12/23/07 The Airing of Grievances

Happy Festivus. If you're not familiar with Festivus (first check the link)... "During the last few weeks in December when Festivus takes place, families and friends get together at the dinner table and have something called "the Airing of Grievances". During this time, we share with family and friends all the ways they had disappointed over the past year."

This will most likely be my last update for 2007. I send my most sincere holiday wishes to all ya'll's. Thanks for reading, commenting and otherwise being a part of NachosRule this year. Thanks to you, we've just passed 16,000 views for the year. I hope you've enjoyed it half as much as I had maintaining it. By that, I mean, at least half. Not exactly half. It's one of those greater or equal to deals.

A special thanks to Nathan Fortener - First, a thanks for his current design of NachosRule.com. Second, thanks to the final outbound link of 2007... It's the quiz we've all been looking forward to... How Many Five Year Olds Could You Take in a Fight? I could take 18. In theory.

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My mom offers some holiday cheer, acapella style:



Happy Holidays and Happy New Year. See you again in 2008 :)

12/19/07 Felinae Extraordinarius

There's a site called UrbanCougar.com. It's exactly what you think. Over IM recently, Google Nicki was worried that she was "a cougar". I assured her that she was not. As a result, she sent me a cougar classification page. I hadn't checked out the entire website until just now. It's just... wow... it's... comprehensive.

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Here's my favorite article title of the past month - "A realistic assessment of how many 12-year-olds I could beat up before they overtook me." Cousin Eric mentioned something about a quiz he took about beating up 5-year-olds... If you have it, we'd all be interested in the link.

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Cousin Dave sent an article about some guy witnessing a kid playing "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero at Best Buy. After about 100 tries, I've maxed out at 4% of the song complete before being booed off stage. Oh, and send Cousin Dave speedy recovery wishes for his broken foot.

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The song is called "Every Day" by Carly Comando.

12/15/07 Spaghettification

Word of the day: Spaghettification. Since I'm cool and watch "The Universe" on The History Channel, I had a chance to hear some astrophysicist talk about "Spaghettification". It has to do with black holes. Basically, if you were to head toward a black hole, your body (and, in fact, all of your individual atoms) would start stretching out due to the immense gravitational pull. At which point, you are spaghettified.

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From Cousin Jerry via my dad - The Traveler IQ Challenge. It's a lot of fun. Both when you know your geography and when you don't. Close now counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and the Traveler IQ Challenge.

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I used to have an SNL crush on Tina Fey. My new SNL crush is on Kristen Wiig. I felt like you needed to know that for some reason.

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I was watching High Stakes Poker on YouTube recently and was introduced to Guy Laliberte. He plays during season 4 where the minimum buy in is $500,000. Most of the players I know from watching poker on TV. But he's playing because he's super wealthy. Who is he? The guy who invented/founded/originated Cirque du Soleil. (You'll be proud of me - I almost spelled that right without looking.) It's easy to pick on rich people or to be extra critical of them. But, what I learned on the show, is that he lived on the streets for 10 years as a street performer before any of his stuff took off. He actually attributes his poker skills to his time on the streets having to make some life or death decisions. He also was involved in a $1.2 million pot with David Benyamine that was pretty interesting. (I won't tell you what happens, in case you want to watch).

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R.I.P. Dan Fogelberg

12/14/07 Me and My Drum

Christmas carols are funny. Don't get me wrong - I have fond memories of my fruitier, formative years and going around singing Christmas carols. But I continue to find myself laughing when I hear them. It's because just about every Christmas carol has been parodied or poked fun at during some point in my life. Can you seriously listen to "O Holy Night" and not think of Eric Cartman? Ten years later and that's all I think of. What about the Peter Griffin Christmas where he sings (To the tune of Little Drummer Boy), "I brought these gifts for you, they're up in my bum"? I also vaguely remember some "Beavis and Butthead" Christmas special where they were jamming out to something from, what I think is "The Nutcracker".

Actually, now that I re-read this all, I realize that it's all based on cartoons - The Family Guy, South Park and Beavis and Butthead. Point being - Well, there is no point. Except that the other day I was walking around San Diego on a sunny day with no jacket and heard, "It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas". And all I could think was - No. No it's not.







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Why are my iron-free, wrinkle-free shirts the most wrinkled of them all?

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Poker Jason sends this guy getting pulled over on his riding lawnmower....



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Mike sends the secret to Stonehenge building...

12/12/07 Littering and...

If hate were people, I'd be China.

While driving to work today, I noticed a cop car directly behind me. Whenever I see this, I'm sure to be extra careful behind the wheel. I keep my speed under the limit, I signal extra properly. At first I didn't know the speed limit, so I kept it around 35-40 mph. Then I saw a speed limit sign. It was 45. So I cranked the sucker up to about 43. But there was moderate traffic, so speeding really wasn't going to be an issue.

