12/22/04 - Sweet home Chicago

If I needed another reason to be happy about moving to Southern California, I checked the weather forecast in Chicago. After an early morning chill of below zero temperatures, it'll reach a toasty 11 degrees by midday. As for the four people in Chicago who will actually read this - I still love you guys. You're more than welcome to come stay with me for a while. Actually, three of those four people are meeting me on vacation tomorrow. So, this message is actually directed to you. Yes, you. I'm really sorry.

On that note, I am actually going on vacation starting tomorrow. So, barring some sort of super urge for me to find a computer lab and update this blog (Note: probabilty = zero), this will be the last post of 2004. I wish you all a very happy and healthy New Year. I hope that you have fond memories of 2004 and are excited for 2005. Live your life, give from the heart, and make sure that you pursue at least one of your lifelong dreams this year. And have a cheesy plate of nachos...

Peace, love, and nacho happiness,
Mark

12/21/04 The Forgotten Newsstand

ESPN has created magazine covers that never made the newsstand. My favorite is A-Rod making the cover of Oprah Magazine. There's one picture per page, so you'll have to click the link at the bottom to see the next one.

Despite not being a stoner, I still think that the Wizard of Oz synced up to Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" is pretty cool. This guy does too. He points out a whole bunch of coincidences.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

12/20/04 Hungry?

Some study has shown that when men are hungry they are attracted to heavier women. Conversely (It's been a good 12 years since I've taken a logic course, so I'm not really sure I'm using the right one), when men are full, they are attracted to thinner women. If the same holds true for women, I still might have a shot at actually finding a girl. Somewhere. Halfway across the world probably.

Speaking of women who won't talk to me - Katie Couric could be replacing Dan Rather on CBS. I had a closet crush on her, but was told by a girl I was dating that she sorta looks like an ex-girlfiend of mine, and then I really freaked out. It was bad enough having a crush on Katie Couric, and even worse admitting it. But to have a current girlfriend think that you're lusting over an ex-girlfriend isn't such a good thing. Especially one that she thinks looks like Katie Couric. So I'm being an idiot tonight and I've decided to post that tidbit of personal information on my blog for the whole world to see and make fun of. Which is probably my biggest mistake of all.

And finally, from the "That would have been good to know TEN YEARS AGO!" department - "Mobile Phone Radiation Harms DNA, New Study Finds"

12/19/04 End of Year Lists

When I was a kid, one of my favorite things about the end of the year was the reviews you could see on every channel. You know, the top events, the top songs, the top whatever. To this day, I still get stuck watching those types of countdowns. Which is really sad when I get stuck for 5 hours watching the top 100 hair bands of all time. So, without further ado, here are the top 25 most annoying newsmakers of the last year.

I'm not really sure why I'm writing about this. Perhaps it's because I'm consider going back into academics. But this article is about the relationship between growing a beard and being a professor.

Sometimes, I'm amazed that I'm still unemployed. I thought that I might have a skill or two that might be useful. But then I see my competition, and it all seems to make sense.

12/18/04 The Theory of Everything

So you want to know everything. Nova tries to explain String Theory in about 15 paragraphs.

I really can't explain this. I just can't. There are no words that can adequately describe what the hell this is.

The Sports Guy is at it again. He's answering emails. For example:
Q: Can you think of a better sitcom idea than "My Two Dads"? Your mom's dead and she was such a slut, we don't know who your real father is. --Charlie Triemert, St. Paul, MN

While we're on the topic of sports, some writer for MSNBC has an interesting take on the steroid issue.

I ran across a blog dedicated to visual illusions. So instead of sending me gigantic emails with these pictures, they'll all here.

12/17/04 Top Ten Ways to Make a Kid Cry

Seeing as though we're coming up on the holiday season, I know of at least one loyal reader who will appreciate the Top Ten ways to make a 4-year old cry.

I also ran across a meal that will make you live 6 years longer. But it'll give you even more gas than you already have.

And finally, for the musically inclined - Make your own Christmas Carol.

12/16/04 Hasidic Reggae Superstar

Thanks to RPS Dave for sending a movie of the Hasidic Reggae Rapper. It's a big file, so it'll take a couple of minutes to load up. Matisyahu's website also has tour dates.

