6/13/05 Place the State

When I was a kid, I used to put together a puzzle of the United States. I am told that I got a little obsessed with US geography and started eating pieces of food into the shape of states. Well, now for the next generation US map puzzle - Place the State. I think I got 44/50 right. This page has other state games.

Creepy as hell optical illusion.

Remember Lite Bright?

Are you good at Edward 40 hands? If so, this is for you.

6/7/05 Border Patrol

From AP News - "On April 25, Gregory Despres arrived at the U.S.-Canadian border crossing at Calais, Maine, carrying a homemade sword, a hatchet, a knife, brass knuckles and a chain saw stained with what appeared to be blood. U.S. customs agents confiscated the weapons and fingerprinted Despres. Then they let him into the United States." The picture they have on file for the guy is priceless.

Bachelor Party Bob sends a warning to all men who drink. And speaking of Bachelor Party Bob, I will be out-of-town and offline for a couple of days. Ok, 5 days - I'm a glutton for extended vacations, what can I say? So, no new posts 'til Sunday at the earliest. Vegas, baby.

6/6/05 Captain EO

Remember the "Captain EO" movie from EPCOT Center? That was awesome, wasn't it? I read today that it cost more than a million dollars per minute of film to make. I miss those days where I looked up to Michael Jackson.

On my Launchcast station, I've gotten hooked on a band called Hayseed Dixie. They remake a lot of popular rock songs in the style of bluegrass. Did I just write "in the style of bluegrass"? Well, they rock out all blue grassy like to tunes like "Highway to Hell" and "Feel Like Making Love". Here are a bunch of live recordings if you want to check them out.

I've also gotten into the comedy of Bill Hicks on my Launchcast station. I can't get enough of his brilliance. So I decided today to read when he's coming on tour. He died in 1994 from pancreatic cancer at the age of 32. I had no idea. From what I read, he was on the verge of making it mainstream when he passed.

The Bill Hicks site then lead me to SacredCow.com where one of the video clips is a tribute to Bill Hicks on the 10th anniversary of his death. There's also a whole bunch of anti-government, new world order, skull and bones conspiracy clips in addition to other stand-up comedy videos on the site.

6/5/05 Yellow Ledbetter

Yellow Ledbetter by Pearl Jam could quite possibly be my favorite song where I have no friggin' clue what the song's about. Which is why this little animation really cracked me up.

Guess Which Movie. The site offers 4 pictures from a movie, then gives you a bunch of choices, where you have to select the correct movie. There are over 200 movies total on the site. Be sure to create a login and password if you want to come back to it later.

Have you seen the new commercials for the Mini Cooper? Check out Motormate.com for their latest and greatest products. I can't believe that the "Hey Horn" is a real product.

Make your own ASCII with ASCII Generator.

6/4/05 Table Scraps

I've been saving links for this blog on two computers lately - My home computer and my work computer. The problem is that I've been posting mostly from work. Which leaves me with a whole bunch of saved links on my home computer that have built up over the past week. So without further ado, here are my leftovers for the week...

Here's Jeff Gordon getting booed at Wrigley Field. Or Wrigley Stadium, as he called it.

I'm very passionate about music. When I hear a no talent, wouldn't know creativity if they got run over by the Woodstock bus, crap band on the radio, it makes me upset. This is why I am posting a link to a short clip of Dream Theatre's drummer in action. Not many people can do what he does. When you're done watching the video, compare him to every 4/4 time, monotonous, Lenny Kravitz song you've ever heard.

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? Here.

One man stand-up show. He does all 3 original Star Wars movies in an hour.

This is a pretty sweet card trick. If the link doesn't work, copy and paste this into your browser - http://mediax.muchosucko.com/movies/512_video_tcard_trick.mov

Cousin Eric sends a hits-all-too-close-home article about Rock Paper Scissors. See ya'll in Toronto in October.

Logic Puzzle Alert III

Five people visit a bar for a drink of Scotch Whisky. They all have their drink served differently and by different bar staff. From the clues given below, can you work out which bar person served whom, how they had their Scotch and in what order they were served at the bar.

• Someone is served a Scotch & Cola by Carmen.
• Mrs Johnson was not served her Scotch & Ginger Ale by Marcella.
• Mr Weiss was served by Paul.
• The person who drinks Scotch & Cola wasn't served second.
• The cocktail drinker was served last.
• Marcella served the fourth person in line but they didn't order a Scotch & Soda.
• Neither Carmen nor Hans served Mr Petit who was third in line at the bar.
• First in line was not Miss La Rue.
  

Drinkers; Weiss, Muller, Petit, Johnson, La Rue
Servers; Paul, Carmen, Hans, Marcella, Andy
Drinks; (Scotch &) Cola, Gingerale, Ice, Soda, Cocktail
Order served; first second, third, fourth, fifth

I haven't spent the time to figure this one out yet. But I will. This is one of my favorite types of puzzles. Feel free to post your answer in the comments section.

6/2/05 The Drops

Mike says The Drops work. Given our years together as roommates, if he says they really work, then I would have to agree with him that they are "The Product of the Year".

Poker Jason sends a link about Rambo 4. I have an idea for the plot... It'll pick up where Rambo III left off. Picture this - Rambo has just left Afghanistan where he aided the Taliban to defeat the commie pig Russians. He realizes that wasn't a real good idea after the Taliban aided Al Qaida and their jihads against us. So he decides to partner up with the cooler, more laid back Russians to kill his old Afghani buddies. Talk about a twist nobody would see coming! What? That's what happened in real life? You mean that we don't hate the Russians anymore? And, we actually get along now? Oh, sorry.

Am I the last person to hear of the book A Treasure's Trove? It's a kids book, but there are clues in the book to a real life scavenger hunt with big cash prizes. Read the article - the idea is genius.

6/1/05 Ways to Destroy Earth

Happy June everybody... We're on the back side of Memorial Day and for all I'm concerned, it's officially summer starting today.

Let's kick of the summer right with 10 Ways to Destroy Earth. Somebody really took the time to figure out the likelihood of each one happening and when.

American Idol auditions take place in Austin, San Diego, Memphis, Chicago, Atlanta, Denver, Boston and Paula Abdul's dressing room.

I was curious about how long a fiction book should be. Honestly, I had no idea. I know that books can be anywhere from 100 to 1000 pages, more or less. But how many words is that? 10,000? 100,000? 1,000,000? No idea. So I looked up Harry Potter as my reference. Those books are super-long and I could probably write half as much and have myself a book. Harry Potter IV is 181,000 words long. Harry Potter V is 214,536 words long. I think 100,000 words is a bold, yet achievable personal goal.

Urkel has a blog on NBA.com? I'm speechless.

5/31/05 Store Wars

My dad sends a cute movie called Grocery Store Wars. It's obviously a parody of Star Wars, but done in such a way that it is actually educational and points out the benefits of organic foods.

The Cannes Film Festival once again only shows the cream of the crop from the film industry. This movie, for example, has the classic line, "You poop into my butthole, I poop into your butthole, back and forth forever".

Last week I caught 2 White Sox games while they were here in Anaheim. My friend and I were discussing which current players will make the Hall of Fame. Since I'm lacking in good internet links lately, I'm going to make my pitch for one of my favorite players. Here goes...

I'm a big fan of Frank Thomas. Always have been. I think he's earned a spot in the Hall of Fame, regardless of what he accomplishes the rest of his career. You can fault him for his lack of defense and his team's inability to win a World Series. But I think the following statement says everything he needs in his favor - "He is just one of 10 players in Major League history with a .300 average, 400 home runs, 1,000 RBIs, 1,000 runs scored and 1,000 walks." He's actually a career .308 hitter with 1451 walks, 2113 hits, 1439 RBIs and a .996 OPS (On base percentage plus Slugging percentage, which is what most scouts use to determine player productivity as a hitter). Compare that to Sammy Sosa, who many would say is a shoe-in for the Hall of Fame - Sammy Sosa has struck out nearly twice as many times in his as Frank. 2131 to 1134. Frank Thomas ranks 10th all-time in OPS and 4th among active players (behind Barry Bonds, Todd Helton and Manny Ramirez). Also on the list are Babe Ruth, Ted Williams, Lou Gehrig, Jimmie Foxx, Hank Greenberg and Rogers Hornsby. Not bad company. Interestingly enough, the top 5 names on the list are all lefties. Hmmm... And where does "shoe-in" Sammy rank? Sixty-fifth. To say Frank Thomas is "on the bubble" or that "he has to hit 500 career homeruns" is insulting. He is in an elite group of hitters, feared by pitchers and admired by players, managers and fans alike. The numbers don't lie. Frank deserves to be a first ballot Hall of Famer. I am now stepping down from my soapbox.

