Tuesday, October 31, 2006

10/31/06 Da Bulls

I'm just trying to see how many consecutive titles can contain "da". My only goal for tomorrow is to keep the streak alive. It's also a good excuse to talk about how good Da Bulls looked tonight. If there's any time to bring back the Super Fans on SNL, it's now.

Bob holds the NachosRule record for Icicle Climb - It currently stands at 10.405. (Bob - beware, I was at 9.8 with one icicle to go and I blew it).

Do you have tv ads for the upcoming elections where you live? I'm getting ready to start taking note of some of the super disgusting ads I'm seeing recently. Stay tuned - they're funny. Well, if you think that trashing people with sad, sad advertising is funny. So, wait. They're not funny. Or are they? I can't decide.

Happy Halloween. And happy the sun sets at like 5:00 for the next 4 months. Yay for the beginning of winter.

Monday, October 30, 2006

10/30/06 Leonardo Da Awesome

Da Vinci's illustrations - Animated.

The alleged highest resolution photo on the internet. Or anywhere in the world. Or something.

I'll have more tomorrow. But the deal is - You've got to try that Yeti game from yesterday.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

10/29/06 Living in a Van Down By the River

Since it's Halloween time and every year I see Matt Foley costumes, here are a bunch of Chris Farley clips.

Also, since it's Halloween time and my pirate pumpkin has since molded out and grown hair... Here is a way to virtually carve a pumpkin. (Thanks to the few people who sent this to me).

Almost as clever as ass pennies - Some dude took a penny worth $500 and put it into circulation. Intentionally.

This week's online game/competition for the week. Yeti Sports. Since the website is a little protected, you have to set up a free account. I know, I know.... It sounds like a lot of trouble. It'll take you 30 seconds. You'll spend 100 times as long playing the games. So, go to "Play online" and set up a quick account (use some the same email you use when you sign up for other crap online).

THE GAME: Part 10 - Icicle Climb. I spent quite some time trying to pass 10 meters. I finally got there. The score was 10.385. What's your best?

Thursday, October 26, 2006

10/26/06 Tournament Poker

Tournament poker is like pitching a no hitter. More precisely, winning a large tournament is like being a pitcher going for a no hitter. Every single decision you make seems like it needs to be perfect. Every so often you make a little mistake, be it an ill-advised bluff or folding the better hand. Just like a pitcher may leave a hanging curveball over the heart of the plate and watch the batter foul it off. You rarely get away with mistakes in tournament poker or during a no hitter, but it happens. On the flip side, you can make every decision correctly in a poker tournament. And the end result could be devastating. Just like a pitcher can spot a 98 mph cutter in on the fists, busting the bat on the swing and the batter still ends up with a duck snort to left center. End of tournament and end of no hitter.

Why am I talking about this? It's just been on my mind lately. Because so many poker players get upset about "bad beats" and wonder why they never win WSOP bracelets. Part of the answer is - You can make every decision correctly and still not win. In fact, a lot of players will say that they play perfectly (they don't, but they're poker players - therefore they're not 100% honest people).

Also, I have started playing little poker tournaments onli... er, uh, not in a live game. (You think the government really cares?) Skip the rest of this section if you don't want to read about my poker playing....

Anyways, I entered one this evening that was a little more expensive than I normally play. But I had a good feeling and I had plenty of time and focus if I went deep. 356 players entered. I won't tell you how much I entered for, but the winner took home more than $13,000. (You can probably figure it out if you're familiar with poker payout structures). Anyways, without going into too much poker detail, I just played a very straightforward, only taking calculated risks approach.

Within the first hour, nearly 100 of the 356 entrants were eliminated. Like a no hitter, little things were working in my favor. My table didn't break up for a long time - which meant that I could take advantage of my image. The only hands I showed for 2 hours were premium hands (and winners). Which set up little steals and bluffs later on.

