Thursday, June 30, 2005

6/30/05 The Floormat

I was once told about a drink at a bar called "The Floormat". The Floormat consisted of all of the spilled alcohol from the night - it was then poured into a glass. Usually you'd buy it for someone's birthday when they were pretty hammered anyways. Well, seeing as though today is my last day of work (until something else comes along), I have all sorts of saved links and bookmarks on this computer that I need to delete. So, instead of just deleting them, they are going to become my "Floormat" post.

My new favorite insult word - "Asshat". Read the history of asshat. Cousin Eric and I had a good half hour IM discussion revolving around "asshat" and other good insults.

Some dude is going cold turkey on caffeinated, carbonated beverages and is documenting the experience on his blog.

For the math / computer science crowd, check out Langton's Ant. I'm reading a book called "Complexity" that tells the story of Langton's research into "artificial life" and into science beyond "chaos".

The U.S. Supreme Court ruled last week that property may be seized for private economic development.

I forgot if I posted anything about the Facial Action Coding System (FACS). This system claims to have categorized every possible facial movement possible. According to the book "Blink", certain combinations of these movements are very quick and involuntary. This means, that if you are trained to understand how the movements correspond to thoughts and feelings, you can read a person and tell if they're lying or what they're really up to. It's really much more complicated than that, but I don't feel like writing an essay on FACS right now.

Well, farewell to my employed days. If anybody's gonna be in Chicago next week and wants to hang out, let me know. Beyond that, I'll be in sunny California for the rest of the summer.

Speaking of employment, I have a few ideas of how to make some money this summer. Let me know what you think...

Plan A - Taking Barrister Kossiwa of Nigeria up on his offer to split $6.5 million equally. Sounds like a pretty legit deal.
Plan B - Donating bodily fluids. Does anybody know how well that pays?
Plan C - Professional Poker. Even the sun shines on a dog's ass somedays.
Plan D - The Rock Paper Scissors championships in October. I think I've gotten way better in the last 2 years. And if I was top 100 in the world last time, who knows what could happen this time around.
Plan E - Male Escort service. There's a niche market for everything these days. That being said, there's even gotta be a niche market for my services.
Plan F - Reality TV. I've got time.
Plan G - Middle reliever for the Cubs. I've got a mean 52 mph heater. And my changeup drops 4-6 inches. Mainly due to gravity. Seriously, I bet hitters would have a tough time hitting such a bad pitcher.
Plan H - Get a real job. As a last resort, of course.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

6/29/05 How Stella Got her Groove Back

Great movie, right? Ok, I'll level with ya - I've never seen it. I'm sure it was a fabulous chick flick though. And based on a true story to boot. If you ever wondered how the relationship turned out, well, here ya go. Last December "He told her he was gay last December and she kicked him out of their home." McMillan (Stella) has filed for a divorce, claiming Plummer (the Groove dude) "lied about his sexual orientation" and that he married her "only to gain U.S. citizenship."

Data's tired of falling and tired of skeletons and tired of earthquakes.

ESPN's headline picture of the White Sox vs. Detroit game yesterday. Notice, in the caption below, the journalistic effort to accurately represent the action.

Why does Scientology love celebrities? Operation Clambake claims to have a lot of answers for you. Note: Operation Clambake is very anti-scientology. If you're pro-scientology, feel free to post why here in the comments section. The last thing I'd want is for you to consider me an "SP". Ok, I lied. I don't care what you think of me. But you can still post your comments below.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

6/28/05 The NBA Draft

The NBA Draft is tonight. I'm sure nobody really cares that much. My favorite part has to be the unscripted, impromptu commentary made by the ESPN guys. The Sports Guy has kept an NBA draft diary from 1997-2004. As always, great reading. This guy somehow manages to write 7 page columns on nearly a daily basis. It's fantastic. Number 49 is one of my favorites.

This is definitely my favorite break-up song of all time - Keeping Your Poop in a Jar.