5/27/05 Die Wagenschenke

I think that's German for "Get the drunk guy home". Thanks to Bachelor Party Bob for this game. Just move your mouse back and forth to keep the guy from falling down. My high score is 75.

An homage to Richard Simmons.

I'm a big fan of learning new things. Which explains this blog I've kept now for over 3 years. But on rare occasion, I'm not real happy when I learn something new. In fact, I somehow wish I could erase the fact or image from my memory. But it's forever implanted in my brain. That's the case when I learned about Drunken Tengu. It's something I really never cared to know, but now I can't forget.

Half of Milli Vanilli is trying to make a comeback. Yes, the alive half.

Amnesty International has named its top human rights offender. Sorry, North Korea and Iran - maybe next year.

5/26/05 WNBC

You know how radio stations have their own little jingles? Like when Howard Stern had to learn to say "W NNNNN B C". They're usually short, cute, to the point. A lot of times there' s a little song to them, like "Mix 101.9". (Sorry, I haven't learned how to portray music while I write in text. If you live in Chicago, you know what I mean.) Anyhoo... The whole point of this rant has to do with KOLA 99.9 FM. WNBC? 4 syllables. Mix 101.9? 6 syllables. Short. Cute. To the point. KOLA's jingle? "KOLA 99.9. K-O-L-A. San Bernadino!". 16 syllables. Too much. It's like their jingle has enough notes for 10 syllables and they cram in 16 really fast. It doesn't work. KOLA - If you need some help, I'm offering my services. Free of charge. We can come up with a more appropriate jingle if you'd like.

On to the facts and fun stuff...

You've seen Stars Wars. You've probably seen most, if not all of the sequels and prequels. But have you seen Star Wars in ASCII format?

I found a map. It says it's got something to do with buried treasure.

Finally some good news about hackers... Vigilante hackers are striking back at fraud sites by defacing them.

There's a sweet ass theater near where I work. I just found out about it today. Every Wednesday they play a classic movie. Wednesday June 8th... Spielberg's finest work to date.

Ok, I know this is a long post. But there's a cartoon in need to share. It's called Hay Fever (you'll need to install ESPN Motion, I think - It's a painless, no-reboot-required install). If you're a guy, you should be able to relate. Which also brings me to the question of the day. Which movie/movies make you teary eyed? For me it's the same movie in the Hay Fever clip. And "ET" made me upset when I was 4 or 5 years old and I saw it in the theater.

5/25/05 The Contender

My roommate is a huge Contender fan. She has had veto power every Sunday night from 8:00 - 9:00 pm for the past two months. If I want to watch TV during that time, I'm watching The Contender. If you're real keen and observant, that means that I've given up "The Simpsons" for 8 weeks now. Ok, 7 weeks, "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones was on this past Sunday. Needless to say, like anyone who starts watching one of those reality TV elimination type shows, I had to watch the 2 hour finale last night. ESPN's The Sports Guy kept a running tab on the show last night. If you saw the finale, you'll find lots of humor in his jabs at Sly Stallone.

While watching Sports Center last night there was an ad for the 2005 National Spelling Bee. It will air June 2nd. As The Sports Guy puts it, there is nothing higher on the "unintentional comedy scale" as that spelling bee. Can somebody TiVo it for me? I'll be at work when it's on.

One more sports post. But this one comes from SI. They have an interesting article on the Poker Phenomenon sweeping the country.

Have you seen the video of the bus fight? Check out the link... As a bonus, the video is not only of the fight, but it's presented by Katie Couric.

And finally, science fact of the day. As Voyager (launched in 1977) exists the bounds of our solar system, its course is off by about the distance of the earth to the moon. For 11 years now scientists have been trying to figure out this gravity problem. Possible reasons for the miscalculation range from malfunction to dark matter to misunderstandings of the fundamentals of how gravity works (possibly in extra dimensions, as theorized in string theory).

Logic Puzzle Alert part II

This logic puzzle is pretty tough. But once you figure it out, it will seem pretty obvious. "Only the real smart can see within the words, a pattern. Something will appear very vividly before your eyes when you concentrate on this seemingly senseless words." Answer will be posted in 48 hours if nobody else posts it first...

Arranging the following in their correct order -
Which is the first one ?

a) the canine teeth
b) I'll take half our share
c) Welcome the honeymoon couple
d) This event is remarkable
e) I often go for a walk
f) Johnny does fretwork
g) On the level, even I wouldn't go
h) I, myself, I've taken it
i) They were both re-educated at college
j) A weighty affair

Ok, the nacho expert got on my case for not giving the answer. It's now pretty much obvious. If you still can't figure it out, well, I'm not sure what to say.

5/24/05 Chicago Baseball

Drunk fans outside of Wrigley Field after a Cubs game? Surely you jest! In a sign of the times, three Chicago baseball fans assaulted an off-duty police officer Sunday after the Cubs vs. White Sox cross town classic. Yup, you read it right - The guy who got beat up was wearing a Red Sox jersey. Wrong team, boys... In case you were too drunk to remember, our teams haven't won a World Series in a combined 185 years.

Logic Puzzle Alert!

Ok, if you're bored at work or school or whatever, I've decided to post a little bonus puzzle for today....

Anita, Brunhilde, Claudia, Daniela, Ella, and Frida are good friends who love to argue over the time of day!

Here they are again arguing mischieviously over what day of the week it is:

Anita: The day before yesterday was friday or Saturday
Brunhilde: No, you are wrong, today is Saturday
Claudia: No today is not Saturday, Nor is it Sunday or Monday
Daniela: The day after tomorrow is Tuesday
Ella: Tomorrow cannot be Friday or Saturday
Frida: Tomorrow is Friday

Only one of their statements is true. Can you determine which day of the week it is?

If nobody posts the answers in the comments section, I'll post it within 48 hours.

5/23/05 Google Content Blocker

My dad once again sends a NachosRule-worthy link. Today, it's to Google Content Blocker.

And, in case you didn't get the sarcastic tone of that article, things might still be ok for you... Scientists have located "sarcasm" parts of the brain.

Speaking of the brain (notice how my facts all have transitions so far), scientists predict that by 2050 your entire brain will be able to be downloaded. (Insert your own Paris Hilton joke here).

While we're discussing top minds (this transition is weak, I admit), the world's most powerful laser is being built. Chris Knight and Mitch Taylor surrender.

I'm transition-less for this last fact (please feel free to come up with your own transition from Real Genius to Bobby Brown). In a stunning and disgusting turn of events, two members of Bobby Brown entourage were stabbed. Obviously, the stunning and disgusting part is that Bobby Brown actually has an entourage.

5/22/05 The Sith Sense

Challenge Darth Vader to a game of 20 questions.

After nearly 2 months, I have my laptop back. It's fixed, it's fine and it's home. This means that I can get back to posting on an everyday basis. Which brings me to another subject... I really want to thank the people who read this blog on a regular basis. Last month was the first time we had more than 3,000 pageviews on Nachosrule.com. That's an average of 100 per day or so. It looks like we'll probably crack 3,000 again this month. It's flattering to know that such a rinky-dink website can generate so much regular traffic. So, thanks again...

I love contradicting scientific research. The latest and greatest - Sunshine may prevent cancer. Which reminds me of one of many great Lewis Black quotes - "You ever read the ingredients in sunblock? I've never seen those words anywhere! You don't even know what your putting on your face, do ya? You go "oh no the suns out ohh ohh ohh!!" It could be zebra cum! You don't know!!"

In case you've noticed my "off" sense of humor, it runs in the family. My dad sends a video of Farting Saucers.

5/20/05 Cross Town Classic

It's the time of year again... Interleague Play has begun. The big story on Sport Illustrated's website is "Whose Curse is Worse?". While it may not be clear which Chicago team has it worse, they both seem to be proud of their own curse. "Hey why don't I just got and eat some hay. I can lay by the bay, make things out of clay, I just may, what'd ya say?" I realized that I just wrote a rhyming sentence and was making fun of myself just then. Bonus points if you can name the movie...

While I'm on the subject, SI also has the 10 Greatest characters in Chicago Baseball History. Sadly, Ronnie Woo Woo made the list.

