7/27/07 The Dunning-Kruger Effect

Today I learned about the Dunning-Kruger Effect. It's something we've all seen. "The Dunning-Kruger effect is the phenomenon wherein people who have little knowledge think that they know more than others who have much more knowledge."

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From the "Just buy a Brita" files: The water from both Aquafina (Pepsi) and Desani (Coca Cola) come from a public source. In other words, they're purifying tap water and bottling it.

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I was watching another episode of "The Universe". This week's episode was about Saturn. Saturn has something like 48 known moons. The biggest and most talked about it Titan. What's interesting about Titan is that is has an atmosphere. The atmosphere consists mainly of nitrogen and methane - Which is similar to earth's early atmosphere. Since it's so cold on Titan, methane is in a liquid form. Here's the part I found cool - It rains methane and there are methane rivers.

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Bored? Get a pen pal... at WriteAPrisoner.com.

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My Top 5 Nickelback Songs

In order of how long I can stand listening before I change the radio station:

5. Never made it as a wise ma...

4. Prison gates wo...

3. From undernea...

2. Look at...

1. I...

7/25/07 Words of Wisdom

Today I've been thinking about certain words of wisdom many of you have passed along over the years. I'm going to paraphrase the best I can. Feel free to correct any of the quotes. Or misquotes as they may end up being. Also, this could be a work in progress - One that I'll periodically update as I think of more. Feel free to add your own. One last thing - don't be offended if you're not on the list. It can be something to aspire to for future words of wisdom.

• "If logic ruled the world, men would ride sidesaddle." - My Dad


• "Nobody doesn't expect Mexican chupacabras to vacation in the Wisconsin Dells." - Some anonymous commenter 2.5 years ago.


• "Who's cooler than me?" - Cousin Eric


• "Metallica ceased to be Metallica when they started singing 'Please excuse me while I tend to how I feel'." - Roadtrip Joe (Lyrics from "Hero of the Day").


• "Must've been some other ho" - An ex-girlfriend every time I'd recall a story about something I thought she and I did together.


• This one is less quotable. But Mike once and for all convinced me that toilet paper goes OVER and never under. The reason? You don't want to be scraping your knuckles against the wall to find the next square. He's right. Argument settled.


• "The worst way to hit on a girl is with a bat. A hammer is pretty bad, too." - This one is going to remain anonymous for obvious reasons.


• "Life is not a game to be played with a catcher’s mitt on both hands. You have to be able to throw something back once in awhile." Hot Corner Heidi quoting Maya Angelou.


• "Arguing politics is like participating in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, in the end you're still retarded."
  

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You know what I don't get? Other than laid? Is how the U.S. even has a Naval Base at Guantanamo. Cuba doesn't exactly consider the U.S. an ally or friend or anything of that sort. How then did the U.S. carve out a piece of Cuba and say, "Hey, uh, we're just gonna hang out here and do some secret military stuff. Is that cool? Actually, we're not asking. We're just telling at this point." Could you imagine the exact opposite on U.S. soil? Where a bunch of Cuban military officers were just hanging out around Lake Okeechobee?

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Since nobody really seemed to respond to the logic puzzle from the other day, I'm just going to assume that you loved it. Here's another one:



Adam picked up one of his usual, five-card draw poker hands the other night. He noted:


All of the cards were below a jack and no suit was missing.
The cumulative total of the even cards and the odd cards were equal.
The spades totaled 14.
The red cards totaled 10.
The lowest card was a heart.


What was Adam's hand?


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I wanted to post this on Monday in the middle of Harry Potter madness. Thanks to No Longer Neighbor Natalie for helping me find it.

7/24/07 The #1 Song When You Were Born

What was the #1 song on the day you were born? 18 years from now, kids are going to be playing the same game. But their answers will be "Gold Digger" and "Drop It Like It's Hot".

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Here are famous poems rewritten as limericks. For example:

Footprints in the Sand

There was a man who, at low tide
Would walk with the Lord by his side
Jesus said "Now look back;
You'll see one set of tracks.
That's when you got a piggy-back ride.

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Big Daddy Dan sends this guitar duo performing David Bowie. Since I don't understand a word of British, I'm trusting Dan that it's very funny....

7/23/07 I Glued My Head to My Shoulder

Harry "Friggin" Potter. Ok. I'm done. We can talk. Just not here. This is still a No Spoiler Zone. I set a personal record of 53 hours from start to finish. I know for a fact that some of you finished WAY earlier. I don't know about you, but I don't think my eyes are going to recover for another 53 hours.

This Harry Potter book sold 8.3 million copies in the first 24 hours. But here's a bet you can make with your friends... Tell them that it won't be a New York Times Best Seller. In fact, tell them it won't crack the top ten.

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This afternoon, as I was moving sporadically from my couch to my bed to my toilet to my kitchen and back to my couch - With Harry Potter in hand - Through the window I overheard my upstairs neighbor exclaim, "This is a GREAT CD! It's Nickelback!" I stopped reading. Laughed. And wrote down the quote.

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Cousin Jeff sends a fantastic logic puzzle. It takes knowledge of Texas Hold 'em. It took me more time than expected to find a solution. Good luck.

I was ahead pre-flop, flop, and the turn, but no matter what card comes on the river, at best I split the pot.

What do I have, what does my opponent have, and what does the board look like?

(Note: I only have one opponent. And by "ahead", I would win the hand then and there. Not "ahead" in a percentage sense.)

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Old and busted: Computer vs. chess player. New hotness: Computer vs. poker player.

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In honor of the new Simpsons movie, Darrell sends Ben and Jerry's newest ice cream - Duff & D'oh-Nuts.

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I have a confession to make - I'm thinking about going into rehab.

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Finally - An homage to my favorite Simpsons character....