He continued behind me for 4 or 5 minutes and, eventually, it started to bother me. So I signaled right and went into the right lane hoping he'd pass me. He immediately followed behind me into the right lane. Probably 15 seconds later, his lights go on. So I signal to the right and move a little to let him by. Except he doesn't need to get by. He's after me for some reason.

I start thinking... Did I speed? No. Did I do something wrong? I can't figure out what. Maybe my blinker or tail light is out. I'm already a little late to work and don't need this. I make a right at the next street where's there's more room and less traffic and pull over. I've never really been pulled over in all these years. So I'm not exactly ready for any of this. I just tell myself to keep my mouth shut. Officer Zweifath (or Zweifurh or something like that - I can't make out what's on my ticket) asks me if this is my car. I say yes. The rest continues as such:

Officer: License and Car Registration please

Me: (I pull out my license and say nothing).

Officer: And registration.

Me: I'm going to go into the glove compartment. Is that ok? (I think I watch too many movies, so I'm extra careful about reaching across my car without permission. I find my car title and hand it to him.)

Officer: Do you also have the car registration?

Me: (I start getting nervous since I'm not real organized about these things. I keep checking and rummaging through oil change receipts and other garbage and eventually find what I think is the registration and hand it to him.) Is this what you're looking for?

Officer: Yes. Insurance too.

Me: (I go through my wallet and find about 4 insurance cards. Fortunately, again, I find a valid one. I hand it to him. Notice how I haven't once asked why we're here. I'm being extra polite.)

Officer: The reason I pulled you over is that you don't have a front license plate.

Me: (I think to myself... You've been behind me for 5 minutes. How could you possibly know that? And do you really have to right to pull me over for that reason alone? And why did you wait 5 minutes to pull me over? You must've been looking for another petty reason to make this worth your financial while. I explain to him the following... It's all completely true.) I recently went to Pep Boys for an oil change. While I was there I requested that they drill holes in my front bumper put my licence plate on. They said that legally they could not do that. My question to you is - How can I legally put my license plate on?

Officer: You need to figure out a way. Do you have a recent registration? (I guess my original registration isn't enough).

Me: (I start freaking out, knowing that there's not much else in that glove compartment.)

Officer: While you're looking, I'll be back. (He walks back to his car.)

Me: (I look in the little storage area between the driver and passenger seats. I find the piece of paper that the 2008 license plate sticker came from. It says "Vehicle Registration" so I figure I'm good. I wait for him as I see him writing a ticket in my rear view mirror.)

Officer: (Comes back to my car.) This is a "fix it ticket". I need your signature.

Me: What does that mean for me?

Officer: It means you need to fix your front license plate and then go to any police location to verify it.

Me: How long do I have to do it?

Officer: You have until February 14, 2008.

Me: (I figure that once I've signed it, I can ask the question that's been on my mind the entire time. So I sign and ask...) How were you able to tell that I didn't have a front license plate? You were behind me the entire time.

Officer: (I play enough poker that I can tell the question really bothered him. Something wasn't quite right. He stammered for a second and said...) I saw you earlier.

Me: (I should've just let it go. But my adrenaline was running a little.) Where were you able to see my front bumper?

Officer: (Obviously caught in a white lie and wanting to go... Besides, why did he tail me for 5 minutes? What was really going on?) On lower Genesse. Have a good day, sir. (And he leaves).

So, there you have it. I wanted to say something as he left. You know, like "Keep fighting the good fight." Or, "Thanks for keeping the streets safe." But I didn't. I made sure to put my blinker on as I pulled back into traffic. I've spent all morning really peeved about the whole thing. The guy was obviously looking for any reason to give me a big ticket. Otherwise he wouldn't have tailed me for 5 minutes.

Between this and the whole fingerprinting ordeal last week, it's kind of simple... I'm tired of being treated like a criminal. Like the rest of you, all I want is to do my job, make a living, and to go home without any trouble. It seems silly to me (in a nasty corrupt way) that we all have to deal with these non-criminal offenses on a daily basis. It isn't right. It's really sad that it goes on in this day and age. And there's nothing any of us can do about it.

Since my grandfather served on the police force for more than 30 years, I've always been very respectful of the police. I believed that the greater good they provided heavily outweighed any stories you might hear in the news. My opinion has significantly changed based on only one or two experiences. That's unfortunate for them.

On a much different and much more creepy note - I foresaw having a problem with the front license plate only 2 days ago. I've been without the plate since I got the car (as the car has no holes and is not intended to have a front plate). So the situation is nothing new. The vision struck me pretty suddenly in the evening. But I ignored it, planning on asking the dealership to take care of it next time I needed maintenance work. Looks like I'll be taking care of it before then, eh?