Paula Abdul's half Jewish. Pete Sampras is too.

As a kid I remember watching a video called "Powers of Ten". It starts with a guy lying in a field and zooms out by powers of ten. At some point, you're outside of the galaxy and the video goes into reverse. Soon enough you end up inside the guy's cells. It was a powerful video when I was a kid. Turns out, I'm not the only person who was influenced by this video. The big difference between me and the guy in the article is that the guy in the article is actually doing something interesting and productive with his life. I, on the other hand, well, am pretty much a worthless pile of cow dung in comparison. The video looked like this but way cooler. For $25 you can buy the cool video.

5/19/05 Blog Comments

About every couple months or so, somebody actually takes this blog seriously and posts a well thought out comment. For the first time in about a week, I received a notice that somebody left a comment. Much to my surprise, it was for a post more than a month ago (4/14/05). Also to my surprise, it focuses on IBM and the Holocaust. A big thanks to Richard for his post and insight into a subject which I have very limited knowledge.

The 100 best dumping lines ever. And by dumping, I mean it in terms of breaking up. Not, uh, in dropping a deuce terms. Although, now that I bring it up, a list of the top 100 dump quotes wouldn't be such a bad idea.

I'm no genius, but I'd estimate that about 1,700 items were stolen?

All I can say is, keep clicking. I have no idea why, but it will bring you somewhere new. It's like being Alice.

5/18/05 Hi Ho, Hi Ho

Poker Jason told me about this article before I was able to open my email and read it. For all of the random information I post on this blog, this is definitely very high on the random scale. In a nutshell, Yang Sihamoni stated that his group of 42 midgets will "... take on anything; man, beast, or machine." Well, the challenge became one lion vs. 42 midgets. Did it happen? Of course it did...
"The Cambodian Government allowed the fight to take place, under the condition that they receive a 50% commission on each ticket sold, and that no cameras would be allowed in the arena. The fight was called in only 12 minutes, after which 28 fighters were declared dead, while the other 14 suffered severe injuries including broken bones and lost limbs, rendering them unable to fight back."

Ninja Respect Month and Pirate Pride Week overlapped last week.

I've found the hardest question to answer. Ready for it? DeNiro or Pacino? You'll have to go to the 4th or 5th page to find the answer. (I'd recommend reading the first 4 pages though - good stuff).

Morning to do list - Shower, eat breakfast, get dressed (not necessarily in that order), listen to traffic report, check today's probability of experiencing an earthquake. If you have some extra time to kill, you can also check out recent earthquakes in your area.

5/17/05 The Advantage

A number of months ago I was introduced to a band called "The Advantage". They play songs that are remakes of original Nintendo game theme songs. Like Megaman, Zelda, Ghosts N' Goblins, and my favorite, Goonies 2. If you scroll down on the link above you can listen to 30 second clips of each.

My manager sent out a link to Despair.com this morning. I hadn't checked out that site in quite a while and they have some great new demotivators. Some of my favorites are..

• Get To Work - You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.
• Meetings - None of us is as dumb as all of us.
• Incompetence - When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do.
• Planning - Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress.
• Motivation - If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.

I learned a new baseball stat today. "Winningest Pitcher Alive". The title now goes to Roger Clemens with 330 career victories. Warren Spahn held the title from 1961 - 2003. Upon his death, Steve Carlton took over the title with 329 career victories. The article also goes onto mention the "Greatest Hitter Alive" among other "Alive" categories.

5/16/05 New World Order

Every webpage I came across today seemed to have a common theme. And that theme is "reasons I distrust and generally dislike the government". Let's take a look at what I'm talking about....

• 65,000 Americans were secretly sterilized by the government without their knowledge during the 20th century. "From the early 1900s to the 1970s, some 65,000 men and women were sterilized in this country, many without their knowledge, as part of a government eugenics program to keep so-called undesirables from reproducing.
• A chronology of US war crimes and torture
• Have you heard of the Skull & Bones Society? I've read about it in passing but don't know a whole lot about the validity of anything I've read. From what I understand, it's the elite of the elite at Yale University - A group of 15 hand picked seniors - that have become the decision and policy makers of our country for over 100 years. From Taft to Rockefeller to J.P. Morgan to Pillsbury to Bush Sr. to Bush Jr. to even John Kerry - they have all been directly involved. Here's a second link for your paranoid reading pleasure. Lemme know if you have better sources cuz this is interesting...

Whenever I have a serious topic, I try to end on a light note. So today you can see what it would look like to travel at the speed of light (thanks to a computer simulation).

5/13/05 Question of the Day

A few months ago I was posting a question of the day. That was sort of fun while it lasted. This morning at work my team started talking about comedy movies. And we've been given the task to list our favorite 5 comedy movies of all time. My manager said his top two were definitely "What About Bob?" and "Groundhog Day". Obviously a big Bill Murray fan. Post yours here under the comments section - I'll post mine later...

In the news today (sent by Cousin Eric) - A 12 year old girl stabbed a 12 year old boy at my Junior High School. If you were wondering why I'm so bad ass, it's cuz I grew up in a rough area.

Fugly is in the dictionary. Who knew?

Can you tell the difference between a condiment and splooge? You don't have to play if you don't want to. I didn't.

5/12/05 I'm Rick James, Bitch

Dave Chappelle has probably heard that everyday for two years now. You'd think that would drive him crazy.... You're right.

Mensa approved games.

That's all I've got today... Happy Birthday, Nacho Expert!

5/11/05 Designer Jeans

Every so often I remember to check The Best of Craigslist. Today I read about designer jeans.

The Gallon Challenge - I've always sort of wanted to try this.

The runaway bride. On EBay.

Be sure to wish "The Nacho Expert" a happy quarter century tomorrow...

5/10/05 Early Retirement

When I was out of work recently, small talk was sort of difficult. So whenever somebody would ask me, "What do you do?", I'd say I was retired. Turns out, I'm not the only one who enjoyed an early retirement. This article hit a little too close to home for me...

The age old question - Is Paris Hilton really that dumb? Read CNN's interview with Paris and determine for yourself.

You found bigfoot? Come on!

Probably the most useful site I've come across in a long time.

Try this game. It's way harder than it looks. I got maybe 10 and quit.

From the hella-cool category, you can play Boggle online with others. From the hella-uncool category, I pretty much suck at Boggle and now realize I have the vocabulary of a 6 year old.

5/9/05 Pink Flamingos

My first IM of my crusty-eyed Monday morning was from Google Nicki. The conversation in its entirety went like this. (Notice how we skip the "Hi, how's it going?" type formalities).

Nicki: Flamingos are pink because they eat shrimp
Me: What color are they otherwise?
Nicki: Gray
Me: How do you know this?
Nicki: Snapple Fact #11

End of conversation. So by 9:30 am, I had already learned something new. Thanks again, Nicki.

Do your best Neil Peart impression on this virtual drumkit. If you don't know who Neil Peart is, it's your homework to find out. Nobody should go through life without knowing Neil and his work.

Tired of cops in your town? Check out the Speedtrap Exchange.

5/6/05 Which is Worse?

Which is Worse? (Not for the squeamish)

A site of Great Facts that's way my interesting than my generally lame facts.

Some guy on a soapbox.

My family once dominated El Yunque. Yup, we're awesome.

Once again I'm computer-less for the weekend. Which means no updates 'til Monday. So until then, have a great No Pants Day and a wonderful Mother's Day. Just make sure to put your pants back on before you hang out with your mom.

And for those of you who are following my Powerball prowess, I've cracked 12,200 RPM recently. And while I may never break the world record of over 15,500, I think I have a shot at the top 100 board. Number 100 sits at 13,700 or so.

5/5/05 El Cinco de Mayo

Once again the site is getting a whole lot more hits than usual. And once again, I have put very little on the page that anyone is probably looking for. Shame on me. So, the only thing I can post that's worthwhile is that I plan on being at Sharkeez on the peninsula tonight to celebrate a holiday that nobody in Mexico really celebrates. See what a little clever marketing from Corona and Cuervo can do to us?

Thanks to my dad for sending some all important Rock Paper Scissors information.

It's not a tumor!

When teaching your kid how to hit a baseball, throw the ball harder. Here's the science.

Hawk Harrelson will be absent from the White Sox booth for 8 games while he has surgery on his detatched retina. Sitting in for him will be Robin Ventura and "The Pope" Don Pall.

And I almost forgot - Tomorrow is No Pants Day.

