3/8/05 Awful Commercials

In a perfect segue from yesterday, I stumbled across AwfulCommercials.com. The blog is dedicated to the crap commercials on TV. I seriously hope they post that financial institution one I mentioned yesterday. I'd also be happy to see that Hillary Duff , liquid mint thingie commercial on there too. And while I'm at it, may I add Gladys Knight playing rugby.

According to BMI, Shaq is obese. At 7 foot 1, 325 pounds, he is only 13 percent body fat. According to the article, almost half of all NBA players are overweight. Basketball players! Skinny, tall basketball players! Maybe BMI isn't a good way to gauge overall health, eh? What happened to percent body fat readings? Or oxygen measurements while doing exercise?

Kids, don't try this at home.

I wish my choir in high school were this cool.

3/7/05 TV Commercials

Once again I have a beef with TV. I forget what I was watching, but some commercial came on for a financial institution. They were selling you on your future financial freedom and a bull jumped through a large pane of glass. The background music was "The Chain" by Fleetwood Mac. Which, if you don't know it, is about a nasty breakup between two of the bands' members. The lyrics are:
"And if you don't love me now, you will never love me again. I can still hear you saying, you would never break the chain."
Whoever decided that would be a good idea should be brought out back and shot. In the leg. I would never suggest killing anyone. But this person should be severely punished.

And just now I was sort of watching "Celebrity Fit Club" on VH1. There are 8 pseudo-celebrities who are competing to lose weight with diet and exercise. (Side note: Ralphie May is freakin' hilarious). To me, that's a noble show to put on TV. It promotes weight loss and health conscious eating, which is a wonderful inspiration for everyone watching. And a breath of fresh air from "Nip and Tuck" and "The Swan" and all of those other plastic surgery shows. Then I see a commercial during the show for a caramel sundae. It's moments like that where I'm ready to jab a pencil in my eye to numb the pain of the shear stupidity I have to watch every time I turn on my TV.

What's Special About This Number? - This is a mathematician's wet dream. It explains the significance of many numbers from 1-9999. For example, 6788 is the smallest number with multiplicative persistence 6. 1044 is the number of graphs with 7 vertices. 1033 = 8^1 + 8^0 + 8^3 + 8^3. 762 is the first decimal digit of PI where a digit occurs four times in a row.

Thanks to Jason P. for sending a Texas Hold 'Em Calculator. His books and online resources have helped my game tremendously. So watch out - I'm getting ready for the 2006 World Series of Poker.

3/6/05 Nanaca Crash

Here's a game like Yeti Sports, but different. Oh, those crazy Japanese. I swear to you, I cracked 2000 meters. Once I figured out that the little red crosses could help me, my score drastically improved.

Over its life, a dog costs more than a luxury car. Or a college education. Or a round-the-world cruise.

In a rare, educational post, I found a website called EyeWitness to History. As you'd guess, there are eyewitness accounts of many historical events throughout history.

Finally, for those of you wondering, no, I am not happy that the Illini lost today. I don't think it's a good thing for the team. I don't think losing to Ohio State will make them better. It will only make them appear beatable. On the flip side, they should still get a 1 seed in the NCAA tournament and it's exciting to think they may make the final four for the first time in 16 years.

3/5/05 DiddliddliddlidllidllWHOMMMMmmm....

DiddliddliddlidllidllWHOMMMMmmm....

Once again Bill Simmons writes an excellent article. He compares bands to athletes. It really got me thinking. The Sports Guy writes, "For instance, Springsteen is Larry Bird, the workingman's hero. Guns N' Roses are Doc Gooden, the prodigy who flamed out too fast. The Stones are Ali, the greatest until they hung around too long. The Police are John McEnroe -- gifted, tortured, ultimately unable to keep it together." The point ofthe article is that no athlete can be the U2 of sports. I wish I were 1% as creative as him and could come up with my own example. Alas, I cannot.

For some reason, Defend Your Castle is a popular theme for online games. Here's a new Defend Your Castle.

3/4/05 And Justice For All...

Here's the coolest Pastor I've ever heard of - He says "Metallica echoes biblical message". Darkness. Imprisoning me. All that I see. Absolute Horror. I cannot live. I cannot die...

When 125 years old you reach, look as good, you will not. Mmmm?

Are you spanking it too much? Mark E. Petersen is offering Steps in Overcoming Masturbation.

Dirty Sanchez anyone?

3/3/05 The Funk of 40,000 Years

I have nothing but the utmost praise for this movie I found today. Most people would say that whoever made this has WAY too much free time. But at least this person is putting the free time to use. It's over 10 minutes long, so it's good to watch when you're doing something else, like chatting and checking email. Here it is - Lego Thriller.

Look up "retard" in the dictionary and it says, "n : a person of subnormal intelligence [syn: idiot, imbecile, cretin, moron, changeling, half-wit]". I have sent a letter to Webster's to add the organizers of "World Jump Day" next year. Do they seriously think that, a) it will actually work b) we believe it will actually work, and c) that 600,000,000 people are going to participate?

Also on the list should be Kim Jong Il of North Korea. He wants an apology from the US for designating his country as "outpost of tyranny". Without an apology he threatened to continue long-range missile tests. The irony doesn't even deserve comment.

Have you been wondering what John Stamos is up to? He's performing in cabaret. Click on the picture and you'll get over 7 minutes of pure Uncle Jessie fun.

The "Not Safe for Work Game of the Week" is Boobs, Butt or Shoulder? It's exactly like it sounds and I'm really bad at it.

For the anti-social crowd, there's Introvertster. For everyone else, there's Friendster. I'm having a Friendster competition to see who can amass 100 friends first. I'm at 22. Feel free to join Friendster and help the cause.

I've always liked reading the Guinness Book of World Records while on the crapper. I never really thought I'd be able to make the book myself. As it turns out, I might have a shot - New World Record of 36.

My other blog, Nacho Contest, is back up and running in a somewhat new format. It is neither a contest nor does it have anything to do with nachos. I will now post a thought provoking question every so often, which will hopefully spark some healthy online discussions.

3/2/05 Naughty Words

You can buy personalized football jerseys at NFL Shop. So you can make any jersey with any name and any number (0-99). Well, you can use any word except for these 1,121. My trash talking vocabulary has just quadrupled.

Game O' the day/week/whatever - Disc Golf. Honestly, disc golf is fun. This game sorta blows.

Remember the Simpsons where Homer has his Mr. X Website? That was awesome, wasn't it?

One of the many reasons I can't commit to being a full time teacher - I might go ape shit like this guy. Then some student would video tape me on his video phone and plaster it all over the internet and I'd end up on some worthless blog that's supposed to be about nachos but instead it's about the crazy teacher who insists his students stand at attention during the national anthem.

From the "I can't believe it's not acid" department - A woman can taste sounds.

3/1/05 Assault with a Rubber Band

Happy March! Get it? It's green for both spring and St. Patrick's Day...

A level 4 offense at Liberty Middle School in Florida include "arson, assault and battery, bomb threats and explosives". Now included is Assault with a rubber band.

Remember the guy from Tennessee who got arrested while covered in nacho cheese? In a monumental decision, he will not face jail time. Michael Monn - You are an inspiration to us all.

I like that TiVo can track what people tape and replay. It helps the networks understand what people like to see. This year the most TiVo'd Oscar moment was Jamie Foxx's speech. At the party I went to, they seemed to enjoy replaying some lady's big, fake, shiny boobies.

Case of the Mondays? Here's something you might like.

After years of posting ridiculous facts, addicting games, and other really lame crap, I found an actual blog that has some merit. Eric Alterman posts "Selling a war (honestly)" on MSNBC.com. If you're looking for something funny, this isn't the article you want to read.

