out with.

-----

I normally don't talk too personally here. Or anywhere for that matter. But I'm going to sort of open up a bit. Late last week I had a mini freak out. It was mostly based on my recent decisions and new overall life path (Most of you know what this means - sorry for being semi cryptic, but I'm a little online protective). Basically, it became very, very clear to me that I don't think or learn like just about anyone I know. When I read articles, I focus on (what most would consider) random, off-topic aspects. When I organize work plans and strategies, my mental organization automatically builds in ease and flexibility that isn't even comprehensive to me. These all came to a head on Thursday night. At that very moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of loneliness. Normally I deal with being a bit off center and chalk it up to some sort of "unique" trait... You know, the normal things we do to help us sleep at night. Like we blame others for being idiots, rather than taking a more introspective look. But that night last week, I couldn't quite shake the lonely feeling. I felt as if the way in which I perceive the world around me is very narrow and closed minded. The discomfort sunk in kind of deep - I figured a good night's sleep was in order.

That night I had a bunch of crazy dreams. The one I remembered most vividly involved a giraffe. It should come as no surprise that I don't think about zoo animals on any sort of regular basis, nor can I ever remember dreaming about them. I distinctly remember guiding this giraffe back to the party it belonged to (Don't ask about the party details - they don't seem real important... or do they?) I led the giraffe through doors, some of them very low requiring some super giraffe ducking.

The next day I looked up the dream meaning. As some of you know, I've been borderline obsessive about dreams since I was a little kid. According to one dream symbol website:

giraffe

The ability to see different perspectives, to see things differently than others, or to see both sides of an issue. The ability to easily reach beyond what others can see or do. Dreaming of this animal can represent:

Having too much of one of these qualities, or that you could benefit by being less this way

Not having enough of one of these qualities, or that you could benefit by being more like this

Someone or something in your real life with whom you associate one of these qualities (an event, situation, threat, etc.)

For more clues, pay attention to what the animal was doing or any particular characteristic that stood out.

Coincidence or not, I was floored by the right-on-ed-ness of the meaning.

------

Speaking of dreams, Mike sent a fantastic poem called A Dream Deferred. Instead of a video today, I'll leave you something a bit more... well... poetic...

A Dream Deferred
by Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore-- And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over--

like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

4/10/08 Rick Rolling Along

2008-04-10T20:56:00.000-07:00

Quote I never, ever thought I'd hear... A girl I've known for less than two weeks is sitting behind me, sees my beat up football jersey and say, "I LOVED Kordell Stewart". After probably a dozen years of torment for wearing my Kordell jersey, I somehow feel it was all worthwhile.

-----

There is probably some mathematical formula that describes how out of touch I'm becoming with mainstream anything as a function of time. It's sort of like a y=x^2 parabola (for values of x>0), with some sort of exponential growth of "out-of-touchedness" each year. But I was more in-touch during my teenage years, so that doesn't quite do it. But let's not get caught up in the nitty gritty details here. Let's just say that at the rate I'm going, my infinite "out-of-touch" boundary is hitting an asymptote of about 5 years from now. Which, if my memory of asymptotes serves correct, the out-of-touchedness can come out of nowhere (to the right of the asymptote) on the negative infinity side of "y" and eventually approach zero again. Whatever that function is, that best describes what I'm trying to get at.

That awkward introduction has to do with Rick Rolling. The Rick Rolling phenomenon gained media coverage "By May 2007". Doing the math, 11 months later, I'm appearing more senile than Larry King by talking about it now. On baseball message board, I read "Let's Rick Roll the Mets". The Mets had an online vote for their new 8th inning song. (Cuz I'm even more of a retard, I'm writing this after the voting ended.) The plan was to give a "write in" vote to Rick Astley's 1987 hit "Never Gonna Give You Up". Ok, that's sort of funny. But why "Rick Roll"? For the two of you who missed it the first time, Rick Rolling is sending someone to a YouTube clip of that exact song. It would be like me saying - Hey! Did you see the new trailer for Grand Theft Auto IV? The game looks absolutely amazing. Then you click the link and it's Rick Astley.

Why am I telling you this? I guess there's really no reason I tell you anything. This included. But, if you happen to OFFICIALLY work for a Division I school, you should Rick Roll your fans during a game.

-------

Last time I posted, I mentioned the song "Handlebars". I said that you'd hear it at least 3 times before tax day. So, on Tuesday I had a 10 minute car ride and decided to put my "guarantee" to the test. I turn on the radio. I immediately hear... The other random song I mentioned - "Once Bitten, Twice Shy" by Great White. I can honestly say I haven't heard that song 3 times in the past decade. It's even more horrible than I remembered. That night though, I heard "Handlebars" on the radio. So, for those of you keeping score at home.

Scoreboard:
Handlebars - 1
Once Bitten, Twice Shy - 1

4/6/08 I Feel Pretty

2008-04-06T09:19:00.000-07:00

I'm now on an Adam Sandler kick, thanks to the Billy Madison reference last week.

------

I have a soft spot in my heart for smart people with good intentions. This guy seems to fit the bill. He's using Wii technology to make the Wii extra 3D awesome.

------

You're going to notice a trend today. Everything revolves around video. The lame reason is that I save videos (and articles) periodically with the intention of posting them. But now, since I'm slacking on my duties, they're just piling up like a travel day without a poop. I forget who sent this to me (sorry - you can take credit if I've hurt your feelings), but CBS is offering entire seasons of their old shows online. You can watch MacGyver, the original Star Trek, and The Twilight Zone.

On a similar note, just about every episode of South Park is available for free online.

Unfortunately, there are no re-runs of "Duck Tales" available anywhere I've looked. (Note: I haven't really looked that hard. Or at all.)

In one of my nerdy magazines, there's an article about Free-conomics. How we're entering an economy of free. We're already used to Google's free services - Email with storage, maps, 411, document and spreadsheet software, etc. This also applies to video and the YouTube craze. Your DVR appears to be free (or maybe $20 to install a $250 piece of equipment). Obviously there's a method to the "free" madness. Companies still intend to recover their investments and profit. The above article is worth reading if you have the time.

-----

Oh, Ralphie May...

----

You know how certain songs just seem to appear EVERYWHERE? Your life was just fine without it, but then, all of the sudden, it's like it follows you around. I don't want to bring it up again, but that's how the Umbrella song was a few months ago. When I was a kid the same thing happened with "Once Bitten, Twice Shy". Well, I have a new one for the week. It's in the same ridiculous league as "Umbrella", but I haven't quite decided how they rank. It's called "Handle Bars" by Flobots. It's everywhere. If you don't know it, I almost guarantee you'll hear it 3 times by tax day.

3/31/08 I've Got My Lunch Packed Up, My Boots Tied Tight, I Hope I Don't Get in a Fight

2008-03-31T08:30:00.000-07:00

How's your NCAA bracket? You know why this year is fun? Because those of you who have no idea what's going on probably have the final four correct. Those of us who think we're clever and playing above the rim - Not so much.

-----

This is what I get for not writing that often. Everything I wanted to talk about is old news. We could talk about Easter, but that was over a week ago. Why was it so early? Well, here's why: ((19*t+u-w-(u-(u+8)\25)+1)\3)+15)mod30)+(32+2*x+2*y-(19*t+u-w- (u-(u+8)\25)+1)\3)+15)mod30)-z)mod7)-7*(t+11*(19*t+u-w(u- (u+8)\25)+1)\3)+15)mod30)+22*(32+2*x+2*y-(19*t+u-w-(u- (u+8)\25)+1)\3)+15)mod30)-g)mod7)+114)\31

Solving for t (or u or w, they don't define their variables), Easter won't be this early again in your lifetime.

------

Today is opening day for most baseball teams. So, for my fellow White Sox fans, here's a look back at a painful, almost torturous memory - The failed dynasty of 1993.

------

You give your baby's age in months. That stops around 2 years, right? Why stop there? To me, thinking about your age in months is more meaningful. Thinking about your 287 months or 334 months or whatever on earth really puts your time here in better context. Well, let's go one further and calculate your age in days.

------

I promised Shayne Shine that I would promote Earth Hour here. Earth Hour happened 2 days ago. I think it'll happen again in 363 days. So, if you missed Earth Hour 2008, consider this fair preparation for 2009.

------

How does the voice for this commercial say everything with a straight face? Does this kind of 80's advertising still work? Especially for the greatest hits of 2001?

-----

Mike introduced me to a guitar arrangement of Billie Jean (one of my favorite songs). It's done by Chris Cornell (one of my favorite singers). Enjoy.

3/26/08 A Journey of 1000 Posts

2008-03-26T21:20:00.000-07:00

This is post number 1000 since we switched "Something I learned today" over to Blogger. That's like 997 posts more than any high school English teacher would have ever predicted. Fortunately for us, this isn't Gilgamesh. I can much better handle stream of consciousness.

Before I get started on the "journey" theme, let me first tell you something I actually learned. Last night I sat down to eat a very late dinner. As I was taking that first scrumscious bite into my burger, I thought I felt the apartment move. Ever since I moved to California I'll freak out when the ground shakes. 999 times out of 1000, it's a plane overhead or a big truck driving by or a neighbor slamming a door shut. (The one time happened to be a 5.0 type earthquake a few years back. I noticed it was coming when my water bottle went all concentric water circles, Jurassic Park moments before the building shook.) After I grabbed the couch like a scared little girl, I heard a door slam upstairs, so I got mad at myself for freaking out. A half hour later, I get a call from my neighbor. She asks, "Did you feel the earthquake?" She was watching the news and they confirmed there was an earthquake. Immediately, I check online, wanting to know the magnitude and epicenter. It was one of those good news / bad news situations. The good news? It was only a 3.0 magnitude. The bad news (and what I learned)? The epicenter was essentially under my feet. I was under the impression that there were no fault lines for at least 50 miles. If by "miles" you mean "feet", then you're not too far off.

************

In recent days I drove back and forth through the Mojave Desert on I-15. So, in keeping with the idea of a "journey" (it's a stretch, I know), here are some stories from the road in no particular order.

On the drive back, I had an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. I probably shouldn't admit this in such a public forum, but it almost feel premonition-like. For example, a few days before I got pulled over for no front license plate, I had a strange sinking feeling that I needed to put one on, after a year and a half of not having one. Lo and behold, I get pulled over for the first time ever. With that uneasy feeling, I pass a giant sign that says, "California Desert Conservation Area". Now, I've been misled and mistaken many times before. But, uh, aren't we more generally concerned with conserving arable land?