I honestly don't remember how the tournament field got narrowed down to under 100. But I wasn't playing a whole lot of hands and I was just making good decisions. That was it. In 3 hours I only saw 5 showdowns (most of them were putting short stacks all in) and I only played something like 16% of hands. (Which is a low number - you normally want it closer to 20-30%). But my chip stack, which started at 3000 chips was up to 12,000 and I was 40th or so in chips.

The tournament paid the top 36 players. I was always told that when you're getting down to that number, everyone tightens up, just hoping to cash out. And, I have to admit, I wasn't about to go nuts with some mediocre hand, risking a bust out in 38th place. I was hovering between 20,000 and 25,000 in chips and, because of my weak starting hands, just waited it out and moved into the money.

I made some timely raises and steals of the blinds and antes. And I also tried making a move from the sb when it folded around the bb called. An ace hit the flop and I didn't think the bb had an ace, so I made my continuation bet. He paused a long time and called. At this point I needed to commit all of my chips on a bluff on the turn and I gave up. That one hurt and took my chips from 55,000 down to 34,000 or so. I got my one lucky hand a little later. I made my all in move on the button with Q 10 of diamonds for 21,000. The sb calls (ugh). The bb comes over the top for 48,000. If the bb has a middle pair and forces the sb to fold, I'm a happy camper and will take the race. The sb calls and flips over A8 off. The bb has AK. Ok, my Q 10 is live. I hit 2 pair and take the main pot and triple up. There's also an 8 out there so AK loses. That hand was my slider that caught too much of the plate and the batter still grounds into the double play.

Not too much later, I pick up AK suited in the sb. It folds around to the button who goes all in for 32,000. I have 63,000, and despite calling off half my stack, I pretty much have to call. (This is my 0-2 splitter in the dirt). In fact, I go all in to get rid of the bb. The button turns over Q5 offsuit. I hit my ace on the flop. The turn card gives the button both a flush draw and a gutshot straight draw (remember, I was the one who was suited and connected). And yes, he catches the flush (swinging off his shoetops and catching the hole between first and second base). So, I'm not out. But before that hand I was 6th in chips and would've moved up to 3rd had I won. Instead, I was down to 12th in chips with 19 players left.

My final hand I had AK in the sb. It folds around and I push all in. The bb calls immediately with 8 8. And I lose the race (notice how I continue to lose big with AK late?) Nearly 5 hours after the start of the tournament, I bust out 14th out of 356. I made a little profit. I got some experience. I learned a little bit. And I didn't finish in time to hit the gym. So, you take the good with the bad.


I'm giving a much deserved shout out to Fortener Design. I don't know if the individual who emailed me is looking for personal recognition (if you are, I'll post you name)... But, without my request, completely redesigned NachosRule.com. I haven't made the update yet, but I have them in hand and intend to bring NachosRule.com out of the 1990's and into the new millennium.


I made my first contribution to YouTube the other day. The first rating I got was 5/5 stars. After 2 ratings, the average was 2.5 stars. Which makes me happy. That people either love or hate the video. I even got my first subscriber. I've been debating whether or not to post the actual video here. It's just a little pet project that I made like 2 years ago (making it a little outdated). And it's not real nice. And the quality is terrible because of YouTube's guidelines (the version I have it WAY clearer). Ok, ok. You talked me into it. Here it is. The only deal is that you rate it well (or if you don't like it, don't rate it. leave a comment instead).

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

10/25/06 One Eyed Willie

I probably shouldn't admit this, since it's risking my somewhat heterosexual image. But what the heck - I went to a "pumpkin carving" party tonight. And I decided to make a pirate. And since the result is a million times better than expected, I took a picture and there it is.

Not too long ago I posted about the great pumpkin shortage of 2006. Well, the author of that blog kindly wrote to inform me that the article was written in September 2004. So, thanks for the correction. And despite the brief exciting news that pumpkins would be abundant this year - I found out that there really is a shortage. (Although I found some sweet ass, big, juicy pumpkins at Trader Joe's for $2.50 a piece. And much like a parking spot in a crowded city, all you need is one.)

