Thursday, December 28, 2006

12/27/06 Sex and Your Brain

This is one of the cooler online test thingies that I've found in quite some time. But I need to warn you - It takes some time. Maybe 15 minutes or so. It's a test to show if your brain works like a typical male or female. Oh, and you need a ruler. Because I ended up finding a ruler online and measuring my fingers against the screen... only to find out that the ratio between my ring finger and index finger show that I lacked testosterone in the womb. Or... I'm just leaving this out there as a possibility... I had a difficult time using a PDF file ruler. That being said, it's still an awesome test.


In the tradition of year end awards - the worst TV ads of the year. I'm thrilled to see the Dominoes Fudge Ems made the cut. And, even though the pepto bismol commercial made the list, I love the new version. (Yes, poops and farts are still funny to me).


In baseball, getting signals from the base coaches can be the difference between winning and losing. Or, maybe even the difference between life and death.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

12/26/06 Pleo

I trust you all had a great Christmas. Somehow I ended up with a copy of Wired Magazine to my name and address. (The transition here was supposed to be gifts and Christmas, but I'm too tired to tie that all together). The problem is that I forget if I ordered it for myself or if somebody ordered it for me. It's my first copy. And there's no bow or ribbon or card. If you got it for me - thanks. Cuz it's awesome. (And I'm now certifying myself as a complete and utter nerd.) There's an article about the next generation Furby. It's called Pleo. It does all of those things that people claimed Furbys could do but really didn't. Like learn and make certain sounds if you respond in the same way to those sounds. Eh, just read the webpage.

From the same magazine, I learned that the new passports (after the new year) will have an RFID chip in them. And the best way to disable it is to take a hammer to your passport. Which, in no way invalidates it.


Alright - A new online game. In the spirit of Rocky - Play Ivan Drago: Justice Enforcer. It's like Double Dragon on the original Nintendo. Then you fight Apollo Creed. Who happens to be alive again. Then I died. So I don't know if there's more game after that.


On Christmas Day, I was having dinner with some friends and was rambling non-senically as usual. My friend told me straight out that I need to find a job. Or at least find better ways to spend my free time. He's right. But maybe he'd change his mind if he knew that I found a Google map landscape that looks like, uh, you know.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

12/24/06 Not a Creature Was Stirring

Well, the year end lists are starting. Like I said earlier, I love this time of year - for the lists and tv shows. Here's a list that I wasn't planning on seeing. 2006 might go down as the year of the horny female teacher. For your viewing pleasure - a list of the teachers. With pictures. (Ed. Note: Some of them are really hot. Sadly, the twin teacher thing isn't nearly that exciting.)


More lists - ESPN's top sports stories of 2006.


Well, it's been a while since I've talked baseball. But I've gotten a bunch of emails and calls lately. They all sound like, "What the hell are the White Sox thinking?" If you're not a fan of baseball (or you don't follow during the offseason), here's a quick overview of what happened. The White Sox have had one of the more formidable pitching staffs in the major leagues. In fact, they have had one of those nice problems that every team would like to have. Six quality starting pitchers for five positions. So they traded one starter (Freddy Garcia) to the Phillies recently to make room for the young guy. That made sense. Sort of. (They didn't get a whole lot in return, but whatever). Then, out of nowhere, they trade the young guy (Brandon McCarthy) for a few young pitching prospects. Now they have 4 starters for 5 positions. Huh? Cousin Jeff sends a stat lover's analysis of the trade.

Since I trust the Kenny Williams (GM of the White Sox), I can only justify these trades if...
A) They package up some of these prospects for a huge player like Carl Crawford. OR...
B) They see how much money mediocre pitchers are getting this year (See Gil Meche, Ted Lilly, Jason Marquis, Jeff Suppan). And they're stockpiling young arms to counter these ridiculous contracts.

During my research on this topic, I ran into one of the funniest videos I've seen in a long time. (NOTE: You probably don't want to open this at work.) You know the video of that German kid going nuts at his computer? Turns out - He's a Cubs fan.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

12/22/06 Not Quite What You Think

1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:

7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church . Their website is

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe ? Try their brochure website at

Friday, December 22, 2006

12/21/06 Harry Potter and the...

My mom sends some great news. The new Harry Potter book title has been announced. "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows".


Since only one of you played yesterday's Rocky quote game (Poker Jason, no less), I thought about giving up on this blog. But that's not fair. You know, it's the holiday season. As they say, "Give more, expect less." So, I'm continuing to chug along.


Only because I like causing political debate and like seeing the extremes of trusting and distrusting the government clash.... Here is an article submitted by Mike....

Mohamed Atta’s Best Friend Caught in South Pacific:
“You can’t arrest me, I’m working for the CIA.”


Thursday, December 21, 2006

12/20/06 There Is No Tomorrow!

Those of you that know me well know that I don't watch a whole lot of movies. I was just over at my neighbor's and a few guys were tearing me a new one for never having seen Scarface. I also watched The Shawshank Redemption for the first time ever just last week. (You're thinking, "You've never seen Shawshank!?!?" - Yeah, I've gotten that since about 1994. I'm used to it.) So, it's a rare opportunity for me to talk about seeing a movie on opening night. I'll do my best to keep my review of Rocky Balboa very brief and promise not to ruin anything.

But, before we start, a little game to make this post interactive. Post a comment and leave your favorite quote from any Rocky movie. My latest favorite is Apollo Creed in Rocky III yelling at Rocky - "There is no tomorrow. THERE IS NO TOMORROW! THERE IS NO TOMORROW!"

  • The movie theater is 3/4 full for a 9pm showing on a Wednesday night. Not bad. After 85 minutes of horrendous previews, the MGM lion roars (and nobody remembers to cue up Dark Side of the Moon). The horns start to play the Rocky music, some people start to clap and cheer. And for a brief, brief moment, I get reactionary chills, as if prior Rocky memories are ingrained deep into my psyche.
  • The first hour or so is an attempt to piece together a story. There are more unintentionally comic moments than anything. You already know the premise is pretty silly - A 60 year old dude fighting the current undefeated heavyweight champion. So you kind of just follow along.
  • Then, out of the blue... The training montage. The theater suddenly perks up and you get a few more claps and cheers. Alright. This is what we've been waiting for.
  • Rocky is listed at 217 pounds for the fight. He's closer to 270.
  • Followed by the actual fight, with a comically classic cameo by Mike Tyson.
  • I won't ruin anything by saying anything else. But there are no spine tingling moments. It just is. Out of the two people I saw it with, Poker Jason remains defensive and does a good job of supporting the final installation of Rocky. (If he sends me his own review, I'll post it). And Pro Player Pete thought the entire movie was silly. I lean more towards Pete's take, but am somewhere in the middle of the two. I'm also thrilled to have seen it on opening night. Because now, I can say that I saw Rocky movies in theaters in 3 different decades.


Sidewalk drawing are fun. If you're a little girl! Just kidding. These sidewalk drawings are absolutely unreal.


Now that I am a bagpipe player, I have a little problem. (Other than the fact that I still can't put it together properly). There's a kilt shortage.


Remember the Charlie Brown Christmas with Scrubs from a few days ago? Google Nicki sends the same cartoon - Sung to Hey Ya. I still love how the Peanuts gang dances. They each have their own little individual dance. I'd like to re-enact that somehow in real life.


This is kind of old. But it's right on. PS3 vs. Wii.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

12/19/06 Gonna Fly Now

I call it Rocky VI. But it's really called Rocky Balboa. Poker Jason has convinced me to see it opening night. So, I've been trying to pump myself up for the occasion. First, I changed my ringback tone (you'll have to call me to hear it). And now, The Sports Guy re-posted an old article about the first 4 Rocky movies. (Yeah, you read that right. FOUR Rocky movies.) So, I'm finally pumped.


The power of the mind is pretty amazing. Some Buddhist monks have been able to meditate so that they can raise their body temperatures and dry towels that were dipped in cold water.


Your nose smells in 5.1 surround sound, er, smell. Or, at least it smells in stereo and can detect the direction of smell.