And finally, from nerdy fiction to nerdy reality, "Scientific wizards find real cloak of invisibility." Sounds pretty cool to me.

2/28/05 Hauntings

Is your town haunted? My grandma sends an immense listing of haunted places all around the US.

Once again, I spent way too much time on one website today. Which, by my rules, means I have to post it. I proudly introduce my new interactive buddy. He doesn't like getting blown up by grenades that much.

The Buffalo Nickel is making a comeback in 2005. This time, it's got a visible weener.

The weekly ESPN basketball power rankings are out. The usual powerhouses are sitting up top - The Pistons, Spurs, Suns, Mavericks, SuperSonics, Heat and Kings. And what's that? Is this a typo? The Bulls are 8th? It just doesn't feel right.

Speaking of Chicago - What's that smell? Oh, that would be me. I've been swimming in raw sewage. I love it!

More positive news out of Moscow - Weather forecasters will now face heavy fines if they're wrong. Here's my 2 cents worth - Just say it's gonna be brutally cold. You'll be right. They may even reward you with some vodka and snickers (the most popular candy bar in Russia).

Our world tour of facts now stops in the UK. The British definitely appreciate subtle humor as seen in this game show.

Finally, closer to home, Microsoft has translated computer slang for old people like me. I got /\/\4d 5x1llz.

2/27/05 Earth Magnetic Field Reversal

I think I may have posted something a year or so ago about the Earth Magnetic Field Reversal. According to NASA and other scientists, the magnetic field continues to lessen, which has historically been indicative of a pole reversal. This article talks about some potential consequences of this impending reversal.

I guess someone, somewhere, thought this would be funny to make. Lame.

Today I'm in complete agreement with Bill Gates. He says today's high schools are completely obsolete. "Only a fraction of our kids are getting the best education," Gates said. "Once we realize that we are keeping low-income and minority kids out of the rigorous courses, there can only be two arguments for keeping it that way: Either we think they can't learn, or we think they're not worth teaching. The first argument would be factually wrong. The second would be morally wrong."

Are they going to televise the Saddam Hussein trial? They say he's going to be locked up in a cage during the trial. Just like Hannibal Lecter.

2/26/05 Underwater Basket Weaving

If you're into Underwater Basket Weaving, California State University might be for you.

We have just over a year until UFO's fill the sky before the Galactic Superwave. Ah, you've gotta love news from Moscow.

That's it. That's all. I learned very little today. Peace. I'm outta here.

2/25/05 Taco Tuesday

One of the bonuses I've experienced while living in Southern California is that every Tuesday is Taco Tuesday. Tacos are half price just about everywhere they're served. Some guys bought 99 tacos at Del Taco this past Tuesday. In college I think I might have been up for the challenge to beat it.

I never watched Barney growing up. The biggest reason is that I was about 14 years old when he was popular. I really don't know anything about Barney (except that he's purple), but I had NO idea that he's a gangsta.

Here's a follow up to the singing Dutch Kid - Numa Numa Yay. I don't really understand why this got hugely popular recently. But I don't understand most trends, so I recommend never taking my advice on "what's cool".

Have you ever wondered what tests were like in the 1800's? Me neither. But here's an example from a school in Kansas from 1895. It's pretty tough - especially for 8th grade.

2/24/05 No Pants Day

Friday, May 6th is No Pants Day. I think they need a slogan. And I bet we could come up with something. Like,
- "No Pants Day - Feel the Breeze". (Submitted by: yours truly)
- "No Pants Day - Let it all Hang Out". (Submitted by: Elizabeth)
- "No Pants Day - Let's get crackin'." (Submitted by: Elizabeth)
- "No Pants Day - Your Hole or Mine?" (Submitted by: Elizabeth)
- "Come one, Come all to No Pants Day" (Submitted by: me)
- "Unzip a No Pants Day" (Submitted by: ok, that's my last one)

Ours are really lame, I know. So please, submit some better ones in the comments section below.

Speaking of slogans - Here's a Slogan Generator. This could possibly be helpful.



Check out the OneLook Reverse Dictionary. Once you do, can you explain it to me? I sorta get it. But then again, I don't.

2/23/05 The Powerball

It's not too often that I get excited about a product. To be quite honest, I haven't really bought much for myself in the last couple of years. But I found something today that has me wanting one. It's called a Powerball Gyroscope. It's a non-motorized gyroscope that you rev up with your hand, wrist and arm. The gyroscope goes faster as you get stronger and improve your technique. And as it moves, the Powerball also increases your strength since it takes resistance to keep the Powerball still. Check out the website to get a more accurate description. Additionally, there is an RPM high score list. One guy cracked the 15,000 RPM threshold. I'm really not sure why I'm obsessed with this product. Nevertheless, I am and I'd might actually buy one.

Here's a video clip I found of a guy breaking 15,000 RPM. It looks a little painful.

Remember the gross, mutant little girl from Total Recall? She's a HOTTIE.

Thanks to my grandma for sending a look into your past life. I guess I was born in Borneo in 825.

2/22/05 Paris Hilton's Phone Book

Ok. I'm not a huge celebrity follower. But, here it is. Paris Hilton's hacked phone book. I'm sure by now every number has been changed.

You know you never go to the library. Now you have an excuse. Classic Literature is now available at Online-Literature.com. I know for a fact that George Orwell's "1984" is available in its entirety.

Mobile PC Magazine lists its Top 100 Gadgets of All Time. The Pez Dispenser, Rubik's Cube, The Lite Brite, Speak and Spell, the Clapper, and the I-Pod all made the list.

College Humor posts the Biggest Overreactions in Pop Culture History. First on the list:
Goonies - Troy, the son of a man who is about to tear down the Goonies’ parents house, tries to murder one of the Goonies by pushing him off of a cliff. This is apparently because said Goonie is riding a bike that is too small for him. And it’s a girl’s bike.

Thank you to everyone who has called and/or emailed with concerns about my ability to swim and the waterproof qualities of my laptop. Yes, Los Angeles has had more rain recently than Seattle or San Francisco. But I'm fine. In comparison, the average summer in Guadalajara, Mexico has 30 inches of rainfall. As of Monday, Los Angeles has had 32.03 inches this winter. Plus, I told my mom I'd wear a suit this week. That way if I die in a mudslide, there's no need to buy another suit for the funeral. I decided to help streamline the body to casket process. She said to remember clean underwear and that nobody would recognize me in a suit since I normally dress like a shlub. It's good to know my mom can appreciate my wacked out sense of humor.

2/21/05 Mahna Mahna

After weeks of searching, I finally found a copy of the Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper commercial. Do doo do do do.

I found two funny things on EBay today.
1) Check out this guy's response to positive feedback.
2) Check out what this chick is selling (safe for work). People wonder why I'm not dating while living in Orange County. Hopefully this might explain my reasons. The current top bid for a 1 hour dinner date with her is $14,999. Plus the expense of the date.

Cousin Eric sends the brainteaser of the week - Petals Around the Rose. If you've never seen it before it's fun to figure out.

I need help with a dream interpretation. From what I remember a squirrel was biting my leg because I had his toy. Immediately after, a rabbit was biting the same leg because he wanted the apple I had in my pocket. The apple was green and it was my right leg. And I gave my apple to the rabbit.

Please feel free to post any ideas in the Comments section below.