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

10/24/06 Know When to Walk Away

I'm only going to talk about this once - The Kenny Rogers incident. And I'm going to focus on the Tony LaRussa part. The question keeps coming up - Why didn't Tony LaRussa (manager of the opposing Cardinals, for those that don't follow baseball) make a bigger deal about the "dirt" found on Detroit pitcher's, Kenny Rogers, hand? There is only one answer. And the answer is simple. The answer is that most pitchers do what Kenny Rogers did. And Tony LaRussa knows better than anyone "if you ain't cheating, you ain't trying." And if he made a real big deal over the "dirt", then every pitcher in the World Series would be TSA violated for the next week. And even then, if you're looking for some "stick" how hard would it be to find some clear, sticky hair gel for $4.99 at Target for your next start? Worst case, you just rub some jalapeno up your nose and get it running.

Remember, Tony LaRussa seemed liked the only one in Mark McGwire's corner when congress and the entire baseball world came down on McGwire over his alleged steroid use. Say what you want about LaRussa. He knows that guys go above and beyond and bend the "rules" to gain a competitive advantage. They always have. And they always will. He knows it. We know it too. Although we seem to deny it for our own benefit. One thing I admire about LaRussa is that he defends the guys that gave their all for him, no matter what they may have done to do it. That includes steroids. And that includes pine tar.


Well said Keith Olbermann. Well said.

Monday, October 23, 2006

10/23/06 The Neverending Party

In a day where nothing really seemed to be going right, I watched this. And for a moment, everything seemed to be much, much better.

It's fantasy basketball season and I need your help. Since I know virtually nothing about the NBA (except that they're using a new ball that's not made of cows and everyone seems to hate it), I'm turning to you for some advice. We have until Tuesday evening to figure out this mess we call a draft. My league consists of the 5 major stat groups (points, rebounds, assists, steals and blocks). Who are my top ten? Top 20? Who's the big sleeper pick for the season? You wanna come over and do my draft with me tomorrow? I'll whip up some mean mac and cheese and we'll have a jolly old time.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

10/22/06 DNA Testing

I'm making my holiday wishlist early. The first item on the list - a personal DNA test.

People are traveling overseas for a new reason. Hospital Visits. I'll give you one guess why. (And no, it's not your 70's soft core nurse fantasy.)

10/21/06 Charles Darwin

The complete works of Charles Darwin are online. Just thought you might wanna know.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

10/20/06 Sitting Here on Capitol Hill

About 10 years ago, when the internet was still something of a mystery to most of us (ok, maybe it was 12 years ago) I found a WAV file of "I'm Just a Bill" online. I was super excited at the time. It was the first time I had heard the song since I was a kid. Actually, I had to download it over an old school modem first. Which, at something like 50 MB, took hours. I forget why my brother was all pissed at me (I think it had something to do with the 250 MB hard drive and taking up 20% of it for a sound file - But I'll have to ask him for the specifics). Anyhow - how times have changed in only a decade. Now the song and the video are one click away.

I guarantee that if you start watching this video, you'll watch the entire thing. There's no getting away from it.

Remember Yeti Sports? Well, they have at least 3 new games since I last checked it (like in 2004).

Friday, October 20, 2006

10/19/06 Worst Player Ever

The lowest rated player in Madden '07 is Ethan Albright. And he's not real happy about it.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

10/18/06 War Propaganda

War propaganda is nothing new. One of my favorite examples is Disney using Donald Duck to promote paying taxes to support World War II. Just watch it. It's almost stunning to think that this was commonplace. Was collecting taxes THAT hard in the 1940's? Was this the common war sentiment at the time?


