5/31/05 Store Wars

My dad sends a cute movie called Grocery Store Wars. It's obviously a parody of Star Wars, but done in such a way that it is actually educational and points out the benefits of organic foods.

The Cannes Film Festival once again only shows the cream of the crop from the film industry. This movie, for example, has the classic line, "You poop into my butthole, I poop into your butthole, back and forth forever".

Last week I caught 2 White Sox games while they were here in Anaheim. My friend and I were discussing which current players will make the Hall of Fame. Since I'm lacking in good internet links lately, I'm going to make my pitch for one of my favorite players. Here goes...

I'm a big fan of Frank Thomas. Always have been. I think he's earned a spot in the Hall of Fame, regardless of what he accomplishes the rest of his career. You can fault him for his lack of defense and his team's inability to win a World Series. But I think the following statement says everything he needs in his favor - "He is just one of 10 players in Major League history with a .300 average, 400 home runs, 1,000 RBIs, 1,000 runs scored and 1,000 walks." He's actually a career .308 hitter with 1451 walks, 2113 hits, 1439 RBIs and a .996 OPS (On base percentage plus Slugging percentage, which is what most scouts use to determine player productivity as a hitter). Compare that to Sammy Sosa, who many would say is a shoe-in for the Hall of Fame - Sammy Sosa has struck out nearly twice as many times in his as Frank. 2131 to 1134. Frank Thomas ranks 10th all-time in OPS and 4th among active players (behind Barry Bonds, Todd Helton and Manny Ramirez). Also on the list are Babe Ruth, Ted Williams, Lou Gehrig, Jimmie Foxx, Hank Greenberg and Rogers Hornsby. Not bad company. Interestingly enough, the top 5 names on the list are all lefties. Hmmm... And where does "shoe-in" Sammy rank? Sixty-fifth. To say Frank Thomas is "on the bubble" or that "he has to hit 500 career homeruns" is insulting. He is in an elite group of hitters, feared by pitchers and admired by players, managers and fans alike. The numbers don't lie. Frank deserves to be a first ballot Hall of Famer. I am now stepping down from my soapbox.

5/27/05 Die Wagenschenke

I think that's German for "Get the drunk guy home". Thanks to Bachelor Party Bob for this game. Just move your mouse back and forth to keep the guy from falling down. My high score is 75.

An homage to Richard Simmons.

I'm a big fan of learning new things. Which explains this blog I've kept now for over 3 years. But on rare occasion, I'm not real happy when I learn something new. In fact, I somehow wish I could erase the fact or image from my memory. But it's forever implanted in my brain. That's the case when I learned about Drunken Tengu. It's something I really never cared to know, but now I can't forget.

Half of Milli Vanilli is trying to make a comeback. Yes, the alive half.

Amnesty International has named its top human rights offender. Sorry, North Korea and Iran - maybe next year.

5/26/05 WNBC

You know how radio stations have their own little jingles? Like when Howard Stern had to learn to say "W NNNNN B C". They're usually short, cute, to the point. A lot of times there' s a little song to them, like "Mix 101.9". (Sorry, I haven't learned how to portray music while I write in text. If you live in Chicago, you know what I mean.) Anyhoo... The whole point of this rant has to do with KOLA 99.9 FM. WNBC? 4 syllables. Mix 101.9? 6 syllables. Short. Cute. To the point. KOLA's jingle? "KOLA 99.9. K-O-L-A. San Bernadino!". 16 syllables. Too much. It's like their jingle has enough notes for 10 syllables and they cram in 16 really fast. It doesn't work. KOLA - If you need some help, I'm offering my services. Free of charge. We can come up with a more appropriate jingle if you'd like.

On to the facts and fun stuff...

You've seen Stars Wars. You've probably seen most, if not all of the sequels and prequels. But have you seen Star Wars in ASCII format?

I found a map. It says it's got something to do with buried treasure.

Finally some good news about hackers... Vigilante hackers are striking back at fraud sites by defacing them.

There's a sweet ass theater near where I work. I just found out about it today. Every Wednesday they play a classic movie. Wednesday June 8th... Spielberg's finest work to date.

Ok, I know this is a long post. But there's a cartoon in need to share. It's called Hay Fever (you'll need to install ESPN Motion, I think - It's a painless, no-reboot-required install). If you're a guy, you should be able to relate. Which also brings me to the question of the day. Which movie/movies make you teary eyed? For me it's the same movie in the Hay Fever clip. And "ET" made me upset when I was 4 or 5 years old and I saw it in the theater.

5/25/05 The Contender

My roommate is a huge Contender fan. She has had veto power every Sunday night from 8:00 - 9:00 pm for the past two months. If I want to watch TV during that time, I'm watching The Contender. If you're real keen and observant, that means that I've given up "The Simpsons" for 8 weeks now. Ok, 7 weeks, "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones was on this past Sunday. Needless to say, like anyone who starts watching one of those reality TV elimination type shows, I had to watch the 2 hour finale last night. ESPN's The Sports Guy kept a running tab on the show last night. If you saw the finale, you'll find lots of humor in his jabs at Sly Stallone.