According to the local radio station (which for some reason is on both FM 98 and 99) the winds were gusting at 30 to 35 miles per hour. Tomorrow the gusts were predicted to be 60 miles per hour. Yikes. These wind gusts were helping my already shaky confidence. It was to the point where I was even ready to go "The Secret" on the universe and start thinking positive thoughts and all that quacky, pseudo science stuff. I can't tell you why I was feeling so uneasy. I just was and couldn't shake it. Initially the plan was to stop at the first of two Oregon Trail-ish outposts for gas. The first stop would have been Baker. I kept checking my odometer and gas gauge and decided that I could make it another 60 miles to Barstow before making my stop. I figured that would shake up whatever goofy karma was floating around. (Doesn't Barstow sound very Oregon Trail?)

Only 11 miles from Baker (the first outpost), I felt a giant rumble in my tummy. Over the next 10 minutes, it became clear that I wasn't going to make it to Barstow without a bathroom stop. I pull into Baker and fill up at a Shell. (At $3.72 for regular, no less). I hardly finish filling up when I make a B-line for their bathroom. Now, I won't go into bathroom details, but at some point during my dookie, the guy in the next stall starts tapping his foot. Now, I don't know about you, but if it wasn't for that Congressman (I forget his name), I wouldn't have thought twice about the foot tapping. Instead I laughed to myself and somehow found myself wiping a little quicker.

Here's the crazy part. We're going to need a visual here for accuracy. My car is facing to the right and is in front of the gas pump, just like it would be if you were filling up. You know how there are metal barriers shaped like upside down U's protecting the gas pumps? As I walk in front of my car to get to the driver's side, there's a giant black bird on that upside down U. And by giant, I mean, the biggest bird I've ever seen up close. Like, a foot and half big. It had one good foot and one that was mangled and curled under that it sort of just used for balance. Given my prior uneasiness, this bird kind of Edgar Allen Poe-d me. He looked directly at me as I stopped short of making it to entirely around my hood. I froze for a second and decided to continue walking. The bird made eye contact with me the entire time. We were no more than 3 feet apart, and the bird was silently telling me that I was on his turf and to just go on my way. So I did.

Nothing bad ending up happening on that drive back. I got home safe. Due to the winds and the spring weather, my windshield somehow massacred hundreds of bugs along the way. It's gross and I have no idea how to get the guts off.

********

In the year 2012 when I write post number 2000, I will fondly look back at today for some odd reason. Because I'll do that, I leave myself a time capsule video that will more than likely not exist in four years. Even so, I feel obligated to remind my future self of my current inexplicable desire to hear Rihanna's "Umbrella".

3/20/08 We're Going Downer!

2008-03-20T11:02:00.000-07:00

We're going Downer, Downer, Downer! Physics Partner Jeremy actually found some of the commercials, giving me the greatest spring equinox gift ever... The place is called "This Is It Furniture". And I wasn't high, as some of you had suggested - they actually do offer a free onion. I'm sure I'll think of something else eventually... but for now, I have now replayed everything that is replayable from my under-21 life.

If you look closely at the beginning, you can see the old guy I was referring to. For a split second.

3/18/08 It's Been One Week Since

2008-03-18T19:51:00.000-07:00

I've been real bad about this lately. My apologies. It was due to my celebratory partying. No, not for St. Patty's Day. I'm still recovering from Pi Day. We math nerds go all out when Pi Day falls on a Friday. Ok, that's all a lie. I just don't have an excuse. So instead of apologizing and making excuses, let's just brain dump for the week...

The movie "21" looks interesting. It's about the group from MIT that devised a system to "beat the house" in blackjack. In fact, this site gives the basics on card counting. As an added bonus, the preview features my favorite song by Spoon, "My Mathematical Mind".

"21" got me thinking about the TV show "24". In my shallow world stunted by blinders, I think the show "24" will be hit hardest by the writers' strike. The fact that last season was probably the weakest season, combined with the fact that it's completely postponed until the fall (or later), has just killed the hype the show once held. I wouldn't be surprised if ratings for "24" are half of what it was at its peak. (Given my lack of knowledge of anything TV related, don't be surprised if "24" has its greatest season ever.)
I've made no secret that I think that Nickelback sucks. Their lead singer, Chad Kroeger, has done everything to effectively confirm this. In a recent interview with Playboy, he says, "I put my own dick in my mouth. I was 14 and much more flexible at the time." I suppose I can at least apologize for calling them "talentless".
I've vowed to not play fantasy sports this year. It's just not nearly as fun for me as it used to be. I have, however, made an exception to play one NCAA bracket with my family. In case you need extra incentive to pay attention to the tournament (I know I do - zero teams from Illinois made it), here is the "All Porno Name" Team.
Out of all of the video clips I've looked for over the years, I've eventually found just about every one. Except for one. It's the Downer Furniture commercial from Central Illinois. I feel like I'm playing "12 Monkeys" here and giving the clues that I can remember to solve some sort of mystery. Here's what I can tell you - 1) I saw it on a regular basis while living in Champaign, Illinois in the latter half of the 1990's. 2) The place wasn't called "Downer". But that's all I remember them screaming. 3) At the end of every commercial, they offer you a free onion if you show up. 4) In at least one commercial, the sidekick guy yelling "We're going Downer!" continually cracked a bull whip.

The other day I was trying to explain "Mr. Bassman" from The Muppets to someone. Because I'm old, I don't remember who it was. So, if the mystery person I was talking to happens to read this, well, here's what I was referring to.

I've broken 2 Rock Band bass pedals. I don't even own the game. Apparently it's a very common problem. It's to the point where people are MacGuyver-ing better bass pedals for the game. You think that, with a retail price of $179.99 plus tax plus warranty (get it - seriously), they could have spent more than a buck-oh-nine on a spring loaded crap ass piece of plastic. I mean, seriously, you don't think that something that you intentionally smash with your foot over and over again would require something sturdier?

(If you fast forward to the 4-minute mark, you'll see it break mid-song)

I was shopping at Trader Joe's the other day. More than once I noticed how utterly inefficient my path through the store had before. And it deeply bothered me. Have you ever had a little upset pit in your stomach and you have to think about what was upsetting you? Usually it's something somebody said or you remember you have to do something. That particular day - the pit in my stomach was due to the fact that I covered almost half the store twice based on my which-path decisions. Like I said earlier, I celebrate Pi Day.

3/12/08 When the U.S. Gets a Cold

2008-03-12T14:17:00.000-07:00

I had the rare pleasure of an IM conversation with Lucia from Guadalajara today. She asked me what I thought of the "Economic Crisis in the U.S.". Before I go on, let me state that the media in Mexico is like the media anywhere else. It utilizes fear, glamorizes events and tears at your heart strings. It also has its own agenda. Obviously their media is focusing on the falling dollar, rising gas prices and the scramble in the housing market here in the United States. (If for a second you think their focus is unfair or biased, just look at the news you watch and tell me 2 recent newsworthy items about Mexico that don't have to do with violent border disputes. It's always biased.)

I told Lucia what I honestly believe. That this is just the beginning of a greater economic downslide. And, like I've said before, it's all tied into gas prices. It's somewhat important to note that gas prices in Mexico are 1) Much more expensive than they are here and 2) Controlled by a government monopoly (Pemex) that taxes gas at a very high rate, since there are very few commodities outside of transportation that can bring substantial revenue to the country. So, expensive gasoline is relative.

I tried to put gas prices in perspective. I told her that in the late 1990's gas was somewhere around $1/gallon. Today, right outside my place, regular unleaded is $3.60/gallon. I have no doubt that gas will hit $4/gallon by Memorial Day and tinker near $5/gallon by the end of 2008. In fact, I'll go as far as to say that we'll hit $8/gallon by 2010. These numbers are nothing new and shouldn't be viewed as shock value. We then extrapolated these numbers into the costs of basic goods. The cost of food is rising as a result. The amount we spend getting to and from our jobs is increasing, in turn decreasing our expendable income. It's to the point where it may not become worthwhile for certain people to even commute to their current job. This whole domino effect should come as no surprise. We've known about it for decades. Our country has waged wars, some in secret, to postpone this inevitable oil hangover. Well, we're here. And we're approaching potentially scary economic times.

While I didn't go into quite as much detail with Lucia, she responded, "Don't scare me". I couldn't quite figure out why she was scared. She then told me a saying, roughly translated is, "When the United States gets a cold, Mexico gets pneumonia". In economic terms, that's the sentiment in Mexico. In general, most Mexicans I know take a greater interest in our politics than many Americans do. Lucia said that she's rooting for "El Morenito" for president. Pretty much saying, she likes the skinny brown haired fella.

------

I'm not quite sure how I feel about this webpage. But I found it share-worthy. It's called Stuff White People Like.

------

Let's continue to make this more multicultural and talk about "Peter and the Wolf". Remember "Peter and the Wolf"? Sure you do. I certainly grew up on the music. On a vinyl record if I remember correctly. The cartoon is from 1946 and is by Walt Disney. The original music and cartoon is from Russia. I'm going to start a completely false rumor and say that Disney stole "Peter and the Wolf" from the Russians and initiated a half century long cold war.

-----

Finally, to end my short sighted view on the world - 50 people in India blind themselves while staring into the sun, hoping to see the Virgin Mary.

-----

3/10/08 What Song is Missing From Rock Band?

2008-03-10T13:49:00.000-07:00

If you could add a song to Rock Band (or Guitar Hero), what would it be?

My answer is clear. It's Sevendust's "Black". I've always loved this song. And now that I'm more musically adept and understand musical compostion and difficulty better, I love it even more.

To add to my love fest with Sevendust, I also have a great admiration for bands who can take their hard rock songs and do an acoustic set. Well, you guessed it - Sevendust did just that.

3/7/08 Deceptively Mediocre

2008-03-07T11:40:00.000-08:00

After 3 years of playing half court basketball, I finally figured out how to describe my game. It's "deceptively mediocre". I walk out there and the opposition thinks - hey, not only can we put our worst defender on him, but we can also double team the good guy and leave him open. That's when my mediocrity kicks into 2nd gear. Since I lose defenders often, I tend to get more open shots than most players. One day recently, I was actually hitting my open shots. To which one guy intended to compliment me by saying, "You're the Mike Bibby of open jump shots". His buddy said, "What's that supposed to mean? That's a terrible comparison. Mike Bibby is like the 73rd best open jump shooter in the NBA." He basically said that I'm the Michael Bay of movie direction. Or the Fred Armisen of SNL cast members. And that's the best compliment I've ever received on a basketball court. Thank you. Thank you very much.

------

There are two hallucinogenic plants that grow in the Sinai desert. Which leads to the question - Was Moses high when he brought down the 10 Commandments?

------

----

Damn my New Year's Resolution. I feel bad even posting this, despite it's equal opportunity funny-ness.