From a dream dictionary, here's what I have so far:

Apple -
A favourite or something you desire, apple of your eye
Bad apple, the bad one, the trouble causer within a group
Something that is neat, orderly or organized, apple-pie order
Temptation
Upsetting the apple cart; halting the progress of something, causing disruption
Wholesomeness and vitality, apple a day

Squirrel -
Being highly efficient, productive or industrious
Moving too fast
Planning, saving or providing for the future
Hiding something or putting it in a safe place, squirreling away
A person that is skittish, unpredictable or difficult to handle

Rabbit -
Indecision, hopping from one thing to another
Needing to slow down, take time to smell the rose
Fertility, procreation
Abundance, prosperity
Nervousness, vulnerability, fear, skittishness
Childlike cuddliness
Luck, a rabbit’s foot
Needing to eat more whole, raw foods, rabbit food

2/20/05 Addicting Games

Believe it or not, I've actually been busy this weekend. I know, it's not my style to run around all weekend, but I decided to shake things up for a change of pace.

This will help explain why all I have for today is a few addicting games. I suppose this will serve some people well on a lazy Monday back at work.

Game 1 - Max Breakout. It's probably my least favorite of the three. It's like Atari's Breakout, but not. If you play it, you'll see what I mean.

Game 2 - The Box 3. It's like the old MS-DOS game Nibbles, but instead of a snake, you're a little box being chased by a big box. It's more fun than I just described.

Game 3 - Squares 2. Had I thought this out, I would have made Game 2 be Squares 2 and Game 3 be The Box 3. But I don't feel like changing it now. This game is sort of similar to The Box 3, but instead of using the arrow keys, you use your cursor. Black boxes are your friends. Red boxes are not.

I did learn one thing - That Judaism has rules for chewing gum.

And finally, you can search the internet by file type (ie. JPG, MP3, etc.) using OpenDirectories.net.

2/19/05 Rocky IV

They just don't make movies like Rocky IV anymore. The movie is just un-turn-offable. I had laundry sitting in a public laudromat on a late Saturday afternoon, so needless to say, machines were at a premium. And I could not, for the life of me, miss Rocky Balboa's knockout of Ivan Drago in the 15th PA3 (apparently PA3 is Round in Russian, or so I gathered from the movie). Between Rocky IV and the Indiana Jones trilogy on the Sci-Fi channel, it's amazing I've done anything today.

Last summer I read a book about gravity waves. In a nutshell, among Einstein's many theories and predictions, gravity waves is the last major one yet to be proven experimentally. From what I understand, changes in gravity, such as a supernova, will cause ripples in space time, much like a stone being thrown into a pond. The result would be a quick expansion and contraction of all matter. There are two experimental centers in the U.S. that are recording data (I won't go into the specifics of how it's done since I don't understand it completely, nor do I want to write for the next hour and a half). Long story short, there is now software you can load onto your computer to help process the information called Einstein At Home. It's exactly like Seti @ Home where it uses your computer only when you're not, but instead of looking for ET, you'd be looking for gravity waves.

Get a free subscription to Blender Magazine - Thanks Mike!

Also from Mike - A neat look into the mind of an autistic savant.

2/18/05 Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mm

Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mm, Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mm.

How did I miss this movie in theaters?

I've been looking for winning statistics for Texas Hold 'Em hole cards. For example, if you play with 10 people and have pocket aces, you'll win 31% of the time. And if you have a Queen Ten, you'll win 11.999% of the time.

2/17/05 NBA All Star Weekend

All Star games pretty much suck. I seriously doubt I've offended anyone by making that statement. The players don't want to be there, but they go in order to avoid a PR fiasco. Nobody really tries and the outcome doesn't matter. In my opinion, out of all of the sucky all star events, basketball's is probably the best. In order to quickly defend my opinion, let's focus on the four major sports - Baseball, Basketball, Football and Hockey. Nobody I know really follows hockey, and since the season is cancelled, they can't have the best all star game. Football's all star game is after the season is over and it's in Hawaii every year. Nobody really watches that game either and the players' only reason to go is the free trip to Hawaii. Baseball's all star game is pretty lame, since pitchers can't go more than 3 innings and just about every starter is out by the 4th inning. The homerun contest used to be a little fun when they didn't test for steroids, but those fun and games are over. Which leaves us with basketball. The 3-point contest is usually pretty entertaining. The dunk contest was fun about 18 years ago when Michael Jordan and Dominique Wilkins were going head to head. And if you've ever wanted to see a game with a score of 187-164, the Rookie Challenge is for you. The reason I write this long rant is to present ESPN's Sports Guy's Ten Ways to fix All-Star Weekend. My favorite idea is a game of H-O-R-S-E.

And while I'm talking about The Sports Guy, here are some of his ramblings. Included are:
- "Don't you wish there were odds on this Michael Jackson trial, just so we could wager on things like "6-to-1 that one of the Culkins will be a mystery witness for the prosecution"?"
- "If the Doug Christie jersey is the perfect gift for that one buddy who's a little too whipped, shouldn't the Freddie Mitchell jersey be the perfect gift for that annoying co-worker who talks too much and doesn't pull his weight? Freddie needs to enter our everyday language, as in, "Yeah, we finally fired him, he had a little too much Freddie Mitchell in him." Or, "Don't take him seriously; he's the Freddie Mitchell of our office.""
- "I have to be the only person who spent 45 minutes on Google trying to figure out how to download the "NBA on CBS" theme on my cell phone."

I played the Revamped Ball Game again (the same one from yesterday that I said I'd never touch again), and this time I beat it. There's only, oh, 100 or so levels. Yes, I have way too much free time.

From the "Jetson's" files - Scientists have invented a Mood Sensitive Car that keep the driver happy and alert.

2/16/05 I am the smartest man alive!

Do you ever have one of those days where everything seems to go right? At the end of the day you feel really good, and deep down you feel like you're the best looking, smartest person alive. Well, you may still be good looking, but a 3-year old became Mensa's youngest member. Don't feel so smart anymore, do ya?

For anyone who's known me for a while, I was one of the first people to speak out about Major League Baseball's failure to test for steroids, way before it became a topic in the media. Now the big steroid uproar is about Jose Canseco's book and whether or not to believe him. ESPN's Jeff Maron helps us determine what's true and what's not.

Random thought - Why is the song called "96 Tears"? What's the significance of crying 96 tears? What was wrong with 86? Or maybe 92 tears? Why not just round up to 100?

Why was I not informed of the Blog Awards? I sure hope there wasn't a "Best Blog on a Nacho Website Award". Cuz, if there was, I'm real upset I wasn't at least nominated.

Another addicting game. This one's real easy to learn, and even easier to get royally pissed off at. I nearly blew a fuse on level 23 and vowed never to touch the game again.

It's a little late, but here's an interesting Valentine's Day message.

The other day I posted teen internet lingo. Today, it's just Teen Lingo. From the ones I read, I understand almost half. Almost.

I have NO idea what the purpose of this video is. I guess Britain foiled some terrorist attack yesterday?

2/15/05 The Church of Scientology

The Church of Scientology has popped into my life more in the last week than it has in my entire life previously. There's an article today about Jenna Elfman (aka Dharma) and her involvement in the church. I was also invited by my buddy to check out the church's headquarters in Los Angeles last Friday. So, out of curiosity, I did. I'm going to give my best effort to appear neutral in my opinion of the church and present two links. The first link is for the church itself - It was founded by L. Ron Hubbard and has a large following worldwide, including Tom Cruise and John Travolta. And the second link is to Operation Clambake, which is probably the church's biggest opponent on the internet. On a sidenote, as I kid I thought Dianetics was written by a black guy named "Elron Hubbard".

From the "Politically Incorrect" files, men and women think differently.

Ok, onto the fun stuff...

First bit of fun - a few video clips.
1) Geniuses towing a car in the snow
2) Two guys who do voices on the Simpsons
3) I suppose it's my obligation to post the, now famous, Singing Dutch Kid

And finally, from the "Damn I'm Lazy" department - This picture.