Remember the KeyHole software that Google bought a while back? You know, that software where you can take the magic carpet ride from point to point on their map? Well, both Google Nicki and Mike (sorry, I still haven't come up with an appropriate nickname for you) sent me a link to The software is now free. Happy magic carpet riding...

Cousin Eric found a goldmine full of Movie Quotes.

I saved this link about a week ago but forgot to post it... The 82nd national marble championships.

Monday, June 27, 2005

6/27/05 Sandamation

Chiropractor Sherry sends me a pretty sweet video of Sandamation. If the link doesn't work, copy and paste this into your browser: lists the top 10 unbreakable sports records.

Steinbrenner is losing his patience with the Yankees. In response, the team is working new angles to improve team chemistry.

There's a joke in here somewhere.

Play the Don't Yawn Game.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

6/26/05 Pigeons

I learned about pigeons today. "Male pigeons have the rare ability to lactate, producing milk for the babies just like the females do." Birds have nipples? I don't remember that from biology.

A couple of years ago I posted some online calculators. The newest online calculator is for coffee. For example, if you replace your daily $3 Starbucks coffee with a homemade coffee, you could save $687 this year. Or $9000 over 10 years. Or $25000 over 20 years.

Man, Google's dissing the WNBA, too.

This sorta isn't safe for work... It's like the virtual bartender. But it's a virtual stipper.

Poker Jason presented me with an early birthday present today... 1-800-555-TELL. Just tell them what sports score you're looking for and you get it. You can also get weather, stocks and movies.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

6/23/05 Area 51

Google Maps has found Area 51.

Cousin Jeff sends a page of Phil Gordon links. Check out the 11th link where he announces the Rock Paper Scissors Final Four.

There's nothing like the ingenuity of minor league baseball marketing. The Kansas City T-Bones will play the first 2 innings of their July 16th game against the Schaumburg Flyers on an XBox. The score will count towards the rest of the game.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

6/22/05 This is CNN

I wish I had the cool James Earl Jones voice. I'd bust out "This is CNN" at least once a day. I'd probably save "Luke, I am your father" for parties and other special occasions. And only when I was feeling saucy would I go into,

"Ray, people will come Ray. They'll come to Iowa for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn up your driveway not knowing for sure why they're doing it. They'll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past. Of course, we won't mind if you look around, you'll say. It's only $20 per person. They'll pass over the money without even thinking about it: for it is money they have and peace they lack. And they'll walk out to the bleachers; sit in shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon. They'll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the baselines, where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes. And they'll watch the game and it'll be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they'll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come Ray. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh... people will come Ray. People will most definitely come."

My original point? Oh yeah. I found some absurb articles online today. And the common thread is... They all came from

1) Experts predict oil prices to rise, fall or stay the same. Thanks for the heads-up, asshats.
2) Likelihood of a WMD attack in the next 10 years - 70%. Likelihood that this stat was pulled out of an ass - 100%
3) You can now learn a language in flight instead of watching a movie. You probably thought I was going to use the word "ass" again and insult the article, right? Gotcha. That's actually a real cool idea and makes you wonder why nobody thought of it years ago. Way to go, CNN.

Time Magazine (also affiliated with CNN) lists its 50 coolest websites of 2005. Uh, must have been like 51st, er something.

"Nobody puts baby in a corner"

This isn't my fact for today. It's like, Captain's Log, supplemental, er something...

Since the AFI came out with their top 100 movie quotes of all time, I thought it would be fun to post our own favorite movie quotes. I also thought it would be fun to post the cheesiest movie quotes of all time, since "Nobody puts baby in a corner" somehow made the top 100 list.

So to recap:
1) Post your favorite movie quote that didn't make the list
2) Post the cheesiest movie line you can think of

P.S. #79 on the list is:
Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Rumack: I am serious…and don't call me Shirley.

How cool is that?

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

6/21/05 Summer Solstice

Happy Official Summer, er something...