Monday, December 18, 2006

12/18/06 Ads

You probably don't pay a whole lot of attention to it anymore. I know I don't. But there are Google ads off to the right. I got an email from them today sending an update. I checked how many ads were clicked this month. Two. And last month? Two. For a grand total of 63 cents. They will pay me out when I hit $100 in revenue. I did the math. I'm on pace for $4 a year. Which equates to 25 years before I get a check. When I do, we're having a party.

Ah, college... The best 82 years of your life.

If I told you there was an 80s movie with Kelly Preston, Joaquin Phoenix, Kate Capshaw, Lea Thompson, Tom Skerritt and Lamar Latrell, you'd probably give it a go, right? Yeah, so would I.

Kudos to Pro Player Pete for an admirable showing at the World Poker Tour event at the Bellagio. Out of a field of 583 (with many pros), he finished 17th.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

12/17/06 Simon Sez Santa

In case you missed the comment the other day, check out Simon Sez Santa for a little Monday morning distraction.

Google Nicki sends the Small World Project. It's basically a way to try "six degrees of separation" for real. You sign up, (give way too much information) and then get a penpal-like friend that you need to find in 6 degrees. So my person is a retired nurse between the age of 55-59 who lives in St. Vincent and the Grenadines. I thought about how I would find her for maybe 10 seconds. Then gave up.

I briefly looked for a doormat for myself. And I came across the greatest doormat ever. Sudoku Doormat. (Man, I'm such a loser).

15 strange coincidences. This is fun if you're into bathroom reader stuff.

Finally - Help me in sending good vibes to pro player Pete. He's making a run at a big World Poker Tour event.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

12/13/06 Just Wasting Time

Every so often I get random IMs from friends saying, "I'm bored. What websites are good time wasters?" Well, beyond the 720 or so posts on this one, here are PC World's top 15 Time Wasting Sites.


For those that missed it - Barack Obama on MNF.


So, uh, you know the Aaron Neville thing I was talking about yesterday? Here's the song. I'm having a hard time dealing with the cheese in the video. If I watch it once more, I might retract everything I said yesterday. Plus, the obligatory Family Guy parody.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

12/12/06 Attention Star Gazers

This is kind of like a public service announcement. The Geminid Meteor showers are in town. And tickets are going fast. You can best see the meteor shower on December 13th and 14th.


Both of my parents chimed in with links recently.

My mom sends "We Didn't Start the Fire". Animated.

My dad sends "I triple dog dare you". Interactive.


Since I had to be out of the apartment all day today, I made good use of my time. You're probably thinking - Wow, I wonder what new and exciting ideas he came up with. Wanna guess? Give up? I spent it working on my Aaron Neville impersonation. Which means, given all of that extra free time, post-impersonation, I made a stunning revelation. I have a new criteria when it comes to marriage. Now, I'm looking for someone that will (at least attempt to) sing the timeless duet between Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville, "I Don't Know Much" with me. (No, I'm not drunk blogging. It's just a little late and I think I might be getting a cold. Which is making this seem like a real good idea right now. C'mon. Admit it. You'd pay good money to see that duet happen. I do a mean Aaron Neville, too.)

Monday, December 11, 2006

12/11/06 Trip Down Memory Lane

I took a YouTube trip down memory lane. To watch shows, some of which I haven't seen since I was maybe 4 years old. Just to see what in the world was being fed into my brain during those formative years. I'm convinced that these shows were the aftermath of the hippie/Woodstock era. You know what I mean. Here are a few:

3-2-1 Contact!

The Great Space Coaster (with Gary Gnu).

The Greatest American Hero (Did they really have a 2 minute intro every time?)

The "I learned it by watching you" anti-drug commercial with the creepy moustache dad.
(Which, on a side note, I was just watching an episode of Scrubs where they parodied that exact commercial. Man, I should be a writer for TV shows.)

(I'm still searching for Captain O.J. Readmore and the Knowledge is Power ones. I'm not even sure the guy's name was O.J. But that's how I remember it.)

Wait, I found it. His name is O.G. I guess he truly was the original gangster.


I figured out the celebrity look-a-like thing. And, uh... I look like old guys. And one kid. Robert De Niro, Oliver Stone, Dean Cain, Carlos Santana, the guy who banged Salma Hayek in Frida, and the kid who sees dead people. Eh, it was still fun.


For those of you in the area, I need to be out of my apartment for the entire day on Tuesday (tomorrow). Do any of you want to do lunch? A long lunch perhaps?

Sunday, December 10, 2006

12/10/06 Sevens Wonders of Your State

The seven wonders of every state.


Man, we're almost halfway through December already. (Yes, I know. That's the way old people start meaningless conversations.) But one thing I like about December. Those year end articles and TV shows. The top (fill in the blank) of 2006. The most (whatever) of the year. I love those shows.


Speaking of looking back and getting sentimental - I checked the orginal "Something I learned today" page today. I haven't quite done the math, but we're nearing the 5 year anniversary of this page.


When talking football, I tend to mention quarterback passer rating. In face, I glanced over at the San Diego game today and there was a mention of a perfect QB rating. (I think it was 155.8). But I have no idea how it's calculated. So I looked it up. It super intense. Here it is:

• Average Yards Gained Per Attempt — 3,969 yards divided by 461 attempts is 8.61. Subtract three yards from yards-per-attempt (5.61) and multiply the result by 0.25. The result is 1.403.Note: If the result is less than zero (yards per attempt less than 3.0), award zero points. If the result is greater than 2.375 (yards per attempt greater than 12.5), award 2.375 points.

• Percentage of Touchdown Passes — 35 touchdowns in 461 attempts is 7.59 percent. Multiply the touchdown percentage by 0.2. The result is 1.518.Note: If the result is greater than 2.375 (touchdown percentage greater than 11.875), award 2.375.

• Percentage of Interceptions — 10 interceptions in 461 attempts is 2.17 percent. Multiply the interception percentage by 0.25 (0.542) and subtract the number from 2.375. The result is 1.833.Note: If the result is less than zero (interception percentage greater than 9.5), award zero points.

The sum of the four steps is (2.014 + 1.403 + 1.518 + 1.833) 6.768. The sum is then divided by six (1.128) and multiplied by 100. In this case, the result is 112.8. This same formula can be used to determine a passer rating for any player who attempts at least one pass.

12/9/06 I'm Mama's Boy Otis

I think I may have posted this once. But Mrs. Charlotte Dan recommended that I try Celebrity Face Recognition. You upload a photo of yourself am it tells you what celebrities you look like. I uploaded one of the rare photos where I liked the way I looked. The website said it couldn't find a face in the photo. So, taking it all in stride, I used the option to show them where the face is. Again, couldn't find my face. So I sat home and cried all weekend.


What did coked out musicians do before rock and roll and coke? They played bass in a marimba band, of course.


Just the other day I mentioned (not for the first time) that the show "Scrubs" makes me happy. What could possibly make me happier? The Charlie Brown Christmas special. With sound clips from "Scrubs".


Start your Sunday off on the right foot and take another world geography quiz. Then spend the next 15 seconds going through a bunch of self-denial and justification as to why you don't need to know that stuff anyways. That's why they make atlases anyways.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

12/8/06 Would You Like and Apple Pie With That?

Cousin Eric sends a postcard of himself at his new job. (If this seems familiar, it should. He's just pissed that someone sent the same link the day before. And I'm an asshole.)

Thursday, December 07, 2006

12/7/06 Turk Turkleton

As I was saying yesterday, the holidays are made, and made better by the women in our lives. Continuing with that spirit, Neighbor Natalie sends a timeless classic - Ding Fries are Done. (She also deserves a lot of credit for starting the little holiday spirit I'm starting to show.)


I found a fantastic college acappella group while scouring MySpace yesterday. (This will probably interest only 2 of you. Namely Mr. Abrams and my brother). They're called Off the Beat. If you check their music, they do some pretty awesome stuff. You know, most acappella groups do your typical U2 and Sting and pretty "normal" arrangements. This group does System of a Down, Breaking Benjamin's "So Cold", Coldplay, The Killers, Radiohead, Spacehog's "In the Meantime", A Perfect Circle... The list goes on. They're a lot of fun. Their site also led me to Acappella U - A podcast dedicated to college acapella. (Again, probably only 2 of you interested, but it's awesome nonetheless).