7/22/07 Deathly Hallows

Has there ever been a book release like this final installment of Harry Potter? Even I've gone a tad gaga. After thinking about standing in line with a bunch of kids and their parents on Friday night, I decided to pick up my copy on Saturday morning instead. My biggest fear is that somebody is going to ruin the story. So I make this promise. We are in a NO SPOILER zone. However, feel free to let us know when you're finished reading. That way, those of you who are finished can discuss. My brother's rule seems to be the best... If you ruin anything, you get punched in the nose; regardless of age. That applies here, too.

I'm so paranoid about hearing a spoiler that I seriously considered not going to a pool party today. Between kids and drunk people, I didn't like the chances of being in public. Eventually I went. With my book. BUT... (I'm such a loser, I know), I swapped the Harry Potter cover with a Stephen King cover. So nobody would bother asking me about it. Ironically, the dude I was sitting next to was also reading it. And he removed the cover too, for similar reasons. My buddy was able to concentrate better than me over all of the music and other noise. I finally asked him how he was able to concentrate. He bluntly replied - "There isn't a whole lot that can distract me from good looking girls in bikinis. But this story is THAT good." Thus far, I'm in complete agreement.

In case you're wondering, I'm on page 268. (I was born a slow reader - What can I say?) I hope to be at least halfway done by tonight. I'm guessing that I'll either finish late, late tomorrow night or sometime Tuesday. I'll let you know when I do. So if you're done, we can compare notes.

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Are you into the whole "Dark Side of the Moon" and "Wizard of Oz" thing? If so, you may also enjoy "Willy Wonka" with Rush's "2112".



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I actually want to get back to Harry Potter. So I'm done for now. But I'll leave you with this.... Prison inmates re-enacting "Thriller".

7/19/07 Warning: This Post Isn't Fun

Because I'm such a cool cat, I was watching "Universe" on The History Channel. My favorite tidbit was about the planet Mercury. A year on Mercury is 88 earth days. But a day on Mercury is 180 earth days or so. My confusion lies in the whole "day" thing. Cuz after one revolution of the sun, only half a day has passed. But some parts of the planet got lots of sunlight. While other parts got little or none. You know, how about this? Take a second and get two things out of your desk and play with me. The big thing is the sun. The little thing is Mercury. Now, let Mercury orbit the sun once. But as it's orbiting, it will only rotate about half way. Oh wait, here's a better idea... Make your desk lamp the sun. That way you can see which side of Mercury is getting sunlight. Cool, huh? Actually, I have no idea which way the orbits go. You know what? New plan. Put your objects back in your desk and get back to work.

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We're just going to go full on science today. As a kid I remember going to a museum and playing a computerized tic-tac-toe game. The game would never lose. At about the age of 8, I think I mastered the concept. The new hotness? Computerized checkers. "It took an average of 50 computers nearly two decades to sift through the 500 billion billion possible draughts positions to come up with the solution."

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Who's the real culprit when it comes to pollution and CO2 emissions? Beef. "Producing 2.2lb of beef generates as much greenhouse gas as driving a car non-stop for three hours".

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As of this post, the world population is estimated at 6,599,478,950. And is increasing by 3 people per second. The number of hectares of productive (arable) land is 8,561,816,049. And is decreasing by one every 7.67 seconds. I'm simply making an observation. And the observation is this - Something's got to give.

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Just in case you weren't familiar yesterday with Strong Bad and Trogdor.... Much to my surprise, there is a full Wiki dedication to HomeStar Runner. Which got me to thinking. Maybe I should start a Nacho Wiki. You think it would be hard to do?

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And for the final science tidbit of the day.... Spooky action at a distance. That's what Einstein called the Theory of Quantum Mechanics. Here's the simplest way I can explain it... All communication takes time. The universal speed limit (as we currently understand) is the speed of light. The speed of light is very fast. At the same time, it is not instantaneous. The light we see from the sun take 8.5 minutes to get here. Even gravity works at the speed of light (Another one of Einstein's great contributions). If the sun exploded or, hypothetically speaking, just disappeared, the earth wouldn't hurdle into space for 8.5 minutes.

One of the inconsistencies that Einstein saw with Quantum Mechanics is entanglement. Two particles can become "entangled" (the details aren't important right now). But, much like Chainsaw and Dave, they share the same brain. As soon as one particle's spin is determined, the entangled particle instantaneously spins the opposite direction. So, let's say for instance, you take two of these entangled particles and shoot them in opposite directions. One towards the sun and one out into the far reaches of the solar system. Just before the one particle hits the sun, you determine its spin. The other particle, in theory, will immediately spin in the opposite direction. But how does it know? Remember the speed of light takes 8.5 minutes to travel to earth. So now, those two particles would need twice that (17 minutes since they are in opposite directions) to make any kind of communication.

All experimental signs point to that being the case. Even more - it points to Einstein being wrong about Quantum Mechanics. And this, my friends, is one of the many mysteries remaining in the world around us.

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To conclude the nerdy post - Star Wars on Robot Chicken. (My favorite scene is the final one on this first video).

7/18/07 Random Number Generator

Back in some previous life I tried learning computer science. The endeavor didn't last all that long. Officially I transferred out of that major after 2 years. Unofficially I started taking business classes after the first semester. Un-unofficially, I checked out after about 3 weeks. It wasn't for me. I got a 38% on my final exam and an 11% on my final project and still somehow managed a C. It wasn't quite the start I had in mind for my collegiate career.





Needless to say, I don't remember a whole lot about CS125 or the programming language Scheme. But I do distinctly remember one class where we were learning about random numbers and now to create them. To give you an idea of how great the faculty was, they spent the majority of the class talking about the intricacies of "random numbers" vs. "pseudo random numbers". In the meantime, I couldn't program for shit and would've preferred some sort of real lesson. Ironically, I remember the "pseudo random numbers" discussion more so than any other part of that class. From what I remember, all computerized random numbers aren't really 100% random since they use the internal clock (like using the hundredths of a second) to generate the number. From what I was told, the only real way to generate a real random number was to use a Geiger counter.