3/6/08 Gaming Like It's 1996

2008-03-06T15:46:00.000-08:00

Recently my brother and I were talking about some computer games we played during the 1990's. I think we both agreed that "Ripper" was one of our favorite games. I would guess that you've probably never heard of it, which leads me to say that it's tremendously underrated. It starred Christopher Walken and the guy who played Indiana Jones' buddy, Sallah. Karen Allen (also from "Raiders of the Lost Ark") and Burgess Meredith (of "Rocky" fame) were also characters. The story was well written, the puzzles were clever and tricky and, most of all, the main theme song was "Don't Fear the Reaper". Given the constraints on technology at the time, it's even more impressive to fondly look back at the entire game play. I'm finally at that age where I'm starting to think, "They just don't make game like they used to."

My brother also reminded me of the "Tex Murphy" game series; most notably "Under a Killing Moon". It falls under the same genre of puzzle solving and unraveling a mystery. Seriously - are there equivalent type games nowadays?

The final game series that we both really immersed ourselves into was "Myst". It's probably the bigger household name of all of these games. The world of Myst is completely unique. And, to be perfectly honest, I miss that world.

Maybe I need to start some sort of Facebook group for the other 6 or 7 people who pine for those games of the mid-90's.

------

Cousin Eric sends a video starring his buddy Justin Uretz. It's called "Killer Road Trip". Enjoy.

------

In honor of our recent water balloon videos, here's a montage of water balloons in slo-motion.

(Sometimes the embedded video doesn't work from this site. If it doesn't, the water balloon link is here.)

3/3/08 Casimir Pulaski Day

2008-03-03T15:31:00.000-08:00

Happy Casimir Pulaski Day! I hope you're celebrating in Polish aided Revolutionary War style.

------

Since Casimir Pulaski is synonymous with "Hey - We get the day off of school! But who the hell is Casimir Pulaski?" (Illinois only), here is some educational stuff to fill in the gap...

The sun may have a star companion named Nemesis. Nobody's ever seen it (which leaves me skeptical). But the theory goes as such - Every 26 million years or so, there's a mass extinction on earth. This includes the dinosaur extinction, generally blamed on a giant asteroid hitting the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico. Nemesis swings close enough to our solar system every 26 million years, bringing with it large asteroids and debris, leading to those extraordinary impacts and subsequent extinctions.

Have you ever inhaled helium to make your voice change? Yeah, we all have. How about sulfur hexafluoride? It'll do the opposite. And, based on this video, I wouldn't recommend it.

------

If you enjoy chemistry videos, Wired Magazine has the top 10 Most Amazing Chemistry videos.

------

Last week we visited the Sarah Silverman video with Matt Damon. Jimmy Kimmel has responded. (Thanks to NLN Natalie for the link). Oh, and watch for some great celebrity cameos.

------

I'm at that age where many of my friends are having kids. I was in a situation recently where my friends put on some kids music for their little one while we were in their car. Poker Jason asked what I thought of the music. Well, for everyone with little kids, here's my recommendation....

2/26/08 Random Acts of Kindness

2008-02-26T13:32:00.000-08:00

There are plenty of stories from my life that I don't plan on writing, simply since they're not story worthy. Then, suddenly, some event tips the scales and closes the lid to an otherwise open box. A few unrelated events from the past few days somehow shaped up to become this box. No more than an hour ago the lid was literally thrown on, made me smile so much I laughed all the way home, and necessitated the writing of this story. It's about random acts of kindness.

Each of the events that have taken place over the past couple of days have been very kind. Like I said though, none of them were particularly story worthy. I don't plan on going into the details either. On Saturday evening, I was effectively dragged out by a good friend for a "night on the town". I don't go out like that very often - and it was much needed. The following day, I got a call from a guy that's in my yoga class. Truth be told, I didn't know his name for nearly 2 years. (That should give you an idea of how close we are). But on Sunday, he invited me to watch the Blackhawks play the Anaheim Ducks. Again, I figured - Hell, why not. And again, it was a much needed change of pace. On the way to the game, another person I know by face only helped point out that one of my tires was low on air.

The part of the story that closed this lid on this box, like I said, just happened. I was driving back from the grocery store and was pulling into a left turn lane. Actually, this is one of those goofy California intersections with 3 left turn lanes. I normally choose the far left lane here, as I'll be turning left again soon. But, the one car in front of me took that lane, so I opted to get position in the middle lane. (Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who puts this kind of excessive thought into driving choices - There's something about the efficiency of my choices that is a bit obsessive). The car that took the left lane was a newer VW bug. The was driver was a lady, probably in her mid 40's. As we're waiting for the left turn arrow, I notice she lowers the passenger side window. My windows were already down. I begin thinking - Are my tires low again? I just filled them up. She says something that I don't hear and I turn my radio off. She then motions that she wants to toss something to me. I think nothing of it, put my hand out the window and catch whatever it is she's tossing. At first glance it looks like a wrapped dessert, like one of those moon pies. But I notice it's cold. She tells me, "It's from Mother's Market". It's some sort of rice milk ice cream dealie. I'm relatively speechless and say thank you. Then the light turns and we drive off.

I've given up sweets. So I'm not going to eat it. But it make me laugh. Nothing about what happened really made sense. But there was something about the random act of kindness that really jolted my spirits. She made a good toss too. I'd say that the odds of a good toss and catch in a setting like that would have to be one in three at best. Sometimes it's best to put the odds aside and just do it. If you happen to come by my place anytime soon, I have a rice milk ice cream treat in my freezer waiting for you.

-----

No Longer Neighbor Natalie continues with our theme and let's us know that those videos of water balloons exploding in slow motion are old and busted. The new hotness? A water balloon NOT exploding in slow motion.

-----

This whole "not talking politics until this election" is going to be tough. Just about everyone I know wants to talk politics with me. Now we have a reason to keep my resolution in tact...

Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early

2/23/08 Altruism

2008-02-23T09:21:00.000-08:00

Quote of the day: "You can't have altruism without autism." (Think about it for a second. There might be some deeper truth to that statement than it seems.)

------

There was something about the lunar eclipse title that caught Google's attention the other day. At the time, it was on Google's front page behind only NASA and a couple of major news sources. Did you get a chance to see it? I didn't. It was cloudy. And I was busy. I guess I can wait for the next one.

------

Some guy in Cleveland has a website called - Hey Larry Hughes, Please Stop Taking So Many Bad Shots. Now that Larry Hughes has been traded to the Bulls, the website owner wants to know what to do with it. Cousin Eric suggested that our family take over.

------

I miss going to school. I don't think I was cut out for this real world working thing. So, if I ever do go back to school, here's the ideal course schedule.

------

Check out UltraSlo.com. It's a bunch of videos in super slo-motion.

This is a repeat of my favorite slo-mo video of all time. "Taylor bunts!"

2/20/08 Lunar Eclipse Tonight

2008-02-20T09:46:00.000-08:00

Bob reminds us that there's a full lunar eclipse tonight. The next total eclipse won't happen until December 2010. If I had things my way, this would be an opportunity to have a romantic evening under the stars. But, if you take a Venn Diagram of females that will spend time with me in the evening and females that would be turned on by a lunar eclipse... Well, you basically have two very small circles that won't ever overlap. Imagine these circles as two protons. They're exceedingly small and repel one another. You'd win the Nobel Prize if you could find gluons strong enough to merge them together.

While we're talking about the night sky, I learned a bit about the zodiac last night. I don't really want to go into the entire history of the zodiac right now. But some constellations are bigger than others. Which means that the night sky isn't sliced up into 30 day increments like your horoscope may suggest. We spend 44 days going through the constellation Virgo and 38 day through Taurus. On the flip side, we only spend 7 days in Scorpio. The most interesting nugget I learned was about the constellation Ophiuchus. Not only is Ophiuchus fun to say, but it's the 13th sign of the zodiac. From November 30th - December 17th, you're not quite the Sagittarius you thought you were. You're an Ophiuchus. For many reasons, the signs of the zodiac were condensed to 12 and made to be 30-31 days each. Quite simply, it made life a lot easier. For everyone except Ophiuchus.

-------

Here's a little anecdote for ya'll... A very good high school friend of mine was in town this past Monday for work. I made sure to take advantage of Monday evening to show him around. We walked into a local eatery/bar after dinner. It wasn't very crowded, seeing as though it was Monday night. I did notice, however, that a girl was looking at me with much more interest than most people do. Because I'm me, I was beginning to wonder if I had some food on my face. As I eventually walked past her, she says, "Hey. This is going to sound really weird. But do you have a website called 'I Love Nachos' or something about nachos?"

"Well. Yeah. How, uh... how did you know?" She said that she and her sister had met me before. I followed up with another question or two, but I remained very confused as to how the nacho thing came about and where we had met and... yeah... lots of stuff. But, there you have it. I'm famous and confused. I guess I'm famously confused.

-------

I'm generally not a big fan of pranks. If you haven't seen this one, though, it's fun....

-------

No Longer Neighbor Natalie sends a song that challenges The Umbrella Song in its awesomeness....

--------

In return, I send out a video of Dave Grohl and Will Ferrell - Together at last.

-------

And finally, this is probably the cutest version of "Hey Jude" you'll see today.

2/18/08 I Still Hate Pennies

2008-02-18T11:57:00.000-08:00

It's abundantly clear that, if I were to focus my time, smarts and emotional energy towards any of numerous valuable causes, that it would be worthwhile. Instead, I fester on ridiculous topics that really have no long term value. Today, I'm going to revisit one of those worthless topics for no good reason. I'm still pushing to erradicate the penny from our lives.

Long ago, I was taught to use less sensitive words when trying to make a point like this. I would have gotten docked a full letter grade for using "erradicate". For example, I once had to write a persuasive essay and take the side of killing deer for the benefit of the local community. We were taught to use words like "cull" instead of "murder" and "kill". But now that we're talking about pennies instead of deer... and I don't receive a letter grade for any of this... I say... Fuck that. I'm not going to play to the sensitivies of penny lovers. If you love pennies, you probably enjoy liking your back window too. In fact, let's go all out here. Let's have a penny holocaust.

Due to the rising cost of zinc (pennies are 97.5% zinc), it now costs the federal reserve almost 2 cents to make every penny. This is nothing new. It has been more expensive to make a penny than spend a penny for the better part of a decade now.

A couple of weeks ago, I happened to be listening to a "60 Minutes" episode that focused on this exact topic. Not only does it cost nearly 2 cents to make a penny, but it also costs almost 10 cents to make a nickel. In typical "60 Minutes" fashion, they explored the other side of the coin. (har har)... They checked out "Americans for Common Cents". It's a group that appears to be looking out for consumers and the poorest Americans, saying that it would cost us around $600 million in accumulated rounding payments. (Even if that's true, that equates to a whole 2 dollars for every man, woman and child in this country). As it turns out, Mark Weller is one of the most influential voices for "Americans for Common Cents". Would you be surprised to find out that Mark Weller also has "a financial interest in the high cost of penny pinching: Weller is a lobbyist for Jarden Zinc, the Tennessee company that sells those little blank discs for the mint to turn into Lincoln pennies."? Yeah, me neither.