We're taking a poll. Ok, I'm taking a poll.

Question: Which sporting event video makes you cringe/the most queasy while watching it?

Video 1

Video 2

To be perfectly honest, I had never seen either one until today.


1% of the world's population owns 40% of the wealth. I'm not particularly surprised by that. But, I didn't know that, if you are worth $61,000 in total assets, you are wealthier than 90% of the people in the world. And, if you are worth $500,000, you crack that elite 1%. On the very sad end of the scale, 50% of all people own 1% of everything. Something to think about.


Scrubs makes me happy.

12/6/06 Elf Yourself

It's the holiday season again. And I'm starting to feel the cheer. No, really. There's something about women and holiday cheer. I'm risking making a sweeping generalization, but the holidays seem to be a woman thing. At least in my experience. Women seem to be the ones who want the festivities and the decorations and the gift exchanges. And you know what? As guys, we should be thankful for all of that. Because, if it were up to us, none of those festivities would be 1% of what they are. So, thanks ladies.
A special holiday thanks to Google Nicki for sending Elf Yourself and North Pole Dancing. (Be sure to upload pictures of yourself or your family/friends.) There should be some sort of slogan for this. Like - "If it was sent by Google Nicki, it's gotta be fun." Or something way cooler.
I'm in a hurry. So, lots more for tomorrow.
And oh... I went to Target today. Which means... you know... Damn Target.
(And the t-shirt. I'm back in funny t-shirt mode. And I saw a Simpsons recently where my favorite character, Ralph Wiggum, put an ice cream cone on his forehead and said, "I'm a unitard". More t-shirts to come.)

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

12/5/06 Modern Day Fables

I have two stories for today. In reverse chronological order. But in forward disgusting order. (I'll warn you when the first story ends and the second one begins, in case you are a little squeamish). I found myself in the little library in the clubhouse where I live at about 5:30 pm today. I decided I was going to sit outside, read a book and watch the sunset. And afterwards, not quite ready to head home, I sat in the library and continued reading. Recently, a nice flat screen HDTV was installed in the library. Personally, I'm not exactly happy about a TV in a quiet reading space. But whatever. My favorite (heavy sarcasm) show was on CNBC. "Deal or No Deal". What's the only thing worse than watching "Deal or No Deal"? (No, it's not watching it on a plane). It's watching it in a room with two elderly gentlemen (somewhere between 70 and 85 I would guess) who just couldn't seem to grasp how the show worked. Half out of kindness and half out of insanity, I offered up a little help in the conversation. About 30 minutes into the show, the one guy who seemed to sort of get it, just left, not particularly interested in the outcome. He got up saying, "I would've taken the $89,000. So I'm done." Which left me trying to explain the show to the other guy. Never before in my life had I ever been rooting for a "deal" so badly. Just so I could leave.

End of first story. Start of the unnecessary, disgusting story. Skip to the break if you don't like stories about bodily functions.

I had a perfectly unique poop today. I know. You're thinking... "Why does he have to talk about this?" The honest answer is - I spent the better part of the afternoon thinking about this particular poop. And if I don't write about it, it'll get stuck up there in my head, potentially leaving me vulnerable for an aneurysm as I get older. And we don't want that. Besides, I even gave the poop a name. It's called, "The bases clearing triple". Why "The bases clearing triple", you might ask. Because, much like the most exciting play in baseball (the triple), it was by far the most unexpected thrill of my week thus far. But why bases clearing? And why was it so exciting? For that, we have to back up a little bit further. I fell asleep somewhere around 2am the night before. And woke up only 5 hours later. I got started for the day and took a fantastic morning poop. It was great. One of those poops that just gets you through the day with a smile. That was the beginning to the rally. You need to fill in some of the blanks, namely how the bases became loaded and how we ended up with two outs. (I know, I failed to mention that the bases clearing triple happened with two outs. I just decided that it did right now. It seems to make sense for later in the story.) But early in the afternoon, a bloating pain came about. Out of nowhere, I had to go again. I REALLY had to go. And this time, it was even better than the fantastic one I had to start out the day. Quick, hugely massive, easy clean up and, above all, one of those lifters of the spirit that makes you wonder if God really does exist in the most subtle of daily activities. There's really no explanation as to where it came from. But it was a pleasant surprise, empowering me to finish the week strong (and it's only Tuesday). Your last question may be - Why not a grand slam? Two reasons. One: The bases clearing triple seems far more exciting than the grand slam, despite the outcome. Two: With two outs, there's still hope to drive in one more run. The triple gave me hope for a poop trifecta before midnight. However, if it doesn't happen, it still doesn't matter. We busted open a 3 run lead with the triple and that's the most important part. I still have my fingers crossed for the two out RBI.


I need to explain why I didn't post this on 12/5. It was written. It was ready. I came back to my place around 10pm, ready to log in and post it. And for some reason, there was no connection through my cable modem. So, I start the process. Check that cable TV is on. Check the router, check the cable modem. IP release. IP renew. Restart. Turn off router. Turn off cable modem. Restart them. Restart computer. After about 45 minutes of being a techie nerd, it hits me. I look for a flyer from Time Warner cable. It says that they're taking over service in my area between 12/4 and 12/7 and to expect some service downtime. I call their 24/7 service line just to confirm. They trace my cell phone caller ID to Chicago and tell me that I'm not a Southern California customer. And they hang up on me. Awesome. So I give up on going online for the remainder of the night, hoping that service will return in the morning.

Around 11pm, I'm taking a post-interner-fixing leak (I know, unnecessary. But not really.) And I hear a noise at my back door. (Why am I telling so many stories? At this point it just seems like it'll make this whole post complete). It's my upstairs neighbor. Who appears to be intoxicated with a drink in hand and a snake around her neck. (She owns a snake and I've seen it before, so it wasn't as surprising as you might think. Although it looks like it's shedding.) And she looks like she just wants to come in. So, I have my guard up, not exactly wanting company (especially drunken company) at this hour. Despite my desires, I open the door anyways. I take advantage of the intoxication to tell her that I'm planning to learn the bagpipes and to tell her about the noise it's going to make. Thanks to intoxication, she doesn't care. In fact, she's excited. Long story short, she ends up in my kitchen and I notice that the snake it bleeding from the mouth in my sink. I tell her that she needs to get the snake to a vet. She asks me to hold the snake while she cleans up. I hand the snake back to her, saying that it needs a vet and that I'll clean up. And she finally leaves with the bleeding snake. I clean up the snake blood all over my kitchen. (Looking back I should've saved it and sold it to some voodoo shop). And no, I haven't heard what happened with the snake. This, my friends, equates to the number 8 hitter (.232 on the year) swinging at a 3-0 pitch, driving it foul and hitting the 3rd base coach in the head, causing a concussion. Only, the batter is told to take the next pitch, then swinging at ball four up near the eyes and popping up to end the inning. (Translation: No evening poop. End of rally. End of inning. Not a good feeling. Momentum is ruined. But overall, still a good day. Thanks to the bases clearing triple.)


I also briefly tried NBA '07 on PS3 at Circuit City. AWE... SOME!


George W. Bush - The Cartoon.

12/4/06 Star Gazing

For the stargazers out there, Mercury, Mars and Jupiter will all be bunched together this week, "making this the closest trio of naked-eye planets since 1925 and until 2053".


There's a new game on YouTube. It's called Try Not to Have a Seizure.


Wait. Gil Meche is going to get $40 million over 4 years? $34 million just went to Vicente Padilla over 3 years? What the hell is happening in baseball? These guys kind of blow, at best. If I ever have a kid and it's a boy and he's left handed... wait, the odds of that are like .2*.5*.1, (boop boop boop... 1 in a 100 chance) so it's not even worth thinking about... But in my fantasy world, I'd make sure he learned how to pitch. (Note: the .2 was made up, solely based on nothing. But the .5 was for the chance of a kid being a boy and the .1 was the 1 in 10 chance that he's left handed. Those were for real).