The spoiled brats of baseball look like they're getting everything on their wishlist once again. The Yankees look to be picking up the gem of pitchers, Randy Johnson, in a 3-way deal. Steinbrenner overheard saying, "It finally took a three-way for us to grasp the Big Unit, but now that we have Johnson, our holes are filled".

Pop quiz hotshot. What do Randy Johnson and I have in common? No, it's not that we're two of the ugliest men west of the Mississippi. And it's not that he's called the big unit and I have a, uh, nevermind... The answer is that talks with a potential future employer that once seemed dead are no longer dead. Randy continues talks with the Yankees after a week or two of seemingly nothing. And Google has once again contacted me for another position. Again, say your prayers and send your good vibes. I'm hoping Kiddie Santa comes through for a nice half Jewish boy this year.

12/15/04 Trends for the New Year

RedHerring.com offers up the top 10 trends for 2005.

If you're a conspiracy theory kinda person, you'll probably find this article very interesting. Jimmy Walter has spent nearly $3 million, or 30% of his net worth, to prove that the September 11th attacks were a government conspiracy. He is offering $100,000 to anyone who can prove that the Twin Towers fell the way that the government says - With the planes only (no explosives involved). Next month he's offering another prize to the best alternative theory with 100 runner up prizes.

And I know this story is a couple of days old, but this guy seems pretty cool. Richard Dorsay lived under a drawbridge on Lake Shore Drive for a few years. He tapped into the city's power supply and had a TV, microwave, heater and a PlayStation.

In other news, Blockbuster is eliminating late fees next year.

My brother (aka "The Nacho Expert") sent me a link to this guy who has a webcam on his Christmas lights. He has 17,000 lights. The kicker is that you can control his lights from this webpage and turn them on and off.

12/14/04 Slingshot Santa

In the spirit of Spear Toss, I present Slingshot Santa. I had one monster toss and I can't remember if it was 343 or 348. Either way, I challenge you to beat those scores and post them here. Just like Spear Toss, it takes a few tries to get the hang of it.

In the spirit of the 80's, I present Old School Commercials. I completely forgot about the annoying Encyclopedia Britannica kid. And I was always a big fan of the Crispy Critters singing dinosaur, alien thing. What ever happened to Bonkers candy? Those things ruled.

In the spirit of Chanukkah, I present a Jewish Miracle.

In the spirit of too much free time, I present the George W. Bush lego mosaic.

12/13/04 Nuclear Power

I've always been an advocate of using Nuclear Power. It's probably because I was brainwashed by Professor David Ruzic who taught Nuclear Engineering at the University of Illinois. I'm obviously joking - his class is by far the most memorable of my college years. PBS has an interactive page answering the question "Why do Americans fear nuclear power?"

I learned that "Santa Claus" in Spanish is "Nino Dios" (put the ~ over the n). Or kiddie god??? As usual, ex-business student Patty has done her job and confused me. She told me to ask kiddie god for a job for Christmas. Hey, it can't be worse than anything else I've tried.

And here are the absolute worst greeting cards ever.

12/12/04 Scientology

I was driving through an area last night full of scientologists. I really didn't realize it until I crossed L. Ron Hubbard Way. As a kid I thought his name was "Elron Hubbard". Obviously it's not. Something that's also fairly obvious is that his first name must be pretty heinous to not use it.

MSNBC has listed its top 10 movies of the year. I've seen one. Harry Potter. I am so friggin' uncultured.

12/11/04 You're So Money

I didn't learn a lot today. I learned that The Dresden Restaurant was in Swingers. Thanks to Adam, Scott, and Dave for bringing me there and showing me around Hollywood.

Also, look for Dave in a new Bud Light commercial. He's the guy with the shock collar cuz he's addicted to Bud Light. Some might call it alcoholism, but for Anheuser Busch, it's marketing.

12/10/04 Dirty Sanchez

FINALLY! A Dirty Sanchez T-Shirt.

The movie trailer for "The War of the Worlds " is now out on IFilm. This could possibly be Spielberg's finest film since "The Goonies".

I really never knew why people didn't like Joey Gladstone. Well, someone came up with 10 reasons to hate Joey Gladstone. So, uh, yeah.

