Monday, April 23, 2007

4/23/07 And Other Random Stuff

(Photo is from PostSecret, courtesy of No-longer Neighbor Natalie)

Some random thoughts:

  • I want to date a woman who plays a lot of poker. Then, the first time we're about to, uh, "get intimate", I'll look deep into her eyes and say, "Baby... This is your Degree all in moment". If she sticks around after that, she's definitely a keeper.
  • Speaking of procreation, I bought some plums yesterday. Only, when I pulled one out to eat it yesterday, the stickers on each one said "pluot". Pluot? What the hell's a pluot? Is that a brand? Or did a plum really bone an apricot? And how do plants bone without visible genitalia? Turns out, it really is a plum/apricot hybrid. But it looks just like a plum. So, just a suggestion here... the apricot may want to go on Springer and get a paternity test. Then again, maybe not. Because I'm going to eat its children either way.

  • Target seems like a good place to meet women. Even before you introduce yourself, you can learn a lot about them just by watching them shop. For example, I saw an attractive young lady walk into the cavernous aisle of toilet paper. She walked out with the bargain, 1-ply, swish-around-the-poop-without-getting-all-of-it and risk-poking-your-fingers-through brand. Rule #793 when it comes to dating: (Write these words of wisdom down kids)... "If she doesn't care enough about her butthole, she won't care enough about you either."

  • My friend mentioned the Lionel Richie "Hello" video today. (If I remember, I'll tell you why later this week). And it reminded me of my favorite Starburst commercial.
  • Out of Rolling Stone's top ten songs on their 500 Greatest Songs of All Time, I really don't like half of them.


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