Most random thought of the day: You know you can shop for perfumes and colognes on These are the things I learn when putting together a "wishlist" for the holidays. How long until you start getting free sample smells through the internet? Actually, I'd probably just find a way to get a free sample every day and never buy a bottle. But then again, if they figure out how to invent smell-a-net, they'll surely figure out a way to stop cheapskates like me from free sampling my way through life.

Speaking of holiday wishlists - I want one of these.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

12/3/06 SAM-MY

So... uh, what has Sammy Sosa been doing in his time off?

A) Relaxing, keeping in shape and thinking about coming back to baseball
B) Putting lots of grease in his hair, claiming he wants to be more like Jason Giambi
C) Somehow learning to speak English fluently after claiming to need a translator at the congressional steroid hearing
D) All of the above


A film on sexual harassment. And how to avoid incidents in the office.


A "how to" film on being a cyber stalker.


Today, Poker Jason called the Chicago Bears, "The worst 10-2 team ever". I beg to differ. (I think he's just jealous. On the flip side, I'm jealous that he outplayed me in a friendly game of poker today. So I'm stuck resorting to juvenile posts like this).

Friday, December 01, 2006

12/1/06 White Out

There's something about toppling dominoes that makes me happy. Really happy.
Like I was saying earlier, it's good to see that athletes are being held accountable for taking performance enhancing drugs. The latest bust - darts. For marijuana. What? Damnit. Forget it. The trifecta from hell is almost complete.
Two years ago, the White Sox traded Carlos Lee to the Brewers for Scott Podsednik. This last week Carlos Lee signed a contract for $100 million. Yesterday, Scott Podsednik also signed a contract. For $2.9 million. What seemed equal 2 years ago doesn't exactly seem equal today. I'm just making an observation here.
Oh. You're wondering about the picture. Looks pretty "The Shining" kind of frightening. Right before I went to sleep last night, this was the front and center photo on I guess this guy is really mad at snow. I love mainstream media. They're funny.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

St. Elsewhere on DVD

I was contacted by Nikki of and Fox, asking us to promote the release of St. Elsewhere on DVD. Although I was pretty young at the time, I still remember lots of talk about St. Elsewhere, leading up to a much anticipated conclusion.

Since we're all about peace and love here at NachosRule, I urge you to check it out. Perhaps it'll make for a real nice stocking stuffer.

11/30/06 O'er the Home of the Land

The Star-Spangled Banner has 4 verses. Why did I look this up? Because I heard the song on TV and I started thinking to myself, "On the shore dimly seen, through the mists of the deep". I gave myself a double take (since, as usual, I was alone) wondering where in the hell those words came from. How did I know the words to the 2nd verse? There was a song book in my house as a kid with all sorts of traditional American songs. (The same book had the tune to "Glory, Glory Hallelelujah", but the words were "John Brown's body lies amouldrin' in the grave". I still don't know what "amouldrin" means, but I think it's a part of history that most people would like to forget.) Anyways, all of the star spangled verses were in this book. On a rainy day, I started memorizing all of the words. Twenty something years later, they're still stuck in my head. I'm convinced that, with all of the useless childhood knowledge lingering upstairs, if I started learning chemistry and biology as an infant, I might have cured cancer by now. Instead, I just reference tv shows and songs in everyday conversation.


One of my favorite running subplots in The Family Guy - How they all treat the daughter like crap. And nobody cares.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

11/28/06 Anti-Doping Measures

It's about time that sports are testing the competitors for drugs and doping. It's about damn time. Now we'll finally find out who is playing by the rules and... what's that you say? They're testing chess players? Oh. Forget I said anything.


What's the history of your first name?

Nacho: Pet form of Ignacio.
Ignacio: Spanish form of IGNATIUS
Ignatius: From the Roman family name Egnatius, which was possibly derived from Latin ignis "fire". This was the name of several early saints, including the third bishop of Antioch who was thrown to wild beasts by emperor Trajan, and by Saint Ignatius Loyola, founder of the Jesuits.


Who wants to look like an idiot on national TV?


Behind the Music - The Muppets.

Monday, November 27, 2006

11/27/06 What a Twist

It's no secret that flying is one of my least favorite things to do. Nothing about the experience is pleasant. My new favorite thing to complain about is the dehydration. But that's a bitch session for another day. Today, I intentionally chose the seat in the furthest back corner. It's one of the last seats chosen. Which gives you the slight chance that nobody will be sitting next to you. I'm risking my secret here, but it also means that nobody will be behind you, including crying and kicking kids.

Now for the question - What could possibly be worse than a cross country flight? Answer - A cross country flight where the in-flight movie is "Lady in the Water". Now, let's rewind to the first 10 minutes in the plane. Recently while flying, I've tried to say hello to my plane neighbors as they sit down. Not only because we're going to be sharing air and space for the next 4 hours. But there's something really awkward about ignoring your elbow buddy, exchanging glances every time one of you moves. So, my middle seat neighbor to my left makes some small talk for a few minutes. We get as far as talking about where we went for Thanksgiving, and opening the airline magazine (on a side note, the flight attendants were psyched that the new "Hemispheres" just came out) to check the in-flight entertainment. And, we've already established that the movie was probably the worst received movie of the year.

At this point, the air is flowing through the cabin and I start to feel sleepy and tranquil (Is anyone else convinced that they pump some sort of sedative throughout the cabin right before takeoff?) And I make a typical lame joke along the lines of "What's the only thing worse than being stuck in the back of a plane for 4 hours? Being stuck in the back of a plane watching "Lady in the Water". (Just to clarify, I failed to mention that my neighbor is somewhere around my age, female, and pretty cute. And possibly lives near me if she's flying to the same destination). So, at this point, I put on my music, do my sudoku and try to convince myself that I'm not completely socially retarded. It got so bad that I thought to myself, "Hmm. If I do this sudoku puzzle really fast, maybe she'll notice and be really impressed." Chicks dig sudoku, right? C'mon - at least humor me for the sake of the story.

Twenty minutes or so go by. I get an elbow to the arm. After I realize that it was intentional, I look up. She motions to the movie and asks, "Are you gonna watch it?". I think to myself, "Didn't we just talk about how bad it's supposed to be?" She says, "We can talk about how bad it is afterwards." So, I pose a follow up question to you. What's worse than a cross country flight where the in-flight movie is "Lady in the Water"? Answer - Deciding to watch "Lady in the Water" because the cute girl next to you subtly persuades you to.

There's really not a whole lot else to the story. The movie blew, as expected. I did about 47 sudoku puzzles. My ass bone hurts. And I'm back home safe.


On a completely different topic - The top 100 TV Land catchphrases.


One of the "games" I played over Thanksgiving turned into a "self improvement" exercise. Somehow I got into a conversation about those things that we say we're going to learn and we never do. So, in a group of friends that I tend to see every Thanksgiving, we all decided on something that we would learn to do over the next year and we would hold each other accountable. Since I've already failed to learn to juggle 5 balls, I decided on something a bit easier. I want to learn to play the bagpipes. Here is where you come in. I don't know where to buy bagpipes. Nor do I know much about them. Any help here? (I also decided to learn to drive stick shift - so if you have a beater car you don't mind me practicing on... you know...)

Sunday, November 26, 2006

11/26/06 Wow

Whenever I don't post for a while, I feel like it's my responsibility to give you some sort of "wow" link. There's nothing special. I had something good. But after watching Junior Seau's arm dangle like he had an extra joint between the elbow and wrist, I threw up behind the couch and, somewhere in the vomitous mix, I lost whatever "wow" post was brewing in my head all week. I'll have to ask my dog what it is, since he decided to help clean up.

Instead, here's a math trick. Which might be cool to use if you're a junior high math teacher.


Our good friends at Fortener Design send a couple of links. First - A quiz about your driving habits. Second - MacGuyver Rocks.


Keep coming back. I'm just about back on a regular schedule and will be posting lots more soon.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

11/24/06 Peace, Love and Nachos

Just sending you some Thanksgiving wishes. I trust that wherever you are and whomever you're with today, you're happy, healthy and at peace.

Right as I was about to submit this, I thought of a Thanksgiving twist. Instead of listing the things we're thankful for (I never particularly liked doing that), let's try something else instead. You job this long weekend (and mine too) is to do some extra good deeds, give a few extra hugs and do all those little things that you don't necessarily want to do. That way somebody else will be thankful for having you in their life. This year, let's be the reason somebody else is thankful.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

11/18/06 Ms. Dewey

I'm back online. At least for a day.