2/14/05 Happy Valentine's Day

I hope everybody had the Valentine's Day they've been hoping for. Mine was actually very nice, considering the fact that I'm as single as I've been in a long, long time. I found some good cards online. Well, assuming that you think that Super Mario Bros. and Zelda cards are cool.

Here's a pretty addicting game. It reminds me of a game I played when I was a kid called Rack-O. I think Rack-O may have been popular in the 50s, so don't worry if you've never heard of it.

Thanks to Mike for this Rock Paper Scissors trainer.

I've always hated mimes. I really have. They piss me off and give me nightmares. But this dude has actually changed my mind a little.

In a blow to freedom of speech, the FEC (Federal Election commission) is considering adding restrictions on political activity on the Internet.

I used to really respect NOVA as a source of scientific information. The other day I posted an article about the box that can predict the future. Today I found an article about living forever. Apparently we're 20 years away from making people immortal. I'm speechless.

An American Fable

I've been looking for this story for quite some time now. It struck a chord with me the first time I read it a number of years ago and my dad sent it to me in an email the other day, so I've decided to post it...

The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."

The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs." The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?" To which the American replied, "15 to 20 years." "But what then?" asked the Mexican. The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions." "Millions?...Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

2/13/05 The Chupacabra

A few weeks ago I wrote about Scooby Doo and The Chupacabra. And today I found an article about a strange corpse that has been found in New Mexico. Some people think it may be the remains of a chupacabra.

Some people like to anonymously telling their secrets in confessional. These people like putting them on postcards and posting them on the internet.

Are you a man, boy?! I'll show you a man! Kick me in the jimmy!

2/12/05 The Future

According to Nova, there's a black box that can potentially see into the future. The way it works is that it these box spits out random numbers - Just 1's and 0's. On average the 1's and 0's even out and there's an equal amount of both. If you read the article, there were large anomalies where there was a great difference between the 1's and 0's. One time this occurred was as the terrorists were about to board the flights on 9/11. The other time is the day before the tsunami hit. If anyone knows more about this, I'd be interested to read about it because it seems pretty far fetched, but it's also very intriguing.

Since I posted something serious, here's something really cute. I haven't posted enough cute things recently. Or ever, for that matter.

I also haven't posted enough cool things. So here's something that's pretty cool to watch. Ok, it's only cool for maybe 30 seconds, so don't get all excited.

Would your mom like to make $10,000? Maybe she'd like to try out for this documentary.

Do you know IM lingo? GLYASDI.

2/11/05 Disco Fever

Sometimes I feel like my generation missed out on the disco craze of the 70's. Thanks to Mike for confirming my suspicions - He sends a great video of a dude with some mad moves.

Do you ever get pissed off and want to hit stuff? Why is that? For this guy, it's because he can't beat PacMan.

Here's another game - Today's game is snowboarding.

2/10/05 Cost of War

What's the cost of the War in Iraq for the United States? As of right now it's over $153,000,000,000. "Instead, we could have ensured that every child in the world was given basic immunizations for 51 years." "Instead, we could have fully funded global anti-hunger efforts for 6 years." "Instead, we could have provided 7,455,522 students four-year scholarships at public universities."

From Cousin Jeff - The uncensored version of the GoDaddy.com Ad. Again, you may have to open it in a new browser window and paste the URL in - http://www.czabe.com/audioclips/1FULLCOVERAGE_LARGE.wmv

The 101 dumbest business moments of the last year. RealNetworks CEO Rob Glaser made #7, #8, and #9.

Here's a game to play at work - ATV Racer.

I found out that I'm not the only one to try the hardest puzzle on the internet. I'm advertising my loser-dom and telling you that I'm now on level 10.

2/9/05 Dr. Marvin! I'm Sailing!

I just went on one of the more crazy adventures in my life. I am writing about it to explain why I didn't post anything yesterday. My neighbor just bought a yacht and needed to move it "down the coast". So we (four of us total) drove up to Ventura last night, slept on the boat for a few hours, woke up at 4:45 am, and started sailing. Well, the plan was to sail, but there was zero wind just about all day. So we used the little putting outboard motor for 14 of the 17 hours. It was really frickin' cool. I learned more today than I have in a long time. But it's the kind of learning you can only really experience firsthand. But after 120-some odd nautical miles, we're back and alive and well.

The only link I have before I hit the hay is very confusing.

2/7/05 Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, B, A, Select, Start

Raise you hand if you want to be player 2 in a game of Contra. Did anybody ever win without using the code? You've gotta click "Watch This Movie" if you, well, want to watch the movie. If you've ever played Contra, you'll get it. Otherwise it won't make any sense whatsoever.

I have a whole mish mosh of facts today. There's really no overriding theme. Come to think of it, there's rarely a theme to my posts. Forget I said anything.

If you've been reading these posts somewhat regularly for at least a few months, you may remember my mini-obsession with the Myers-Briggs personality test. It appears that I'm not the only one who puts a little faith in the results of that test. Jon Niednagel does too. He actually determines the personality types of athletes to help figure out their ability to become a leader and/or a superstar.

Thanks to Guadalajara Patty for sending this movie. It's a pretty intense conspiracy theory type movie that questions what actually hit the Pentagon on 9/11. I'd be interested to read anything to the contrary - You know, anything that debunks this theory.

And thanks to my dad for sending a link to a site that offers a free email account. It also turns out to be the longest alphabetical email address in the world.

Finally, a special thanks to Mike for posting the link yesterday in the comments section to a video for Mahna Mahna. Man, that song rules. Here it is - http://www.koreus.com/files/200405/mahnamahna.wmv (Note: You may have to copy and paste the link into your browser for it to work)

You know you grew up in the 80's if...

I just feel like posting this for no good reason. It's not even my fact for today. It's just a bonus post that hit real close to home.

YOU KNOW YOU GREW UP IN THE 80's IF..........

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE"
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Belair" ...and can do the "Carlton".
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls or all of the He-Man collection (including Castle Greyskull).
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom
8. Two words: Hammer Pants
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars...and spokey-dokes" or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect.
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "DuckTales"(Woo ooh!)
12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch
cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head, or shaved things into the back of your head.
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen...and still know the turtles' names.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class
at school.
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
17. You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear....need I say more?
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten. (She's truly outrageous.)
21. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all the Ramona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pail Kids in the schoolyard.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. (and like#24, probably in neon colors, too)
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember Popples.
43. "Don't worry, be happy"
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do... getting yelled at by "younger hip" members of the family)
46. You remember boom boxes.. and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
47. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"
49. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Pony Tales"/"G.I. Joe" and "Transformers"
50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool... and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB".
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class.
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME.
55. You just sang those words to yourself.
56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
57. Homemade Levi shorts.. (the shorter the better)
58. You remember when mullets were cool!
59. You had a mullet!
60. You still sing "We are the World"
61. You tight rolled your jeans.
62. You owned a banana clip
63. You remember "Where's the Beef?"
64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' about Willis?"
65. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.
66. You're still singing YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME in your head, aren't you!!!

2/6/05 The Random

Are you bored of the same old web sites? Try a random website. Just click on the picture and you'll get some random site on the internet. Actually, to tell you the truth, I tried it 4 or 5 times, and they were all pretty lame.

At least the Superbowl was a close game. I wore my McNabb jersey with pride today. But the real star of the game was, once again, the commercials. The internet's a beautiful thing - within hours of the game, they are all online to watch again.

NachosRule.com got far more hits today than normal. My guess is that people were looking for Superbowl nacho recipes. I've been meaning to put some recipes up since the website went up about 4 years ago. We'll get them up. I swear. While I'm writing about the website in general, the first "Something I learned today" was posted on 2/8/02. It's hard to believe I've been doing this for 3 years now.