While watching Sports Center last night there was an ad for the 2005 National Spelling Bee. It will air June 2nd. As The Sports Guy puts it, there is nothing higher on the "unintentional comedy scale" as that spelling bee. Can somebody TiVo it for me? I'll be at work when it's on.

One more sports post. But this one comes from SI. They have an interesting article on the Poker Phenomenon sweeping the country.

Have you seen the video of the bus fight? Check out the link... As a bonus, the video is not only of the fight, but it's presented by Katie Couric.

And finally, science fact of the day. As Voyager (launched in 1977) exists the bounds of our solar system, its course is off by about the distance of the earth to the moon. For 11 years now scientists have been trying to figure out this gravity problem. Possible reasons for the miscalculation range from malfunction to dark matter to misunderstandings of the fundamentals of how gravity works (possibly in extra dimensions, as theorized in string theory).

Logic Puzzle Alert part II

This logic puzzle is pretty tough. But once you figure it out, it will seem pretty obvious. "Only the real smart can see within the words, a pattern. Something will appear very vividly before your eyes when you concentrate on this seemingly senseless words." Answer will be posted in 48 hours if nobody else posts it first...

Arranging the following in their correct order -
Which is the first one ?

a) the canine teeth
b) I'll take half our share
c) Welcome the honeymoon couple
d) This event is remarkable
e) I often go for a walk
f) Johnny does fretwork
g) On the level, even I wouldn't go
h) I, myself, I've taken it
i) They were both re-educated at college
j) A weighty affair

Ok, the nacho expert got on my case for not giving the answer. It's now pretty much obvious. If you still can't figure it out, well, I'm not sure what to say.

5/24/05 Chicago Baseball

Drunk fans outside of Wrigley Field after a Cubs game? Surely you jest! In a sign of the times, three Chicago baseball fans assaulted an off-duty police officer Sunday after the Cubs vs. White Sox cross town classic. Yup, you read it right - The guy who got beat up was wearing a Red Sox jersey. Wrong team, boys... In case you were too drunk to remember, our teams haven't won a World Series in a combined 185 years.

Logic Puzzle Alert!

Ok, if you're bored at work or school or whatever, I've decided to post a little bonus puzzle for today....

Anita, Brunhilde, Claudia, Daniela, Ella, and Frida are good friends who love to argue over the time of day!

Here they are again arguing mischieviously over what day of the week it is:

Anita: The day before yesterday was friday or Saturday
Brunhilde: No, you are wrong, today is Saturday
Claudia: No today is not Saturday, Nor is it Sunday or Monday
Daniela: The day after tomorrow is Tuesday
Ella: Tomorrow cannot be Friday or Saturday
Frida: Tomorrow is Friday

Only one of their statements is true. Can you determine which day of the week it is?

If nobody posts the answers in the comments section, I'll post it within 48 hours.

5/23/05 Google Content Blocker

My dad once again sends a NachosRule-worthy link. Today, it's to Google Content Blocker.

And, in case you didn't get the sarcastic tone of that article, things might still be ok for you... Scientists have located "sarcasm" parts of the brain.

Speaking of the brain (notice how my facts all have transitions so far), scientists predict that by 2050 your entire brain will be able to be downloaded. (Insert your own Paris Hilton joke here).

While we're discussing top minds (this transition is weak, I admit), the world's most powerful laser is being built. Chris Knight and Mitch Taylor surrender.

I'm transition-less for this last fact (please feel free to come up with your own transition from Real Genius to Bobby Brown). In a stunning and disgusting turn of events, two members of Bobby Brown entourage were stabbed. Obviously, the stunning and disgusting part is that Bobby Brown actually has an entourage.

5/22/05 The Sith Sense

Challenge Darth Vader to a game of 20 questions.

After nearly 2 months, I have my laptop back. It's fixed, it's fine and it's home. This means that I can get back to posting on an everyday basis. Which brings me to another subject... I really want to thank the people who read this blog on a regular basis. Last month was the first time we had more than 3,000 pageviews on Nachosrule.com. That's an average of 100 per day or so. It looks like we'll probably crack 3,000 again this month. It's flattering to know that such a rinky-dink website can generate so much regular traffic. So, thanks again...

I love contradicting scientific research. The latest and greatest - Sunshine may prevent cancer. Which reminds me of one of many great Lewis Black quotes - "You ever read the ingredients in sunblock? I've never seen those words anywhere! You don't even know what your putting on your face, do ya? You go "oh no the suns out ohh ohh ohh!!" It could be zebra cum! You don't know!!"

In case you've noticed my "off" sense of humor, it runs in the family. My dad sends a video of Farting Saucers.