The latest and greatest in search engine technology combines the Burger King "Have it your way" chicken with, well, a search engine. Ask Ms. Dewey. Some suggested searches are "george w. bush", "lord of the rings", "murder", "yo mama", "storm". Thanks to Google Nicki for the link.

Google Nicki also sends How Crunk are You? It errored out when I tried it. Probably because I failed this test worse than my first computer science class in college.

More later. Maybe.

Monday, November 13, 2006

11/13/06 Un-Busted Tees

This link has been touted as the "must read" link of the year. And I would agree. Now you can play air guitar... AND... hear the song you're playing. (Thanks, Mike).


Want to know where all of the convicted criminals live in your area? Thought so. (Thanks to my mom for the link).


Dude, I'm telling you. Put your money on Lisa Murkowski S.176. She is SO gonna make the bill into a law. Ah, there's nothing like a fun game of Fantasy Congress.


Once again, I'll be going dark for a while. At minimum, for the remainder of the week. (Although I'm considering writing for a few days out in the future since most of you check this page only a few times a week and wouldn't really notice). But I tell you this so you won't read about the guy who got shot in his car in Southern California, only to veer across 6 lanes of traffic and end up in a ditch. Only we find out that it's not a sniper and the dude killed himself. Or so say the police. Oh, and it happened 2 blocks from where I live. That wasn't me. I'm fine. So far.

11/12/06 Magneto

I don't have a whole lot to write about today. So, I present a new game for your Monday Morning. Magneto. I put in the Contra code and got to level 23 before quitting. (Just put in the infinite life option.)

Oh, and I just upgraded to the newest version of Blogger. I'm not quite sure what's going to change. But just a heads up. Just in case something seems off.

Friday, November 10, 2006

11/10/06 Burritos

Burritos are not sandwiches. Or so says the law.


Remember how I said that the face of would be updated? Well, it finally is. It's not quite 2006 yet. But it's better than the 1998 model we had before. One of these days we'll stop going used and splurge for the current year model. Thanks again to Fortener Design for the much needed facelift - You guys RULE!


The Easy Bake Oven enters the toy hall of fame. Wait, I think my dad sent this to me. I never had one of those as a kid, right? Cuz I do distinctly remember the Snoopy Sno-Cone machine (which... if I do say so myself... was AWESOME).


Someone else wrote about the whole Taye Diggs / Groundhog Day thing. And it was The Sports Guy. Which gives me an excuse to post his article. It's a fantastic article otherwise, too. But every so often he and I will touch on the same idea and I get little tinglies running up and down my spine when it does.


The $10,000 Rock Paper Scissors World Championships are tomorrow. As if you really needed a reminder.


The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down of the big lake they called "Gitche Gumee."
The lake, it is said, never gives up her deadwhen the skies of November turn gloomy.
With a load of iron ore twenty-six thousand tons morethan the Edmund Fitzgerald weighed empty, that good ship and true was a bone to be chewed when the "Gales of November" came early.

The ship was the pride of the American sidecoming back from some mill in Wisconsin.
As the big freighters go, it was bigger than mostwith a crew and good captain well seasoned, concluding some terms with a couple of steel firmswhen they left fully loaded for Cleveland.
And later that night when the ship's bell rang,could it be the north wind they'd been feelin'?

The wind in the wires made a tattle-tale soundand a wave broke over the railing.
And ev'ry man knew, as the captain did too'twas the witch of November come stealin'.
The dawn came late and the breakfast had to waitwhen the Gales of November came slashin'.
When afternoon came it was freezin' rainin the face of a hurricane west wind.
When suppertime came the old cook came on deck sayin'.
"Fellas, it's too rough t'feed ya."
At seven P.M. a main hatchway caved in; he said,"Fellas, it's bin good t'know ya!"


Good luck getting that song out of your head. Have a good day :)

Thursday, November 09, 2006

11/9/06 Will It Blend?

The Nacho Expert came out of hibernation and sent me some great videos - Will It Blend? It's like the next level of David Letterman's "Will it float?". They try and blend marbles and Coke cans and all sorts of other stuff.


Ok, I found a way to make the whole "Trapped in the Closet" parody make sense for those of you who aren't familiar with it.

Step One: The original by R. Kelly. This is only chapter one of twelve. It will suffice for our purposes. Or, if you're an idiot like me, you'll sit and watch all twelve. It's funny and stupid and brilliant all at the same time. (and, if you make it to chapter 9, it keeps getting better)

Step Two: The parody - Trapped in the Drive-Thru. (There's no video here. Only the song.)


Milton wants his stapler back. And he won't take it any longer. (Made by someone with lots of free time and motivation).

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

11/8/06 Loose Change

Some things you think about only when you have lots of free time. And what I'm going to talk about right now is one of those things. Everyday I get emails from MySpace saying that I have a new "friend request". Deep down I get a little excited, thinking that some long lost friend found me and wants to say hello. And probably 99 times out of 100, it's some half naked, hot 21 year old. (Yes, the photo here is a real example). Normally, I wouldn't complain all that much if a half naked, hot 21 year old (or any age for that matter) wanted to be my friend. Well, you see, these people aren't real. Ok, yes, I'm sure this girl is real. But it's not her contacting me. You know what I mean. All of this ultimately leaves me extra disappointed. Since, not only am I not hearing from friends (new or old), but these half naked, hot 21 year olds are just teasing me. Well, either they're teasing me or half naked, hot 21 year olds are just infatuated with me. And the latter's not true. I have nearly 3 decades of evidence to prove so much. There's really no point here. It's just that MySpace in all of it's suckiness, not only performs terribly and is full of bugs and spyware... but it also teases me with emails making me think that I have real friends. (Coincidentally, as I was writing this, I got about 6 consecutive email notifications of MySpace friend requests. From Mya, Jennifer, Yur Bytch and a few others.)


Last night I was hanging out with a few of my neighbors, just having some late night conversation. My one neighbor asked about some book she saw me reading months ago. The book she was referring to was Crossing the Rubicon. She then asked me if I had seen the movie Loose Change. I hadn't even heard of it. So she lent me a burned DVD. I'm watching it now. But, just like every other documentary I've seen lately, it's on Google Video. So, if this is up your alley, I highly recommend a real sit-down and watch session - Loose Change.


In a somewhat related historical event, I've been meaning to post a link to The Reichstag Fire. Long story short, it was the Pearl Harbor of Germany in 1933. It basically allowed Hitler to rise to power and become dictator of Germany. He subsequently enacted laws that didn't allow for dissent and well, you know what ensued over the next decade or so. (Do you see similarities between The Reichstag Fire events and the events following 9/11? The Patriot Act. The Department of Homeland Security. It's been more subtle in recent years. But there are glaring similarities. That's what I'm getting at.)


Let's end this on a less heated note. I walked into Trader Joe's yesterday to do my bi-weekly grocery shopping. First thing I see is the $.19 bananas. From which I stock up. I'm a banana eater. Not in a pole-smoking, euphemism kind of way. I'm just talking bananas here. They go very nicely in a bowl of cereal. They're also good post-workout food. Wait, why am I telling you this? Oh yeah. I'm bored. And if you are too, this could be one of those rare win-win situations in life. So I put a half dozen or so bananas into a bag. And some lady comes up and starts looking intently on all of the bananas. I tear off another bag because I want a few more bananas (I stock up, remember? Stay with me here).

(Brief Tangent) Trader Joe's somehow brings out the kindness in me. I never get through the store without someone striking up a friendly conversation. Towards the end of my shopping, the lady who prepares the samples paid me a very kind compliment and it made my day. It's the closest you come to fun loving hippie world in Republican Orange Country. (/Brief Tangent)

So, I offer the plastic baggy to the mid 30's with really nice teeth lady. Who then gives me a strange look and nods 'no'.

And asks: "Do you think it's alright to break some bananas off?"

Me: "Yeah. I'm sure that would be just fine."

Her: "Really?"

Me: "Yeah. People do it all the time."

