I've owned my own bowling ball for, I dunno, 8 years now? When I got it, it was a top end ball (well, not super top end, but a good $200). It had a real nice hook to it and helped me raise my average from 105 to 160 or so. I even managed my first official 600 series, which, for me, was a huge accomplishment. Never before and never since have I repeated the feat.
Anyways, in recent years, I haven't bowled nearly as much as I did back in college. And when I do bowl, I'm pretty bad. Like 120-130 bad. My ball just doesn't hook anymore and it's almost as if I completely forgot how to bowl.
Then I had a nasty acid flashback recently. I had vivid memories of my Russian college roommate, Vlad, putting a hair dryer to his bowling ball. (Note: I've never taken acid. I'm simply comparing what I think a bad flashback might be like to the memory of living with Vlad). (Note 2: Vlad, I'm just kidding). (Note 3: Or am I?) Ok, now Vlad went from bowling off the wrong foot to joining the University of Illinois varsity bowling team in the course of a year or two. This, for one, should be a good indication that bowling isn't really a sport.
The important thing here is the hair dryer. We'd watch Vlad blow the hair dryer over his ball, like it was his first Cabbage Patch Kid. Then he'd wipe it with a towel and repeat. Vlad kindly explained that he was making the ball sweat oil. (Note 4: Vlad never explained things kindly. But for the sake of this story, he did). The newer balling balls soak up oil and lose their ability to grip the lane. The hair dryer released the oil from the ball and returned the ball to it's hooking self.
Why am I telling this story? No good reason. It's just that I took my bowling ball out of my trunk the other day and decided to give it a good cleaning. First, I put it in my sink and ran real hot water over it. It bubbled with tiny beads of oil. I continued to wipe it off and pour more hot water over it. When I was done, I rinsed out the towel. The water in the sink became pit stain yellow.
Anyways, I wasn't completely satisfied with the results. So I looked up how to clean a bowling ball. The answer? Put it in a dishwasher. So I did. My roommate asked why the silverware holder thingie was on the counter. You wonder why she's moving out. I think the ball is relatively oil-free now though. I've just gotta go bowling now.
I've been way too busy to learn much else new. Hence the long story for no reason.
Well, my friends. It's out in the open. Richard Roeper has unleashed "The Shocker" to the mainstream. It's no longer cool to do.
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