In honor of the almost three year anniversary, I present one of my favorite songs of all time.

2/5/05 Nintendo

I stumbled across a website where you can play every Nintendo game ever. I played "Deja Vu" for a few minutes and tried "Baseball Stars" for an inning. They both seem to work just fine. Ahhh, memories.

Gizoogle is "Fo all you beotches who wanna find shiznit".

Today's a slow fact day. I got caught up watching old Beavis and Butthead episodes on MTV2 tonight and didn't really find much of interest on the internet. Except that you can find Beavis and Butthead episodes on TV 10 years after they came out. Did anybody try that really difficult internet riddle thing from yesterday? I didn't think so.

Have fun at your Superbowl party tomorrow. And in case you actually care about the outcome - Good luck to your team.

2/4/05 What you really think

Harvard University has a few short tests online called Project Implicit. It's a real neat way to see how your mind associates certain ideas. For example, they hypothesize that westerners associate youth with good and old with bad. The short tests let you see how your mind works. It's pretty fascinating if you have a few minutes.

Anderson County, Tennessee has a 24/7 live webcam of their jail. So far all I've seen is the person at the front desk doing some work.

Don't you wish someone would put Simon from American Idol in his place? Well, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog did a pretty good job.

Alright, I think I found the hardest riddle ever. More than 1,300,000 have tried solving the riddle since August 2004 and as of today, only 28 have succeeded. With internet help, I got to level 6 and gave up. It's like nothing I've ever seen, and my guess is that the majority of people who try it will give up within five minutes or less.

2/3/05 Valentine's Day

Are you struggling to find something for your sweetie for Valentine's Day? Here's something that's proven to keep her happy.

Win a date with Tara Reid. Seriously.

Have you ever needed help with passive-aggressive communication? Try the link - It might be able to help :)

I really have no idea what this is, but I spent more than 10 seconds playing with it, so I've put up a link. And no, it's not like that. Perv.

2/2/05 Let the Healing Begin

I actually had a thought today. Yes, I know it's hard to believe, but I did. And my thought is that the nation has finally healed from 9/11. I made this decision based on the media coverage lately. It seems like we're finally back to the days where a Michael Jackson trial is now making the headlines. We should be relieved that Ashlee Simpson's suck-dom makes the front page of the paper. There hasn't been such celebrity crap on TV since the pre-9/11 days. So next time you get pissed at the crap on TV, remember, healing is good. Ok, thought's over.

A big thanks to Mike for sending a great clip of MatisYahu, the Jewish Rapper/Reggae guy.

Did you catch the 90-foot, buzzer beater in a college basketball game? Here it is. And here's a neat video of the kid after the game. I just called a college athlete a kid. Damn, I'm old.

Fifty ways you know you're an asshole. #23. You try to join a cappella groups to get chicks. #34. You use AIM expressions in normal conversations, i.e. lol or brb. #38. You've heard people refer to you with the word 'sketchy' as a prefix to your name.

Do you have a corrupt mind? Don't open this at work. Unless you work with a bunch of little kids. Then I guess it's ok. You'll see what I mean. Except if you're at work. It's actually questionable when it comes to workplace appropriate. I mean, I'd probably open it. When I was working, that is. But then again, there may be a correlation here between my employment status and the things I used to do at work.

Thank you to the 12 people who clicked on ads yesterday. I guess it really does work. And somehow I actually earned 70 cents for the 12 clicks. Trust me, this wasn't about the money. BUUUUUT... Now that I think about it, at the 5.83 cents per click, I could maybe remain unemployed if that number increased to 1200 a day. Ok, it's probably closer to 12,000, but still, a man can dream, right? Do you think we could start a campaign? If we could somehow get a few extra clicks (special conversion: "few" = 10,000,000), and I'd buy a big house where was all could live happily and frolic in nachos.

2/1/05 Big Mac, McDLT, a Quarter Pounder with some Cheese...

Just when I thought Cousin Danny couldn't do anything dumber, he does something like this... and completely redeems himself - by sending a link to the McDonald's Menu Song. Man, does that bring back memories of my Fisher Price record player. And sadly, I'm sure I'm not the only one who remembered the song word for word.

Happy February. I'm going to pretend that January only had 30 days, since I completely flaked on a fact for yesterday. But since I've been relatively generous and posted 4 or 5 facts a day, I'll hope you'll let this one slide.

I learned that Mike Judge, creator of Beavis and Butthead, was born in Ecuador.

I also learned that Philadelphia Eagles fans are insane. Many of them are borrowing money against their houses to go to Jacksonville this weekend. From the article - "Sometimes the cards are maxed out and you gotta do what you gotta do."

And for my nerdy fact of the day, Google is pushing the envelope with a stab at artificial intelligence. It's based on the distance words are from each other. The article will do a far superior job of explaining it than I can.

I'm doing a little test and would greatly appreciate your participation. All I'm asking is that you click one or two (or more) of the Google Ads to the right. Google claims that maybe 1 person a week clicks on one of those ads. If everyone clicks on a couple in the next day or two, I can know for sure if they're telling me the truth. Don't buy anything - just click, let the page load and leave. Thanks.

1/30/05 Darwin's Revenge

Why are "we" fat? Because of the last ice age. Or so this article says. Yeah, like obesity has been an epidemic for the last 10,000+ years and we're just starting to notice. Let's place the blame on the ice age instead of all the crap that is allowed to be put into our food supply. It's not the fact that our food is filled with phenylalanine, sodium phosphates, TBHQ (what the hell is that stand for?), diacetyl tartaric acid esters of mono- and diglycerides, dimethylpolysiloxane, and potassium sorbate, right? Note: Every one of those ingredients came off of the McDonald's Menu.

Only one week until the new commercials come out. Some of last year's Superbowl Commercials are online. And as an added bonus, this link also goes to the trailer for "The Ring 2". Not only was the first movie AWESOME, but Naomi Watts is also pretty hot.

I hacked George W's hotmail account. See what happens when you have too much free time?

Do you need a game to play at work on Monday? Try BMX Bikeflips. Or how about Bumper Karts?

1/29/05 Paper Beats Rock

For those of you who have doubted me, Rock Paper Scissors is a serious, competitive event. Maybe next year the world championships will be in Japan.

Have you ever gotten into an argument with your dad? So did this 14 year-old.

Having solved all other crime in Illinois, Governor Blagojevich is now busting low stakes, home poker games.

I bet that in the mullet community, this guy gets all the chicks.

Do you feel like getting kissing disease? I'd rather get ebola. (Thanks to Gary for the link).

1/28/05 Chimeras

China's making Animal-Human hybrids. Why am I the only one freaked out by reading this?

How can I best describe this? Let's see... I got it.... OUCH! Thanks to Bob for the article.

Also thanks to Bob - Old and busted, Polyphonic ring tones. New hotness, Moan Tones.

Ahh, nerdy weddings. How cute.

ESPN's "The Sports Guy" has posted the best quotes of the last year or so. Here are a few:

"I eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before every game. Whoever invented that was smart. That's got to be one of the best sandwiches ever."-- Bulls rookie Ben Gordon

"Don't get me wrong, everything the media writes is not wrong. But I'd say 99 percent of it is wrong, in my opinion, but I don't read the newspaper, so I don't know. I hear things, though."-- Bears defensive back R.W. McQuarters

"You can't just go out and buy a championship ring ... well, unless Dwight Gooden runs out of coke."-- Adam Carolla, when the Yankees acquired Alex Rodriguez.

Finally - Holy Prom Dress, Batman! There are times where I think that I'd be a real bad parent and actually consider never having kids. This would be an argument to support that idea. Man, if I ever have a daughter, she's gonna hate me.