Random thought of the day - Light colors reflect light. Dark colors absorb light. Therefore it's common for whites and light colors to be worn in hot areas and during hot seasons. So why didn't bears evolve that way? You know - bears in cold climates are white. They should be dark to absorb whatever heat they need. And bears in warmer climates are brown and black. Why do you think that is? (And I don't believe the "blending in with the surroundings" reason. Bears are predators and don't need to blend in.)


On a more positive note - If you've ever seen the show "Scrubs" you'll recognize The Blanks. They're also known as "Ted's Band" - the acapella group the randomly appears throughout the show. While all of the clips from the show are good, my new favorite is "Maniac".

10/17/06 Smoke My Sausage

Ok, there's something about Carl's Jr. commercials that just kills me. It's like they're written after a long night of partying by 19 year olds at 4 am. I've spent the last day thinking I had gone insane after seeing on of their newer commercials. The premise is some good looking soldier guy talking about how his girlfriend is tired of him smoking and smelling like smoked hickory. So he decides to get the Carl's Jr. breakfast sandwich (which makes no sense, I know... Just watch it and it'll be a little less confusing). He finishes the commercial saying - "I’ll just go to Carl’s Jr. and let them smoke my sausage.". I'm sure you're thinking the same thing I am. They allowed him to say that on TV? On a commercial? So I go around searching for a clip of this to prove that I'm not making it up. I find it on the Carl's Jr. website. But it's edited. All I can find is some other blog that mentions the same ad. If you happen to run across the unedited version... PLEASE add it in the comment section or email it to me. It's pretty friggin' hilarious. (As an added bonus, the Carl's Jr. site has the "Milkshake" commercial too).


The American Express Card.... Don't steal $12 million without it. (Bonus points if you get the random connection here).


A list of 101 of my best friends. (Get it? My friends are imaginary.)


Did you see how rookie Matt Leinart handled himself last night? I was really impressed with his poise, both during the game and after the heartbreaking loss. Do you think he learned that poise from his coach?


Charlotte Dan asks me from time to time about the 1985 Chicago Bears. He is a Bears fan, but wasn't living in the U.S. at that time. So all he hears is stories. He sometimes asks me to compare current teams with the greatest team of all time. Well, Charlotte Dan - Here's a little bit of what they were all about. You can judge for yourself.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

10/16/06 We Didn't Come Here Looking For Trouble

I now have another excuse as to why I'm not posting as much or as often. My laptop can't seem to retain a charge in the battery. At least not on a consistent basis. I'm somehow convinced that it's linked to a virus or something of the like. It sounds ridiculous (and virtually impossible), but I think that I could convince you of the same with a bit of demonstration and more in-depth explanation. Either way, I seriously doubt that either you or I want to go through that exercise. Point is - My laptop is like the Arizona Cardinals trying to hold onto a 20 point lead... You just have no confidence in it and you're convinced that it'll collapse at any minute. (ZING!). (Cue lousy transition).... I hope you caught the game tonight. Or at least the highlights. Since it was probably the craziest football game I've seen in years (I can't think of a crazier one right now). Among the oddities of tonight's game (for stat nerds like me) -

• It was the first game in NFL history in which the winning team came back from a deficit of 20 or more points by means of three touchdowns on returns.

• It was the first win in Bears history in which they trailed by at least 20 points in the second half.

• The Cardinals are the first team in NFL history to lose consecutive games in one season after leading by at least 14 points at the end of the first quarter in each game.

• In Monday's loss to the Bears, Matt Leinart became the first player in NFL history to throw at least two first-quarter touchdown passes in each of his first two career starts.

• Rex Grossman completed only 14 of 37 passes (38%), threw four interceptions and lost two fumbles on Monday and the Bears still won.

• The last time a team won on the road while committing as many as six turnovers was almost 20 years ago: on Dec. 21, 1986.

• The Bears are only the second team in NFL history to score at least twice on fumbles and at least once on a return of either a kickoff or a punt in one game. On Oct. 25, 1964 the Browns beat the Giants, 42-20, behind fumble-return touchdowns by Paul Wiggin and Charlie Scales and a punt return by Leroy Kelly.