My brother taught me something pretty cool today. He was telling me how he heard the exact same scream in a lot of movies - Specifically Star Wars and Indiana Jones. And it's been driving him crazy for years. Turns out, he's got dog ears - he's right. Ben Burtt, sound guy for a lot of George Lucas films, found a scream he really liked, called the Wilhelm Scream. He's used it over 100 times now. He's also responsible for Chewbacca's voice, light sabers, the Raiders of the Lost Ark boulder, etc, etc...

In a bit of good news, there will be an NBA season next year. It's about time that owners and players can figure out how to divide up billions of dollars. Thanks Cousin Eric.

From my dad - The best team nobody cares about.

I feel the need to rant a little today. So in no particular order....

  • I'm tired of turning on the TV and opening up my internet browser and seeing CWS, getting all excited to see the Chicago White Sox, only to find the College World Series. Don't care. Quit being such a tease.
  • Missing kid stories - also don't care. Missing girl case that's in Aruba for some reason? Don't care. Boy scout in Utah? Don't care. The following headline sums it up perfectly - "Reports: Missing Utah scout found alive. Media scrambles to find next missing white person to waste valuable airtime on"
  • Terry Schiavo - Didn't care when it was actually a story. Really don't care now.
  • When will NutraSweet finally be listed as a toxin by the FDA? Most people I know don't like it when I bad mouth NutraSweet. But seriously, that stuff is horrible for you.

Monday, June 20, 2005

6/20/05 100 Meter Dash

A 95 year old Japanese man broke the 100 meter dash record for his age group. 22.04 seconds. Which got me to thinking, could I run it faster than him? And if not, could I be more worthless? And even if I could, the fact that I'm not sure is really sad. Seriously though, world class athletes run it in just under 10 seconds. So I wouldn't even come close to that. But how long would it take? 15? 20? 25? Man, I'm pathetic.

Continuing on the awkward sports theme - The Tour de France is for pussies. Try the 3,052 mile race across America. With no breaks for sleep. Sleep if you want, my friend... You'll only fall behind. It's a funny article - people consider riding into a ditch and breaking their arms so they can get some sleep.

Spin Magazine has announced its top album of the last 20 years. "This is what you get when you mess with us." I couldn't agree more.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

6/19/05 Fart


Happy Father's Day to my dad and all dads.

6/18/05 Chupacabra Terror

It was never really my intention to become the news outlet for all things Chupacabra. But once again there has been a Chupacabra siting. And Kyle, no Wisconsin Dells this time. It was in South Texas.

The History of Michael Jackson's Face.

Welcome to Southern California, Fox Sports Andrew. And thanks for sharing your sports website with us. I know you asked me to wait and post your site after you took your wife off of the main page. But she told me that she wants her picture there. And I've known her longer than you. Sorry, man.

Old School computer games you can download for free.

Friday, June 17, 2005

6/17/05 What do you do with an elephant that has 3 balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhino. Now what would you have done in the case of Casey at the Bat? The email of the week to John Donovan of SI asks the same question. If you read the poem carefully there are men on 2nd and 3rd, 2 out, one more inning to play, and the score is 4-2. The reader suggests that they should have intentionally walked Casey. John Donovan agrees.

I found the complete script for The Goonies online. Please tell me that I'm not the only person who can not only 1) hear the voices as I'm reading it, but 2) also hear the music going in the background as the characters are speaking.

Old and busted - The DaVinci Code. New hotness - The Michelangelo Code. Apparently he left clues about spinning nunchucks and eating pizza.

More information on how men's and women's brains work.

Comedian Dane Cook does a pretty mean Tom Cruise impression. He's also a great comedian - The first time I heard his stuff was this clip about working at Burger King.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

6/16/05 Earthquake

I just experienced my first California earthquake. It was only a 5.3 and lasted all of 5 or 10 seconds. But the scary part is that you're not really sure how big it's going to get until it's over. For those of you who don't live out here, only two days ago the NBA finals were interrupted by a tsunami warning. Twice. Last week there was another earthquake around Palm Springs, which I missed. And a 7.9er hit Chile on the same fault line last week. Hmm...

