6/22/05 This is CNN

I wish I had the cool James Earl Jones voice. I'd bust out "This is CNN" at least once a day. I'd probably save "Luke, I am your father" for parties and other special occasions. And only when I was feeling saucy would I go into,

"Ray, people will come Ray. They'll come to Iowa for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn up your driveway not knowing for sure why they're doing it. They'll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past. Of course, we won't mind if you look around, you'll say. It's only $20 per person. They'll pass over the money without even thinking about it: for it is money they have and peace they lack. And they'll walk out to the bleachers; sit in shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon. They'll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the baselines, where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes. And they'll watch the game and it'll be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they'll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come Ray. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh... people will come Ray. People will most definitely come."

My original point? Oh yeah. I found some absurb articles online today. And the common thread is... They all came from CNN.com.

1) Experts predict oil prices to rise, fall or stay the same. Thanks for the heads-up, asshats.
2) Likelihood of a WMD attack in the next 10 years - 70%. Likelihood that this stat was pulled out of an ass - 100%
3) You can now learn a language in flight instead of watching a movie. You probably thought I was going to use the word "ass" again and insult the article, right? Gotcha. That's actually a real cool idea and makes you wonder why nobody thought of it years ago. Way to go, CNN.

Time Magazine (also affiliated with CNN) lists its 50 coolest websites of 2005. Uh, NachosRule.com must have been like 51st, er something.