Edgerrin James had a key fumble in the fourth quarter and gained only 55 yards on 36 carries. That's the most carries in one game in NFL history by a player who did not average at least two yards per rush. The old record was set way back on Nov. 25, 1951, by the Giants Eddie Price, who ran 32 times for 47 yards.


If you work in an office and use a computer... Forward this to your boss immediately.


Some guy solves the mysteries of Stonehenge. Ok, not all of the mysteries. Ok. Just the mystery of how to move big stones. It's a slow news day.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Friday, October 13, 2006

10/14/06 1 vs. 100

Did anybody else have a raging Friday night? Cool... So you watched the rousing premiere of "1 vs. 100" too. If you missed the show, you can catch clips on their site and even try a lame version of the game online. I have mixed feelings about the show. Here are some preliminary thoughts:

  • Bob Saget is the host. Normally you'd think that's pretty lame (ala America's Funniest Home Videos). But Bob Saget has a lot of double-meaning, dirty innuendos in his humor (I've heard his uncensored stand up stuff is just plain wrong). Just watch for them. They're real subtle (sometimes in his body language alone). But they're great if you catch them. And hey, even if you don't catch them, you can make up a bunch throughout the hour.
  • The decision making takes about 100^100 times more skill than "Deal or No Deal". The contestant has to answer real questions and make decisions based on actual future unknowns.
  • The over drama is just like Millionaire and Deal or No Deal. And it's completely unnecessary. I hate to bring Poker Jason into this lameness, but he and I discussed some of these topics at length... And we both agreed (or at least discussed) that:

1) There's too much pop culture stuff and not enough real trivia knowledge

2) The questions are WAY too easy

3) They'd never have a Jeopardy caliber contestant up there against the mob

4) The $1000 incremental values of each round detract from the the suspense (Rather than a more exponential growth, like on millionaire).

  • The mob (the 100) get smarter as you move along. For 2 reasons - The mob members that miss a question are no longer in the game. Only the members with all perfect answers remain as your opponent. AND - The remaining mob members at the end get to move on against the next contestant. So, with each subsequent contestant, the mob gets smarter.
  • Any show that features Ken Jennings is just awesome
  • Given the fact that this is probably the longest random editorial about the show on the entire internet, I feel like I should be able to get a job doing these shows.


Random thought of the day - I never really thought that the U.S. government would really ban online gambling. Those bastards. (P.S. - Which sites are still letting you play poker?)


My dad wants everyone to put this page on their computer and run it when you go through airport security. (Note: He really doesn't want you to do that. In fact, he didn't ask me to post this at all.)


And the winner of the best public transportation system goes to.... envelope please.... The MTA! Los Angeles, California! Uh, wait. LA has public transportation? It must be really clean, and uh, unused. And clean and stuff.


Poker Jason proves that there's actually something worth watching on French TV.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

10/12/06 Slurp

It's already old news. But I first got an email from Cousin Lisa when it was new news and it's taken me 36 hours to post it (my bad). And, since I'm me and full of non-sensical opinions, I'm posting the 7:11 start time promotion by the White Sox.

First - My dad sends a quote from Rozner's column (I think in the Daily Herald) and directs it to Cousin Lisa...

"The new 7-Eleven tie-in for the White Sox is brilliant, but the Cubs would have been a better fit, because that’s also the date on which the Cubs’ season usually is pronounced dead."

Second - They're only paying $500,000 for the season? (I read some joke somewhere that it's the Dustin Hermanson buyout promotion - Since his contract buyout is exactly $500,000. I think. Otherwise the joke doesn't make sense.) I don't know how these negotiations went, but I'm sure that I could've gotten double that for a season. The recent national advertising alone is worth $500,000. That's like $6 per 7-11. Or a bag of beef jerky.