If you like your pennies because you have some sort of sentimental connection to your childhood... ok, fine. But if you argue that it makes financial sense to keep them around, you're an idiot. However, if you can sell 301 pennies for $10.7 Million, you're an absolute genius.

Speaking of a penny - postage is going up another cent from 41 to 42 this coming May. You can still buy the "forever stamp" at 41 cents. I'm looking to buy some. Not to save money. But to save myself trips to the post office. I use stamps so infrequently, every time I buy a roll, they raise the price another cent or two. Then it's just a pain in my ass to get 1 and 2 cent stamps. Trust me here - the price of stamps has almost exactly kept with inflation for almost a century now. You're not going to save anything buy stocking up. Except, perhaps, another trip to the post office.

Oh yeah - Happy President's Day...

-----

Do I seem a bit Andy Rooney angry lately? It's not intentional. I'm actually fine.

So, to make it up to you, here's some unnecessary censorship.

Even The Count from Sesame Street needs censorship!

Finally... Sarah Silverman has something to get off her chest...

2/13/08 It Is What It Is

2008-02-13T20:17:00.001-08:00

It's days like today that I'll look back on when I'm a nonagenarian and regret how I spent it. I watched the entire Congressional hearing with Roger Clemens. Every minute. There's no good reason why. I'm neither a big fan nor a hater of Roger Clemens. I have no reason to want him to be found innocent or guilty of steroid use. There's just something about finding "the truth" that intrigues me. It's like the poker game of life. Is he bluffing?

If I had to stake my entire (dwindling) life savings on this - I would easily say that Roger Clemens knowingly took steroids during his career. There's no doubt in my mind. I could go into the details why, but instead, I'd like to just trust my poker playing gut feel. I will leave you with this however - My dad sends an article about how Clemens licked his lips.

The one part of the hearing that surprised me most was how partisan it appeared. Can somebody explain why the Republicans were clearly defending Clemens and the Democrats were on McNamee's side? How does that make sense?

-----

Here's what he should've said in the first place...

-----

They talked an awful lot about Roger Clemen's butt.

------

Guy love, no more.

-----

Can you honestly say an innocent person would talk like this?

2/11/08 Two Dozen Red Roses

2008-02-11T13:41:00.001-08:00

I don't think I'll ever understand how flowers, jewelry and chocolate are appropriate ways to demonstrate your love for somebody. It's to the point where I'm not sure if I'm more bitter when I'm alone on Valentine's Day or when I'm not alone and end up buying stuff that is less from the heart and more from the (whatever organ signifies "obligation"). For argument's sake, let's call it the pancreas. That seems to be one of those obligatory organs that has to be around just cuz.

Remember the movie "Big"? There's a scene where some dude from the toy company presents his idea to the other people that work there and Tom Hanks keeps saying "I don't get it". He appears obnoxious, but the intent is innocent. Well, I guess that's what I'm trying to say here about Valentine's gifts (and I suppose women in general). "I don't get it".

If you really probe into "Big", you realize that the one woman who falls for Tom Hanks' innocent charms is pretty neurotic and unstable. So... uh... you see what I'm getting at here, right? "I don't get it". (Watch the movie again - the chick certainly carries more than her share of baggage. We're talking well over the 50 pound limit.)

Now that I've somewhat confessed and ranted and appear overly bitter... I still wish everyone a fun, loving Valentine's week. You know what they say, "If you can't be with the one you love...."

-----

The scene from "Big" is about 2 minutes in here:

2/6/08 "There is no security on this earth. Only opportunity." - Douglas MacArthur

2008-02-06T15:46:00.001-08:00

Mike recently sent me some comics from XKCD.com. This is one of those comics. I will be posting more - The main reason is that I really, really enjoyed some of them... And I really couldn't think of anyone in particular to send them to. So they're ending up here.

-------

I've been fingerprinted a total of 6 times since November. I've also been fingerprinted a total of 6 times in my entire life. These prints have been sent to the FBI and the Department of Justice. I'm not a criminal. I have no criminal record. In a way, I feel like a piece of my soul has been taken from me. I've already blathered about this before. So I'll stop.

The FBI already has 55 million sets of prints on record. What's next for the FBI? They want palm prints, eye scans and tattoo mapping. When will it end?

"Security is when everything is settled. When nothing can happen to you. Security is the denial of life." - Germaine Greer

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." - Helen Keller

-------

Speaking of crime - CrimeReports.com now combines crime locations with Google Maps.

-------

2/4/08 Eighteen and One

2008-02-04T08:40:00.000-08:00

Vote on your favorite Superbowl commercials here: (Thanks Google Nicki, who reminds me that YouTube is part of Google and her job is to watch YouTube. Yeah, I'm envious too).

http://www.youtube.com/adblitz

-------

2/2/08 Fly Oceanic Air

2008-02-02T20:39:00.000-08:00

This is it. This is the game. It's based on the show "Lost". It's an ARG (like we've been talking about recently). It begins here - FlyOceanicAir.com. Just click it and begin. Good luck. I can help you out some, as I've wasted a number of hours today playing around. Just like the show "Lost", I'm totally hooked into the spin-off game. If you get hooked too, it's Bob's fault. He started me on this.

Talk about a complete interactive experience. This is awesome. I was asked last week if it's worth watching "Lost" starting this season. The answer is a definitive "no". At the same time, it's absolutely worth renting the first 3 seasons and catching up. You have to watch the entire thing. It's just an experience like no other TV show has ever provided. Combine that with these ARGs online and it only makes sense why people have become so obsessed with "Lost".

------

On a completely random note - The TSA has a blog. A blog where they answer your FAQs. It even has a comment section. One that has some 700 comments entered in its first day alone.

------

Since tomorrow's the Superbowl, here are a few Superbowl links:

Emails sent by Brady, Romo and Eli Manning.

Eli Manning edits Tom Brady's Wikipedia page.

In case you're bored during the game, you can play the Superbowl XLII drinking game.

-------

If you're not going to play the "Lost" game, at least you can help out here... Can you help figure out the Scrabble Gram here?

-------

This is what I need to keep in touch with the pulse of America. It's an mp3 of the top 25 songs from 2007 all mashed up into one. It's like the Cliff's Notes version for people like me that don't really like this music, but stills wants to be in touch with reality. As an added bonus - More "Umbrella Song"!

2/1/08 Going for Gold

2008-02-01T08:40:00.000-08:00

Since I've been spending an inordinate amount of time driving to and from work, my mind has 3-4 extra hours per day to just wander aimlessly. In response, I continue to feel the need to brain dump more than usual. A few of you have told me over the years that you enjoy these stories. While the vast majority of you prefer the YouTube clips and links. I guess today's dumpage is for the few.

How much driving am I doing? It's to the point where the few friends I still have time to talk to are starting to feel sorry for me. In fact, today I had the rare pleasure of actually having a conversation with some coworkers. They, too, are in shock that I'm driving as far as I do. The end result, though, may be the permission to work from home part of the week. Fingers crossed there.

Onto the story from behind the wheel. On the long stretch of I-5, there's an unwritten driving rule. Perhaps I shouldn't be admitting all of this - But it seems like my public duty to be honest rather than a rule stickler. The speed limit is 65 mph. The unwritten rule is that most people are trying to get from where they are to where they're going at some reasonably faster speed. On modern roads in modern cars, that speed in the far left lane is somewhere between 80 and 85 mph. It's just understood by 99% of all drivers to be safe and efficient. I'd say, if you had to break the average speed per lane down, you'd see about a 5 mph drop for every lane to the right. If cars are going 80 in the left lane, you'll see 75 in the next lane over, 70 in the next lane and 65 in the far right lane. It's not hard and fast - just a general rule of thumb. Like electronegativity to the upper right of the periodic table.

Here's the problem with 99%. There's the 1% that doesn't quite get it. That one percent can hinder the drive for a far larger portion of the commuters From my experience, that 1% generally drives a pickup truck or a hybrid or is on the phone. I have no problem if you want to drive the speed limit. That's perfectly acceptable and law abiding of you. What isn't acceptable is the number of drivers that are being inconvenienced because of you. Move over. I'm simply amazed on a daily basis when this scenario happens. We're all moving along just fine and then the brake lights start up for no apparent reason. As I drive over the next "hill", I see a line of 25 cars ahead of me - 24 of which are intending to follow the unwritten rule. And one car preventing the other 24 from continuing along the primrose path. What you start seeing is insane - Cars attempting evasive military manuevers across 4 lanes of traffic to bypass the one "slow" car.

When this happens on a smaller scale in lighter traffic, many times you can pass the car by going into the next lane over. When I do, I can't help but look at the driver. In part out of curiosity and in part to give the "WTF?" glare. Am I impatient? Certainly. Am I an unsafe driver? Not at all. The scenario is simply a personal reminder of how one individual can affect the lives of many more people - It's especially interesting to me because the one individual generally is completely oblivious to the fact that he or she is having this kind of impact.

All that being said, I'm finally to the part of the story I had originally intended on writing. I'm starting to recognize some cars from previous drives. On a side note, I'm not opposed to personalized license plates. But they surely say a whole lot about you if you have one. In general, it doesn't say anything positive about you. I specifically don't understand why you would get a plate about the model of car you drive. In the past week I've seen "ROBS 350" on a Nissan 350z and "C MY LEX" on, you guessed it, a Lexus. I mean, really? That's what you want to say about yourself to the world? I've twice seen the plate "Y2KBUG" and thought about how that seems out of date. Much later did it finally strike me that the plate was on a VW Bug. Probably a year 2000 model. Which means my brain is out of date.

Here's where I bring everything together. Today's car of interest was a Prius in the left lane, driving a bit too slow. The license plate was a special California plate honoring the 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles. It read "GON4AU". I get it - "Goin' for the gold". Also of interest would be the bumper sticker. It read "NRA: Freedom's Frontline". Putting those pieces together left my mind in disarray - A Prius, an Olympic Plate and an NRA bumper sticker. Immediately I thought, who, other than an athlete from the 1984 Olympics would have a plate like that? - "That might be Mary Decker-Slaney", I thought. Or maybe Edwin Moses. But more likely Mary Decker-Slaney. That was followed by a personal "what the hell?" moment - Why would my mind automatically skip the biggest names of the 1984 Olympics (Mary Lou Retton, Carl Lewis, Greg Louganis)? And why would Mary Decker-Slaney drive a Prius and support the NRA more so than Edwin Moses? I then justified that I ruled out Mary Lou Retton because I know she has 4 kids and would need a bigger car. And that Carl Lewis seemed like a guy who would drive something sportier.

I followed this car in bumper to bumper traffic for at least 20 minutes. Because of the high spoiler and angle of the back window, I couldn't see the driver. Although, I spent the entire time looking for glimpses in the rear view mirror. After a few glimpses, I decided that the driver was probably Asian with long hair. So, most likely it was an Asian woman, but it could've been a man with longer hair.

