11/1/05 Will Perdue

Will Perdue scarred my childhood. Will Perdue made me lost faith in all that was good in humankind. I was only 12 years old at the time, but I remember the Will Perdue incident like it happened this afternoon. Back when the Bulls were good, they used to have these clinics at the local high schools during the summer. Two Bulls players would show up. Usually they had one decent guy and one scrub. Like John Paxson and Cliff Levingston. Or BJ Armstrong and Will Perdue. It was always one of our summer highlights to attend these clinics. If you were lucky, you got to go down on the floor with them and practice some sort of drill.

This one particular year, my friend's mom was late picking us up from the Bulls clinic. A good twenty minutes had passed since the end of the clinic, and we stood there, the three of us, outside of the gymnasium. All seven feet of Will Perdue came around the corner. Now, it's not like I was a big Will Perdue fan. But he was a celebrity. It was exciting for a 12-year old. So I looked up at him as he walked my way, and with my pen and paper timidly asked him, "Mr. Perdue, can I have your autograph?"

"No." He quickly responded. "Please. Can I please have your autograph?" "No. Sorry." And he walked away.

There's a reason I tell this story. And it's not because I enjoy reliving one of the most traumatic moments of my life. Today on ESPN.com they had sessions where you could ask their experts about the upcoming NBA season. Guess who one of their experts was? Yup. Will Perdue. They let you submit questions and comments a couple of hours ahead of time, so he could offer his insight.

I wrote a quick, succint submission to Will.
"Hey Will - 15 years ago you took part in a Bulls Clinic at the local high school. My friend's mom was late picking us up and we were the only ones left in the building. When I kindly asked for your autograph, you said no. When I begged please, you said no again and walked away. While that scarred me as a 12 year old, I want to give you a chance to apologize. A simple "I'm sorry" would allow me to finally move on from that crushing incident in the Buffalo Grove High School gymnasium."

Needless to say he didn't respond and this story has no good ending. Except for the fact that his responses sucked, he doesn't know how to spell, he was 5 minutes late and it took him an average of 6 minutes to actually type a response. Even worse? You now have to be an "IN", paying member of ESPN.com to read it.

Just to give you a taste, here's how the Q&A session kicked off...

Will Perdue: sorry I'm late.let's get started.
Thomas (Florida): How many games do you see the Lakers, Pacers, Spurs and Heat win this season?
Will Perdue: the team that's the wildcard in the big picture is the lakers.We all know ego is a big thing in the NBA(no pun ),but are Phil and Kobe really able to put the past behind them.I still donot see the Lakers making the playoffs.

Will Perdue. I still don't like you. And you still suck.

Mel Gibson is planning a new movie. Passion of the Christ 2: Yucatecean Boogaloo.