12/11/07 King of the Wild Frontier

Davy Crockett's great (times 10) grandson killed a 445 pound bear. Oh, and he's 5 years old. Thanks to Poker Jason for the story.

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It's the FINAL COUNTDOWN!

12/9/07 High Hopes

Well kids, I continue to be super busy and it will be that way for at least another month or so. Which means fewer and less fun entries here. So, to start of the week... A few videos to kick things off. Beginning with Pink Floyd's "High Hopes".



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Have you heard of Video Games Live? It's a full orchestra doing music to video games.

12/7/07 Being Frank Thomas

Good news, kids. Remember that goofy softball playoff that our team was in the middle of? We won. We're champions. Or so I was told over the phone last night. I felt exactly like Frank Thomas in October 2005. There's no feeling quite like being part of a team for season after season, putting together many solid performances, including some game winning efforts... only to miss the one moment where your team finally wins it all. I was told, "We have a t-shirt for you". (I guess our prize was a t-shirt). As happy as I am, I'm disappointed that I missed our big moment. So, there you have it. We're D-League champions. And I have no stories to tell since I have no idea how we won.

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Are there extra "CL's" this year? Athletes used to tear or rupture their MCL or ACL. Adrian Peterson hurt his LCL a few weeks ago. And Reggie Bush just tore his PCL. When did this happen?

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12/5/07 Prohibition

On this day in 1933, prohibition was repealed. On the subject of prohibition, Albert Einstein said: "The prestige of government has undoubtedly been lowered considerably by the Prohibition law. For nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced. It is an open secret that the dangerous increase of crime in this country is closely connected with this."

In honor of December 5th, have a drink for me.

You may have noticed that I'm tinkering with the look and feel around here. I'm still learning how to do this, so it may be funky for a while. Feedback (both good or bad) is welcome.

12/4/07 Two Burgers, One Cup

Well kids, things are going to be a little slow moving on this site for a while. But, I felt bad that I left you with the Two Girls, One Cup post for the week. So, here I am finally with some Internet access at a Panera. (Which, if you were unaware, always has free wi-fi. It's great.) I ordered a soft drink and smuggled in some In-N-Out Burger. That's about as non-law abiding as I get these days. Both by choice and because I'm fearful (more on that in a second). But I still felt like a criminal until I finished the burger. Now I just feel like a cheapskate.

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Speaking of law abiding, have you started a new job recently? Do you realize the background checks they make you go through these days? It's insane and infuriating. In the past two weeks, I've gone through a criminal history check and a credit history check. My previous 2 jobs also required a drug test. One recent place I interviewed (where I ultimately wasn't offered the job) was going to require a hair follicle drug test. They take something like 40 hairs off the crown of your head and it supposedly can tell everything you've ingested for the previous 3 months. Here's the part that bothers me the most - We live in a country where the leaders outwardly promote religion, Jesus and forgiveness. Yet, these background checks basically say quite the contrary... If you mess up, you're going to have quite a tough time making a living and supporting yourself and your family.

On my first day of work, I had to give my fingerprints (every finger) six times. SIX! I asked what would be done with them and if they'd be destroyed after my employment. (At this point I can care less if I appear paranoid.) Nobody knew. All they knew was that I had to give the prints if I wanted to work. Oh, and that the prints were going to the FBI for a more in-depth security check. The FBI?! They'll now be able to link my social security number to my fingerprints to my car to my driver's license number to my... well... everything. That is, if they didn't have a file already. It's just more complete now. Great. Thanks. It's wonderful being treated like a criminal. I don't know what bothers me more - The fact that I have to do these things or the fact that nobody really seems to understand the privacy and legal implications and that they're not half as pissed as I am.

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Now that I'm done with my thing - Some random facts:

The number of cells in the human body is around 50 trillion (estimates range from 10 - 100 trillion.) There are 20 times more bacteria in the human body than cells. And you thought 2 girls 1 cup was gross.

Oh, and for all of you that got mad at me after you watched 2 girls 1 cup. Shame on you. Shame on you for not listening to me. And for those of you still curious - Go to the last video of the post before this one. The guy explains it enough so that you'll know why.

Studies show that 10 minutes of daily boob staring prolongs a man's life by 5 years. I'm gonna live to be 150.

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From Mike who proclaims Anathallo as The Greatest Band Ever.



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This one's from the future science teacher in me who will hopefully understand what this is about someday.



Like I said, posts are going to be thin for a while. But please don't forget about me. I'll be back periodically.

12/1/07 Two Girls, One Cup

You know how I begged and pleaded with you NOT to check out 2 girls 1 cup??? Based on these reactions, you'll get an idea why.... (Seriously - you'll never be able to un-erase what you see. DO NOT GO THERE!)















Oh, you're probably wondering if I've been to the site. I watched for, honestly, 1.3 seconds before I shut the window. I couldn't take it.