Allow me to walk through the 5 to 10 second thought process as it's happening. At first you think you have a little gas. A half second later, you realize that it's not just you that's moving. So maybe it's a big ol' truck outside making a delivery. I then peered over at my water bottle. It was like the famous scene in Jurassic Park where concentric circles moved toward the edges of the bottle. My chair began vibrating, but, unlike the sweet, sweet $3500 chair at Brookstone, mine wasn't designed for a massage. At this point, you can feel the earthquake getting bigger, and for a brief second, you wonder how big it's going to get and start thinking about what they taught you in school. Then I remembered that I went to school in the Chicago area and I only know how to survive a tornado or a fire. As it was ending, I stood up like a moron and looked out the window of my office. I found it funny that a plane was trying to land right then. I wonder if that's hard to do. Maybe the earthquake counteracts the typical landing jitters and smooths everything out.

Mike Tyson likes biting nipples.

You may remember the "Goonie Vacation" post from a while back where two guys took a road trip to relive the Goonies. Well, ever since I've lived in California, I've had an itch to visit San Dimas and do a little Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Turns out, I'm not the only one. Poker Jason told me yesterday that San Dimas actually has a waterpark. And these guys who made the trip confirmed that it is actually "Waterloo" from the movie.

A big thanks to the one person who responded to my "Win A Date" contest. Cousin Lisa, I like hanging out with you and all... But in addition to the fact that you already have a man, we're cousins. Hate to break it to ya, but it's not gonna work out between us :) I'm just messing with you, Lisa - It's really good to hear from you.

As promised, no super nerdy or intellectual links today.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Win a date!

With me... (groan)

Ok, I know. I'm no Brad Pitt. I'm not even a Ray Romano. But hey, on the bright side, you get to dress up and go to a wedding, all expenses paid. The details are simple. The wedding is in Chicago on Sunday, July 10th. In 100 words or less, tell me why you will be the best date for me. Send the email to

Chances of winning are about 9 in 10. Last time we had a contest like this only one person entered. She had a boyfriend and lived in another state. So it didn't exactly work out like I had hoped. I have to RSVP within a week, so send your entry soon.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

6/14/05 Tool's Fibonacci Sequence

My mind really wandered today at work, so I'm going to try and reconstruct the series of events that led to the following facts. To start, I was listening to what could perhaps be one of the finest albums ever created, Tool's "Lateralus". Many of the lyrics on the album are profound and somewhat cryptic. So I searched for interpretations of the lyrics and came up with It's basically a message board where you can post whatever you want.

Then I found this guy's interpretation of the title track. He says, "In my internet scavenging, I had read one review, written by a drummer, who mentioned that Danny Carey's drum beat formed a Fibonacci sequence during the song Lateralus. A drummer myself, I decided to get out the graph paper and follow Danny. I can't play like he can, but at least I can hear everything he's doing, and thus was able to construct the drum tabulature. Sure enough, Danny repeats a Fibonacci sequence through the number 13: 1,1,2,3,5,8,13. After 13, he starts again with 1. Bringing in my Algebra 2 knowledge of the Fibonacci sequence, when the equation for the Fibonacci sequence (which I don't actually know) is graphed, it forms a spiral whose vertex depends on the number at which the sequence begins. Coincidence? I began to think not."

I once read about called "The Golden Ratio: The Story of PHI". The Fibonacci sequence is directly related to the golden ratio of 1.618. This ratio is found in the shape of sea shells, pineapples, pine cones, the dimensions of the human body - it keeps going. It's kind of fascinating if you're a dork like me. Somebody also mentions that the lyrics start 1.618 minutes into the song. So yeah, lots of hidden messages.