5/4/05 Freeway Shootings

Freeway shootings have become so commonplace in Southern California that, after the 8th shooting in less than 2 months, a Freeway Shooting Team has been established. The good news is that out of 11 shootings this year, only 4 have been fatal. So the odds are still pretty good even if you do happen to get shot at.

Some dumbass army recruiters are now under investigation. Two journalists posed as high school dropouts with drug problems. The article has details of the ensuing hilarity.

VoteForTheWorst.com is encouraging people to vote for the worst American Idol candidate. At least American Idol now has an excuse for why the show sucks so badly. I've seen karaoke nights with better singers. (Note: I refuse to watch the show out of my own free will. My roommate was watching it when I came home last night).

In a goodwill gesture toward our soldiers in Tikrit, Iraq, the Brummer brothers have launched Operation Salami Drop.

This T-Shirt Rules.

I finally read Mark Cuban's blog. I, personally, hold a favorable opinion of him. Others have disagreed.

Google Maps have made my blog again... This time there's a page full of Interesting Satellite Maps. Like Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch, Bill Gates' house, the White House and the Vegas Strip.

This guy that works right across from me is a big Baltimore Orioles fan. And as an avid White Sox fan, I began thinking how this year could be a repeat of 1983, where Baltimore and Chicago met in the ALCS. I then checked to see who met in the NLCS that year. The Dodgers and Phillies. The White Sox, Orioles and Dodgers currently have 3 of the best 4 records in baseball. The difference from 1983 is that instead of the Phillies and Orioles in the World Series, the White Sox and Dodgers are bound to meet up.

5/3/05 This Day in Music

What song was #1 the day you were born?

It's good to know that I'm not the only one who gets sentimental about T-Shirts. The T-Shirt Nation has spoken and guys just never want to throw them away. Women, on the other hand, seem ready to throw us away if we don't detach ourselves from our T-Shirts.

The 8500 calorie Manwich.

Yes, I know you're bummed that Bud Bundy's rap career didn't take off like it should have. But you can still listen to his music. (Click the link on the page).

I know I posted something about Scavengeroogle the other day. But I gave it a shot and I've solved 2 of them. If you're into puzzles and problem solving, it's frustrating and fun at the same time. Otherwise, you'll probably think it's lame.

5/2/05 Burrito Boy

A big thanks to Lauren for sending The Tale of Burrito Boy. The brothers Grimm have nothing on this tale.

Attention all time travelers! Please meet in the East Campus Courtyard of the MIT campus on May 7th at 10 pm.

4/29/05 Cool Coincidences

I stumbled across a website called Cool Coincidences. My favorite is from Stephen Hawking:
"If the density of the universe one second after the Big Bang had been greater by one part in a thousand billion, the universe would have recollapsed after ten years. On the other hand, if the density of the universe at that time had been less by the same amount, the universe would have been essentially empty when it was about ten years old. "

While we're talking science, I also found The Hairy Ball Theorem. "The hairy ball theorem of algebraic topology states that, in layman's terms, "one cannot comb the hair on a ball smooth"."

A list of every Beavis and Butthead Episode ever made. The videos they watched are included. Additional commentary is also posted - Like every time they had to remove a scene because some dumbass kid set something on fire and blamed the show.

A couple of weeks back Google integrated the satellite images with their mapping software. Now there's a Google Map Scavenger Hunt. They post a picture of some location in the US and then post hints. You have to find the exact location using Google maps and submit your answer. If I wasn't at work, I'd be playing.

4/28/05 Trains

I showed up to work today, checked my email, and as usual, I had no work emails and nothing to do. Seriously, I have NOTHING to do. I can't even make anything up at this point. I'm on a team of 4. About 5 times a day my manager (who sits in an office about 5 feet from me) calls in the other members of the team, closes the door, and they discuss "the plan". Without me. I give it a week, max, before I'm off this project.

The reason I bring this up is that I decided to entertain myself today. As I was listening to Launchcast Radio, I noticed that I had back-to-back songs about trains. First I got "Locomotive Breath" by Jethro Tull, followed by "Crazy Train" by Ozzy. That got me to thinking - Songs about trains kinda rule. Over IM, my brother and I have started compiling a list of songs we could think of about trains. In addition to the two I've already mentioned, here's what we have so far:

• "Night Train" - Guns N Roses
• "Ghost Train" - My brother says it's on a Best of College Acapella CD. I've never heard it.
• "Midnight Train to Georgia" - Gladys Knight and the Pips
• "C'mon Ride the Train (Woo Woo!)" - Quad City DJ's (I'm not sure that's the real name of the song, but it was huge about 14 years ago)
• "Charlie on the MTA" - Will Holt (You know, the man who never returned)
• "Runaway Train" - Soul Asylum
• "Long Train Running" - The Doobie Brothers

Soul Train also kinda rules. We wanted a Top Ten songs about Trains list, but we couldn't come up with 10. So we're up for suggestions....

An article entitled "The Angriest Man in the World" offers up some neat insight into the life of comedian Lewis Black.

Nuclear Fusion has been created in a lab. Other than being a pretty cool beginning for a pollution-free energy source, my Nuclear Engineering Professor was quoted in the article. Professor Ruzic led probably the most fun course I took in college. I honestly took his course 'just cuz it sounded fun'. We made moonshine on the quad and he blew something up in almost every class.

Vector Park kept me entertained at work yesterday. I really don't understand it, but it sure was a fun distraction.

4/27/05 April Showers

In an upbeat article, ESPN's David Schoenfield explains why your favorite baseball team will not win it all.

ESPN also has an interesting take on how to spice up baseball. Make it like Texas Hold 'Em. From the article:

More percentages. More numbers. If the Cubs get the leadoff runner on base in the first inning, put a graphic up there that tells me the likelihood that he'll score is 56 percent. With one out, 37 percent. With two outs ... you get the idea.
If the Orioles are leading the Mariners 4-2 in the seventh, give me the projections up there next to the score.
Orioles 4 (77%)
Mariners 2 (23%)

Does the FBI have your fingerprints? They have 50,000,000 prints on record. Which is about 1 in every 6 people in the U.S. Yay for a safer America.

Ok, this page is fun. There's a 10 minute video of Weird Al Yankovic interviewing Eminem. Good stuff.

4/26/05 Ron Mexico

Are you envious of Michael Vick? Well, you might not be a super stud athlete and you most likely don't have herpes. But you can go incognito with your very own Ron Mexico Name Generator. Just call me Jeremy Bolivia.

Scientific American has a pretty cool article about "Paul is Dead", "Turn me on, dead man", and how the human brain hears what it wants to hear.

16-4. That's all I've gotta say.

4/25/05 Shut off the TV!

It's Shut off your TV week. For the 11th straight year, Washington, D.C.-based TV-Turnoff Network is encouraging us to de-zombify ourselves for a week. Hey, it's worth a go. Wait, the NBA playoffs are on. Maybe some other time.

"Emails hurt IQ more than pot" - From a British study posted on CNN.com.

Happy 15th birthday, Hubble Space Telescope.

4/22/05 NutraSweet

I've been reading a little bit about the negative effects of Aspartame (aka NutraSweet). I feel that it's my duty as a member of the human race to present some articles that I've come across.

Aspartame Warning
Aspartame Neurotoxic
Bad News about Products with Aspartame

From the articles:

"Aspartame causes headache, memory loss, seizures, vision loss, coma and cancer. It worsens or mimics the symptoms of such diseases and conditions as fibromyalgia, MS, lupus, ADD, diabetes, Alzheimer's, chronic fatigue and depression."

"Aspartame liberates free methyl alcohol. The resulting chronic methanol poisoning affects the dopamine system of the brain causing addiction. Methanol, or wood alcohol, constitutes one-third of the aspartame molecule and is classified as a severe metabolic poison and narcotic."

"METHANOL (AKA WOOD ALCOHOL/POISON) (10% OF ASPARTAME) Methanol/wood alcohol is a deadly poison. People may recall that methanol was the poison that has caused some "skid row" alcoholics to end up blind or dead. Methanol is gradually released in the small intestine when the methyl group of aspartame encounter the enzyme chymotrypsin."

"Methanol breaks down into formic acid and formaldehyde in the body. Formaldehyde is a deadly neurotoxin. An EPA assessment of methanol states that methanol "is considered a cumulative poison due to the low rate of excretion once it is absorbed. In the body, methanol is oxidized to formaldehyde and formic acid; both of these metabolites are toxic." The recommend a limit of consumption of 7.8 mg/day. A one-liter (approx. 1 quart) aspartame-sweetened beverage contains about 56 mg of methanol. Heavy users of aspartame-containing products consume as much as 250 mg of methanol daily or 32 times the EPA limit."