Her: "I don't know. I have a thing about this."

Me: "How many are you looking for?" (As I pick some up and am ready to break them off for her)

Her: "Don't the bananas go bad quicker if you break them?"

Me: (Finally using my tour of the banana fields of Central America to some use) "I don't think so. Bananas come in very large bunches of 100 bananas or more. So they've already been torn apart from their family".

(Yeah, I wasn't quite sure how crazy she was. But I figured the "family" part would once and for all determine if she was nutty or just batshit crazy).

Her: "I don't know."

Me: "How about this? We'll split this one. Whatever bananas you don't want, I'll take."

Her: "Ok. Sure."

She breaks off 4 or 5, leaving me 2. I put the 2 in a bag. And she scurries off. Normally I don't like to use the word "scurry" to describe a non-4-legged animal. But that's what she did. And that's my story.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

11/7/06 I Voted Today

I voted today. I had no excuse not to. The polling place was 500 feet from where I live. Do you want me to be honest? Of course you do. The primary reason I voted today was to see how the voting machines worked. In the 2004 presidential election, my district used optical scan machines. I was very happy with those machines. In addition to the optical scan, there was a distinct paper trail in case there was a need for a recount.

Today's machines were far different. But first, let's start with the entire process. I walked into the room, walked to the right side of the room and pulled out my driver's license. An elderly lady asked for my last name and confirmed who I was. I then wrote down my address and signed on the line next to my name. All good. She then told the gentleman next to her some ID number associated with my name. He then asked for confirmation of my address. I gave it to him. They offered me a flyer with directions on how to use the machines and pointed me in the direction of another lady who was at the far end of the room, opposite the entry door. She printed a ticket with a 4 digit number, which was the number I needed to unlock the machine and vote. Still, all good.

I look down at the machine (on the left side of the room), touch the screen and realize it's not touch screen. (Forgive me if every polling place has the exact same machines and I'm describing the same thing you went through). So, back to the instructions. There were a few very large buttons at the bottom. "Cast Ballot" was in red. A triangular back arrow for "Prev" and a triangular forward arrow for "Next". Followed by a gigantic "Enter" button and an iPod-like scroll wheel on the right to make selections. It took me no time to figure it out. But I did wonder about some of the elderly who may not be quite savvy with computers and scroll wheels. To enter the 4 digit code, you had to use the scroll wheel to get to each number, then hit enter. It was like entering your initials on a Golden Tee game. So, for me, no problem.

It doesn't really matter how I voted. Although I did abstain from a lot of topics on which I had no information (I felt like I was voting on local kindergarten teachers at one point). The important part was at the end. After I was done voting, all of my votes were displayed on 3 pages. Like:

Governor: Joe Schmoe
Prop 99: Yes
Prop 100: No

And so on. I had to confirm each page individually. Once I approved all 3 pages, I hit the "Cast Ballot" button. This is the part I like. Those same pages that I confirmed on the screen were then printed one at a time underneath a plastic cover off to the left. Once again, I have to approve that each printed page matched my vote. Voila.... A paper trail. One that I reviewed and approved.
So, all in all, I give a thumbs up to the process in my district. My biggest concern with electronic voting in the past was a lack of paper trail. And, on the surface, there appears to be a visible, reliable paper trail. Oh, and the logo on the machine I used was a lower case "h" with a little circle in the upper right like a degree symbol. The background was red and the "h" was white. Who makes them?
I was all excited about Microsoft's new mapping tool that has 3D views of a bunch of cities. But the interface is all, well, Microsoft. And, quite frankly, blows. So, try it at your own risk.
Cousin Eric sent this animation - The Boss.
If the above animation is up your alley (and you hate your job like the rest of us)... It's always fun to watch scenes from Office Space. (You realize that movie is more than 7 years old already?)

Monday, November 06, 2006

11/6/06 Hacking Democracy

On the eve of our nation's midterm elections, Google Video is posting the HBO special "Hacking Democracy" in its entirety. So, go out tomorrow and vote. Maybe it'll count.

I have 2 questions about the above. 1) Now that Google bought YouTube, do they still need Google Video? 2) Why is everyone in the documentary over the age of 45 and not exactly what you'd call an expert on computer programming?

And for those of you that never went to college - The Wizard of Oz synched up to "Dark Side of the Moon" is available without all the effort of getting both the CD and the video and figuring out which lion's roar to start the music.

11/5/06 Rate My Professor

Even though I'm a nearly a decade removed from school, I still check sites like (Professor Joe can be found at this site in case you were wondering and know who he is). Point is - I found the funniest comments. Like:

You can't cheat in her class because no one knows the answers.

His class was like milk, it was good for 2 weeks.

Houston, we have a problem. Space cadet of a teacher, isn't quite attached to earth.

I would have been better off using the tuition money to heat my apartment last winter.

Three of my friends got A's in his class and my friends are dumb.

Emotional scarring may fade away, but that big fat F on your transcript won't.

Evil computer science teaching robot who crushes humans for pleasure.

Miserable professor - I wish I could sum him up without foul language.

Instant amnesia walking into this class. I swear he breathes sleeping gas.

BORING! But I learned there are 137 tiles on the ceiling.

Not only is the book a better teacher, it also has a better personality.

Teaches well, invites questions and then insults you for 20 minutes.


Doogie Howser isn't a straight man. But he does play one on TV.


If you're familiar with the R. Kelly "Trapped in the Closet" song, I highly suggest you check out the Weird Al parody - Trapped in the Drive-Thru.


Sammy Sosa discovers HGH, is jealous of Barry's Bond's big head.... decides he wants to return to baseball.


Today's Story: Burned soldier gets his wish to see the Bears play. Tomorrow's story: Soldier decides which part was more painful.


Finally, here's something to start your week. Miss Universe winners over the years. (and the ever changing standards of beauty).

Friday, November 03, 2006

11/3/06 The Biggest Douche in the Universe

When it comes to integrity in journalism, you think Maxim Magazine. Which is why they have - The Biggest Douchebags Ever Elected.

In the spirit of my "Hey, Donnie Darko is an amazing movie and I didn't watch it until years later"... I watched Magnolia the other night. Seven years after it came out. To my defense, I saw it once before, somewhere around 2002. But I didn't remember a whole lot about it. Except that it really struck me. So, Magnolia shows up and it sits on top of my TV for 6 weeks. Part of me is convinced that it's not going to be nearly as good as I remember. Part of me thinks I need to be in the right mood for it. And part of me looks at the cover and reads "3 hours 8 min". All of those combined are reasons it took me a month and a half to ultimately watch the movie.

The verdict? Once again, I'm drawn into the movie. My mind is continually racing from one scene to the next, attempting to understand how everything is intertwined. I'm entranced by all of the characters, wanting to know about their pasts. And why they are the way they are.

From discussions I've had with friends, I'm the only one who seems to be that into "Magnolia". But, for what it's worth, if you're looking for something a little different, a little more complex and a little darker... Consider it next time you're adding something to your Netflix/Blockbuster queue.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

11/2/06 Mad Sudoku Skillz

In an article written about 5 weeks from now, scientists are using Sudoku solving skills to learn about the brain and neural pathways. "No wonder Sudoku puzzles give your brain a good work-out. Scientists say solving them depends on neural pathways that even the most powerful computers can't replicate." (I know the article was written in September. It's a joke.)

Just a heads up - The 2006 International World Championships of Rock Paper Scissors are coming up. November 11-12. Toronto, Canada. Be there.

I don't know about you. But I liked Taye Diggs way better when he was Bill Murray. (Click the link. Take this one slow. Think about it for a few seconds. Ok. Let it settle in. Ok good. You got the joke.)

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

11/1/06 I Have a Tiny Head?

First off, I gave up on thinking of a "Da" in today's title. I thought about using "DAmn!..." and then something. But that's lame. I also ruled out the song "Da da da". But I did give it lots of thought. And I'm sure as soon as I'm done writing, something will come to me.

Secondly - If you're wondering about the picture... No it's not the preview for "Twins 2". It's the 2 candidates running for governor in California. (And my sincere apologies to my mom who asked me just yesterday if we are voting for governor next week - and I said "no" because I'm the poster child for your typical uninformed voter and, according to recent tests, bordering on mild retardation.) Which leads me to the negative campaigning I was talking about yesterday. I searched around YouTube today for some examples.