After the 10 miles of bumper to bumper traffic, a carpool lane opened up on the left and traffic started to flow again. The Prius moved into the carpool lane (as certain hybrid vehicles are allowed to do so) and there was daylight ahead of me. I figured this was my last chance to see who the driver was. So I gunned it. I got up next to the Prius and saw her, clear as day. Some random Asian lady who was probably around 50 years old, crushing my dreams of Scooby-Doo solving the mystery of the Prius driving, NRA supporting, Olympic athlete from 1984.

Aporia Agathon follow up

2008-01-30T17:58:00.000-08:00

The other day I was talking about ARGs and my interest in possibly getting involved. I also shared my confusion about the entire thing. Through the power of the internet and a dash of good fortune, I received a very kind and informative email from one of the developers of Aporia Agathon.

I haven't asked Jason's permission to post the contents of his email. However, I surely hope that he intended this to reach as wide an audience as possible. Jason writes:

What you found was a trailer/teaser for an upcoming game from Aporia Cross-Media Entertainment. The game begins this summer, but the videos launched prior to the game will help the audience connect to some of the characters. It's set to have a pretty lengthy run-time due to the structure of pieces of the game.

I am one of the developers, found your blog during some down-time. Our efforts are to try to make it as accessible and enjoyable for people not as familiar with args as the current player base is. We feel this medium for story-telling and audience interaction is a step above most entertainment venues available today, because everyone matters to what is happening in the story and to the characters. I'm glad it has drawn your interest and I wish we could launch it today, but by summertime we'll have finished much of the various elements that will immerse you and anyone else playing into the storyline.

I wanted to help ease you into the genre as much as I can.

Jason Chrest
Aporia Cross-Media Entertainment
www.aporiacme.com
jason@aporiacme.com

1/30/08 My Umbrella

2008-01-30T11:06:00.000-08:00

Are you familiar with Technorati? It a site that constantly ranks blogs and news stories in the popularity. As of this morning, this blog was ranked right around the 3,100,000th most popular. Not exactly encouraging. Three hours later, I check again, and we've fallen to about 4,400,000. It's like being Mike Gravel. Only a little less crazy sounding. Here's where you come in. You can sign up and add this blog to your favorites. All you have to do is click here and add it. Who knows - maybe together we can crack the top 2 million blogs :) If you'll notice, so far, I'm my only fan.

-----

I had planned on going nuts on another song. You know, like I occasionally do with Nickelback or "Closing Time". This time I had planned on talking about the "Umbrella Song". I normally don't listen to radio stations that would play that kind of music, yet I continually seem to hear that song everywhere. It's one of those songs with retardedly stupid lyrics, yet, at the same time, gets stuck in your head. It's been in my head for 24 hours now.

It's basically "Now that it's raining more than ever / Know that we still have each other / You can stand under my Umbrella." Then it goes on forever about the "Umbrella Ella ella eh eh eh".

Since my original dislike for the song, I've been forced to pull a complete 180. I've been informed that it's Cousin Ella's favorite song. As you can imagine, the repeated "ella ella ella" is pleasing to a 16 month old. In fact, she thinks the song is about her. So, for Cousin Ella, I present, "The Umbrella Song".

-----

I did some math today. As many of you know, my current job is really far from my home. This fact has made me more gas conscious than usual. On average, I will drive 750 miles per week for work, requiring a fill up every 2 days. The math I should have done was - "Am I actually making enough money to justify the gas and tolls?" But I didn't. This math is far less critical.

Ever since I can remember, gas prices have been 10 cents apart per gallon based on the grade of unleaded. (You know, the (R+M)/2 method of octane). Way back when, you'd pay $.99 for regular unleaded, $1.09 for plus and $1.19 for premium. As gas prices have steadily increased over the past decade, that ten cent addition has remained pretty constant. Although, I am seeing it increase to 12 cents - Like $3.55, $3.67 and $3.79. So, the math is this - Back in the 99 cent per gallon days, you'd pay a 20% premium for the best grade gasoline. Today, given the 12 cent difference and the numbers above, you're paying less than a 7% premium for the best gasoline. Is that somehow a better deal? In my warped mind it almost seems like it is. Why isn't the increase proportional?

----

In news that only I might find interesting - Spirit Air is offering airfares based on Fibonnaci Numbers.

----

Obviously I'm in a mood to just babble. So, here's more. If you've ever driven from San Diego north towards LA on I-5, about 40 miles north of San Diego (and 60 miles from the Mexican border) you'll see the boobie shaped power plant from "The Naked Gun" off to your left. "Everywhere I go, something reminds me of her" - you know what I'm talking about. Maybe a mile or so before that power plant, there's an overpass for the northbound lanes only. You can see it here. Almost on a daily basis, "U.S. Officers" stop every car for some sort of quick check. They never say what for. Why in the world would they shut down a busy interstate on a daily basis like that?

-----

Under my umbrella ella ella eh eh eh.

(I have a thing for women that can sing and play guitar)

1/28/08 Eli

2008-01-28T21:07:00.000-08:00

I guess I should talk a bit about the Superbowl before it happens. First, let me say that just about every playoff team I've rooted for has subsequently lost. This goes back to the baseball playoffs in October. Due to my streak of misfortune, Poker Jason (a lifelong Giants fan) has jokingly offered to get me a Patriots jersey of my choice. The truth of the matter though, is that I don't want to see the Patriots win. I've rooted against them all season. The main reason? That I want history to view the 1985 Bears as the best team ever. A 19-0 season by the Patriots would make them arguably better. I'm a homer. I won't apologize for it.

At the same time, Poker Jason is very, very excited and has sent a music video in honor of Eli Manning. He also sent a great clip about (you'll probably never hear me say this again) Hitler picking the Cowboys in the game. But YouTube had to delete it due to some copyright violation. So, if you find it again, let me know. Good luck to his Giants. My prediction? Patriots 39 Giants 16.

The 1985 Chicago Bears. The Greatest football team ever assembled.

Yes. I'm a homer. Only I can talk about a team decades after their prime in the wake of a Superbowl featuring 2 unrelated teams.

-----

P.S. - The most unfortunate headline of 2008. So far.

1/24/08 Eight Percent of Kids Do It

2008-01-24T19:44:00.000-08:00

Are you familiar with Alternate Reality Games? I'm not really either. But, they seem like, if I had the time, they'd be right up my alley. Without reading the Wikipedia entry, it's hard to explain in brief. But I'll try - They're like modern day scavenger hunts. It's like the movie Midnight Madness. You find clues that lead you new "places". Then you unravel new clues. But, in this world of computers, you can get emails, phone calls, faxes and other players can interact with you. Put it this way - It's like a modern day Da Vinci Code.

The latest Nine Inch Nails album, Year Zero, was its own ARG. I've been told that, after you play the CD, some cryptic numbers (letters?) appear on the CD. After the CD cooled, they disappeared. These, along with notes in the book would lead you to websites. And, from what I remember, one of the clues led to a crazy remote location at a specific time and date where NIN played a free show. Talk about a great way to add value to selling a CD, huh? The entire timeline of the campaign is here.

What's this ARG talk leading to? First, I'm intrigued. I'm so confused by these that I don't even know where to begin. Second, I found one. And, I thought that maybe, someone could help me/us understand how an ARG works from the beginning. I learned that Aporia Agathon Project is an ARG. (I have no idea what the means - it's just something I found while searching around). They've released the following YouTube video as a starting point (I believe). Ok... uh... what now? Has it begun yet? Or is this really just a promo for the game to come?

------

Now, you can own your own copy of Seth's notebook.

1/22/08 Primer

2008-01-22T20:44:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite movie rentals last year was the movie "Primer". (This information may be a repeat for some of you.) The movie was made in 2004 for $7000. So, in today's dollars, that's like $7020. The reason I liked the movie so much? As one reviewer best stated, "Anybody who claims they fully understand what's going on in Primer after seeing it just once is either a savant or a liar."

If you don't feel like renting it, you can watch all 77 minutes of it on Google Video. Also, this is sort of a spoiler, (but not really since, after 3 watchings, I don't completely understand what's going on), a visual timeline of events from the movie. I do, however, recommend using that timeline after you watch it.

-----

This is bordering talking politics. But it's really not. It's just for fun.... It's ABC's Match-O-Matic. You answer a dozen or so hot topic questions and it gives you the top 3 candidates that match your responses. (Two of my top three are out of the race... Once again proving that I'm not in line with the pulse of anything mainstream).

----

Once again Eddie Murphy has been nominated for a whole bunch of Razzies. But, as my dad points out, he also has psychic abilities...

----

The Martin Luther King holiday started a discussion about holidays - specifically about days off of work and school. For those that went to school in the Chicago area, you'll remember Casimir Pulaski day. We got that day off every year. Without looking, I think he was a Polish guy who helped the American side in the Revolutionary War. Why, you might ask? As I understand, Chicago has the largest Polish population outside of Poland at about 185,000 native speakers. That being said, this video of Sufjan Stevens' "Casimir Pulaski Day" is dedicated to the cool kids in Farmville, Virginia that sparked talk of JMP Kazimierz Michał Wacław Wiktor Pułaski herbu Ślepowron.

----

1/17/08 Hang Tough

2008-01-16T20:46:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I finally had a chance to watch some of "American Gladiators". Like most reviews I read, I agree that there's far too much talk and not enough action. When the show was first on the air, I was a kid and couldn't quite appreciate the physical trials the contestants were going through. As a kid, you just figure that adults are stronger and can't exactly grasp how hard everything really is. As an adult, I thought to myself... How would I do as a competitor today? The answer was easy. I'd earn zero points. Then I thought to myself - Now, what if I got to compete against the female gladiators? I stretched my imagination and guessed that, if I gave it my all, I'd earn 3 points during the entire day. I'd get one shot off during "The Assault", yielding one point. And I'd get past one gladiator in "The Gauntlet", earning 2 points. Then, I'd never finish "The Eliminator". Ever. You could give me the entire day. It's not happening. That moving walkway / Incline at the end looks impossible.

Now, if they brought "Human Cannonball" back, I'd take down Malibu in a second. More precisely, I'd take him down in Pi times the square root of the length of the rope divided by the downward acceleration of gravity. If I remember correctly, Malibu never once stayed up against any contestant in that event.

------

From CollegeHumor's 105%:

Loser: "I'm into Nickelback."

Mega-loser: "I was into Nickelback before they were cool."

-----

Charlotte Dan sends an article on the source of anti-matter. It's created by black holes rip apart stars. Also, I hear that Charlotte is getting something like 2 inches of snow and the entire city is acting like it's the apocalypse. Good luck, Dan. I hope you all make it out safely.

-----

I was thinking - Why did Yankee Doodle put a feather in his cap and call it macaroni? Do you associate that song with the Revolutionary War? I sure do. Nothing about the lyrics seem all that revolutionary.