On the lighter side of things, take the Color Test. It's fun to test the right and left sides of your brain.

Now for something really fun. You can blow up any website you want.

4/21/05 Goonies Never Say Die

From Cousin Andy - June 3-5 is the official 20 Year Anniversary Celebration of the release of "The Goonies". It will take place in Astoria, Oregon.

From Poker Jason - Pirate Captain wins University Presidency. AARGH!

Scientists have solved the mystery of unpopped kernels. Still no cure for cancer.

Some see the Virgin Mary in an underpass stain. The majority of Chicagoans see continuing urban decay.

The Dairy Lama emailed me about sponsoring a nacho section on his website. It's a great site filled with cheese haikus. It's definitely worth a look-see.

4/20/05 Neil Diamond

I heard on the radio that Neil Diamond is currently on tour. Right now he's doing shows in Australia and New Zealand, but pretty soon he'll be coming to America. Ba dum, ching.

In honor of 4/20, President Bush expected to name new joint chief of staff.

Week 2 baseball power rankings are out. Once again the White Sox are sitting pretty at #2. I also heard a quick sound byte on the radio yesterday - "We're new in town, but weren't the Dodgers supposed to suck?". They're the #1 team for the 2nd straight week.

Probably the best movie review I've ever read - Fever Pitch.

4/19/05 Clogging Toilets

Some article about the uncloggable toilet. We'll just have to see about that. Challenge accepted.

4/18/05 Albert Einstein

It's been 100 years since Einstein published his first major paper and we haven't viewed our place in the universe the same since. The above article offers a great overview into the life of man whose genius comes around once in a century, at best. Einstein described relativity this way: "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."

There's another article out today about The Next Einstein. One opinion is that education and training today is too specialized to breed another Einstein:
"Education is different, too. One crucial aspect of Einstein's training that is overlooked, says Notre Dame science historian Don Howard, is the years of philosophy he read as a teenager — Kant, Schopenhauer and Spinoza, among others. It taught him to how to think independently and abstractly about space and time, Howard says, and it wasn't long before he became a philosopher himself."

While I'm on the subject of great scientific achievement, I'll also write about some pseudo-science. Someone is claiming that the tsunami on December 26th was caused by the planetary alignment at the time. Doubtful, but interesting.

Finally, as my blog heads completely downhill, someone has calculated the number of F-Bombs dropped in HBO's Deadwood.
Season One - 1.23 FPM (F-Bombs per minute).
Season Two - 1.84 FPM.
F-Bomb Total - 1519.

4/15/05 Tax Day

Did you send in your taxes? I mailed mine a couple of weeks ago. The state of New York took all of 5 minutes before they cashed my check. But my Illinois refund check? That'll be a while, I'm sure.

Google Nicki sends this link. She says it's a cross between Google Maps and Craigslist.

That's all I've got. My laptop is still out of commission and I'm posting these at work. Speaking of which, I'm still here and I'm not leaving anytime soon. I bet retirement's great.

4/14/05 The Genographic Project

In a landmark study of human migration over the millennia, The Genographic Project was started. You can participate by paying $100 and giving a DNA sample on a swab from your cheek. According to the study, all humans lived in Africa until 60,000 years ago. This was followed by a series of migrations (you'll have to check out the site to see what I mean) to where you are today. Although intrusive (with the DNA samples), it sounds pretty frickin' cool.

I asked my brother what the plural of millennium is and he informed me that "eon" does not refer to a specific timeframe. It's just an indefinitely long period of time. Like "ages". I had no idea. He also says that there's a minimum, since "eon" is also defined as "the longest division of geological time, containing two or more eras".

After 1 week of baseball, Sports Illustrated has their first Power Rankings. And yes, the major league leading, 6-2 White Sox are sitting pretty at number two. I love number two.

4/13/05 Kover Me

Mike sends the perfect link for anyone who works in an office. It's called Kover Me. "Use this Widget to take a screenshot of your desktop while you're being productive. Later you can use a hot-key to quickly cover up your desktop with the screenshot."

Poker Jason sends a link to a pretty powerful commercial about youth soccer.

Jacob Luft of SI.com writes about the over-hyped pitching staff of the Cubs. From the article:

Would you buy a car from Kerry Wood? Maybe it's time the Cubs' "ace" take former broadcaster Steve Stone's suggestion that he adjust or go sell cars. Wood walked five Brewers in his first start of the season and is getting pummeled by the Padres today, allowing five runs in the first two innings. A little more than one week into the season, it appears the preseason hype surrounding the rotations of the Cubs and Yankees, just to name two, was a little overdone. The best rotation in the big leagues so far belongs to the Florida Marlins, who have three of the majors' five complete games this season. Here are the teams with the top five starters' ERAs heading into Wednesday's action:
1. Florida, 1.66
2. Chicago (AL) 2.44
3. Atlanta 2.83
4. Philadelphia 2.86
5. San Francisco 3.00
... 18. Chicago (NL) 4.82

4/12/05 Dude!

67% of Californians refer to their friends as "dude". Yup, I fit in perfectly.

From Google Nicki - Taking the Fifth. She was real excited about the headline. Unless you know me personally, it won't make any sense.

Take the Entertainment Weekly Quiz for 1993. I looked at the first 2 questions and gave up. Now if they had asked what band rocked out in their debut album "Ten", I would have done fantastically.

Somebody really, really doesn't like Carson Daly. Some language might not be appropriate for work.

Curses, Part II

The following NY Times article about the White Sox was sent by my Cousin Jeff...

Copyright 2005 The New York Times Company
The New York Times

April 3, 2005 Sunday
Late Edition - Final

SECTION: Section BB; Column 1; Sports Desk; BASEBALL PREVIEW 2005; Pg. 3

LENGTH: 1438 words

HEADLINE: Worse Than Cursed? A Legacy of Losing in Anonymity

BYLINE: By BILL PENNINGTON

DATELINE: CHICAGO

BODY:


They are the cursed Sox nobody cares about, uncelebrated in pop culture, overshadowed in their own city and lacking a mythical nation of fans wallowing in their woe. They are the cursed Sox who have not won a World Series in 88 years, a drought longer than the one the now-resplendent Boston Red Sox endured.

They are the Chicago White Sox, the cursed Sox nobody wears, especially on the sleeve.

They were once a cornerstone franchise of professional baseball, a team with a storied, colorful past that included championships in the early 20th century, exploding scoreboards, zany uniforms with short pants, and a disco demolition promotion that ended with on-field anarchy. They had 17 successive winning seasons at midcentury, lorded over Chicago baseball and made historic, dogged pursuits of the great Yankees teams.

Oh yes, they are also the only team found to have tried to lose a World Series.

And yet the fact that the White Sox last won a World Series during World War I is an afterthought in baseball. The Red Sox had the Curse of the Bambino, a badge of honor dating to 1918, worn proudly in New England and known around the country. For years, New York fans mocked Red Sox players by chanting ''1918!''

The White Sox have not won since 1917, but no one bothers to chant the date at their players.

It may not register anyway.

Before a spring training practice in Tucson, White Sox pitcher Jon Garland was asked what he knew of White Sox history.

''Not much,'' he said.

Told that the championship drought extended to 1917, Garland replied, ''Been awhile, huh?''

The White Sox curse is so overlooked it does not even have a name.

''It is a real curse, tragic and ongoing,'' said Richard Lindberg, the White Sox' unofficial team historian and author of four books about the team. ''We're just off the radar -- in the flyover zone.''

Or, as Rick Lopatim, a 50-year-old lifelong White Sox fan, said as he surveyed his team's workout in Tucson, ''Maybe the curse is being a White Sox fan.''

The White Sox have not waited the longest for another championship. That distinction, famously, falls to the crosstown Cubs, who last won a World Series in 1908. There is little question that the White Sox suffer in comparison to the Cubs, who are perceived as losers so lovable it is as if they were plucked from a Charlie Brown cartoon.

The Cubs also have a name for their curse, which helps tremendously in the business of jinx marketing. During the Cubs' appearance in the 1945 World Series, Bill Sianis, the owner of a place called the Billy Goat Tavern, was turned away when he tried to bring a goat into Game 4 at Wrigley Field. Insulted, Sianis put a curse on the Cubs, saying they would never again win a World Series.