Random thought of the day: Watching "Lost" one week at a time blows. Watching an entire season in 6 days is way better.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

10/11/06 Big Mac, McDLT....

I want to squash any rumors that I'm dead. I'm not. I'm alive. Alas, today's theme is about resurrection.

That being said (and staying with the theme of not being dead)... The McDonald's Menu song lives on.

Which South Park Character are you? Take the quiz. (Sticking with today's theme... Ironically, I'm Kenny).

Remember the recent geography quiz? The one that was really hard? Here's one that's easier - Identify 25 U.S. Cities. I finished 25/25 in 38 seconds (I blame the time more on my touch pad mouse and less on my retardedness.)

Continuing with today's theme.... Music from the Bill and Ted era just won't die. Some dude rocking out Pachebel's Canon (in D?) on electric guitar.

If you're ever home sick and are going boredom-nuts, I have a suggestion. Check out Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. (Might I also suggest going to the 2nd page and checking out the "This is your brain on drugs" as a starting point - You'll know if this is up your alley after watching it).

Saturday, October 07, 2006

10/7/06 Slang

Dude! Remember the 90's? Remember the fly slang? Mad props. While we're at it - 80's slang, 70's slang and 20's slang.

Even though the White Sox puttered out of contention, I've found 3 reasons to watch the MLB playoffs this year.

1) I'm still pulling for my childhood hero, Frank Thomas. Deep down, ever since the playoffs started, I've been hoping that he'll have a great run and lead the A's to a World Series victory. (I've always said that he's a first ballot hall of famer. But not until his resurgence this year have the rest of the media. So I'm thrilled that he'll very likely get into the hall.)

2) Watching the Yankees lose. Nothing is more disgusting than a winning Yankees team. Everything about the Yankees makes me ill. The tradition, the history, the $200 million annual payroll. Oh, and the fans at Yankee Stadium. Congratulations to the Tigers for wiping the Yankees off the map for the 6th time in 6 years.

3) Last year, Poker Jason quietly joined me in my excitement during the White Sox run to the championship. This year, Poker Jason's Mets are making a very similar run. So, on his behalf, it's great to see his team doing what they're doing.

Also of note.... the ALCS and NLCS look like they could be a throwback to the mid to late 80's. Oakland vs. Detroit and Mets vs. Cardinals (maybe). They were all huge teams between 1985 and 1988.

Friday, October 06, 2006

10/6/06 How To Beat Anyone in RPS

Since the World Rock Paper Scissors Championships are just around the corner... And years after my run to glory, people continue to ask me how I became an international competitor... I present How to beat anyone at RPS. Also, a new t-shirt is available - Scissors Cuts Paper.

The Sports Guy writes his weekly football article and titles it "There's No Reality in Fantasy". The overriding theme is that fantasy football is such a crap shoot that there's really no skill left in playing it. (He also lets his wife write a couple of paragraphs - She writes about how stupid fantasy sports are off to the right. Definitely worth checking out).

Rolling with the topic above... I'd like to propose that there's no fantasy in reality any longer. When you read that Indiana Pacer, Stephen Jackson, was punched, hit by a car and fired shots outside of a strip club - AND he was with 3 of his teammates... Did you, for even a split second, feel surprised or shocked? Didn't think so. I am going to make a broad generalization and lump the NFL and NBA together here. Both leagues are trying SO hard to pretend like the vast majority of the players are upstanding citizens with zero human desires. That somehow these young men (Some of them under 21 years of age) won't continue to be young men. NBA Commissioner, David Stern, has done just about everything humanly possible to make the NBA appear to be an upstanding league. I, for one, don't buy the illusion. Never have. But I know a lot of people that do - and it's important for them to believe that their hometown star player is an upstanding citizen in addition to being a great athlete. (This is the same syndrome that affects local communities with their star high school athletes... But I won't get into that today.) What's the point here? I dunno. I would just rather that athletes just do whatever they wanted in their free time without being held to some different standard. Instead, grown men believe the illusion that these athletes are just cool guys that would invite us over for pizza, beer and poker on the weekends.