So, to all of those computer whizzes, here's something that may make your day... The first "true number generator" is online. And, despite what I learned, it doesn't use a Geiger counter. It uses the uncertainty of quantum physics.





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There are a small handful of bands that I'd like to see perform live before I die. Or they die. One of those bands is Rush. Rush is performing locally next Wednesday. So I'm putting my feelers out to see if any of you have ticket hookups.





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I found a video that cracked me up. But it seems like such an inside joke kind of laugh, that I'd probably be better of not mentioning it. Instead, I'm going to try and explain for the 2 of you that will think it's funny. Let's start with Strong Bad. Strong Bad is a long running animated character online. He checks weekly emails and responds to them. One of my favorite emails is about Trogdor the Burninator. Subsequently, the Trogdor song ended up as an extra on Guitar Hero II. So, here's the Trogdor email....




Now, for the funny video. Somebody made a parody of the song about their dog, Falcor. (As a very small added bonus, notice "The Neverending Story" reference). Like I said. You probably won't find it funny. In retrospect, I should've not written about this. But at this point, I'm so invested that I wouldn't feel right erasing it. So here.... Here's Falcor.




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I saw this dude on TV playing in the World Series of Poker. Then they started showing his infomercials from the 80s. Wow. Yeah. That really happened. Here's Tommy Vu:

7/17/07 Everything I Know I Learned From Ferris Bueller

Everything I know I learned from Ferris Bueller.

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My mom (by proxy of my dad) sends a video of a guy playing "The Toreador Song". In a way you've never seen before. Also, a shout out to my brother - TOREADOR!!!!

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It's a year old already. But I'm obsessed with the song "Knights of Cydonia". The reason? I saw that it's going to be on Guitar Hero III. So I gave it a good listen through. There's something about the galloping rhythm that fascinates me. So does the acapella breakdown about halfway through.



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Since I didn't post yesterday, here are some videos that will keep you busy for the remainder of the week. They're all game show moments.

7/15/07 The Ides of July

The California wine competition is over. More than 350 wines were judged. The best chardonnay? Two buck chuck.

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It really is the Ides of July. The Romans made things real complicated for some reason. Instead of numbers (which were confusing enough already... hadn't anyone heard of the deca system?), they used the following:

Kalends (1st day of the month)
Nones (the 7th day in March, May, July, and October; the 5th in the other months)
Ides (the 15th day in March, May, July, and October; the 13th in the other months)

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By now, you're familiar with my obsession with odd commercials. The commercial for the Oozinator might be number one in the "Just Wrong" category.



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Have a good start to your week. And remember - It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

7/12/07 The Order of the Phoenix

The new Harry Potter movie rules. If you have the time and the few extra dollars, I highly recommend seeing it on the IMAX. The 20 minutes in 3D towards the end are definitely fun. I promised that I'd never be one of those "The book was SO much better than the movie" kind of people. It always seemed so snotty to say. So, I'll phrase it a little differently.... The movie could have been an hour longer and included many more of the character interaction details. And it would have kept my attention the entire time.

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On that note, Mister Abrams sends some Harry Potter Quizzes.

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The Smokey Lady has started her own blog where she is showing off her gorgeous handmade jewelry. The jewelry is unique and great for gifts. (And VERY affordable).

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I'm sorry it took me so long to finally post this. But in this month's Wired Magazine, there's an infographic that compares how informed Americans are on world issues versus their main source of news.

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7/11/07 Why Does Michael Bay Get to Keep on Making Movies?

Was today free slurpee day? I must have missed it this year.

Two people have told me that the Transformer movie was good. I've made a mental note not to take movie advice from either of those people again. I haven't seen it. I don't plan on seeing it. All I need to make my decision is this:

1) The general reviews
2) A list of other movies that Michael Bay directed:

The Island
Bad Boys II
Pearl Harbor
Armageddon
The Rock (Ok, I sort of liked the this one)
Bad Boys
Playboy Video Centerfold: Kerri Kendall



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Remember when I used to link to games? Those were the days. They just don't make games like they used to. This game in particular deserves some sort of warning. Like, don't drop acid before playing. Or, WTF?!

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This is for high school peeps:



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7/10/07 Ginormous

The word "Ginormous" is now in the Merriam-Webster dictionary. A while back I made fun of the crap ass commercial for "Buzz Ballads" because they used that word. It was something like "32 ginormous hits!" I'm still looking for that version of the commercial. All I have is another version. One that promotes 32 of the songs that collectively destroyed alternative music as we used to know it.



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My dad suggests a way to avoid the TSA and airport security. Use 105 helium balloons and a chair.

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There's very little I can/want to say about this. So I won't. The International Ginger Kids Foundation.

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Poker Jason claims to be very busy at work. At the same time, he send me links to Human Tetris:



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Poker Jason also tells me about a wedding he attended this weekend. A wedding where the bride and groom decided to play a round of Dance Dance Revolution for their first dance. To complete his trifecta of awesome, Poker Jason also sends more information about Guitar Hero III.

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7/9/07 July - What a Month

Talk about coincidence.... In the past week, I've received good news about my "Trapped in the Closet" fascination. R. Kelly's sequel (or, more precisely, chapters 13-22) is coming out this month. And I thought that July 2007 was reserved for Harry Potter (the book AND the movie), Guitar Hero 80's edition and the baseball all star break. Could this month possibly get any better?

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To my college friends: You'll be happy to know that within the past week, I've taught the game Zoom to two different groups of people. And it still remains a lot of fun. Hopefully the British will bring the game overseas and spread the word. Or three words, as the case may be.