So the Cubs have embraced the Curse of the Billy Goat, and not insignificantly, they have had any number of ignominious near misses trying to make it back to the World Series. The heartbreak of getting close to doing something about a curse, but failing, does seem to be pivotal in building a curse's legitimacy. It was the trademark of decades of Red Sox teams.

The White Sox, who have gone to the World Series twice since 1917, have had limited exposure to postseason anguish. In 1959, known as the Go-Go Sox, they won the first game of the World Series, then lost four of the next five games to the Los Angeles Dodgers. They made it to the postseason in 1983, 1993 and 2000, losing each time in the initial round.

But the White Sox do have a World Series legacy that no team can match, albeit for its shame value: the Black Sox scandal of 1919.

Eight White Sox players were barred from baseball after being accused of fixing the 1919 World Series, which was won by the prohibitive underdog Cincinnati Reds, five games to three.

It is no minor moment in American sports history. Hollywood made one movie, ''Eight Men Out,'' about the Black Sox scandal, and in another film, ''Field of Dreams,'' a central character was Shoeless Joe Jackson, the best known of the eight barred players.

Maybe Chicagoans have missed an opportunity by not embracing this pox on their Sox. Could it be that Shoeless Joe, barred despite hitting .375 in that World Series, cursed the White Sox?

The White Sox, and their fans, are not buying it.

''It's not a curse,'' said White Sox Manager Ozzie Guillen, who played 13 seasons for the team. ''It's just bad baseball.''

Outfielder Aaron Rowand said, ''Inventing a curse now would be an excuse.''

First baseman Paul Konerko said he did not think it would work anyway.

''There's only so much frustration one city can muster up, and Chicago has had plenty of it,'' he said. ''Our fans might be so numb to the fact that there hasn't been a winner for so long, they've just stopped talking about it. You can't make something up now.''

Besides, saddling the White Sox with a new official curse would be hazardous business in Chicago, because it smacks of something more suited to the Cubs. And it is the dynamic between the South Side White Sox and the North Side Cubs that may be at the crux of the White Sox' status as unheralded underdogs.

It was not always so, but in the last 20 years, the Cubs have come to dominate Chicago's sports culture. They are the most popular team in the city, and because their games have been televised for many years around the country on the cable channel WGN, they have also become a national phenomenon. They are owned by the Tribune Company, owner of The Chicago Tribune and WGN.

The White Sox acknowledge that they are the second citizens in the Second City.

''In the off-season when I'm home, someone I meet might ask me what I do, and I'll say I play baseball in Chicago,'' said White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle, who lives in Missouri. ''And they'll go, 'You mean?' And I'll say: 'No, not that Chicago team. The other team in Chicago.'''

It is generally conceded that the White Sox' ownership made several major missteps in the last quarter-century, weakening the franchise. One was to put the team's games on a paid cable television network in the early 1980's at a time when most baseball games were broadcast over the air for free. It was revolutionary, but the White Sox did it 10 years before it was widely accepted, and they paid the price with a diminished fan base.

Then, in August 1994, a strike shut down baseball with the White Sox in first place. Many White Sox fans, rightly or wrongly, have never forgiven Jerry Reinsdorf, the team's owner, who was singled out as a leading advocate of the hard-line stance taken by owners in the labor dispute.

The standing of the two franchises is evident all over Chicago. In Niketown, a multistory sports-apparel store in the heart of Michigan Avenue, Cubs and White Sox jerseys, T-shirts and caps are displayed. There are three times as many displays for the Cubs' gear.

The Wrigleyville neighborhood surrounding cozy Wrigley Field is active with numerous restaurants and bars: the Cubby Bear, Bernie's Tap and Grill, Casey Moran's, Murphy's.

For 80 years beginning in 1910, the White Sox played at Comiskey Park, the kind of quaint, quirky ballpark that modern retro designs try to emulate. But in 1991, the White Sox replaced Comiskey with a large modern stadium now called U.S. Cellular Field. The Bridgeport neighborhood enveloping the ballpark, which sits next to a busy expressway, has gone through a slow renaissance. But there are no restaurants or bars nearby. Vacant lots are common.

''The White Sox are really a small-market team in a big city,'' said the White Sox fan Rick Mikuta, 48, of Berwyn, Ill., as he ate lunch at Harry Caray's Restaurant in downtown Chicago in March. ''The Cubs have every advantage -- financial, media coverage, location.'' White Sox fans, stewards of the most unnoticed championship drought in baseball history, seem happy to leave their failures uncelebrated.

Sue Kuzlik, 45, a White Sox fan from Evergreen Park, Ill., drove to U.S. Cellular Field in March to buy dozens of tickets to several White Sox games for her and her family. As she left the ticket window, she was asked if she knew when her team last won the World Series.

''Um, 1917?'' she said. ''Just before the Black Sox scandal.''

Did she think her team was cursed?

''No,'' she said. ''No way.''

It was pointed out to Kuzlik that she was standing beneath a mammoth poster of Jackson, who was being honored as part of the White Sox' all-century team. On the wall next to the ticket window was a framed display of a ticket stub from Game 1 of the 1919 World Series.

Kuzlik shook her head.

''Leave that stuff to the Cubs fans,'' she said. ''Let them have their curse. We'll win in due time.''

4/11/05 Curses

Now that the Red Sox have won the World Series, the remaining curses lie squarely in Chicago. The Cubs last won it all in 1908 and the White Sox in 1917. That's 185 combined years of losing.

Oh Dear Lord! Mr. T telling me to be nice to my mom?

Archeological team digging up The House of the Rising Sun in New Orleans. Still no sign of Hotel California or Margaritaville.

I used to have to beg my mom to get Cliff's Notes so I wouldn't have to read a book. Kids today just have to go to MadNotes.com.

4/10/05 Let Me Explain

Let me explain my lack of postings lately.... My AC Adapter is broken for my laptop. In the meantime, I've been posting from work when I get a free minute.

So I called Toshiba on Sunday, April 3rd, who said the AC Adapter is under warranty. They said they'd ship back. Firsit to me UPS and that it would be at my apartment within days. The deal also included something on my part - that I ship my bad AC Adapter back to them within 15 days of the phone call. Seven days pass and no shipment. So I call Toshiba again. Every call I make has a crackle in the background with a pretty hefty delay and every representative I talk to has an accent and a fake Americanized name. But they claim to be in Toronto. I called at 10 pm PST, which would be 1 am in Toronto. I don't care that my calls are going overseas - Just don't lie to me about it.

But I digress. After searching my Case Number, they tell me that everything is in order but it hasn't been shipped. After a few more minutes of intense investigation, they tell me that the part is on backorder and have no additional information. They can't tell me when the part will be shipped, when they will get it in stock or why nobody told me during the first call that it wasn't in stock.

In a nutshell, until I can charge my laptop up I can't really spend much time on these posts. Nor can I work on making my poker fortune.

4/8/05 NBA MVP

Who's the MVP of the NBA? Steve Nash? Shaq? Tim Duncan? Does anybody care? Leave it to ESPN's The Sports Guy to put some comic relief into the subject. On a personal note, this article kept me laughing for 10 minutes and has made my morning.

I was looking up the lyrics to one of my favorite songs of all time - Mayonaise by Smashing Pumpkins - when I came across SongMeanings.net. Not only do they have lyrics for over 200,000 songs, but people can post interpretations, reactions, stories, whatever they feel like, about the song.

My brother just told me one of the saddest facts ever. The Guiness Book of World Records has a record for the loudest concert ever (due to screaming) at 140 decibels. The record holder is very, very disappointing.

4/7/05 Best Buy

To steal a line from Bill O'Reilly - The most ridiculous item of the day comes from Mike in Chicago. Read this story about Best Buy.

I'm sure the media will continue to turn a blind eye, but the White Sox have the best record in the American League. Yee Haw!

You talkin' to me?

4/6/05 The Karate Kid

I had a dream the other night that I was The Karate Kid. My dream started at the point where Mr. Miyagi was signing me up for the tournament and he stole the black belt out of the gym bag and handed it to Elizabeth Shue. Who, despite being in my dream, never made out with me. Even my fantasies are disappointing. At this point in my dream I started thinking about how I had never really used my karate in a competitive way... Ever. When I woke up, the whole movie just seemed ridiculous and stupid. How could a kid who has never practiced his skills in his entire life possibly go on to win a tournament?