My first impression of the whole online campaigning was - Are these real? Or parodies? Cuz it's hard to tell the difference. Seriously - this is real? People buy into this stuff? The one I wanted to show but can't find yet is an ad about a guy who's soft on crime. And throughout the entire commercial you see just the thuggest looking thugs, full up with their bandanas and low riders and semi-automatic weapons, getting ready for a drive by shooting. It's just super racist and pulling on people's fears of, uh, the weekly neighborhood drive by shooting. Let me know if you can find what I'm talking about. (On a final note, this is also an indication that I'm starting to get bored and shouldn't be watching daytime TV. I was going to rant about the commercial for "Buzz Ballads" and their "Ginormous" hits, but I'll save that for another day.)


This transitions perfectly into my bitch and moan session for the day. Ok, it's not a big deal, but, as you know the only show I really watch on a regular basis is "Lost". And, for whatever reason, I get home at 9:45 tonight... Think to myself, wait, "Lost" is on tonight. Sweet. What a great way to end a pretty decent day. I see that it started at 9:00. The red light on my DVR indicates that it's recording. I go to check that it's recording as scheduled. And it's recording some South Park rerun. So, for a moment I freak out. (Ok, I rarely "freak out" in the traditional sense, but I was not happy.) Then I remember that ABC airs their episodes online. So I check. And they do. Starting at 2am my time. Crisis averted. (Although, don't be surprised if you ask me tomorrow - "Hey, what did you do last night." And I answer, "Stayed up until 3am". And for a split second you'll wonder if, by some miracle, I found a women in my life. Then you'll come to your senses and figure it all out.)

I realize that this entire story about "Lost" sounds like the diary of a 13 year-old teenage girl. Which is a bad sign for a lot of reasons. Most importantly, it goes to show that I am totally and completely hooked on a TV show. If we lived in, oh, let's say, 2004... How would I ever see that episode? Every piece of the "Lost" mystery from this day forward, I would assume that I missed in that one hour and would forever taint my being. But back to the 13 year-old teenage girl thing for a second... It's also a bad sign that my life is becoming that way due to a gradual building-up of boredom.

Moral of the story - don't trust your DVR or TiVo. Because it might just open your eyes to one of your many shortcomings in life. And for some of us, we're just not quite ready to admit that we have thousands of shortcomings, including addiction to a ridiculous TV show.

And since I'm not starting a "Lost" support group, nor am I ever planning to join one.... Here's Lost Connections. (It's a neat graphic, showing how the characters were connected before they ended up on the island.)


And finally... To end this evening... Is there such a thing as TOO much protected sex? Yes.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

10/31/06 Da Bulls

I'm just trying to see how many consecutive titles can contain "da". My only goal for tomorrow is to keep the streak alive. It's also a good excuse to talk about how good Da Bulls looked tonight. If there's any time to bring back the Super Fans on SNL, it's now.

Bob holds the NachosRule record for Icicle Climb - It currently stands at 10.405. (Bob - beware, I was at 9.8 with one icicle to go and I blew it).

Do you have tv ads for the upcoming elections where you live? I'm getting ready to start taking note of some of the super disgusting ads I'm seeing recently. Stay tuned - they're funny. Well, if you think that trashing people with sad, sad advertising is funny. So, wait. They're not funny. Or are they? I can't decide.

Happy Halloween. And happy the sun sets at like 5:00 for the next 4 months. Yay for the beginning of winter.

Monday, October 30, 2006

10/30/06 Leonardo Da Awesome

Da Vinci's illustrations - Animated.

The alleged highest resolution photo on the internet. Or anywhere in the world. Or something.

I'll have more tomorrow. But the deal is - You've got to try that Yeti game from yesterday.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

10/29/06 Living in a Van Down By the River

Since it's Halloween time and every year I see Matt Foley costumes, here are a bunch of Chris Farley clips.

Also, since it's Halloween time and my pirate pumpkin has since molded out and grown hair... Here is a way to virtually carve a pumpkin. (Thanks to the few people who sent this to me).

Almost as clever as ass pennies - Some dude took a penny worth $500 and put it into circulation. Intentionally.

This week's online game/competition for the week. Yeti Sports. Since the website is a little protected, you have to set up a free account. I know, I know.... It sounds like a lot of trouble. It'll take you 30 seconds. You'll spend 100 times as long playing the games. So, go to "Play online" and set up a quick account (use some the same email you use when you sign up for other crap online).

THE GAME: Part 10 - Icicle Climb. I spent quite some time trying to pass 10 meters. I finally got there. The score was 10.385. What's your best?

Thursday, October 26, 2006

10/26/06 Tournament Poker

Tournament poker is like pitching a no hitter. More precisely, winning a large tournament is like being a pitcher going for a no hitter. Every single decision you make seems like it needs to be perfect. Every so often you make a little mistake, be it an ill-advised bluff or folding the better hand. Just like a pitcher may leave a hanging curveball over the heart of the plate and watch the batter foul it off. You rarely get away with mistakes in tournament poker or during a no hitter, but it happens. On the flip side, you can make every decision correctly in a poker tournament. And the end result could be devastating. Just like a pitcher can spot a 98 mph cutter in on the fists, busting the bat on the swing and the batter still ends up with a duck snort to left center. End of tournament and end of no hitter.

Why am I talking about this? It's just been on my mind lately. Because so many poker players get upset about "bad beats" and wonder why they never win WSOP bracelets. Part of the answer is - You can make every decision correctly and still not win. In fact, a lot of players will say that they play perfectly (they don't, but they're poker players - therefore they're not 100% honest people).

Also, I have started playing little poker tournaments onli... er, uh, not in a live game. (You think the government really cares?) Skip the rest of this section if you don't want to read about my poker playing....

Anyways, I entered one this evening that was a little more expensive than I normally play. But I had a good feeling and I had plenty of time and focus if I went deep. 356 players entered. I won't tell you how much I entered for, but the winner took home more than $13,000. (You can probably figure it out if you're familiar with poker payout structures). Anyways, without going into too much poker detail, I just played a very straightforward, only taking calculated risks approach.

Within the first hour, nearly 100 of the 356 entrants were eliminated. Like a no hitter, little things were working in my favor. My table didn't break up for a long time - which meant that I could take advantage of my image. The only hands I showed for 2 hours were premium hands (and winners). Which set up little steals and bluffs later on.

I honestly don't remember how the tournament field got narrowed down to under 100. But I wasn't playing a whole lot of hands and I was just making good decisions. That was it. In 3 hours I only saw 5 showdowns (most of them were putting short stacks all in) and I only played something like 16% of hands. (Which is a low number - you normally want it closer to 20-30%). But my chip stack, which started at 3000 chips was up to 12,000 and I was 40th or so in chips.

The tournament paid the top 36 players. I was always told that when you're getting down to that number, everyone tightens up, just hoping to cash out. And, I have to admit, I wasn't about to go nuts with some mediocre hand, risking a bust out in 38th place. I was hovering between 20,000 and 25,000 in chips and, because of my weak starting hands, just waited it out and moved into the money.

I made some timely raises and steals of the blinds and antes. And I also tried making a move from the sb when it folded around the bb called. An ace hit the flop and I didn't think the bb had an ace, so I made my continuation bet. He paused a long time and called. At this point I needed to commit all of my chips on a bluff on the turn and I gave up. That one hurt and took my chips from 55,000 down to 34,000 or so. I got my one lucky hand a little later. I made my all in move on the button with Q 10 of diamonds for 21,000. The sb calls (ugh). The bb comes over the top for 48,000. If the bb has a middle pair and forces the sb to fold, I'm a happy camper and will take the race. The sb calls and flips over A8 off. The bb has AK. Ok, my Q 10 is live. I hit 2 pair and take the main pot and triple up. There's also an 8 out there so AK loses. That hand was my slider that caught too much of the plate and the batter still grounds into the double play.