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My newest favorite commercial. It's by FreeCreditReport.com. Some easy going dude with light brown hair looks around in a peculiar way and says, "I'm thinking of a number. Do you know what it is? (Camera zooms in and he looks straight at you). It's 20 million." I'm not sure about you. But I was off by more than 19.99 million.

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Maybe I'm going through some sort of age crisis. But I continue to search for memories of my childhood. I recently found 2 of my favorite videos from school. You can thank me later....


Donald Duck in Mathmagic Land



And Part 2



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Powers of 10 (I've been looking for this since about 1st grade):

7/2/07 We Stand on Guard for Thee

Let's do this backwards. First I'm going to wish you a festive and safe 4th of July. When holidays like the 4th are on a Wednesday, you usually have one of two extremes. You either get the day off and do something low key like going to see fireworks. Or you just go nuts and have yourself a 5 day weekend. The reason I'm talking about the 4th two days early is that I'm choosing the latter. And I will be offline for the remainder of the week. Just so you won't miss me too much, I'll leave you with some extra videos to help hold you over until Monday. But this isn't about me. It's about having fun this week with the holiday. Enjoy yourself. Get some sun. And don't blow off any limbs or anything stupid like that.

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Conservatives are claiming that sites like Wikipedia are liberally biased. So they've started their own site called Conservapedia. It appears very fair minded. As an example, I searched on Barack Obama. From the entry:

"In June 2007 the Chicago Sun-Times reported Obama had actually recieved nearly three times more campaign cash from indicted slum landlord Tony Rezko and his associates than Obama has publicly acknowledged."

"Senator Barack Obama's political views have been a matter of controversy even before he put himself forward as a Presidential Candidate. Former House Majority leader Tom DeLay has described Obama's record in the Illinois Senate as that of a “Marxist leftist.”"

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This is a fun card trick sent by Luis:



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Since I talked about Canada's national anthem yesterday and stated it's my 2nd favorite national anthem, I figured that I'd take some time and give you my top five. Here they are:

#5 - Kazakhstan



#4 - The United Arab Emirates (The video is really well done and earned its way into the top five. And the fact that they didn't feel like using words also earned them bonus points.)

It's un-embeddable. Here's the link -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fpj1248svE

#3 - Radiohead



#2 - Oh, Canada



#1 - U.S.S.R.



As an added bonus, my favorite rendition of the Star Spangled Banner:

7/1/07 Happy Canada Day

Happy Canada Day. I hope you all celebrated as much as I did. In honor of Canada Day, some of my Canadian friends organized a barbeque. While I can't say much, what I can say about Canada is this - they have my 2nd favorite national anthem of all time. And I learned that "According to a national beer-drinking survey on behalf of Moosehead, an eyebrow-raising 40% of Atlantic Canadians said if they had to choose between beer and sex, they would forego carnal pleasures and opt for a cold one instead."

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Like I said, ESPN.com had way better draft coverage than I could. Just ask the Sports Guy.

In honor of his age, Greg Oden has chosen his jersey number.

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Every so often I get into a "Trapped in the Closet" mood. Not so much for the song or the video. But because I don't quite understand what it's all about. So, here they are for your viewing pleasure.

The original -



The Weird Al version, "Trapped in the Drive Thru" -



The Mad TV version, "Trapped in the Cupboard" -



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Good night, Ned.

6/28/07 Big Frank

Congratulations to Frank Thomas for hitting his 500th homerun. If there's anyone I would consider my childhood sports hero, it's Frank. On the wall behind me, I have a framed, autographed photo of the final White Sox homerun at the Old Comiskey from September 26, 1990.

I distinctly remember spending time with my friend and neighbor Jason around the age of 12, and talking about Frank Thomas just before he was brought up from the minor leagues. From that moment forward, watching Frank Thomas was something I continually looked forward to. I guess, from a personal standpoint, it was fun to see a guy who was built to play football, have such a great eye at the plate and hit for average before he hit for power. Most people focus on the 500 homeruns. What is forgotten is his lifetime .303 batting average. And the nearly 1600 walks. His career OPS is 11th on the all time list, just ahead of Mark McGwire, Mickey Mantle, Joe DiMaggio and Stan Musial.

I don't want to go nuts and tell you how he's a hall of famer. (He is). But people tend to forget just what a dominant hitter he was from the moment he joined the major leagues. In his first full season, he was 3rd in MVP voting. He had back to back MVP awards in 1993 and 1994. He has been in the top 10 in the MVP voting 9 times. Nine times? Nine times. Plus, he never hit more than 43 homeruns in a single season. The 500 homeruns have been based on a lot of dominant, consistent years.

Stevenson Stormy puts it best - "Since the steroid scandals, both Frank Thomas and Griffey's legacies have been embraced by the MLB community since they were the two most outspoken advocates for testing for years. They are the only players to get to 500 in the past decade that are not tarnished by roids."

Wow. I really didn't intend to have my own personal Frank Thomas love fest. But it happened. I'm just very happy for him. Since he's my childhood sports hero and all. Frank - congratulations. You deserve all of the praise you're getting. The road ovation in Minnesota was extra sweet.

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Since I'm in a sports mood.... Some thoughts on the NBA draft:

• I'm not a huge NBA fan. But I've been excited about this draft. I actually kind of planned my afternoon around it.


• I love when really tall women (let's say 6 foot and above) wear 2 and 3 inch heels. (This has nothing to do with the draft. I just saw a really tall woman in giant heels today. I like how she embraced her height and appeared very confident.)


• Steven A. Smith screams a lot. Most of what he has to say can be done in a normal tone of voice. I'd like to see a reality TV show where he gets locked in a room with Dick Vitale.