The only thing I learned today is that you can look up NBA Salaries for the past 3 years on this USA Today site. It's almost amusing to see the Knicks' $94,000,000 sitting in last place in the worst division in basketball.

4/5/05 Google Maps

Google has once again raised the bar. For those who read this blog pretty religiously, you may remember when Google bought a company called Keyhole. Keyhole made map software and you could try it for free for a week or so. I was a big fan of it. Google has added the satellite technology from the software they bought and have incorporated it into their maps. Check it out before the government figures out what we're up to and takes it offline.

On a more personal note, I'm bummed about the Illini. The boys played their hearts out in the 2nd half and really came up 1 shot short of taking a 73-72 lead. That's quite an amazing comeback from a 40-27 halftime deficit. I also had a realization in the middle of the night. When I think about "my teams", there are really only four. The White Sox, the Bulls, the Bears, and the Illini. Those are the only four teams I feel some sort of positive emotional connection to. In my lifetime, before yesterday, "my teams" had been to 7 championship games. The Bulls were in 6 and the Bears were in 1. They won all 7. Yesterday was the first time in my life that one of "my teams" lost in a championship game. It sucks.

WHOA - Nachos can now lower your cholesterol!

4/4/05 Dirty Sanchez

Major League Baseball has busted its first player for using steroids. Alex Sanchez, one of the worst players on one of the worst teams has been caught. They may need to think about putting an asterisk next to his 4 career homeruns.

Additionally, 38 minor leaguers were suspended for using steroids. Of the 38, seven are in the Cubs' system. Not everyone can be the next Sammy Sosa.

4/3/05 Jacked Up

My computer has been all jacked up and therefore my posts have been few and far between lately.

So for the NCAA championship game I present The Final Game by the Numbers.

Go Illini!

4/2/05 Kool Aid

Everything you ever wanted to know about Kool Aid. And more. Much more.

Overclocking - It ain't just for computers anymore.

A man, a plan, a 17,259 word palindrome.

Taco Bell is getting creative? They now have sayings on their condiment packets.

I may have posted this before, but it still rules - Foosball Champs.

4/1/05 Cab Finder

Google now offers a way to find cabs in some major US Cities. Milwaukee too.

3/31/05 Buy Me Some Peanuts and Crackerjack

What a great time of year. Spring is in the air (or soon will be, depending on where you live), a new NCAA champion will be crowned on Monday and baseball is only a few days away. In honor of opening day, ESPN presents one prediction for every day of baseball in 2005. It kept me entertained at work today, so I've opted to share.

While Terry Schiavo and The Pope are making headlines, a comedy legend passed away today. Rest In Peace, Mitch Hedberg. You brought me and many of my friends lots of laughter. We can only hope that it's some sort of sick April Fool's Joke. Some of my favorite Mitch Hedberg quotes:

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.

I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut em up."

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... It's dirty.

My friend was walking down the street and he said, "I hear music." As if there is any other way of taking it in. I tried to taste it, but it did not work.

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.

I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips...

Why are there no during pictures?

I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so, Yeah."

3/30/05 Da Bulls

Da Bulls are actually going to make Da Playoffs. At 39-31, they are only a game behind the Wizards for home court advantage in the first round. Take that, Kobe.

The world's largest skyscraper is being planned in Dubai, United Arab Emirates.

From the scary files, 2/3 of the world's resources have been used up. If you're a plan-ahead kind of person, you might want to watch The Road Warrior for some ideas.

From the, "I'm not dead yet" department - CBSNews accidentally left Terry Schiavo's obituary online.

3/29/05 Create Your Own Band

Have you ever wanted your own crappy band? I know I have. Here's your chance.

3/28/05 Excuses

Create your own excuse. You know you need one.

3/27/05 Final Four, Baby

Things to do when you're bored. Where was this page when I was out of work?

Peace, I'm outta here.

3/26/05 Big Bucks, No Whammies and... STOP!

Download Press Your Luck on your computer.

Sometimes I bash our government every now and then. That's what makes this country great. Today I have something to the contrary. New Mexico State Senator Steve Komadina has presented a tremendously important bill to Congress - The Right to Eat Enchiladas Act.

South Park never ceases to surprise me. This week's episode had to do with musicians and their agents. And once again, they slipped something into the episode that I didn't catch right away. The character Wing is a real person. Who knew? Actually, if you knew, don't make me feel bad about my stupidity.

Go Illini!

3/25/05 Peeps

I love peeps. Peeps alone allow me to forget how ridiculous a holiday Easter really is. What are we celebrating? Jesus' rebirth into a 6-foot tall bunny who hides colored eggs from kids? Mmm, I love peeps. And now, the greatest invention EVER. Make your own peeps.

The only thing more confusing than the story and tradition of Easter is this Japanese Gameshow. It reminds me of that Geico commercial, Tiny House (which, I have to admit, fooled me the first time I saw it). Except that the Japanese version is real and they didn't give the guy any food or furniture.

3/24/05 Access Hollywood

I'm sure you've probably heard the Pat O'Brien tapes, but here they are again.

Kyrgyzstan Leader Reportedly Flees Country. He's been found hanging out with Pat Sajak looking to buy a vowel.

After weeks of sucking with the Powerball, I finally cracked my old high score. My new high score is 11,477.

I think I posted this before, but it's still cool - a 3.5 Gigapixel photo.

And here's a few optical illusions.

To my family, I have another reason to come visit me (as if you needed any more). I work half a block from Jerry's Famous Deli. We could go there for breakfast, lunch and dinner if you want. And given your history, I know you'll want to.

3/23/05 Your Ideal Celebrity

Google Nicki sent me Your Ideal Celebrity. Mine's Beyonce. What can I say? I've got good taste.

3/22/05 Worst Jobs in History

Yeah, I may not like the idea of working everyday. Yeah, my job isn't exactly something I brag about. But compared to the worst jobs in history, I, well, don't have the worst job ever.

I had one of those "mysteries of the universe" nerdy intellectual fun days today. If you're into that kind of stuff, you'll absolutely enjoy reading 13 things that do not make sense. One that I had never heard of is #4 Belfast Homeopathy Results. I won't go into it, but it gave me a sense of "wow" when reading it.

Science may not be able to explain everything, but scientists now know what you're thinking.

Thanks to my dad for sending Barry Rozner's article about Sammy Sosa. It took most Chicagoans far too long to realize what a jerk, cheater, and overall scumbag Sammy Sosa is. But hey, better late than never.

Thanks to Mike for sending The Leader Test. Honestly, I haven't had time to take it yet, but Mike has yet to disappoint in what he sends, so I trust that it's most definitely worthwhile.

3/21/05 Daniel-San

You stay focus.

I learned how to make LSD today. I once tried to make aspirin in my chemistry class and to test for impurities, we had to burn them off. My aspirin was so impure that the teacher had to clear us out of the room due to the noxious fumes. So, if by chance, I ever offer you homemade LSD... don't take it. Man, I miss Bunsen burners.

This could perhaps be the saddest invention ever made.

For people who like stats, try the Baby Name Wizard. I realize now that I have a name popular in the 60s. My brother has a 50s name, which makes sense. He's got a beatnik haircut and I'm kind of a hippie (Well for my family, I'm a hippie. I'm not really a hippie). Being old fashioned must run in my family. My dad's got a name popular in the 20s and my mom's name was popular in the 40s. To keep with the trend, I might name my kid Horace or Blanche or Esther or Clarence or something like that. My family will be all over the 1905 retro comeback trend.

3/20/05 Cell Phone Madness

I went to buy a cell phone about a year and a half ago and, when asked what I was looking for, I said, "A phone that makes and receives calls. Oh, and it would be nice if it stores phone numbers." What I got was, "This one has an internet browser and a camera phone." "I don't think you heard me, jackass." I responded. "I want the cheapest phone that works." Since my wonderful shopping experience back in 2003, downloadable ring tones have become insanely popular. I refuse to pay for a ring tone. It's that simple. If I want to hear my favorite song, I'll listen to it elsewhere. I don't need to show off the first few, low audio quality bars of Neil Diamond's "America" for the rest of the world to hear. The last thing we need is an entire office of people humming, "Everywhere around the world... They're coming to America". Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, something I learned today. I got sidetracked when I saw that the Japanese are actually reading full length novels on their cell phones. Is there some sort of severe tree shortage in Japan where they can't buy books? It's these fads that will seem as ridiculous in 10 years as fanny packs seem now that make me want to move to Montana.