-----

I watched this video the other day and I keep thinking about it. It's like seeing where you've been, where you're at and what's in store for you. It's 100 people, from ages 1 to 100. All beating a drum for some reason.

1/16/08 Where Are They Now?

2008-01-16T18:30:00.000-08:00

Let's make today interactive. What's your favorite commercial of all time? (Bonus if you find a link for it). Here are a few of mine...

This one's courtesy of The Nacho Expert.

-----

Ok, this one isn't exactly my favorite. But I distinctly remember watching it in 1993 and thinking - Wow, life will be so cool then. You know what? It's not nearly as cool as I thought it would be.

1/14/08 Dispersion

2008-01-14T18:32:00.000-08:00

Last time I posted, I said something about staying focused and keeping these things very, uh, focused. Well, since I've been not writing for almost a week, I take that back. Instead, this will be a weekly brain dump edition, hopefully making up for all the stuff I didn't write last week.

-----

For those in my family that were part of the "how do double rainbows work" discussion, here's your answer. "Secondary rainbows are caused by a double reflection of sunlight inside the raindrops, and appear at an angle of 50°–53°. As a result of the second reflection, the colours of a secondary rainbow are inverted compared to the primary bow, with blue on the outside and red on the inside." And, by the way, because of this rainbow talk and subsequent research, I think I got one more physics question correct this past weekend.

Speaking of rainbows, here's a new Radiohead video off of "In Rainbows" - It's my initial favorite song off of the album.... "Jigsaw Falling Into Place". (Notice the funky camera effects. The pivot points on the guys are really creeping me out.)

-----

Because I'm getting old, I knew nothing of Soulja Boy's "Crank That" until 2 weeks ago. For your sake, you should go by the rule of thumb that, if I mention a new artist or new music, it's no longer cool. To solidify my Larry King-ing of Soulja Boy, the lyrics make absolutely no sense. Still, everybody loves it. Just one more sign that I'm never on the pulse of anything worthwhile.

-----

Finally, something I can relate to - Half of 26-Year-Old's Memories Nintendo-Related. I got to try the Wii for the first time last night. I bowled. An 86. Which means, I think I found the first video game EVER where I'm worse at the game than I am in real life. I mean, seriously, I couldn't play football in the NFL or fight in a martial arts tournament or be some sort of Navy SEAL in a Tom Clancy story. Isn't that the point of video games? To put you in some sort of fantasy world? What kind of masochistic fantasy is the Wii geared towards anyways? Actually, I'm just envious that I don't own my own Wii.

1/8/08 The Wagon

2008-01-08T15:55:00.000-08:00

I made a New Year's resolution for 2008. It may be my first resolution ever. I can't remember making another one. Given the 3 years of indigestion the 2004 election caused, I vowed not to talk about current politics in regards to the election until November. The resolution lasted 8 whole days. A former work colleague of mine took me out for coffee this afternoon - He insisted on talking about the primaries. Since he bought the coffee, I couldn't change the subject. That being said, after a brief discussion, I'm back on the wagon. The plan is to remain politically sober for the next 11 months. Also, consider this fair warning if you feel like bringing up the topic of politics. It ain't gonna happen.

Let me quickly explain why I'm doing this. To me, it's quite simple... I'm not going to change your mind. And you're not going to change mine. The only outcomes of talking politics during election season are: 1) We get heated, both wanting to talk and not listen for an outrageous period of time. 2) We basically agree in principle, but start focusing in on our differences. 3) You come to the conclusion that I'm an idiot. I'll think the same thing about you. Then we won't talk for 2 years.

Long story short, nothing good will come of it. So I'm out. I don't enjoy the talks, heated or otherwise. Don't misunderstand here - I'll vote. Even though I'm still convinced that voting in this country won't matter. Ever. Can't we just agree though that we're not changing each others' minds? Isn't that enough to stop the madness?

This will be a tough 11 months of sobriety. But, with the help of my higher power combined with my severe shortage of friends, I have faith that I'll see my way through this.

------

You may be thinking - Where's that funny-ish guy who used to post lots of links and YouTube videos? Where did he go? Is he stuck in 2007? Don't worry. He's still here. I'm just in experimental mode, trying to keep everything more focused and topic related each day.

With that, I'll leave you with the result of years of digging... I finally found it... The 1992 Presidential Debate with Admiral Stockdale. (The resolution was current politics. This debate is just too funny to not pass along).

1/7/08 Zeitgeist

2008-01-07T20:42:00.000-08:00

The movie Zeitgeist came highly recommended to me recently. It's great. I wish there was some way that I could convince you to watch it in its entirety. It's 2 hours long. Which, knowing most of you, you won't watch it. You should though. How can I persuade you to take the time? Maybe you made some sort of New Year's resolution to watch a documentary? Or perhaps you've vowed to open yourself up to new experiences? What will it take for you to watch it? Will you watch it if I agree to watch a full length movie of your choice? I'd do that. I'll burn you a DVD if you prefer it on TV. How about that? What will it take? Do I have to go to a Nickelback concert?

1/6/08 American Gladiators

2008-01-06T10:35:00.000-08:00

The new American Gladiators premieres tonight. This is your pre-game warning to set your DVR to "Record Series".

1/3/08 Happy New Year

2008-01-03T10:29:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to send some New Years wishes from the middle of the ocean. 2008 is gonna rule!

12/23/07 The Airing of Grievances

2007-12-23T12:21:00.000-08:00

Happy Festivus. If you're not familiar with Festivus (first check the link)... "During the last few weeks in December when Festivus takes place, families and friends get together at the dinner table and have something called "the Airing of Grievances". During this time, we share with family and friends all the ways they had disappointed over the past year."

This will most likely be my last update for 2007. I send my most sincere holiday wishes to all ya'll's. Thanks for reading, commenting and otherwise being a part of NachosRule this year. Thanks to you, we've just passed 16,000 views for the year. I hope you've enjoyed it half as much as I had maintaining it. By that, I mean, at least half. Not exactly half. It's one of those greater or equal to deals.

A special thanks to Nathan Fortener - First, a thanks for his current design of NachosRule.com. Second, thanks to the final outbound link of 2007... It's the quiz we've all been looking forward to... How Many Five Year Olds Could You Take in a Fight? I could take 18. In theory.

------

My mom offers some holiday cheer, acapella style:

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year. See you again in 2008 :)

12/19/07 Felinae Extraordinarius

2007-12-19T21:38:00.000-08:00

There's a site called UrbanCougar.com. It's exactly what you think. Over IM recently, Google Nicki was worried that she was "a cougar". I assured her that she was not. As a result, she sent me a cougar classification page. I hadn't checked out the entire website until just now. It's just... wow... it's... comprehensive.

------

Here's my favorite article title of the past month - "A realistic assessment of how many 12-year-olds I could beat up before they overtook me." Cousin Eric mentioned something about a quiz he took about beating up 5-year-olds... If you have it, we'd all be interested in the link.

------

Cousin Dave sent an article about some guy witnessing a kid playing "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero at Best Buy. After about 100 tries, I've maxed out at 4% of the song complete before being booed off stage. Oh, and send Cousin Dave speedy recovery wishes for his broken foot.

-----

The song is called "Every Day" by Carly Comando.

12/15/07 Spaghettification

2007-12-16T18:26:00.000-08:00

Word of the day: Spaghettification. Since I'm cool and watch "The Universe" on The History Channel, I had a chance to hear some astrophysicist talk about "Spaghettification". It has to do with black holes. Basically, if you were to head toward a black hole, your body (and, in fact, all of your individual atoms) would start stretching out due to the immense gravitational pull. At which point, you are spaghettified.

-----

From Cousin Jerry via my dad - The Traveler IQ Challenge. It's a lot of fun. Both when you know your geography and when you don't. Close now counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and the Traveler IQ Challenge.

-----

I used to have an SNL crush on Tina Fey. My new SNL crush is on Kristen Wiig. I felt like you needed to know that for some reason.

-----

I was watching High Stakes Poker on YouTube recently and was introduced to Guy Laliberte. He plays during season 4 where the minimum buy in is $500,000. Most of the players I know from watching poker on TV. But he's playing because he's super wealthy. Who is he? The guy who invented/founded/originated Cirque du Soleil. (You'll be proud of me - I almost spelled that right without looking.) It's easy to pick on rich people or to be extra critical of them. But, what I learned on the show, is that he lived on the streets for 10 years as a street performer before any of his stuff took off. He actually attributes his poker skills to his time on the streets having to make some life or death decisions. He also was involved in a $1.2 million pot with David Benyamine that was pretty interesting. (I won't tell you what happens, in case you want to watch).

-----

-----

R.I.P. Dan Fogelberg

12/14/07 Me and My Drum

2007-12-14T20:01:00.001-08:00

Christmas carols are funny. Don't get me wrong - I have fond memories of my fruitier, formative years and going around singing Christmas carols. But I continue to find myself laughing when I hear them. It's because just about every Christmas carol has been parodied or poked fun at during some point in my life. Can you seriously listen to "O Holy Night" and not think of Eric Cartman? Ten years later and that's all I think of. What about the Peter Griffin Christmas where he sings (To the tune of Little Drummer Boy), "I brought these gifts for you, they're up in my bum"? I also vaguely remember some "Beavis and Butthead" Christmas special where they were jamming out to something from, what I think is "The Nutcracker".

Actually, now that I re-read this all, I realize that it's all based on cartoons - The Family Guy, South Park and Beavis and Butthead. Point being - Well, there is no point. Except that the other day I was walking around San Diego on a sunny day with no jacket and heard, "It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas". And all I could think was - No. No it's not.

------

Why are my iron-free, wrinkle-free shirts the most wrinkled of them all?

------

Poker Jason sends this guy getting pulled over on his riding lawnmower....

------

Mike sends the secret to Stonehenge building...

12/12/07 Littering and...

2007-12-12T10:38:00.000-08:00

If hate were people, I'd be China.

While driving to work today, I noticed a cop car directly behind me. Whenever I see this, I'm sure to be extra careful behind the wheel. I keep my speed under the limit, I signal extra properly. At first I didn't know the speed limit, so I kept it around 35-40 mph. Then I saw a speed limit sign. It was 45. So I cranked the sucker up to about 43. But there was moderate traffic, so speeding really wasn't going to be an issue.

He continued behind me for 4 or 5 minutes and, eventually, it started to bother me. So I signaled right and went into the right lane hoping he'd pass me. He immediately followed behind me into the right lane. Probably 15 seconds later, his lights go on. So I signal to the right and move a little to let him by. Except he doesn't need to get by. He's after me for some reason.