I wanna take a bulldozer.... yeah.... a crane with a wrecking ball... and a bulldozer... and one of those really nice shovels. And a back hoe and a forklift. And a front end loader. And a combine. Oh yeah. And a getaway car. And some rubber. Only then will I score.

Sorry - My brain continues to be mushy so most of what I'm writing won't make sense. So, uh... here's what I'm talking about (for the impatient, fast forward to the final minute).

Thursday, October 05, 2006

10/5/06 Humberto Hungry

I've been a bit, uh, how shall we say... under the weather lately. So, if you've called or emailed or whatever and I haven't responded. That's why. And if my posts become sporadic - that's also why. And if you feel like picking up groceries for me, my door is open.

I've done zero research on the subject, but I'm pretty convinced that the Chicago Bears are ranked #1 in the NFL for the first time since online rankings started. Because there's no way they've been #1 in the last 15 years. Which got me to wondering - why are they so good this year? I think I found the answer - they're hungry.

Question: What's Infinity times two? Answer: 40,000. (The joke kind of made sense in my "under the weather" head. But I realize it's both dumb and a stretch, so if you don't get it, don't worry.)

As a kid I couldn't wait to see Weird Al's videos on TV (because I was white and nerdy then too). I would sometimes wait years before seeing certain videos. Well, technology has made the world a very different place. Now you can click here and see some guy's top 10 Weird Al videos ever.

Poker Jason sends a link to a dude reciting pi to 100,000 places. In "only" 16 hours. Awesome.

If you're like me, you sit up nights, thinking to yourself... Hey, I wonder what Biff from "Back to the Future" is up to. And, if you're like me, you searched YouTube and found this.

Then I found one of my favorite stand up comedy clips - Pablo Something-or-Other doing lots of great voice-overs.

Oh, and I was kidding about the whole reciting pi and it being awesome. It's actually really sad. The guy should be using his ability and decoding some sort of "Beautiful Mind" military puzzle instead.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

10/3/06 Pumpkin Shortage

There's a pumpkin shortage this year. Just thought you'd like to know.

While we're on the "Let's talk about Halloween early" topic... Be the biggest dork at your Halloween Party. Or, in my case, just show up.

We don't get many flash games here anymore. But, today, my friends... is a new day. In honor of this new day, we get Champion Archer.

Oh, and I also learned that Barium Sulfate tastes like crappy, milky apple juice. I also learned, after drinking two pints of it, that "Although barium is a heavy metal, and its water soluble compounds are often highly toxic, the extremely low solubility of barium sulfate protects the patient from absorbing harmful amounts of the metal." While it's not "bad" for you, I wouldn't necessarily say that it's "good" for you either.

Monday, October 02, 2006

10/2/06 Boobie-Thon

What a great idea.... A Boobie-Thon to raise money for breast cancer. Beautiful.

I've got very little today. I'm still waiting on Dan for the "Put Your Sack on Hasselbeck" photo. And I'm about 99% sure that I'm out of work within weeks.

Oh, and fuck congress for banning online gambling. What am I gonna do in my newfound unemployed time?

Sunday, October 01, 2006

10/1/06 Put Your Sack on Hasselbeck

In traditional football fashion, I watched tonight's Bears vs. Seahawks game in the company of a few guys. Early in the game, NBC showed a sign in the stands that read "Put Your Sack on Hasselbeck". Because I'm sick in the head (and have been watching Beavis and Butthead on DVD lately), I laughed. So, in a group of grown men, we rewound the game and made sure that the sign said what we thought it said. We agreed that someone didn't quite get the double meaning and there would be an inquiry in the morning. And we laughed again. Except, we were wrong. They showed the sign again in the 4th quarter. This time we paused the game and took a picture of the screen. This is why guys need guy time and women need woman time. Just thinking of that sign continues to make me chuckle. And no respectable woman would ever be in agreement with me on this one. Please tell me that we're not the only ones who saw this. (I'm still waiting for Dan to email me the photo. It'll be up as soon as I get it.)

