11/27/06 What a Twist

It's no secret that flying is one of my least favorite things to do. Nothing about the experience is pleasant. My new favorite thing to complain about is the dehydration. But that's a bitch session for another day. Today, I intentionally chose the seat in the furthest back corner. It's one of the last seats chosen. Which gives you the slight chance that nobody will be sitting next to you. I'm risking my secret here, but it also means that nobody will be behind you, including crying and kicking kids.

Now for the question - What could possibly be worse than a cross country flight? Answer - A cross country flight where the in-flight movie is "Lady in the Water". Now, let's rewind to the first 10 minutes in the plane. Recently while flying, I've tried to say hello to my plane neighbors as they sit down. Not only because we're going to be sharing air and space for the next 4 hours. But there's something really awkward about ignoring your elbow buddy, exchanging glances every time one of you moves. So, my middle seat neighbor to my left makes some small talk for a few minutes. We get as far as talking about where we went for Thanksgiving, and opening the airline magazine (on a side note, the flight attendants were psyched that the new "Hemispheres" just came out) to check the in-flight entertainment. And, we've already established that the movie was probably the worst received movie of the year.

At this point, the air is flowing through the cabin and I start to feel sleepy and tranquil (Is anyone else convinced that they pump some sort of sedative throughout the cabin right before takeoff?) And I make a typical lame joke along the lines of "What's the only thing worse than being stuck in the back of a plane for 4 hours? Being stuck in the back of a plane watching "Lady in the Water". (Just to clarify, I failed to mention that my neighbor is somewhere around my age, female, and pretty cute. And possibly lives near me if she's flying to the same destination). So, at this point, I put on my music, do my sudoku and try to convince myself that I'm not completely socially retarded. It got so bad that I thought to myself, "Hmm. If I do this sudoku puzzle really fast, maybe she'll notice and be really impressed." Chicks dig sudoku, right? C'mon - at least humor me for the sake of the story.

Twenty minutes or so go by. I get an elbow to the arm. After I realize that it was intentional, I look up. She motions to the movie and asks, "Are you gonna watch it?". I think to myself, "Didn't we just talk about how bad it's supposed to be?" She says, "We can talk about how bad it is afterwards." So, I pose a follow up question to you. What's worse than a cross country flight where the in-flight movie is "Lady in the Water"? Answer - Deciding to watch "Lady in the Water" because the cute girl next to you subtly persuades you to.

There's really not a whole lot else to the story. The movie blew, as expected. I did about 47 sudoku puzzles. My ass bone hurts. And I'm back home safe.

---------

On a completely different topic - The top 100 TV Land catchphrases.

---------

One of the "games" I played over Thanksgiving turned into a "self improvement" exercise. Somehow I got into a conversation about those things that we say we're going to learn and we never do. So, in a group of friends that I tend to see every Thanksgiving, we all decided on something that we would learn to do over the next year and we would hold each other accountable. Since I've already failed to learn to juggle 5 balls, I decided on something a bit easier. I want to learn to play the bagpipes. Here is where you come in. I don't know where to buy bagpipes. Nor do I know much about them. Any help here? (I also decided to learn to drive stick shift - so if you have a beater car you don't mind me practicing on... you know...)