1/27/05 I Love the 90's

I'm up late (again) and I'm watching VH1's "I Love the 90's". Turns out that I catch the episode that reminisces on 1999. Are they serious? They're getting all nostalgic about "Win Ben Stein's Money" and "Destiny's Child" and "Being John Malkovich"? I've been meaning to see that movie. For over 5 years now. What's sadder? I watched the entire hour-long episode. And since they're out of years in the 90's, we're now back to the 1990 episode. Man, I'm a loser.

Don't you love getting error messages on your computer? Now you can make your own.

A big thanks to Nothing Greater, Nothing Worse for linking to the NachosRule.com Poetry Page.

What does it feel like to be at the bottom of a pile in the NFL? You probably don't want to know.

I don't like their beer, but I admire their commercials. Unfortunately, Budweiser is pulling what could possibly be a really funny commercial from the Superbowl. Damn the FCC. Also, keep your eye out for the Bud Light commercial with the guy in the shock collar. My friend from high school is shock collar guy and this could possibly be his big break.

1/26/05 Transform Yourself

Have you ever wondered what you might look like if you were of a different ethnicity? I found some website where you can upload a picture and transform your face. It's works maybe 50% of the time, but it's fun when it works. I haven't told him yet, but I turned my dad Asian.

Here's a good example of a drunk driver test.

To the kind, loyal reader from Cincinnati who is very politically driven, please ignore this post. It's another cheap shot at President Bush.

From the "Too much time on their hands" department, The Patriots are favored in the Superbowl. Why? "Human Mascots Typically Triumph Over Animal Mascots in Super Bowls."

Have you been wondering what Richard Simmons has been up to lately? Me too.

1/25/05 Sometimes I just like hitting stuff

It's ok to hit stuff. It may actually make you smarter. Remember when Beavis was hitting the drum? And he talked about getting a combine and a front-end loader and a getaway car? That ruled.

AskMen.com has come out with their 99 Most Desirable Women. I got dibs on #19.

Flick: Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That's dumb!
Schwartz: That's 'cause you know it'll stick!
Flick: You're full of it!
Schwartz: Oh yeah?
Flick: Yeah!
Schwartz: Well I double-DOG-dare ya!
Narrator: NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a "triple dare ya"? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare.
Schwartz: I TRIPLE-dog-dare ya!
Narrator: Schwartz created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple dare and going right for the throat!

From the "How To" files - How to detect a lie. For example, "If you believe someone is lying, then change subject of a conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to back to the previous subject."

If you've considered visiting me in the OC, might I suggest July 9th? Thanks to RPS Dave for sending me a link to the 26th Annual Mooning of Amtrak. Yup, we can spend all day showing our butts to Amtrak passengers. Doesn't that sound like fun?

1/24/05 Why women can't read maps

Did you see that some big cheese at Harvard is in trouble for suggesting that men and women think differently and that men are naturally programmed to excel at math and science? Well, at risk of getting myself in the same kind of hot water, the University of New Mexico explains why women have trouble reading maps. It's actually an interesting finding if you can get past the un-PC-ness of the statement.

Here's some weird game where you just throw a guy as far as you can. It's appropriately named, Chuck.

For my public service announcement of the week, here's an explanation of the hydrogenation process. In a lot of foods you may see "partially hydrogenated" something. According to this explanation, "Hydrogenated fats are oils that have been processed through a chemical hardening method to achieve increased plasticity (stiffness) of the liquid oils at room temperature. Partial hydrogenation (brush hydrogenation) hardens oils but does not make them fully solid." Basically, your body cannot properly use the energy of hydrogenated fats (also known as Trans-Fasts). And even worse, you body has difficulty getting rid of them too. So it just sticks somewhere in your body, making you fatter and more unhealthy. So, do your best to stay away from trans fats.

Remember the game Simon? I once remember watching my brother and some of my cousins in our basement, writing down the colors on a piece of paper. They must have gone for 75 hits or so. Here's online Simon. But it's harder than the one you're used to. If you think you're real good, try Nightmare Mode.

In response to the comment yesterday about the book, it's called How to Think Like Leonardo Da Vinci: Seven Steps to Genius Everyday. I brushed my teeth with my left hand today. I also used my left hand to soap up today in the shower (sorry for the mental image). I don't feel any smarter yet, but it's still only day one.

1/23/05 Case of the Mondays

I know it's Sunday night, but nobody will read this until Monday. So in honor of "Looks like somebody has a case of the Mondays", a great Craigslist rant.

I suppose this book is a mathematician's wet dream, but I don't get it.

Does anybody live near Utica, NY? Is this guy really the Fox weatherman?

I've been reading this book on how to think like Da Vinci. I'm at a part that gives suggestions on how to wake up dormant parts of your brain. The author suggests using your non-dominant hand for activities like brushing your teeth and learning to juggle. So, I'm planning on trying the left hand thing for a week or so to see what happens. Feel like joining the ambidextrous movement?

1/22/05 Worst. Day. Ever.

Thanks to Mike for sending in a warning for Monday. According to Cardiff University study, Monday, January 24th will be the worst day of they year. Hopefully this post will give you enough advance warning to prepare for the day.

This is a pretty unique clock for your computer.

Some new optical illusions. A few of them actually made me a little ill.

Hardest. IQ Test. Ever.

To make you feel a little better about the IQ tests, here are some tests you can pass. Like the Hippie Test, Bitch/Asshole Test, White Trash Test, and Metrosexual Test.

1/21/05 Ahhh, weather in North Carolina

I need someone from the Charlotte area to confirm that this guy is a real news weatherman in your area.

Darn, I forgot to put this on my Christmas list. Maybe next year.

Free Porn Magic!

I realize that my posts have been somewhat weak the last couple of days. I'm sure I'll be back with something more substantial very soon. But for today, this is all I've learned.

1/20/05 Vegetable Cruelty

From the "Lettuce feels the most pain" files - Vegetable Cruelty.

Continuing with the pen theme from yesterday, some guy (girl, company, I don't know) wants your company pen.

Bored at Work?

I'm actually sick and pretty tired, so that's it for today. Buenas noches.

1/19/05 Second Term

Jib Jab's back again with another animated dealie - Second Term.

Need a pen? Take note (no pun intended) of the company's name.

Define awkward. Ahh, you've almost have to feel bad for Bill Gates. Ok, just kidding. You don't.

Ok fellas - Is someone hounding you to make your bed? Your mom? Your woman? Voices in your head? Well, good news. Leaving your bed unmade is healthier for you.

Did anybody else watch the show "Distraction" on Comedy Central last night? It was like watching a train wreck. I wanted to look away, but I just couldn't. It is the most heinous, awful game show I have ever seen. People were clipping clothes pins to their own faces. They were getting bottles and chairs smashing over their heads every time they buzzed in. In the bonus round, one dude had already won a car, and then the other contestants came back out with paint and sledgehammers. For each question the winner got wrong, the other contestants would mess up a part of his new car - The headlights, paint on the roof, the doors and the windshield. Anyways, it airs on Tuesdays in case you're interested.

For anyone interested in my world of interviewing I have now had 3 final interviews since I moved to California. You know, where I dress up in a suit and talk to people for half a day. Anyways, I'm batting a Joe Borchard-esque 0 for 3. Now, I'd like to recap the feedback from each of the three companies.

Interview #1: Very professional. Definitely (insert company name here) material. Too technical.
Interview #2: Unprofessional. Flippant. Belligerent. Technical managers were impressed, but head interviewer was not.
Interview #3: Very professional. Good understanding of business processes. Not technical enough.