• Yi Jianlian refused to workout for any team. Then, he and his agents told the Milwaukee Bucks not to draft him. The Chinese government seems to be pulling lots of strings here. This is quickly becoming a subplot that could easily be worked into next season of "24". Actually, now that I think about, it would probably be a better plot than last season. Oh, and what was the point of interviewing Yi after he was drafted? He obviously didn't really understand the questions, nor did he really have the language skills to respond in any coherent manner.


• I'm excited that the Bulls took Joakim Noah. In part because he wore a sear sucker suit and a huge bow tie to draft night. In part because he could have been a top 2 pick last year and he dropped to 9 this year. But mostly because he has a hot mom. (She was Miss Sweden 1978 and took 2nd in the Miss Universe contest). At this point, you probably think I have a hot mom problem. You know what? Maybe I do.


• I'll admit it. I sort of fell asleep a little during the middle of the first round. And I lost any steam I had to make a fun NBA draft journal. Read ESPN.com tomorrow. Theirs will be way better anyways.

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While we're doing nothing but sports, I'd like to take a moment to congratulate my softball team for our first victory of the season. 33-3. That's not a typo. Nor did the opposition resemble Jerry's Kids in any way. We just rocked out for one evening.

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I had a bunch of other stuff. But I'll leave it for tomorrow.




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And for something completely unrelated... If "The Sopranos" was on basic cable.

6/27/07 Chubbs

Cousin Eric sends an article with the headline: "One-eyed gator pulls golfer into pond".

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Thanks to everyone who left their Kirby memory yesterday. There are a few of you (and I won't name names) that still owe it to Kirby to leave at least one memory. You get a reprieve for now. But by the weekend, we're making your names public.

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Since you've had nothing to worry about lately, how about this? The recent spike in credit and debt may lead to a severe economic depression.

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Courtesy of No Longer Neighbor Natalie:

The embedding wasn't working - So try this link instead: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/33f2687080

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Oh, and finally... My brother and I were exchanging emails with Goonies trivia. He was being nice and giving reasonable questions. I was being a dick and giving really hard ones. For all of you Goonies fans out there, here is a taste of the questions we were exchanging:

• When Troy goes to the bathroom, what magazine is he reading?
• What music related shirt is Mouth wearing in the opening scene in the house?
• How many lawnmower jobs did it take Brand to buy that bicycle, his most favorite thing in the world?
• What year is on the Doubloon?
• What is the correct order of the elaborate door opening system?

1. bowling ball, bucket, balloon, chicken, egg, football, sprinkler
2. balloon, chicken, egg, bowling ball, bucket, football, sprinkler
3. bowling ball, bucket, football, chicken, egg, balloon, sprinkler
4. football, balloon, bowling ball, bucket, chicken, egg, sprinkler
   

In Memory of Kirby: 1992 - 2007

This is actually hard for me. And it's been especially hard on my parents. So bear with me today as I talk about Kirby. If, by chance, you think it's silly that I talk about a dog who's been around for half of my life, then just move on and come back tomorrow.

After 15 years, Kirby was put down this morning. I was unaware that this was going to happen. At the same time, Kirby had suffered more than his share of ailments over the past few years. It only seemed merciful that he be allowed to finally go in peace.

To this day, I'm convinced that Kirby was the most famous dog in all of Buffalo Grove. I was asked about him at my 10 year high school reunion. That little furball lived quite a good life, in most thanks to my parents. There's very little else to say. But I will say this - I'm gonna miss the guy. As I know many of you will too.

Since so many of you knew Kirby, I'm asking for your favorite Kirby memory. (Charlotte Dan: I know your favorite memory. Don't be afraid to tell everyone). I don't want to steal any of your thunder (as many of us may have the same memories). So you go first. I'll save mine for later.

Thanks for the good times, Kirby. You will be missed.

6/25/07 This Blog is Rated "R"

No Longer Neighbor Natalie tells me that this blog is rated "R". I checked for myself. It is. My first response was that the "R" rating was perfect. Since it fits right in with my target audience of pirates. Then, given the chance to never tell that joke again, I still did. Right now. Then I thought, well, perhaps I should watch my language a little bit more. This is available to anyone to read. That's probably not a good venue to swear. Now I'm thinking, fuck it.

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Charlotte Dan sends, what should be the next "Encyclopedia Brown" story. The case of the $67 million pants.

Have you ever read/seen/heard something that you rarely, if ever, read/see/hear... then read/see/hear it again later that same day? And you start to wonder what kind of crazy sign/coincidence it is? Why is this part of the Charlotte Dan article? Because this has happened to me twice in recent days.

The first had to do with Encyclopedia Brown. Before I went to see "1408", I saw that "Nancy Drew" was a movie. Which got me to thinking about books of our childhood. (Is childhood collective? Or is it childhoods?) And I mentioned that I was a big fan of "Encyclopedia Brown". Lo and behold, John Cusack makes an "Encyclopedia Brown" reference in the movie. (I swear it wasn't in the book).

The second instance had to do with a windsock. I was watching some show about Jupiter and the magnetic field is in the shape of a windsock that extends out to Saturn or something crazy like that. Since I obviously don't know much about anything that's obvious, I had to look up windsock. Again, later that day, I was in a little strip mall of offices. And, voila, a windsock store.

This is where the blog is open for comments. Tell us about your best crazy coincidence story. Remember, this blog is rated "R". So go nuts.

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Guitar Hero 3. Coming this fall. Personally, I'm super excited about "Cult of Personality" and "Cherub Rock".

6/24/07 1408

I had a first today. I read a story and saw the same movie in the same day. It was 1408. For the first time since I saw "The Ring" about four years ago, I came home feeling shivers and looking over my shoulder. Pardon the language, but 1408 is just a mind fuck. It's still hovering in the back of my mind. During the movie, I had goosebumps and the hair on my arms stood up. If you're into that kind of thing, I highly recommend it. If you want to read it first (I did and it didn't ruin the experience one bit), find yourself a copy of Stephen King's "Everything's Eventual". From what I hear, the audio version of the story is even better. Given the lousy track record of Stephen King stories moving to the big screen, the screenplay writers did a tremendous job.