This is pretty friggin' sweet illusion. You really have to download the video to get the full effect.

12/9/04 R.I.P. Dimebag Darrell

I'll admit it. I grew up listening to Pantera during my teenage years. And I'm honestly bummed out about the shooting of "Dimebag" Darrell. This is my personal Kurt Cobain / John Lennon / pick your favorite musician who tragically died. I feel the same way about him as I did when I heard that Lane Staley of "Alice in Chains" had died in his apartment. "Dimebag" Darrell has always been considered one of the top guitarists of our generation. Listening to stations play a lot of Pantera's music today made me a little weepy. Rest in Peace, Darrell. Thank you for the music and the memories.

I found a page full of T-Shirts that really made me laugh. If you're not faint of heart, check out T-Shirt Hell.

If you ever have problems with the police, here is a list of your rights and things to do. I guess it's never a bad thing to be too prepared.

I have been sorta, unofficially rejected for the position at Google that I was so hopeful to get for the past couple of weeks. I won't go into the details until I find out for sure. Needless to say, I am very disappointed - I was really looking forward to the opportunity. I want to send a big thank you out to Google Nicki in Toronto for getting this process started.

12/8/04 Ho Ho Ho

It appears that I'm moving along with the "ho" theme. A big thanks to RPS Dave for sending a link to Santarchy. Apparently you have to check this site to find a lodge where you can participate.

It has been one of those "Good news, bad news" kind of days.
Good News - The interviews at Google were overall very positive.
Bad News - Apparently I'm infertile.
Good News - Professor is studying the word "dude". Google Nicki thinks that ex-roomie Mike and I started the craze in the late 90's.
Bad News - Radiohead's "Creep" has now been animated for office life. Ok, it's not bad news, so...
REALLY BAD NEWS - Dimebag Darrell, former guitarist of Pantera, was shot and killed on stage while performing in Columbus, Ohio. He was one of the most talented guitarists I have ever listened to. It feels a little ironic that Mike and I were talking today about how we miss listening to Pantera's "Cemetery Gates".

12/7/04 What is a Ho?

This is probably my favorite Ken Jennings moment.

Wish me luck on my interview tomorrow. Or shall I say, 6 consective interviews with Google.

Any up for Jesus comics?

I have no idea where I find this stuff. But here's an 'R' Rated IM conversation that made me laugh.

12/6/04 Yaaargh, Pirate Haikus

Someone went through a whole lot of trouble to make this little animation with pirate haikus.

More gift ideas - No anal stuff this time - This one if for your psycho, nuts friend... Give him the gift of a kidnapping.

I know I've been touting Yahoo's Launchcast for months now. But I don't know if anyone who has tried it has turned back. If you're nice to me, I'll let you check out my station.

In the Good News of the month, NachosRule.com got a very kind email from ChipRitter.com. Chip is such a fan of nachos, that he wrote a drum solo called "Nachos Rule!". Check it out on his webpage.... And to Chip, I'll be in touch soon. Thanks so much for the kind words!

12/5/04 404 Error

I had a long, pretty impressive entry already written for 12/5, but it somehow got erased. Normally I'd, uh, offer up opportunities for improvement, but Blogger is owned by Google. And I just made it to the next round of interviews with them. So, instead, I'll sing my praises for how Google is bringing absurd amounts of information to the masses.

Probably the most important thing I wrote about was that one of my best friends from my 3rd grade class somehow found me on the internet. I saw that someone had linked to NachosRule.com, and so my curiosity got the best of me. You have to realize that most every person that visits this website is either a regular visitor that just types in the name or someone searching on "nachos" and are generally really disappointed.

Long story short, Kyle's website is www.humancartoon.com. All I can say is that even in 3rd grade, Kyle was a very talented artist, and impressed people with his creativity. I'm thrilled to see that he's continued on with his passions. I strongly urge you to check out his work - he's in a rare league of talented individuals.

I think I also posted this wedding at TheKnot.com.

If I happen to remember some of the other facts I learned, I'll post them some other time.

12/4/04 Roid Rage

ESPN has kindly posted a photo gallery of Barry Bonds from with 18 pictures 1988 to 2004. It's like he went from a Ricky Henderson physique to The Rock from 1995 to 1999.