Mike sent the random new fact of the day. The "ZIP" in ZIP code stands for Zone Improvement Plan.


I think I found my next house. Well, my first house. You know what I mean.


I forgot to put a softball update from Thursday. Our team was a little pumped to put together a winning streak, so they made me take the hill again. But before we get to that, we had to bat first. Rick Vaughn took the mound for the other team. Here's how the game started. Ball 4. Ball 8. Ball 12. And he walks the bases loaded. At this point the other team was showing their true colors, using some colorful language and telling us not so politely to just swing. (They were a bunch of unhappy assholes). Our fourth batter also walked, giving us a 1-0 lead and leaving bases loaded for me. I decided I was just going to take pitches unless it was right in my wheel house. (Note: If a male walks on 4 straight pitches, he gets 2 bases and runners advance). He threw 3 straight balls and I had no intention of swinging at the next pitch. Which found the plate. Finally I walked on the next pitch, making it 5 straight walks to start the game. Long story short, we exited the first inning with a few runs (somewhere between 3 and 5, I don't remember). And the other team was PISSED that we took so many pitches. Which was bad news for me - I HAD to be able to throw strikes. They would take anything that wasn't close.

Much like the Freddy Garcia analogy from last time, I couldn't quite find the strike zone as often this time around. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't spot on like last time. My strategy was simple - When you walk up to the plate, the count is already 0 and 1. Which means, if I throw first pitch strike, I'm WAY ahead of the hitter. And I knew that a lot of their players, especially the females, weren't swinging at the first pitch regardless. So I'd do my best to just throw a first pitch strike. When that worked, my job was easy. I'd throw a high, floating pitch, hoping that it would be either 1) a lucky called strike or 2) so tempting that they'd just protect the plate and take a bad swing. And generally the strategy worked.

Fast forward to the end of the game. We entered the bottom half of the last inning up 8-5. Which meant that we needed to get 3 outs before the other team scored 3 or more runs. Simple enough, right? They started hitting the ball and I wasn't hitting the strike zone with any kind of consistency. Very quickly, they tied up the game with only one out and they still had a runner on 3rd. And a good male hitter was up next. Which meant that we were pretty much screwed. Any contact and the ballgame was essentially over. In my mind, the only hope was to throw a couple of high, floating pitches, and pray for some sort of infield pop up. First pitch - swinging strike. Second pitch, foul ball. (Rules state that when the count is 0-2, the first foul ball is ok, but the 2nd foul ball and you're out.) Shortstop Dan yelled, "Put some junk on this one". I normally throw the ball with my index and middle fingers on the seams. So I turned the ball 90 degrees (seams perpendicular to my fingers) and palmed the ball like you would a mini-basketball. I tossed it as high as the rules allow. It seemed to flutter like a knuckleball. The dude swung. And whiffed. Two gone. Alright. (Maybe I should practice that pitch more often). Now we just needed one more out. And I go all Chuck Knoblauch on my team and walk the girl on 4 straight pitches. At this point, I don't even remember what happened, but the next guy grounded out. We remained tied 8-8 and the umpire said, "one more inning".

Coach Chad led off the extra inning with a hustle triple. Whoever was next struck out. Then I intentionally hit a line drive single way in front of the left fielder (who seemed like he was 300 feet away and was basically conceding the run) to score Chad and take the lead. By the end of the inning, we scored 4 runs. Long story short, we held our own in the bottom half of the inning and we're now 2-1 on the season. The moral of the story? Winning is SO much better than losing.


The original title of this post was "What Day Is It?" But the Bears game changed everything. Bonus points if that makes sense.