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In other news, my Total Recall friend (no name just yet - not until I come up with a suitable nickname) said that she used to repair theremins. And that the Moog Etherwave Theremin is a pretty good one. She also claims to be pretty good at playing it. She also couldn't believe I didn't know what a theremin was. Just like misspelling "cilice" by every letter, I've learned that there is still plenty I don't know about.

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6/23/07 Where's Waldo?

Cousin Eric sends an online version of Where's Waldo. To which I responded, "Thanks for ruining my day." Good luck finding him.

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My dad sends a video of a Boeing 747 landing on the island of St. Maarten.

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If you thought the Theremin was cool, how about music from a Tesla Coil?



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For all of you fans of Mighty Mouse out there:

6/21/07 Sunrise, Sunset

Today I learned what a theremin is. It's an instrument that you play by not touching it.

It's very EPCOT Center-ish.

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A friend of mine IMed about something that's happening in two weeks. I responded with "tWo Weeeeeks". She immediately knew what movie I was referring to. Very impressive....

6/20/07 There's No Need To Fear

The Nacho Expert sends some extraordinary news. The subject of his email was "You're Gonna Love It". That's an understatement. I'm outright giddy. I'm calling it right now - Best Picture of 2007 - Underdog.

When I was 5 years old and in kindergarten, I watched Underdog every day. I went to afternoon kindergarten and gleefully anticipated watching Underdog late in the morning just before I left for school. At some point during that year, the network moved Underdog to the early afternoon so that I'd have to miss it. I wrote a letter to the network to complain. Seriously. I was a dork then too. There was really no stopping the dorkiness. It was in me from day one. Years later I found that very letter, written in crayon, somewhere in the house. My mom admitted that she never sent it. It's possible that the letter still exists. And if it does, I'll have it scanned and put it up.

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I like pausing DVR during newscasts and other shows with people talking into the camera. Despite their professional presence in real time, they make some pretty goofy faces on pause. If I had any motivation I'd start a website.

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The winner to yesterday's Kobe contest is no one. I'm sure the video is floating out there somewhere. And I'd love to see it.

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I was talking to a friend the other day about "Paranoid Android". This is for that friend:

6/19/07 Kobe Video

We're going to play a little game. It's called - "Who can find a link to the new Kobe video first?" Ready? Go.

6/18/07 Bacchus in a Box

I'm not fashionable. Never have been. I'm frequently told, "Get with the times". Today, I get my revenge. This is dedicated to everyone who has joined in the joyous boxed wine nights all those years ago. My friends - this time, we were ahead of our time.

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The Sports Guy goes to Vegas. If you've driven there from Southern California, you can extra-relate.

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The Nacho Expert pointed out that many of the videos here are getting taken off of YouTube. To which he expertly pointed out that they must have ruled. They did. That's just going to happen from time to time. He also gave a solution to the hat problem.

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In case you have an hour where you're really, really bored - The Internet Power Hour. It's an hour long video consisting of all sorts of popular Viral and YouTube videos. It starts with the Numa Numa kid and basically that's the idea.

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Since Demetri Martin got such a good response on Friday, here's some more.

6/17/07 Players Behaving Badly

Northwestern Nicole sends a great sports site called Players Behaving Badly. Whether you're into brawls, suspensions or drunken benders, this site has something for you. (Personally, I think she sent it because the Cubs seem to be the majority shareholders in the brawl section).

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Happy Father's Day. It's rare that I post anything sappy or heartfelt. This would be an exception.



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As many of you already know, the 17 year cicadas are back. I distinctly remember, 17 years ago, thinking about what an old fart I'd be when the cicadas came back. I wondered what my wife's name would be. And where we'd be living. And how many kids we'd have. Eh, maybe next time.

My mom asked me if we get the same cicadas in California. Like most questions she asks, I don't know the answer. But I gathered from the fact that nobody out in California knew what I was talking about and that I hadn't seen one all year, that no, they are not out here. So I finally found a Cicada Map. For those of you in Chicago, you might enjoy this little interactive map. The map shows where the cicadas have come out in fuller force this time.

If you're not familiar with the cicadas, they're ugly suckers. I just learned that their 17 year cycle is an evolutionary advantage since 17 in a prime number. Any predator that could evolve to attack on a more regular cycle. For example, if the cicadas came out every 15 years instead, any predator that was on a 3 or 5 year cycle would be primed for the kill after 15 years.

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Like I've said before, the 2004 presidential election wore me out. The endless bickering and arguing was very tiresome. Admittedly, I made some politically charged and biased posts during that time. I can't make any promises. But I'm going to try and avoid that this time around. This isn't intended to be a political battleground. So, anything that appears political, really isn't. Now that that's out of the way, today's video is called "I've Got a Crush... on Obama".



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If you don't like that, perhaps you'll like this. A "Behind the Music" like spoof on TV theme songs. If you have the time, give it at least a minute or two.

6/15/07 Where Are All of the During Photos?

As you well know, I have a love/hate relationship with commercials. I absolutely adore the clever, edgy commercials. At the same time, I am sickened by the other 98% of commercials that are just (forgive the British) rubbish. In the, what's becoming frequent, tradition of mind numbing commercials, I am using this post to clear my head of them. It's really more for my own mental and physical well-being. If you're not interested, nobody's forcing you to read this. Just scroll down watch some of the old videos again. I do sometimes. They still make me laugh. One last thing (this is for you, Skooky) - I promise not to post videos of a defensive lineman rapping about furniture. Or underage girls eating ice cream.