What I'm to take from this is that I'm both professional and unprofessional, and both too technical and technically lacking. Damn, I'm smooth. Wanna stroke my beard?

The question rolls over from yesterday since nobody answered (and since I don't have another one to post). What's the worst movie you've ever seen?

1/18/05 Weezer rules!

Ok, I'm back to posting time wasting games. Today's game is jamming out to Weezer. It's like those Dance Revolution games, but with your fingers. Which goes to prove my theory that despite my lack of dancing rhythm, I still can't play the game with my fingers. And speaking of fingers, I really mangled my middle finger playing basketball today. So if it appears that I'm flicking you off, well, I probably am.

From Cousin Jeff, Woman eats 6 pound burger (and 5 pound of fixins') in 3 hours.

A 100-mile long ice shelf is ready to make impact to Antarctica. The fresh water could (I'm looking for the liquid version of "feed" here) everyone on earth for several months.

From the "I'm a lover, not a fighter" files, here's Strange-Facts.com.

Again, thanks for the reponses yesterday. I've decided to add one of my own - Gheorghe "You Want to Smell Like Me?" Muresan in "My Giant". A special thanks to the creators of the IT Haikus. And thanks to the "anonymous", thought provoking mini-essay about the media. To whomever wrote it, it's real easy to start a blog here at www.blogger.com in case you want to post the information in a more "front and center" fashion. If you start one up, let me know and I'll link to it.

Ok, Cousin Eric once again posts a difficult movie question - What's the worst movie ever? The only thing I can think of is "Independence Day". The only reason I mention that is because I was talking about it last night with a buddy of mine. How did they upload a virus into the mother ship? You think aliens have USB ports? I seriously doubt it. Anyways, I don't really have a good answer right now.

1/17/05 Fox Blocker

Are you tired of watching Fox News? Get Fox Blocker. According to the website, "FOXBlocker is an innovative new product that filters out the FOX News network. Simply screw the filter into the back of your TV and never be exposed to right wing propaganda again (at least through FOX News)."

My cousin (name will remain anonymous) was bitching about the weather in Chicago. Look on the bright side, at least you don't live in Minnesota.

Who knew that Norway was so big. Check out MSN Maps' 1685.9 mile journey between two towns.

Hey, I just wanna thank everyone for their posts the last few days. They've made this blog actually worth reading.

Cousin Eric submits the question for the day. Who is the best professional athlete to play a role in a movie? My answer is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar as Roger Murdock in "Airplane!".

1/16/05 C-3PO Cereal

Everyone who ate C-3PO cereal as a kid, raise your hand. I don't recall this cereal existing, but there's even a commercial. How stupid did they think we were to eat C-3PO cereal? Each piece looks like a figure eight (or maybe the letter "B"). What in the hell does that have to do with C-3P0? My guess is that the Alpha-Bits machine got stuck on "B" overnight, and Kelloggs didn't want to throw them out. At the bottom of the page there are links for Rainbow Brite Cereal, Mr. T Cereal, and Bill & Ted's Excellent Cereal.

Need your TI Calculator to run a little faster? Wanna be the coolest kid in your high school? Here's how to overclock your TI.

And she would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for those meddling kids.

I played my first real organized game of Texas Hold 'Em poker tonight. After one outing, I'm already starting to get hooked. In its simplest form, it combines the skills of sitting on your ass for 4 hours, deceiving your friends and trying to take their money. It's pretty sad, now that I give it a little thought. On the bright side I made money for only the 3rd time in 6 months. The other 2 times were karaoke, and yes, gambling. What kind of lesson is this for me to be learning?

1/15/05 2005 Retrospective

Yes, we're only half a month into the new year, but National Lampoons has written its 2005 Year in Review. On April 4th, 2005, "Kabbalah overshadows Scientology as best fake religion of all time".

In real news (believe it or not), the US Military considered making gay bombs. Yup, in 1994 they funded a 6-year, $7,500,000 project to drop an aphrodisiac chemical weapon that would make the enemy lust for men, hoping the enemy troops would start having sex with each other. You still trust our government?

Sometimes I forget how funny Conan O'Brien can be. Here's a great video clip of him playing baseball in 1864.

I've been asked a number of times how I come up with these links everyday. First and foremost, I spend far too much time online. Second, just about anything that I read all the way through to the end or that I bookmark to read again and again will eventually make it on this blog. One of the pages I've been reading at least a few times a week is Points in Case. I know I've posted it before, but I think it warrants re-posting. I even submitted a conversation that was accepted.

I also learned today while I was running spell check that Blogger doesn't accept "blog" as a valid word. Weak.

1/14/05 DEFCON

A couple of years ago over dinner, my cousins, brother and I developed our own personal "DEFCON system". At the time we felt pretty clever, and still do to this day. But we know that nobody else really thinks we're that funny. Years ago the government developed the DEFCON system - It stands for Defense Conditions. The only reason I know this is from watching War Games with Matthew Broderick. The official definitions are:

DEFCON 5 Normal peacetime readiness
DEFCON 4 Normal, increased intelligence and strengthened security measures
DEFCON 3 Increase in force readiness above normal readiness
DEFCON 2 Further Increase in force readiness, but less than maximum readiness
DEFCON 1 Maximum force readiness

Our definitions, however similar, had to do with our deuce dropping readiness. Or, more to the point, how long it was going to be before we had to shit. We've yet to come up with official definitions, but I think we agreed that DEFCON 1 meant that we soiled our britches. Honestly I have no idea why I'm posting this other than the fact that I had a really long, weird day and felt like sharing this bit of information for anyone kind enough to read this blog.

I have no idea where The Price is Right finds their contestants. But seriously, calling this guy a spaz wouldn't be completely accurate.

And finally, to accurately describe my day, I gave VirtuallyLost.net a good once over. I'm still way confused, so it's probably time to get some shut eye.

1/13/05 The Best Original Nintendo Game Ever

The Nacho Expert and I have been playing a little game every morning over IM. We come up with a question for the day and then ask whoever we feel like. Today's question, as posed by the Nacho Expert, is "What is the best game for the original Nintendo?" Sample answers have been Zelda and Pro Wrestling (Bob), Super Mario Brothers (Chantal), Super Mario Brothers 3 (Gary), Track and Field (Me). I think this question has potential, so post yours below if you want. I also decided that the worst game I could think of was 10 Yard Fight, where you guy went in motion for 30 seconds and you could drop back 95 yards and throw a 105 yard touchdown pass.

Huh huh... Goofus is cool.

Tron. The remake?

IT Haikus. Funny for people like me who know nothing but corporate BS and managers who drone on about mission statements.

Oh, and wish me luck at my corporate interview tomorrow morning at the butt crack of dawn.

1/12/05 Oedipus Complex

After spending time with college students last night, I have a fond appreciation for the creativity that is fostered at universities. In my opinion, it's a shame that this kind of creativity is frowned upon once people graduate. That being said, I found what I consider, by far, the best essay on Oedipus I've ever read.

I've always been squeamish when it comes to surgery and medical things. I sometimes can't even watch an entire episode of ER (and it's not due to the acting). But I found a pretty neat knee replacement game thingie. I had no idea how a knee replacement worked. Now I do.

Do you look like your dog? These people do.

I imagine that this page is what it's like to trip on acid. Except when you're tripping on acid, you can't just click on the "x" and shut it off.

And finally, a guide to being Jewish. Even Jewish people might learn something new from this little animation.