Not too much later, I pick up AK suited in the sb. It folds around to the button who goes all in for 32,000. I have 63,000, and despite calling off half my stack, I pretty much have to call. (This is my 0-2 splitter in the dirt). In fact, I go all in to get rid of the bb. The button turns over Q5 offsuit. I hit my ace on the flop. The turn card gives the button both a flush draw and a gutshot straight draw (remember, I was the one who was suited and connected). And yes, he catches the flush (swinging off his shoetops and catching the hole between first and second base). So, I'm not out. But before that hand I was 6th in chips and would've moved up to 3rd had I won. Instead, I was down to 12th in chips with 19 players left.

My final hand I had AK in the sb. It folds around and I push all in. The bb calls immediately with 8 8. And I lose the race (notice how I continue to lose big with AK late?) Nearly 5 hours after the start of the tournament, I bust out 14th out of 356. I made a little profit. I got some experience. I learned a little bit. And I didn't finish in time to hit the gym. So, you take the good with the bad.


I'm giving a much deserved shout out to Fortener Design. I don't know if the individual who emailed me is looking for personal recognition (if you are, I'll post you name)... But, without my request, completely redesigned I haven't made the update yet, but I have them in hand and intend to bring out of the 1990's and into the new millennium.


I made my first contribution to YouTube the other day. The first rating I got was 5/5 stars. After 2 ratings, the average was 2.5 stars. Which makes me happy. That people either love or hate the video. I even got my first subscriber. I've been debating whether or not to post the actual video here. It's just a little pet project that I made like 2 years ago (making it a little outdated). And it's not real nice. And the quality is terrible because of YouTube's guidelines (the version I have it WAY clearer). Ok, ok. You talked me into it. Here it is. The only deal is that you rate it well (or if you don't like it, don't rate it. leave a comment instead).

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

10/25/06 One Eyed Willie

I probably shouldn't admit this, since it's risking my somewhat heterosexual image. But what the heck - I went to a "pumpkin carving" party tonight. And I decided to make a pirate. And since the result is a million times better than expected, I took a picture and there it is.

Not too long ago I posted about the great pumpkin shortage of 2006. Well, the author of that blog kindly wrote to inform me that the article was written in September 2004. So, thanks for the correction. And despite the brief exciting news that pumpkins would be abundant this year - I found out that there really is a shortage. (Although I found some sweet ass, big, juicy pumpkins at Trader Joe's for $2.50 a piece. And much like a parking spot in a crowded city, all you need is one.)

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

10/24/06 Know When to Walk Away

I'm only going to talk about this once - The Kenny Rogers incident. And I'm going to focus on the Tony LaRussa part. The question keeps coming up - Why didn't Tony LaRussa (manager of the opposing Cardinals, for those that don't follow baseball) make a bigger deal about the "dirt" found on Detroit pitcher's, Kenny Rogers, hand? There is only one answer. And the answer is simple. The answer is that most pitchers do what Kenny Rogers did. And Tony LaRussa knows better than anyone "if you ain't cheating, you ain't trying." And if he made a real big deal over the "dirt", then every pitcher in the World Series would be TSA violated for the next week. And even then, if you're looking for some "stick" how hard would it be to find some clear, sticky hair gel for $4.99 at Target for your next start? Worst case, you just rub some jalapeno up your nose and get it running.

Remember, Tony LaRussa seemed liked the only one in Mark McGwire's corner when congress and the entire baseball world came down on McGwire over his alleged steroid use. Say what you want about LaRussa. He knows that guys go above and beyond and bend the "rules" to gain a competitive advantage. They always have. And they always will. He knows it. We know it too. Although we seem to deny it for our own benefit. One thing I admire about LaRussa is that he defends the guys that gave their all for him, no matter what they may have done to do it. That includes steroids. And that includes pine tar.


Well said Keith Olbermann. Well said.

Monday, October 23, 2006

10/23/06 The Neverending Party

In a day where nothing really seemed to be going right, I watched this. And for a moment, everything seemed to be much, much better.

It's fantasy basketball season and I need your help. Since I know virtually nothing about the NBA (except that they're using a new ball that's not made of cows and everyone seems to hate it), I'm turning to you for some advice. We have until Tuesday evening to figure out this mess we call a draft. My league consists of the 5 major stat groups (points, rebounds, assists, steals and blocks). Who are my top ten? Top 20? Who's the big sleeper pick for the season? You wanna come over and do my draft with me tomorrow? I'll whip up some mean mac and cheese and we'll have a jolly old time.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

10/22/06 DNA Testing

I'm making my holiday wishlist early. The first item on the list - a personal DNA test.

People are traveling overseas for a new reason. Hospital Visits. I'll give you one guess why. (And no, it's not your 70's soft core nurse fantasy.)

10/21/06 Charles Darwin

The complete works of Charles Darwin are online. Just thought you might wanna know.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

10/20/06 Sitting Here on Capitol Hill

About 10 years ago, when the internet was still something of a mystery to most of us (ok, maybe it was 12 years ago) I found a WAV file of "I'm Just a Bill" online. I was super excited at the time. It was the first time I had heard the song since I was a kid. Actually, I had to download it over an old school modem first. Which, at something like 50 MB, took hours. I forget why my brother was all pissed at me (I think it had something to do with the 250 MB hard drive and taking up 20% of it for a sound file - But I'll have to ask him for the specifics). Anyhow - how times have changed in only a decade. Now the song and the video are one click away.

I guarantee that if you start watching this video, you'll watch the entire thing. There's no getting away from it.

Remember Yeti Sports? Well, they have at least 3 new games since I last checked it (like in 2004).

Friday, October 20, 2006

10/19/06 Worst Player Ever

The lowest rated player in Madden '07 is Ethan Albright. And he's not real happy about it.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

10/18/06 War Propaganda

War propaganda is nothing new. One of my favorite examples is Disney using Donald Duck to promote paying taxes to support World War II. Just watch it. It's almost stunning to think that this was commonplace. Was collecting taxes THAT hard in the 1940's? Was this the common war sentiment at the time?


Random thought of the day - Light colors reflect light. Dark colors absorb light. Therefore it's common for whites and light colors to be worn in hot areas and during hot seasons. So why didn't bears evolve that way? You know - bears in cold climates are white. They should be dark to absorb whatever heat they need. And bears in warmer climates are brown and black. Why do you think that is? (And I don't believe the "blending in with the surroundings" reason. Bears are predators and don't need to blend in.)


On a more positive note - If you've ever seen the show "Scrubs" you'll recognize The Blanks. They're also known as "Ted's Band" - the acapella group the randomly appears throughout the show. While all of the clips from the show are good, my new favorite is "Maniac".

10/17/06 Smoke My Sausage

Ok, there's something about Carl's Jr. commercials that just kills me. It's like they're written after a long night of partying by 19 year olds at 4 am. I've spent the last day thinking I had gone insane after seeing on of their newer commercials. The premise is some good looking soldier guy talking about how his girlfriend is tired of him smoking and smelling like smoked hickory. So he decides to get the Carl's Jr. breakfast sandwich (which makes no sense, I know... Just watch it and it'll be a little less confusing). He finishes the commercial saying - "I’ll just go to Carl’s Jr. and let them smoke my sausage.". I'm sure you're thinking the same thing I am. They allowed him to say that on TV? On a commercial? So I go around searching for a clip of this to prove that I'm not making it up. I find it on the Carl's Jr. website. But it's edited. All I can find is some other blog that mentions the same ad. If you happen to run across the unedited version... PLEASE add it in the comment section or email it to me. It's pretty friggin' hilarious. (As an added bonus, the Carl's Jr. site has the "Milkshake" commercial too).


The American Express Card.... Don't steal $12 million without it. (Bonus points if you get the random connection here).


A list of 101 of my best friends. (Get it? My friends are imaginary.)


Did you see how rookie Matt Leinart handled himself last night? I was really impressed with his poise, both during the game and after the heartbreaking loss. Do you think he learned that poise from his coach?


Charlotte Dan asks me from time to time about the 1985 Chicago Bears. He is a Bears fan, but wasn't living in the U.S. at that time. So all he hears is stories. He sometimes asks me to compare current teams with the greatest team of all time. Well, Charlotte Dan - Here's a little bit of what they were all about. You can judge for yourself.