• Leed's Mattress - Oh, this is fantastic. They even have their commercial on their website. They start their commercial with "Did you know that 9 out of 10 people need a new mattress?" Where did that stat come from? The Sleep Institute of Pulling Numbers Out of Our Asses?


• The Commerce Casino - Their quote is something like, "What's it like getting pocket aces at the Commerce Casino?" Then they show the guy who has the aces on a roller coaster, all kinds of excited. I have a few problems with this. First, how is getting pocket aces at their casino any different than picking them up at another casino? Second, the dude obviously had a huge hand if his face looks like he's riding a roller coaster. One of my favorite things about poker is knowing when somebody has aces and cracking them. But, most importantly... The flop comes Ace high with 3 diamonds. Sure, he flopped top set. But, his opponent moves in on the turn and the board didn't pair. He insta-calls for, what looks like thousands of dollars. Then the river brings him quad aces. In my mind, I'm hoping that his opponent had the nut flush (they never show) and that Mr. Aces sucked out since he has no idea how to play aces. Note to casino commercials - if you're going to advertise poker, at least make it so the guy holds the nuts when he's donking off his chips.
• Priceline.com - Does William Shatner really need to embarrass himself any more? He's 76 years old. Just go golf. Or do whatever it is you enjoy doing. Unless, wait... Maybe he likes giving an air geriatric karate chop to advertise "half price" specials.


• AIG Auto Insurance - "If you have (any of various other auto insurances), you may be overpaying by hundreds of dollars." (The guy magically disappears off to the right of the screen and pulls a Pac Man and shows up again on the left side). This time he's really in your face and repeats, "HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS". Ok, dude. I got it. How is it that every auto insurance company offers savings over the others? If I had to give it some thought, and choose car insurance based on commercials alone, I would automatically eliminate AIG, Geico (not a big fan of the gecko), Mercury, ESurance (I'm pissed that they used "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and put E-surance words in there instead). I'm also pissed that I don't know which letters to capitalize in eSurance. Or if there's a hyphen or not. If their name and commercials are this complicated and upsetting, I can only imagine that their roadsides assistance is equally complicated and upsetting. The only auto insurance commercial I remotely like is AllState. Because it gave me faith that President Palmer's assassination didn't really happen. And that he's alive and well, and on the side of the road as some sort of superhero, saving moms and kids from running over construction workers.

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Try and guess what this commercial is for before they show the product about 1:10 into it.

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This commercial would NEVER fly in the states:



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And finally, here's some comedy to start your weekend with a smile. There's really no video, so plug in your headphones, minimize the window and keep working...

6/14/07 Attention Chicago Peeps!

This message is to everyone in and around Chicago. Tomorrow is the Chicago Air Guitar Championships. If you have to chance to be the next Air Guitar Hero, please do it. Do it for those of us who want to be there, but can't. It's at the Metro on 3730 N. Clark. And more information is available at http://www.usairguitar.com/.

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For those of you who don't have a lot of time to catch up on the Rocky, uh, (What's a trilogy, but for 6? A sex-ogy? A bi-trilogy?) Here are all of the Rocky movies. In 5 seconds.



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While we're at it - The 3 good Stars Wars Movies. In 5 seconds each:

6/12/07 Heroes Never Say Die

A few weeks ago I was out to breakfast on an unseasonably cool morning in May. While I was waiting outside to be seated, some guy passes by on his beach cruiser. (That's a simple bike for those of you like me who didn't grow up in California). He started ringing his 1950's bike bell and shouted, "More global warming! More global warming!"

That seems to be the sentiment in Denver too, where they woke up to the coldest June 8th in 50 years. 31 degrees. After doing a little research, I checked the hottest years in Denver since they started keeping records in 1873. Nine of the 12 warmest years on record occurred before 1955. Mr. Gore - I have some additional questions I'd like to ask you.

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Guitar Hero II: The Movie



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While I've already proven that I've never grown up emotionally. And that I find parody trailers for movies based on video games fun... Here's Mike Tyson's Punchout: The Movie.

RIP Mr. Wizard

RIP Mr. Wizard

6/11/07 She's So Heavy

I don't have HBO. I haven't had a movie channel for probably 6 years now. Which is silly, since, out of all of the crap I spend money on, I could probably afford the extra 50 cents a day for HBO. But I still don't do it. That being said, I still saw the final scene of "The Sopranos". It was unavoidable.

All week I kept getting asked if I watch "The Sopranos". I used to. Six years ago. Back in the day when I never thought I might end up looking like Tony Soprano. (I swear I'm probably still 15 years away, but I'm getting there). But I had to sheepishly answer "no" and kill the conversation right then and there.

I call my mom on Sunday evening and she politely answers, "Hi, how are you?" "I'm fine, how are you?" (I tend to elongate "fine" and "you" since I'm a dick and can't seem to even pretend to enjoy the pleasantries of a normal human conversation). She tells me, "The Sopranos is just starting. Can I call you back right after it's done?". And she did.

I feel like I completely missed out on this phenomenon. Even The Sports Guy's Chat revolved around "The Sopranos". You know how I said I saw the final scene already? What I didn't tell you is that I saw it on ESPN. Twice. One of the emailers to The Sport Guy's Chat put it best - "...it's funny people watched 6 seasons of the show and didn't realize it was over their head until the finale?"

This entire talk about "The Sopranos" is leading to the greatest analogy I've heard in some time. I was talking to Cousin Barry. And, of course, he asked if I had seen the final episode. He asked me if I was familiar with The Beatles' "Abbey Road". I told him that, despite being nearly a decade older than I am, it was one of my favorite albums of all time. He said the ending to "The Sopranos" was just like "I Want You (She's So Heavy)". I thought for a second. And he's right on. Obscure analogies make me smile.