1/11/05 Things I'm still learning

I spent the better part of today with people born in the mid-eighties. At first they didn't seem much different. I took them up on their offer to hang out on "Taco Tuesday". In fact, it was really cool of them to invite me out. But then I realized that they were all about 21 years old and I'm, well, a bit older. When "Thriller" came on the jukebox, I realized I was the only one alive when the song first came out. Even worse, I remember where I won the Thriller LP and how I won it. On the bright side, for the first time in my life I ate at Jack in the Box. Ok, it might not be a bright side some tomorrow morning, but it tasted good going down.

So, in addition to having no idea what college age dudes do nowadays, I also remembered how some guy on College Jeopardy wagered $1337 not too long ago. That's when I learned about Hacker Language. I really don't feel like writing much about this because A) if I claim to not understand the language, then I'm old and behind the times. Or B) I'm a complete nerd for explaining $1337 in great detail. So, without going into any real depth, 1337 translates to "LEET", which stands for "Elite", which is what the dude on Jeopardy was showing off with his bet. Read the link above for more info.

Other things I learned today were The History of TP, we lost 2.68 microseconds from the earthquakes a couple weeks ago (thanks Cousin Dave), and not only is 14 pounds equal to a stone, but 7 pounds is a clove, 28 pounds is a tod, 112 pounds is a hundredweight and 364 pounds is a sack. Oh, and did I mention that I have NO idea what's popular. Give the "School" song a good listen. It's kinda catchy.

1/10/05 The Worst Paid Athlete. Ever.

My question for the day is: Who is the worst paid athlete you've ever seen (live or on TV)?

Sample answers are:
"Granville Waiters" -My brother
"Al Levine" - Cousin Eric
"Malibu from American Gladiators" - Me

Feel free to post your answer below under "Comments".

Speaking of athletes... Old and busted, Curse of the Bambino. New hotness, The Chunky Soup Curse.

According to NASA, there's a major ice collision about to happen in Antarctica. It should happen by mid-month, according to the article. Maybe it'll make the earth stop ringing from the tsunamis two weeks ago.

1/9/05 Rants and Raves

For some reason I found all sorts of rants and raves in the last 24 hours. They just seemed funny, so I bookmarked a few of them. The first rant is from Craigslist.org - An Apology: To the girl in the parking garage.

Just in time for the new year, somebody decided to be overly pissed about the gym ettiquette of people who just joined this week as their resolution. Sheesh, calm down. It's only the gym.

Probably my favorite rant (also from Craigslist.org) is So you've decided to take a shit on the sidewalk. Ah, life in the big city...

And for my own rant of the day, I was informed that I was in a mini earthquake the other day. I guess we had a 4.4 at some ungodly hour in the morning. Ok, it was 6:30 am, but still, I was sleeping. Everyone else I talked to said that they felt it. I must've figured I just farted and turned over. I'm just a little disappointed that I missed my first California earthquake. Just promise me that if I die in "The Big One" that you won't refer to this post at my funeral. The last thing I want read at my funeral is "See, be careful what you ask for" or "Lucky bastard always got exactly what he wanted".

1/8/05 The Best Shark Movie since Jaws

I was just about to write my little ditty for the day, and the commercial on TV said "The best shark movie since 'Jaws', now on DVD". I'm not so much disagreeing with the claims made by the makers of "Open Water". But rather, I'm challenging anyone to name another shark based movie since Jaws. (I won't accept a Jaws sequel or "Shark Tale" since it's a cartoon).

Here's a page with more facts than I've got. I probably shouldn't be promoting "the competition", but I'm a lover, not a fighter.

You Send It is a page that you can use instead of email if you need to send a huge attachment. I've never used it, but it appears to be legit.

For all of the "Nice Guys" out there that feel like the jackasses of the world have all of the fun. Here's a tribute to you.

1/7/05 Well "Technically" I'm a Virgin

What constitutes being a virgin? This tongue in cheek website has the answer - TechnicalVirgin.com. I recommend the commercials if you have a chance.

Today I also learned How Hangovers Work. After two bartenders tried getting my cousins and me hammered only a week ago, this information seems to be too little, too late.

While we were getting free drinks from dudes, some guy was solving the Rubik's Cube in 18.50 seconds. Blindfolded. It would be close, but I would have to say that we would still win in a "Biggest Loser" contest.

I found this page a couple of weeks ago, but forgot to post it. It's a library of those Bud Light - Real American Heroes mp3s.

1/6/05 Don't Think

Has anyone else seen the new Orbitz.com commercial??? Their slogan is "Don't Think", as in, "Don't Think about the money. Just pay us and take a trip." I couldn't make this up if I tried. In the commercial somebody says, "Who will fill in for me at work?". The response is, "Don't Think". And, I swear to you, one guy says, "My legs are broken", and you see him sitting on the floor in two casts that go up to his crotch. Again, they respond, "Don't Think". What the hell kind of message is that??? "It's ok, be an idiot. We know you don't have the money to get to Vegas and back. But it's ok. Just 'Don't Think'". This is why I try and not watch TV. TV seems to be the holy shrine of "Don't Think".

On a side note, the commercial came on while I was watching Scooby Doo and the Monster of Mexico. They were searching for the Chupacabra, which is an actual mythical creature said to suck the blood from goats. It was an impressive Scooby Doo movie.

Ok, here are 17 reasons the Yankees will still not win the World Series.

1/5/05 Who loves toilets???

Something isn't right here. I talk about toilets all of the time and usually I end up losing friends over it. Some nine-year-old talks about toilets, and he gets an article on Yahoo.

Sometimes it isn't worth describing something. So just give this movie some time to load.

And while I'm on the subject of just random, weird, stuff, here's another one - The 4-year-old drummer. I can drum and talk about toilets at the same time, but nobody really seems to care. Lesson learned - It's cute when you're a kid. It's lame when you're old.

1/4/05 Game Of The Week

For the game of the week that's going to drive you batty at work, I present DarkRoom. It's one of those click around and figure out what you're trying to accomplish games. But once you get started, it's hard to quit. Plus, I am stuck right toward what I think is the end. And I can't find help online anywhere. So, I'm also posting this link because I need some help finshing the game. (Update 11:15pm - I finished the game. It was fun, but wasn't exactly Excitebike).

Also sent from Mike "the reason this blog is still running because I'm kind enough to send links via email every so often" Nadel, Google's Zeitgeist. It gives you every indication of what people are really searching for.

On a more personal note, I have some job news. I had an interview about 2 weeks ago before I left on vacation. The interviewers were generally unprepared, and the lady in charge didn't even bothering clearing the three foot high stacks of paper off of her desk for our meeting. In addition to working long overtime hours, they insisted that I work the graveyard shift. I received an email saying that they wanted a phone interview with managers in India at 9pm one night this week. Despite the high crappy-factor of the job, I emailed them back and let them know that I'd be free any night they chose. I then received another email in response, letting me know that they changed their minds and no longer want to talk to me. They were also kind enough to send feedback. For the first time in my life I was accused of giving "flippant answers". This led to their concern of, "If he does that in an interview, will he be belligerent on the job?" And my favorite is the last line from the interviewer, "However, he impressed the Manager of Application Development although I felt he did not provided thorough technical answers. But, I am not technical." There's really not much more to say about my unemployment journey for today. Except in the immortal words of Odd Todd, "For now. For what it's worth. It beats friggin' working".

1/3/05 Happy New Year

Happy New Year - I hope everybody began the new year exactly how you wanted to. I am honored that my family rang in the year with a resounding "Thundcats.... HO!". We also did the Thriller dance at about 3:00 am in honor of the movie, "13 Going on 30".

To start the new year right, BBC is offering 100 things you didn't know at this time last year. For example, #94. A cruise ship can put more than 130,000 litres of sewage into the sea each day. I can personally account for at least 100,000 litres.

And thanks to Mike for sending links while I was gone. Remember the Christmas light dude from 2 weeks ago? It was a hoax.