As many of you know, I somehow duped myself into doing P90X this summer. If you're unfamiliar with P90x, it's a workout routine that you'll see on a whole bunch of late night infomercials. It's 90 straight days of working out for 60-90 minutes per day. And it's meant for people that are in way better shape than I am. Honestly, I am hoping that my "after" photo looks as good as most "before" photos in their advertisement.
To give you an idea of how sad it is I'm doing this, I was telling Cousin Eric today that my goal is to be able to do one honest to goodness pull up by the end. Even sadder is that I've never been able to do one in my life and it would be an amazing accomplishment.
Since the workouts consume 60-90 minutes of my day... everyday... that's all I've been talking about lately. Just the other day I made it to the halfway point. Now, you'd probably expect me to talk about my numbers and give some sort of half way progress report with pounds and inches lost and strength gained. But that's not my style. Nor are my numbers all that impressive. In fact, I was about to say that I'll give a full report after 90 days, but I don't want to make any promises.
What I did want to do, however, was come up with some sort of "Top Ten" type list for those who have done P90X. This only really makes sense for those who have done the workouts since you've spent dozens of hours with Tony Horton and are starting to feel like he's living with you. So, my apologies to those who haven't done P90X - I know this all seems elitist and exclusionary.
There are so many classic moments in these videos that I want to make this some sort of "Work in Progress" where people can submit their own "P90X moments". So, if you have a P90X story/moment/favorite quote, send them to firstname.lastname@example.org. In the meantime, here's my preliminary list to give you an idea of what I'm getting at here:
- Just about halfway through the yoga video, Tony talks about doing the best downward dog of your life. He then proceeds to say, "They're coming in to shoot the cover of Downward Dog Magazine." I laughed the first time. Now I look forward to it as inspiration.
- Just to make you feel worse about yourself, one of they guys in the Plyometrics (jump training) video has a prosthetic leg.
- Phase 2 brings all sorts of harder push ups and pull ups (not that I could do a whole lot of regular ones to begin with). At the end of the Phase 2 pull up day, Tony talks about doing pull ups that are easier for you if you're "wasted" and the ones you don't like if you still have energy. Needless to say I'm beyond wasted every time, hoping to do maybe 6 pull ups with the aid of a chair. Then smiley chick on the right in the video says, "I'm going to do corn cob pull ups." For those unfamiliar, corn cob pull ups are pull ups where, at the top of the pull up, you move your body right, then left, then away from the bar, then towards the bar, before going down again.
- Does Tony really need to do the pterodactyl every time he does the big reverse arm circles? Wasn't it enough in one video? If my count is right, he does it in three.
- Since you do the Ab Ripper X routine more than any other (three times a week), everything gets magnified. A few minutes before the end, Tony walks in from the back, acting all macho, slowing saying, "Ab.... Ripper... X..." For whatever reason I hate that.
- Tony's dad really threw some no hitters? He says so at the end of the Plyometrics video. Who's his dad? I actually checked the all time no-hitter list for the major leagues and there's no Horton on there. What's he talking about? Slow pitch softball?
- Thanks for the P90X recovery drink shameless promotion at the end of every workout.
- What are the odds that Tony and Dreya Webber are/were hooking up? Even odds? Big Brown 1-5 kind of odds?
- I love those pot stirrer cool downs at the end. Tony always asks what kind of soup people are stirring. During Phase 2, Phil says, "I'm stirring up trouble." Tony is obviously upset that somebody else was trying to be funny. Phil's my new hero.
- Speaking of Phil, he gets verbally massacred during the Stretch video. I somehow have a feeling that they filmed the previous pot stirring video first and Tony decided to get revenge here by pointing out how inflexible Phil is.
Thanks to newly discovered Cousin-in-Law Chris M. for some more fantastic P90X moments...
- "X me baby"
- After a tough set he'll look at the computer and say "Now that's.....P90X"
- "The Georgeous Dreya Weber"
- "German Potato Soup!"
- "How many are you going to do Phil?, How many are you going to do Morraine". I'll still be doing pushups when both of you are done". What an ass!
- (Send more and I'll keep this list updated)