The poster also continues to talk about the Fibonacci sequence in the syllables in the song (almost like a haiku) -

There's a Fibonacci in Maynard's lyrics, specifically the syllables:
black [1]
then [1]
white are [2]
all I see [3]
in my infancy [5]
red and yellow then came to be [8]
reaching out to me [5]
lets me see [3]
there is [2]
so [1]
much [1]
more and [2]
beckons me [3]
to look through to these [5]
infinite possibilities [8]
as below so above and beyond I imagine [13]
drawn outside the lines of reason [8]
push the envelope [5]
watch it bend [3]

Are you still reading? Good. Cuz there's more. I came across this page that talks a little more about the Fibonacci sequence and other hidden messages on that album.

The last song on the album is called Faaip de Oiad. I always wondering what in the world that meant. Someone posts, "There is a language known as Enochian- which is the language of Angels, given to man by Enoch, who walked upon the Earth with god before (everything). "Faaip De Oiad" is Enochian for "Voice of God". "

I've never heard of the Enochian language. Naturally, I look it up. According to this site (and most others), "The Enochian alphabet first appeared during the 16th century. The Court Astrologer and Magician, Dr. John Dee (1527-1608) and his associate, Sir Edward Kelly (1555-1597) claimed that the alphabet and the Enochian language was transmitted to them by angels."

The only other thing I looked up today and couldn't find an answer to is "What is the origin of the knock knock joke?". If you can tell me, please let me know.

I'll try to post something more fun and less informative tomorrow...

Monday, June 13, 2005

6/13/05 Place the State

When I was a kid, I used to put together a puzzle of the United States. I am told that I got a little obsessed with US geography and started eating pieces of food into the shape of states. Well, now for the next generation US map puzzle - Place the State. I think I got 44/50 right. This page has other state games.

Creepy as hell optical illusion.

Remember Lite Bright?

Are you good at Edward 40 hands? If so, this is for you.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

6/7/05 Border Patrol

From AP News - "On April 25, Gregory Despres arrived at the U.S.-Canadian border crossing at Calais, Maine, carrying a homemade sword, a hatchet, a knife, brass knuckles and a chain saw stained with what appeared to be blood. U.S. customs agents confiscated the weapons and fingerprinted Despres. Then they let him into the United States." The picture they have on file for the guy is priceless.

Bachelor Party Bob sends a warning to all men who drink. And speaking of Bachelor Party Bob, I will be out-of-town and offline for a couple of days. Ok, 5 days - I'm a glutton for extended vacations, what can I say? So, no new posts 'til Sunday at the earliest. Vegas, baby.

Monday, June 06, 2005

6/6/05 Captain EO

Remember the "Captain EO" movie from EPCOT Center? That was awesome, wasn't it? I read today that it cost more than a million dollars per minute of film to make. I miss those days where I looked up to Michael Jackson.

On my Launchcast station, I've gotten hooked on a band called Hayseed Dixie. They remake a lot of popular rock songs in the style of bluegrass. Did I just write "in the style of bluegrass"? Well, they rock out all blue grassy like to tunes like "Highway to Hell" and "Feel Like Making Love". Here are a bunch of live recordings if you want to check them out.

I've also gotten into the comedy of Bill Hicks on my Launchcast station. I can't get enough of his brilliance. So I decided today to read when he's coming on tour. He died in 1994 from pancreatic cancer at the age of 32. I had no idea. From what I read, he was on the verge of making it mainstream when he passed.

The Bill Hicks site then lead me to where one of the video clips is a tribute to Bill Hicks on the 10th anniversary of his death. There's also a whole bunch of anti-government, new world order, skull and bones conspiracy clips in addition to other stand-up comedy videos on the site.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

6/5/05 Yellow Ledbetter

Yellow Ledbetter by Pearl Jam could quite possibly be my favorite song where I have no friggin' clue what the song's about. Which is why this little animation really cracked me up.

Guess Which Movie. The site offers 4 pictures from a movie, then gives you a bunch of choices, where you have to select the correct movie. There are over 200 movies total on the site. Be sure to create a login and password if you want to come back to it later.

Have you seen the new commercials for the Mini Cooper? Check out for their latest and greatest products. I can't believe that the "Hey Horn" is a real product.