(This isn't quite the song off of Abbey Road I'm looking for. But this stretch on the "B" side is absolutely magical).




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And now for something fun. Here's a video optical illusion. Trust me, it's not one of those scary Exorcist videos that screams at you. I don't like those. And I won't ever do anything like that to you. Stare at the dot.

6/10/07 Nacho Fantasy

(WARNING: This isn't exactly 100% safe for work).... Some guy lived out his fantasy and ate nachos while having sex. It only seems appropriate that, as the resident online nacho spokesperson, I give him some credit... for finding nachos in Bali.

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While I'm going inappropriate today - Ann Coulter gets a creampie. (Unfortunately, it's not as grudge-a-licious as you might hope).




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I hope, for all of our sakes, that this is the last time I mention Evan O'Dorney. After giving this lots of thought, I finally figured out what he needs. (No, it's not medication). He needs an agent. We've seen him on CNN in a poorly constructed interview that made his idiosyncrasies look like he's a cocky asshole. When, in reality, he's just more borderline autistic. (Watch it again - you'll see what I'm talking about). How is this happening? I get the feeling that his parents are getting phone calls like, "Hey, can Evan appear on the (whatever) show tomorrow?" And they're like, "Yeah sure. That sounds great." And each of the shows is doing their absolute worst to portray him in a positive light. Here's another example from the Jimmy Kimmel show - Seriously, couldn't they have let the kid win? Or at least told him that it was a joke?




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And finally, here's something fun. Jager Bomb dominoes:

6/8/07 Evan O'Dorney

The origin on Deja Vu in the brain has been found.

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I wanted so badly to be in Evan O'Dorney's corner. I wanted so badly for him to break the mold. I wanted so badly for him to prove that spelling champions could do other great things with their lives. But, Evan man... C'mon... You're not helping the cause here...

Spelling Bee Winner

Posted Jun 05, 2007

This is why you don't homeschool your children.

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The origin on Deja Vu in the brain has been found.

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It's 10:30 am. I've watched this video at night and now again in the morning. And I've concluded the following - there is no good time for a pickle surprise.

6/6/07 Drive In Movies

The Drive-In is back. In Orange County. This also seems like a good time to congratulate the Anaheim "Don't Call Us Mighty" Ducks for winning the Stanley Cup. If you don't live in California, you probably had no idea that hockey is still played professionally. It is. And people here are psyched.

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In a following up to the 2007 Spelling Bee, I found a repeat of the finals on my DVR. With the ending in tact. First, the Canadian's mom wasn't as hot as I thought. But she's still cute. For a mom. But, looking back, I think I Samir Patel-ed her. (That's a subtle reference to "overhype".) Both Mister Abrams and Hot Corner Heidi IMed to tell me that "cilice" was the only word they got right. (And to a lesser extent, reaffirming that I'm an idiot). They both referred to "The Da Vinci Code". Now, if the word had been "cryptex", I would've been all over that one.



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100 movies, 100 quotes, 100 numbers... If you have time, this is cool...




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I love 1960's propaganda:

6/5/07 Rock the 80's

Are you excited for Guitar Hero III? Mister Abrams sends a site about everything Guitar Hero.

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In one of my recent tirades, I mentioned the show "Pirate Master" and how pirates didn't even talk or act like that. I feel redeemed.

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For those of you that liked the 80's montages, here are 10 great scenes from the Office. And while we're at it - A bunch of video compilations.

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Here's some more Yellow Ledbetter. Thanks to the Sports Guy.



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And more misheard lyrics for Evenflow:



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6/4/07 Low Pressure System

Every so often I just need to write just to clear my head. I made the mistake of turning on my TV today. And my mind is now cluttered with crap. So the crap is making its way here. I apologize in advance for the mental diarrhea.

Have you seen these commercials? Or others like them that are just downright insulting?

• The consolidated credit commercial where the guy says, "6 in 10 people are in debt." Then he acts like he's making some sort of profound statement, sternly raises his voice and follows that up with, "That's more than half". Oh, really? Thanks. I guess this commercial is geared towards those people who are still in awe of the dissected thumb trick. I can't wait for their next commercial where the guy grabs the screen and tells us, "Got your nose".


• Some GMC Denali commercial shows the truck drive straight up the side of a large building. It then drives down the opposite side. However, just so we're clear, in large print you read, "Fictionalization". Again, thanks.


• "Poker After Dark" airs from 2:00 am to 3:00 am, 6 nights a week. Just about every time it airs, there's a commercial that starts something like this - "If you could guarantee the security of your children and grandchildren, wouldn't you do it?" What demographic do they think is watching poker at 2:30 am? The concerned grandparent demographic? Try loser, single guys like me between the ages of 18 and 32. I'm sure whatever you're offering is fantastic. We're just not interested.

During some ESPN game break, there was a highlight of the Milwaukee Brewers and Prince Fielder. The ESPN guy was recalling someone else's quote and said something like "His biceps are so big, you could draw a map of the United States on there and still have room for Argentina." Why Argentina? If he was making it up on the spot, then fine. It's cool. But he was quoting someone else and had it prepared. Still, everyone laughed. I'm only telling you this so you can read the origin of every state name.

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This one I like. It was sent yesterday by the Nacho Expert to share some joy:

6/3/07 Size Matters

The facts are in. It's been proven. The size of your ring finger correlates to... Your mathematical ability.

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Feel like wasting your next 20 minutes? Here are 10 great movie montages from the 80's.

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From the Lewis Black "Why the fuck even open your mouth" files: "Next Hurricane Could Strike Anywhere From TX to NY".

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I saw Al Gore on TV the other day. And all I could think was.... I bet he's left handed. He is.

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In case you're not familiar with Lewis Black...



(On a personal note, I had the privilege of attending the taping of this performance)

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In case you missed it - the minor league manager going nuts...