I gotta give this dude some credit - he's pretty talented. He must have been real popular in the 80s. Either that, or he lives in mullet town.

Are you looking for a holiday deal? I thought so. Pricenoia searches Amazon's sites across the world and compares prices (including international shipping) to find you the best deal.

I found a pretty neat music video type thing on Ian Rhett's website - He wrote a song called "UnAmerican" and put together a video to go along with his song. As a fellow amateur musician, I urge everyone to check out his site and his music.

12/3/04 Young lady, what do you want to be when you grow up?

It only took my 3 days this month to realize I didn't change the date on my watch on "November 31st". I think last time that happened, it took me until about October 11th or so.

Does anyone else want to go to Cooter Fest?

Here's a sports stat from my dad -
"You know that every year since 1995 ... when the Bulls have won at least one game on their west coast trip ... they have won the championship ..."
Followed by - "Something to hope for ..."
Hey, at least we've got the Illini.

Here's another time wasting game just in time for the holidays - Crazy Sleigh 2

From the "Protecting yourself from yourself" files: A cell phone that prevents you from drunk dialing anyone.

12/2/04 Outfoxed

I came across www.outfoxed.org last night. Its purpose is to inform the public about the agendas of the media. A former FCC attorney puts it best in this video clip - Why you should care. The whole premise behind this page is that a few large corporations, run by an elite few, control what you hear on the radio when you wake up, what you watch on TV over breakfast, what you hear in your car on the way to work, and so on and so forth. If you click on "Clips", there are interviews with people who worked at Fox and they are now speaking out about the hidden agendas that they were given. And many of them feel like they lost their journalistic integrity once they started working for Fox.

In the m0re upbeat section for today, Lycos has unveiled a screensaver that will bombard spammers' IPs, as to eat up their bandwidth. The hope is that millions of people will download the screensaver in order for it to be effective.

And finally, the debate rages on... Pop vs. Soda. Check it out - it's a pretty hardcore study.

For my deep thought of the year - Bluegrasss music is like acoutic metal. Which is why, despite its stigma, it rocks.

12/1/04 We know why you fly

Happy December! I hope that either you enjoy the winter and snow (cuz it's here) or you managed to escape somewhere warmer.

Have you ever seen those "We know why you fly" commercials for American Airlines? I'll tell you why I fly - Cuz there's no other way to get where I'm going in less than 4 days. And if there were, I'd be using it. My story from yesterday goes as such. My dad's driving me to the airport, and due to the rain and slush and rush hour, traffic's pretty bad. We finally arrive at the airport just after 6pm for my 6:51 flight. By the time I swipe my card in one of those kiosks, it's 6:14 or so. I receive a notice that I needed to check in 40 minutes prior to my flight. Ok, I'm 37 minutes prior, but the flight's delayed at least 10 minutes already. So I'm really 47 minutes prior.

So I go to the quick line (I'm still a Gold Member or whatever from business travel last year), and they tell me that I can't board my flight because I was 3 minutes late. I begged to differ that I was actually 7 minutes early. She assures me that there's no way my bags will make the flight and prints me a standby ticket for the next and last flight, put tags on my bags and sent me on my way. I had a beer and a chicken sandwich thing to pass the time at O'Hare's Chili's. After the plane boards, this ticket agent lady looks at me. I let her know that I'm waiting for standby. The fortunate part is that I got on the plane and made it back safely.

Now, we're the last plane to land, and I walk to baggage claim. Guess what? My bags were already there. In the open. With a big piece of paper with my name written on them. Early. From a prior flight. The flight they wouldn't let me on because my bags wouldn't make it on board in time. How come this doesn't make their "We Know Why You Fly" campaign? And all I could think at that moment, at something like 1am Chicago time was, "If hate were people, I'd be China".

I guess what I learned is that I don't regret for a second quitting my 100% travel job. And that as old as I get, there's just not enough patience in my being to be lied to like the ticket agent did. On the bright side, I'm back, it's sunny, and today's a new day.

Oh, and I discovered "Cafe Ruba" in Costa Mesa, which has free internet. And lots of people who don't work hang out there to drink coffee and talk about genital piercings and lesbianism. At least that's what I overheard before I put my headphones on.