Make your own ASCII with ASCII Generator.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

6/4/05 Table Scraps

I've been saving links for this blog on two computers lately - My home computer and my work computer. The problem is that I've been posting mostly from work. Which leaves me with a whole bunch of saved links on my home computer that have built up over the past week. So without further ado, here are my leftovers for the week...

Here's Jeff Gordon getting booed at Wrigley Field. Or Wrigley Stadium, as he called it.

I'm very passionate about music. When I hear a no talent, wouldn't know creativity if they got run over by the Woodstock bus, crap band on the radio, it makes me upset. This is why I am posting a link to a short clip of Dream Theatre's drummer in action. Not many people can do what he does. When you're done watching the video, compare him to every 4/4 time, monotonous, Lenny Kravitz song you've ever heard.

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? Here.

One man stand-up show. He does all 3 original Star Wars movies in an hour.

This is a pretty sweet card trick. If the link doesn't work, copy and paste this into your browser -

Cousin Eric sends a hits-all-too-close-home article about Rock Paper Scissors. See ya'll in Toronto in October.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Logic Puzzle Alert III

Five people visit a bar for a drink of Scotch Whisky. They all have their drink served differently and by different bar staff. From the clues given below, can you work out which bar person served whom, how they had their Scotch and in what order they were served at the bar.
  • Someone is served a Scotch & Cola by Carmen.
  • Mrs Johnson was not served her Scotch & Ginger Ale by Marcella.
  • Mr Weiss was served by Paul.
  • The person who drinks Scotch & Cola wasn't served second.
  • The cocktail drinker was served last.
  • Marcella served the fourth person in line but they didn't order a Scotch & Soda.
  • Neither Carmen nor Hans served Mr Petit who was third in line at the bar.
  • First in line was not Miss La Rue.
Drinkers; Weiss, Muller, Petit, Johnson, La Rue
Servers; Paul, Carmen, Hans, Marcella, Andy
Drinks; (Scotch &) Cola, Gingerale, Ice, Soda, Cocktail
Order served; first second, third, fourth, fifth

I haven't spent the time to figure this one out yet. But I will. This is one of my favorite types of puzzles. Feel free to post your answer in the comments section.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

6/2/05 The Drops

Mike says The Drops work. Given our years together as roommates, if he says they really work, then I would have to agree with him that they are "The Product of the Year".

Poker Jason sends a link about Rambo 4. I have an idea for the plot... It'll pick up where Rambo III left off. Picture this - Rambo has just left Afghanistan where he aided the Taliban to defeat the commie pig Russians. He realizes that wasn't a real good idea after the Taliban aided Al Qaida and their jihads against us. So he decides to partner up with the cooler, more laid back Russians to kill his old Afghani buddies. Talk about a twist nobody would see coming! What? That's what happened in real life? You mean that we don't hate the Russians anymore? And, we actually get along now? Oh, sorry.

Am I the last person to hear of the book A Treasure's Trove? It's a kids book, but there are clues in the book to a real life scavenger hunt with big cash prizes. Read the article - the idea is genius.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

6/1/05 Ways to Destroy Earth

Happy June everybody... We're on the back side of Memorial Day and for all I'm concerned, it's officially summer starting today.

Let's kick of the summer right with 10 Ways to Destroy Earth. Somebody really took the time to figure out the likelihood of each one happening and when.

American Idol auditions take place in Austin, San Diego, Memphis, Chicago, Atlanta, Denver, Boston and Paula Abdul's dressing room.

I was curious about how long a fiction book should be. Honestly, I had no idea. I know that books can be anywhere from 100 to 1000 pages, more or less. But how many words is that? 10,000? 100,000? 1,000,000? No idea. So I looked up Harry Potter as my reference. Those books are super-long and I could probably write half as much and have myself a book. Harry Potter IV is 181,000 words long. Harry Potter V is 214,536 words long. I think 100,000 words is a bold, yet achievable personal goal.

Urkel has a blog on I'm speechless.