I start thinking... Did I speed? No. Did I do something wrong? I can't figure out what. Maybe my blinker or tail light is out. I'm already a little late to work and don't need this. I make a right at the next street where's there's more room and less traffic and pull over. I've never really been pulled over in all these years. So I'm not exactly ready for any of this. I just tell myself to keep my mouth shut. Officer Zweifath (or Zweifurh or something like that - I can't make out what's on my ticket) asks me if this is my car. I say yes. The rest continues as such:

Officer: License and Car Registration please

Me: (I pull out my license and say nothing).

Officer: And registration.

Me: I'm going to go into the glove compartment. Is that ok? (I think I watch too many movies, so I'm extra careful about reaching across my car without permission. I find my car title and hand it to him.)

Officer: Do you also have the car registration?

Me: (I start getting nervous since I'm not real organized about these things. I keep checking and rummaging through oil change receipts and other garbage and eventually find what I think is the registration and hand it to him.) Is this what you're looking for?

Officer: Yes. Insurance too.

Me: (I go through my wallet and find about 4 insurance cards. Fortunately, again, I find a valid one. I hand it to him. Notice how I haven't once asked why we're here. I'm being extra polite.)

Officer: The reason I pulled you over is that you don't have a front license plate.

Me: (I think to myself... You've been behind me for 5 minutes. How could you possibly know that? And do you really have to right to pull me over for that reason alone? And why did you wait 5 minutes to pull me over? You must've been looking for another petty reason to make this worth your financial while. I explain to him the following... It's all completely true.) I recently went to Pep Boys for an oil change. While I was there I requested that they drill holes in my front bumper put my licence plate on. They said that legally they could not do that. My question to you is - How can I legally put my license plate on?

Officer: You need to figure out a way. Do you have a recent registration? (I guess my original registration isn't enough).

Me: (I start freaking out, knowing that there's not much else in that glove compartment.)

Officer: While you're looking, I'll be back. (He walks back to his car.)

Me: (I look in the little storage area between the driver and passenger seats. I find the piece of paper that the 2008 license plate sticker came from. It says "Vehicle Registration" so I figure I'm good. I wait for him as I see him writing a ticket in my rear view mirror.)

Officer: (Comes back to my car.) This is a "fix it ticket". I need your signature.

Me: What does that mean for me?

Officer: It means you need to fix your front license plate and then go to any police location to verify it.

Me: How long do I have to do it?

Officer: You have until February 14, 2008.

Me: (I figure that once I've signed it, I can ask the question that's been on my mind the entire time. So I sign and ask...) How were you able to tell that I didn't have a front license plate? You were behind me the entire time.

Officer: (I play enough poker that I can tell the question really bothered him. Something wasn't quite right. He stammered for a second and said...) I saw you earlier.

Me: (I should've just let it go. But my adrenaline was running a little.) Where were you able to see my front bumper?

Officer: (Obviously caught in a white lie and wanting to go... Besides, why did he tail me for 5 minutes? What was really going on?) On lower Genesse. Have a good day, sir. (And he leaves).

So, there you have it. I wanted to say something as he left. You know, like "Keep fighting the good fight." Or, "Thanks for keeping the streets safe." But I didn't. I made sure to put my blinker on as I pulled back into traffic. I've spent all morning really peeved about the whole thing. The guy was obviously looking for any reason to give me a big ticket. Otherwise he wouldn't have tailed me for 5 minutes.

Between this and the whole fingerprinting ordeal last week, it's kind of simple... I'm tired of being treated like a criminal. Like the rest of you, all I want is to do my job, make a living, and to go home without any trouble. It seems silly to me (in a nasty corrupt way) that we all have to deal with these non-criminal offenses on a daily basis. It isn't right. It's really sad that it goes on in this day and age. And there's nothing any of us can do about it.

Since my grandfather served on the police force for more than 30 years, I've always been very respectful of the police. I believed that the greater good they provided heavily outweighed any stories you might hear in the news. My opinion has significantly changed based on only one or two experiences. That's unfortunate for them.

On a much different and much more creepy note - I foresaw having a problem with the front license plate only 2 days ago. I've been without the plate since I got the car (as the car has no holes and is not intended to have a front plate). So the situation is nothing new. The vision struck me pretty suddenly in the evening. But I ignored it, planning on asking the dealership to take care of it next time I needed maintenance work. Looks like I'll be taking care of it before then, eh?

12/11/07 King of the Wild Frontier

2007-12-11T18:42:00.001-08:00

Davy Crockett's great (times 10) grandson killed a 445 pound bear. Oh, and he's 5 years old. Thanks to Poker Jason for the story.

------

It's the FINAL COUNTDOWN!

12/9/07 High Hopes

2007-12-09T20:52:00.000-08:00

Well kids, I continue to be super busy and it will be that way for at least another month or so. Which means fewer and less fun entries here. So, to start of the week... A few videos to kick things off. Beginning with Pink Floyd's "High Hopes".

-----

-----

-----

Have you heard of Video Games Live? It's a full orchestra doing music to video games.

12/7/07 Being Frank Thomas

2007-12-07T17:47:00.001-08:00

Good news, kids. Remember that goofy softball playoff that our team was in the middle of? We won. We're champions. Or so I was told over the phone last night. I felt exactly like Frank Thomas in October 2005. There's no feeling quite like being part of a team for season after season, putting together many solid performances, including some game winning efforts... only to miss the one moment where your team finally wins it all. I was told, "We have a t-shirt for you". (I guess our prize was a t-shirt). As happy as I am, I'm disappointed that I missed our big moment. So, there you have it. We're D-League champions. And I have no stories to tell since I have no idea how we won.

----

Are there extra "CL's" this year? Athletes used to tear or rupture their MCL or ACL. Adrian Peterson hurt his LCL a few weeks ago. And Reggie Bush just tore his PCL. When did this happen?

----

12/5/07 Prohibition

2007-12-05T13:32:00.000-08:00

On this day in 1933, prohibition was repealed. On the subject of prohibition, Albert Einstein said: "The prestige of government has undoubtedly been lowered considerably by the Prohibition law. For nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced. It is an open secret that the dangerous increase of crime in this country is closely connected with this."

In honor of December 5th, have a drink for me.

You may have noticed that I'm tinkering with the look and feel around here. I'm still learning how to do this, so it may be funky for a while. Feedback (both good or bad) is welcome.

12/4/07 Two Burgers, One Cup

2007-12-04T18:30:00.000-08:00

Well kids, things are going to be a little slow moving on this site for a while. But, I felt bad that I left you with the Two Girls, One Cup post for the week. So, here I am finally with some Internet access at a Panera. (Which, if you were unaware, always has free wi-fi. It's great.) I ordered a soft drink and smuggled in some In-N-Out Burger. That's about as non-law abiding as I get these days. Both by choice and because I'm fearful (more on that in a second). But I still felt like a criminal until I finished the burger. Now I just feel like a cheapskate.

-----

Speaking of law abiding, have you started a new job recently? Do you realize the background checks they make you go through these days? It's insane and infuriating. In the past two weeks, I've gone through a criminal history check and a credit history check. My previous 2 jobs also required a drug test. One recent place I interviewed (where I ultimately wasn't offered the job) was going to require a hair follicle drug test. They take something like 40 hairs off the crown of your head and it supposedly can tell everything you've ingested for the previous 3 months. Here's the part that bothers me the most - We live in a country where the leaders outwardly promote religion, Jesus and forgiveness. Yet, these background checks basically say quite the contrary... If you mess up, you're going to have quite a tough time making a living and supporting yourself and your family.

On my first day of work, I had to give my fingerprints (every finger) six times. SIX! I asked what would be done with them and if they'd be destroyed after my employment. (At this point I can care less if I appear paranoid.) Nobody knew. All they knew was that I had to give the prints if I wanted to work. Oh, and that the prints were going to the FBI for a more in-depth security check. The FBI?! They'll now be able to link my social security number to my fingerprints to my car to my driver's license number to my... well... everything. That is, if they didn't have a file already. It's just more complete now. Great. Thanks. It's wonderful being treated like a criminal. I don't know what bothers me more - The fact that I have to do these things or the fact that nobody really seems to understand the privacy and legal implications and that they're not half as pissed as I am.

------

Now that I'm done with my thing - Some random facts:

The number of cells in the human body is around 50 trillion (estimates range from 10 - 100 trillion.) There are 20 times more bacteria in the human body than cells. And you thought 2 girls 1 cup was gross.

Oh, and for all of you that got mad at me after you watched 2 girls 1 cup. Shame on you. Shame on you for not listening to me. And for those of you still curious - Go to the last video of the post before this one. The guy explains it enough so that you'll know why.

Studies show that 10 minutes of daily boob staring prolongs a man's life by 5 years. I'm gonna live to be 150.

------

From Mike who proclaims Anathallo as The Greatest Band Ever.

-----

This one's from the future science teacher in me who will hopefully understand what this is about someday.

Like I said, posts are going to be thin for a while. But please don't forget about me. I'll be back periodically.

12/1/07 Two Girls, One Cup

2007-12-01T11:57:00.000-08:00

You know how I begged and pleaded with you NOT to check out 2 girls 1 cup??? Based on these reactions, you'll get an idea why.... (Seriously - you'll never be able to un-erase what you see. DO NOT GO THERE!)

Oh, you're probably wondering if I've been to the site. I watched for, honestly, 1.3 seconds before I shut the window. I couldn't take it.

11/29/07 IT'S OFFICIAL!

2007-11-29T23:32:00.000-08:00

I've been asked to write a post about my softball team. And how we won our D-league championship tonight. There's only one problem. We didn't. We lost the championship game. 18-15. Except, it seems, that we're now in a 3 way tie for first. Which means we're supposed to play again next week in some sort of goofy playoff. A playoff that I can't attend. So, there you have it... I fully expected to pull a "Major League" moment with a bunch of has beens and a couple of never will be's. Instead, I pulled a Haywood and started arguing with the umpire (where I clearly tagged someone out at the plate and he said I didn't)... and while I was arguing, somebody else scored. You rarely see emotion out of me - But after the inning was over, I went berserk. That right there was the difference in the game. I apologize to Cousin Eric, who sent the entire team lucky Longwood University T-shirts with the expectation of a championship. I hope that Martin Vickerton and Carra Bunner have better fortune than we did.

-----

On a lighter note, the number of visits to 2girls1cup.com has significantly increased over the past couple of months. That being said, don't go there. For the love of God, DON'T GO THERE. Especially if you're at work.

------

A 7.4 earthquake hit the island of Martinique in the Caribbean. Those of you visiting that area should be extra cautious.

-------

My dad sends the most expensive advertisement ever created...

Guinness just launched "Tipping Point", the most expensive TV ad in its 80-year marketing history, with a domino rally that features cars, flaming hay bales and grandfather clocks. Shot up an Argentinian mountain, the ad shows a community coming together to create the mother of all domino-toppling spectacles. Genius! (Production cost: $10 million)

-----

11/28/07 Bill Swerski

2007-11-29T00:24:00.000-08:00

Who would win in a personality matchup between the 2007 New England Patriots and the 1985 Chicago Bears? There seems to be no contest here. The answer is most definitively - Da Bears.