I found AmIAnnoying.com. So far I haven't come across my picture. Or yours, for that matter.

How's your bracket? How many of your final four are left? I'll admit I had Wake Forest in my final four. But my other 3 are intact. Go Illini!

3/19/05 Blink-O-Rama

It's amazing to see what people decide to put on the internet. One guy is fond of pictures of celebrities with their eyes closed.

Now I understand what Ernie's been singing about all these years. (possibly not safe for work)

Social Insecurity - Find out how much less money you'll be receiving under President Bush's new plan.

3/18/05 They Call Me the Working Man...

I've been working insane hours this week. I just got home at 10:00 pm. And I've got to work all weekend. So this is gonna be short.

DUH.

3/17/05 Beard Phobia

I have a new theory as to why I repulse women. They all seem to suffer from beard phobia. And being the manly, hairy sasquatch I am, it's a little overwhelming for them. And ladies, don't worry. There's help in overcoming your fear.

Go to JesusSucks.com and..... (yes, it's safe for work).

I know it's St. Patrick's Day, but my historical fact has very little to do with the luck of the Irish. Instead, it has to do with TP for my bunghole. My people - they have been without TP for too long.

Mr. Popeil, I'm in trouble...

Ugh, another Storm the Castle game.

Another excellent article from Mike... One that gives both us of very little faith in humanity.

3/16/05 Biorhythm Chart

Check your biorhythm chart here. According to this, I am on a physical and emotional upturn, but an intellectual and intuitional downturn. I've already been reminded that I'm more than 10,000 days old. I meant to have a party for my 10,000th day, but I forgot. Oh well, 20,000 is right around the corner.

"A burp is not an answer". "Nerve gas is not a toy". "I am not my long-lost twin". Everything Bart ever wrote on the chalkboard.

At first I wasn't real impressed by this video, then I put myself in their shoes for a few seconds. It looks scary. Real scary.

Is there no end to what you can do with Google searches? Montage-a-google lets you search for images and they'll make a montage of the results. Might I suggest a search on Nachos?

3/15/05 Bored With Music

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3/14/05 Do You Believe in Miracles?

My seven month hiatus ends tomorrow. I finally found a job. It's short term, but hey, it's something. So, if you're wondering why I'm not online during the day, that's the reason.

I don't know what this is. It reminds me of something you'd see in a Tool Video.

Cousin Eric sent this to me. I can't get it to work, but he's right. She's hot.

3/13/05 March Madness

I didn't leave my couch until after 3pm today. I had to stay inside to watch the Illini win the Big Ten Tournament and to watch the tournament Selection Special. I have a bracket set up on fantasysports.yahoo.com, so email me if you need the information to join us.

I'm going to upset more than 60% of the population by posting this article. The other 40% will think, "Yeah, we knew that".

I used to think that my brother owned the record for most flexible fingers. With all apologies, I think this guy has him beat.

Do you use AOL? Their new terms of service are raising some eyebrows.

Acer Laptop available on Ebay - Had some problems in the past with spyware.

For your weekly game, this is the coolest free Shockwave game I've seen on the internet. It's very Doom/Duke Nuke 'Em/Who Wanta Some Wang - esque.

Check out this dance video. It's actually well done in a theater arts kind of way.

3/12/05 Bunch of Bombs in the Air

And the home of the land... And the land of the... FREE!!!

It's hard to believe books like this once existed.

3/11/05 Mouse-Clicking World Championships

How fast can you click your mouse (seriously, no pun intended)? I got into Track & Field position and got 56. Yes, I'm a loser.

A few days ago I wrote about an article by The Sports Guy. He was comparing athletes to rock bands. I finally came up with one....

Not only is Frank Thomas the Pearl Jam of sports, but they also share an almost eerie cosmic bond. Let’s ride their roller coaster of success for a minute. In 1991, the year of Pearl Jam’s breakout album “Ten”, Frank Thomas emerges out of nowhere in his first full season, hitting .318 with 32 dingers, and a staggering 1.006 OPS. Frank redefined “power hitter” by taking 138 free passes that season, just as Pearl Jam redefined rock led by Mike McCready’s powerful guitar outro in “Alive”. In 1993, Pearl Jam’s “Vs.” topped the Billboard Charts for 5 weeks, the same year that Frank Thomas won his first of two MVPs. It was in 1994 where both Pearl Jam and Frank Thomas peaked. Most people forget that Frank was hitting .353 with 38 (on pace for 55) homeruns when the strike cut the season short. Again, an MVP season. People also tend to forget the hype surrounding Pearl Jam immediately after “Vs.” and just before “Vitalogy” in 1994. In the late 90’s, Pearl Jam fought Ticketmaster in the courtroom while Frank was in court with his now ex-wife. With the bar raised by their own accord, both Pearl Jam and Frank Thomas were never able to return to their status of the early 90’s. While many consider their later results to be disappointing, they both have put together pretty impressive resumes. It’s hard to argue against “Given to Fly” and “I am Mine”, but they don’t compare to “Elderly Woman” and “Black”. Frank was runner up MVP to Jason “shrunken balls” Giambi in 2000, but he still didn’t command the same fear at the plate like he did in 1993/1994. Their greatness and unique style has been tucked away in the history books, leaving both Pearl Jam and Frank Thomas (and me) wondering where their once overwhelming support has gone. And now, they are hoping to make the best of what’s left of their careers.

3/10/05 What the Bleep Do We know?

Google Nicki sent me a link to What the Bleep Do We Know? She sent it cuz she's doing work with them. But I checked out trailers for the movie, and it looks great. Well, great if you're into science and the mysteries of life and the universe and nerdy stuff like that.

Spanish Muslims are issuing a Fatwa (religious decree) against Osama bin Laden. This is long overdue. Since September 11th, I've said that the solution to terrorism is simple. The leaders of the Muslim community need to separate themselves from the extremists and state publicly that they do not agree with Osama bin Laden and Al Qaida and that Osama bin Laden is not following the beliefs of Islam. Without this message, it would be like Christians saying nothing about the KKK. That's just as unproductive as giving full support of extreme organizations.

As you can tell, I was in a serious mood today with the facts I found. This one is no different. Alright, don't read ahead. Try and name the top 5 countries that the U.S. imports crude oil from. Here's some help - The top 5 countries account for 69% of all imports. What did you guess? Iraq? Nope, they're #6. Kuwait? #11. Saudi Arabia's the only country in the Middle East and it's #3. The top 5, in order, are Canada, Mexico, Saudi Arabia, Venezuela and Nigeria. So why the "War for Oil"? Something seems counter-intuitive. Oh, and out of the top oil producers? The US ranks 3rd. And Norway ranks 6th. How's that for a "Didja know?" type fact?

For my non-serious comment of the day: I got my Powerball in the mail today. I did better than I expected, but still far short of the record of 15,000+ RPM. I got up to 11,138 and my arm nearly fell off. I'll let you know when I crack major milestones (like 12,000). I'm pretty sure my arm will be in a sling tomorrow from playing with the powerball all day today. But, by summer, my right forearm is going to be extra huge.

3/9/05 The Gift of ADHD

I'll admit it, I'm ADHD most of the time. I think it's more normal than the medical profession says. Now, a Newsweek article now calls ADHD a gift. Go figure.

In an IM conversation today, someone who will remain anonymous mentioned how he still thinks that the 2004 presidential election results were fixed. This fact is for him and anyone else interested in an article from OnlineJournal.com.

I learned that March is National Caffeine Awareness Month. Hooo-Waaah! (Note: That's the noise I make when I'm all jacked up on caffeine).

In an effort to entice me to move back to Chicago, the city is considering going wireless. Throw in a White Sox World Series title, and I'm sold.

The 10 Spot from SI.com cracks me up. It's clever twists on current sports stories. Like, "According to an SI.com report, Vikings coach Mike Tice is being investigated by the NFL for allegedly heading up a Super Bowl ticket-scalping operation within the Minnesota organization. Tice contends he was merely raising funds to feed the family of the Timberwolves' Latrell Sprewell." And, "An Illinois doctor hopes to build a Chicago Baseball Museum by the middle of 2006. The biggest hurdle is finding a location large enough to house all of the city's World Series trophies."

This is the real Mother F**kin' Deal Ya'll.

And finally, The Video of the Week. I could teach you, but I'd have to charge. (Open it in a new window if it doesn't launch when you click it).