-----

Physics Partner Jeremy wins the contest. He found "Most of All You" on YouTube. You'll have to wait for the credits for the full song. But it's Major League, so it's worth watching the whole thing. My favorite part about the end of Major League is the same guy running out of the stands (at 2:17 and again at 2:40).

11/27/07 Nachos Rule

2007-11-27T20:00:00.000-08:00

How was your Thanksgiving? Busy? You ate a lot? Yeah, I figured so much. In honor of the eating holidays, my dad sends the 20 worst foods in America. Coming in at number three as "Worst Nachos" are:

On the Border Stacked Border Nachos
2,740 calories
166 g fat
191 g carbs
5,280 mg sodium

----

This is also late and also from my dad... But if you're bored while spending time with the family, here are 5 games to play. I think my dad sent it because my brother brought Guitar Hero over this weekend and separated the "adults" from the "kids"*.

(* "kids" means under 40 in my family).

----

I have a friendly competition. I'm looking for the song "Most of All You" by Bill Medley. If you find it, you get to ask why I'm looking for it. Ready? Go.

-----

-----

-----

Eric Cartman introduces the University of Colorado football team...

11/21/07 Happy Thanksgiving

2007-11-21T21:15:00.001-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. I've tried in the past doing one of those, "What are you thankful for?" posts and it didn't quite work. Plus, a few months ago, I already spilled the beans as to what I'm thankful for... Wisdom tooth extraction and modern dentistry. If I had to pick one modern technological marvel that has made my life far less painful and far more enjoyable, that would be it.

-----

While I'm thankful for quite a few things, let's see if I can make this post fit the theme. And we're off...

I'm thankful that 8 foot bugs no longer exist like they did 390 million years ago.

I'm thankful that Facebook is dropping the word "is" from their status. The entire site makes a whole lot more sense now.

I'm thankful that somebody (my mom?) sent me a link to Let's Say Thanks. By filling out one of their postcards online, you can have your card sent overseas to a U.S. soldier.

I'm thankful that this photo made it to CollegeHumor.com.

I'm thankful that Cousins Andy and Meg have started their own blog - LoudFuture.com. (Great name, BTW).

I'm thankful that you're actually reading this. And that, after all of these years, many of you continue to come here and enjoy.

I'm thankful that I grew up in a 16-bit world. (If you did too, the video's worth the wait).

And, most of all, I'm thankful that Frank TV is finally on the air, so that they'll stop the advertising madness.

Happy Thanksgiving. If you're home, be thankful you're not traveling. If you're traveling, be thankful you don't have to cook.

11/19/07 Wall Drug

2007-11-19T23:04:00.000-08:00

If you've ever had the pleasure of driving on I-90 through South Dakota, you're probably familiar with Wall Drug. It goes without saying that there's not a whole lot going on in South Dakota. But, the one thing you will notice every 2.3 miles or so is another billboard for Wall Drug. In fact, the billboards stretch for 500 miles, starting in Minnesota. (No joke. Check the link.) After 7 hours of billboard bombardment, you pretty much HAVE to stop there. How can you not? It's just human curiosity. And what's there? I wish I could re-enact the hours of anticipation Road Trip Joe and I had, only to realize that it's a tourist trap of a crap hole strip mall. I think they had 5 cent coffee. That almost made the trip worth it.

You may be surprised at where this is going. Those Wall Drug billboards are now synonymous (in my mind) with the ads for "Frank TV" on TBS. They've been running those ads for months now... During every commercial break of every baseball playoff game... I must have seen 750 ads since September. And now, much like Wall Drug, I refuse to not watch it. I have to know if it's any good. I'm sure it'll rank right up there with "The Big Bang Theory" (Which was on rerun tonight after only about 6 episodes... That can't be good news for them).

-----

Here's something I learned that I'm ashamed I didn't know from 1st grade history... Tobacco is native to the Americas and wasn't introduced to Europe, Africa or Asia until Christopher Columbus brought some over. I feel like that's something I should've known. Also in my research I found that, among the uses for tobacco throughout history was a hallucinogenic enema used by the Peruvian Aguaruna aboriginals.

-----

The new math books in the state of Texas are full of errors. 109,263 to be exact.

-----

Remember the game "Guess Who?"

-----

11/18/07 Sports in SoCal

2007-11-18T19:41:00.000-08:00

Watching football in Southern California is a unique experience. It's the only place where you can go to a sports bar and find fans for just about every game being played. During today's games, there was a suggestion to make the "house game" the Bears vs. Seahawks. By "house game", they will put the audio to that game and make sure that they utilize their HD feed for that game. You'd think the vote would come down to San Diego or one of the old LA teams (Rams or Raiders). But no. It was the Chicago Bears or the Washington Redskins.

One table of mostly females in the corner was making the most noise during the afternoon. Their TV was positioned in such a way that I couldn't see what they were watching. Every time they got really excited, I'd look at the TVs and try to figure out which game was worth screaming over. After an hour or so, I couldn't figure it out. I finally noticed one of their shirts. It was number 48. It was a white T-shirt with mostly blue writing. Maybe a little gold too. Still, nothing made sense. Eventually, I took a closer look at the shirt. Johnson #48. Again, nothing's ringing a bell. I understood the Santana Moss jersey. Even the Alex Smith one made sense. But Johnson #48? Then I noticed one TV in the corner as they began screaming again. Some orange car was "injured" and pulling off the NASCAR track. So I watched for another minute. And that was it - They were cheering on Jimmie Johnson and his number 48 car.

-----

You've been waiting your whole life for this moment. Now you can have your very own ECooter.

-----

If you're suffering from GAD, I can certainly offer a number of holistic approaches. Don't be afraid to ask. I'm here for you.

-----

Charge your iPod with Gatorade and an onion.

11/15/07 Imaginary Girlfriend

2007-11-15T22:06:00.000-08:00

I think I finally found the website for me - The Imaginary Girlfriend.

-----

Yeah, uh, I'd like the new Camry fully loaded. Yeah, the spoiler's fantastic. And, uh, could we, uh, remove the license plate frame from your dealership? Great. Thanks.

-----

As you probably know, my favorite part about the end of the year is the end of the year countdowns and lists. This year we're gonna start early with The Twenty (Intentionally) Funniest Web Videos of 2007.

-----

I somehow got sidetracked with the band "Air" today. So I'm passing along that sidetrackedness to you.

------

And finally - Cowbell Hero

And finally, finally.... In case you're wondering about the Guitar Hero progress, I eventually passed "One" and that Slayer song. Then...

****SPOILER ALERT*****

They make you beat the Devil in a Guitar Off. I can't beat the devil. It's even more ridiculously hard than the regular hard songs.

11/14/07 Peak Oil

2007-11-14T09:26:00.000-08:00

Last night I watched "Mega Disasters" on The History Channel. From other previews, the show seemed overly dramatic and doom-and-gloomy. That's not really my style. But last night's episode was on a topic of interest to me. It was about "Peak Oil" and the ramifications once we hit the point where global oil supply can't keep up with demand. Right on cue, the program moved onto famine, disease and anarchy as the result of Peak Oil. While I imagine severe recession and an increase in crime aren't out of the question, this show definitely jumps to the worst of all scenarios.

I've mentioned him before, but it bears repeating... Eight years ago, Professor Ruzic warned our Introductory Nuclear Engineering class about the coming of peak oil. At that time, gas was still hovering around $1.00 per gallon. How quickly we forget about cheap gas, eh? He was also a big proponent of nuclear power for our electrical power needs. Most of our electricity needs come from the burning of coal. (Remember this the next time someone gets excited about an electric car and mentions how it's a "clean alternative" to gas. Then go ahead and point to the coal burning smoke stacks in the distance.) In this month's Wired Magazine there's a blurb about a book based on using more nuclear power. It's called "Power to Save the World". Here are a few of my favorite factoids from the Amazon review:

75% of that baseload electricity comes from power plants that burn fossil fuels, mainly coal, and emit carbon dioxide. Toxic waste from coal-fired plants kills 24,000 Americans annually.

20% comes from nuclear plants that use low-enriched uranium as fuel, burn nothing, and emit virtually no CO2. In 50 years of operation, they have caused no deaths to the public.

Uranium is more energy-dense than any other fuel. If you got all of your electricity for your lifetime solely from nuclear power, your share of the waste would fit in a single soda can. If you got all your electricity from coal, your share would come to 146 tons: 69 tons of solid waste that would fit into six rail cars and 77 tons of carbon dioxide that would contribute to accelerated global warming.

A person living within 50 miles of a nuclear plant receives less radiation from it in a year than you get from eating one banana. Someone working in the U.S. Capitol Building is exposed to more radioactivity than a uranium miner.

Spent nuclear fuel is always shielded and isolated from the public. Annual waste from one typical reactor could fit in the bed of a standard pickup. The retired fuel from 50 years of U.S. reactor operation could fit in a single football field; it amounts to 77,000 tons. A large coal-fired plant produces ten times as much solid waste in one day, much of it hazardous to health. We discard 179,000 tons of batteries annually--they contain toxic heavy metals.

Nuclear plants offer a clean alternative to fossil-fuel plants. In the U.S. 104 nuclear reactors annually prevent emissions of 682 million tons of CO2. Worldwide, over 400 power reactors reduce CO2 emissions by 2 billion metric tons a year.

If I had to pick one global issue that could significantly affect our lives over the next decade, peak oil would be it. And that's why I mention it every so often. The part that bothers me the most? Unless you live in a self sustaining community (which seems to be the ultimate outcome after the dust settles here), peak oil could disrupt your ability to get the most basic of human needs - water and food. If nobody's transporting food and water to your local grocery store, where would you get your food?

11/12/07 Lite Brite

2007-11-12T22:02:00.000-08:00

Here's a virtual Lite Brite. Enjoy.

-----

According to some Giovanni guy, Leonardo Da Vinci's "The Last Supper" has musical notes hidden within the painting, revealing an entire requiem.

-----

The University of Illinois has a Quad Cam. It's dark now, so I can't see much. I bet you could pull some fun pranks with this.

-----

Remember the other day how I was bitching about online social networking? The root of it all is that I don't understand the allure of Facebook. Everyone else seems to love it. But I don't get it at all. Can someone please help explain it to me? It's so popular that even MySpace Tom joined.

-----

From the "Oh, grow up" files: 10 things to stop doing in your 20's.

-----

I forgot how funny Jim Breuer can be. Here he does his AC/DC and Metallica impersonations:

-----

I'm late reporting everything. I'm basically turning into Larry King. With infinity less wives. But Saturday was the 32nd (do you use "anniversary" for bad things too?) of the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. Or, as I like to think of it, a great song for the first 2 minutes.

-----

If you beat Guitar Hero III, you unlock this song. Filthy.