5/20/05 Cross Town Classic

It's the time of year again... Interleague Play has begun. The big story on Sport Illustrated's website is "Whose Curse is Worse?". While it may not be clear which Chicago team has it worse, they both seem to be proud of their own curse. "Hey why don't I just got and eat some hay. I can lay by the bay, make things out of clay, I just may, what'd ya say?" I realized that I just wrote a rhyming sentence and was making fun of myself just then. Bonus points if you can name the movie...

While I'm on the subject, SI also has the 10 Greatest characters in Chicago Baseball History. Sadly, Ronnie Woo Woo made the list.

Paula Abdul's half Jewish. Pete Sampras is too.

As a kid I remember watching a video called "Powers of Ten". It starts with a guy lying in a field and zooms out by powers of ten. At some point, you're outside of the galaxy and the video goes into reverse. Soon enough you end up inside the guy's cells. It was a powerful video when I was a kid. Turns out, I'm not the only person who was influenced by this video. The big difference between me and the guy in the article is that the guy in the article is actually doing something interesting and productive with his life. I, on the other hand, well, am pretty much a worthless pile of cow dung in comparison. The video looked like this but way cooler. For $25 you can buy the cool video.

5/19/05 Blog Comments

About every couple months or so, somebody actually takes this blog seriously and posts a well thought out comment. For the first time in about a week, I received a notice that somebody left a comment. Much to my surprise, it was for a post more than a month ago (4/14/05). Also to my surprise, it focuses on IBM and the Holocaust. A big thanks to Richard for his post and insight into a subject which I have very limited knowledge.

The 100 best dumping lines ever. And by dumping, I mean it in terms of breaking up. Not, uh, in dropping a deuce terms. Although, now that I bring it up, a list of the top 100 dump quotes wouldn't be such a bad idea.

I'm no genius, but I'd estimate that about 1,700 items were stolen?

All I can say is, keep clicking. I have no idea why, but it will bring you somewhere new. It's like being Alice.

5/18/05 Hi Ho, Hi Ho

Poker Jason told me about this article before I was able to open my email and read it. For all of the random information I post on this blog, this is definitely very high on the random scale. In a nutshell, Yang Sihamoni stated that his group of 42 midgets will "... take on anything; man, beast, or machine." Well, the challenge became one lion vs. 42 midgets. Did it happen? Of course it did...
"The Cambodian Government allowed the fight to take place, under the condition that they receive a 50% commission on each ticket sold, and that no cameras would be allowed in the arena. The fight was called in only 12 minutes, after which 28 fighters were declared dead, while the other 14 suffered severe injuries including broken bones and lost limbs, rendering them unable to fight back."

Ninja Respect Month and Pirate Pride Week overlapped last week.

I've found the hardest question to answer. Ready for it? DeNiro or Pacino? You'll have to go to the 4th or 5th page to find the answer. (I'd recommend reading the first 4 pages though - good stuff).

Morning to do list - Shower, eat breakfast, get dressed (not necessarily in that order), listen to traffic report, check today's probability of experiencing an earthquake. If you have some extra time to kill, you can also check out recent earthquakes in your area.

5/17/05 The Advantage

A number of months ago I was introduced to a band called "The Advantage". They play songs that are remakes of original Nintendo game theme songs. Like Megaman, Zelda, Ghosts N' Goblins, and my favorite, Goonies 2. If you scroll down on the link above you can listen to 30 second clips of each.

My manager sent out a link to Despair.com this morning. I hadn't checked out that site in quite a while and they have some great new demotivators. Some of my favorites are..

• Get To Work - You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.
• Meetings - None of us is as dumb as all of us.
• Incompetence - When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do.
• Planning - Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress.
• Motivation - If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.

I learned a new baseball stat today. "Winningest Pitcher Alive". The title now goes to Roger Clemens with 330 career victories. Warren Spahn held the title from 1961 - 2003. Upon his death, Steve Carlton took over the title with 329 career victories. The article also goes onto mention the "Greatest Hitter Alive" among other "Alive" categories.

5/16/05 New World Order

Every webpage I came across today seemed to have a common theme. And that theme is "reasons I distrust and generally dislike the government". Let's take a look at what I'm talking about....

• 65,000 Americans were secretly sterilized by the government without their knowledge during the 20th century. "From the early 1900s to the 1970s, some 65,000 men and women were sterilized in this country, many without their knowledge, as part of a government eugenics program to keep so-called undesirables from reproducing.
• A chronology of US war crimes and torture
• Have you heard of the Skull & Bones Society? I've read about it in passing but don't know a whole lot about the validity of anything I've read. From what I understand, it's the elite of the elite at Yale University - A group of 15 hand picked seniors - that have become the decision and policy makers of our country for over 100 years. From Taft to Rockefeller to J.P. Morgan to Pillsbury to Bush Sr. to Bush Jr. to even John Kerry - they have all been directly involved. Here's a second link for your paranoid reading pleasure. Lemme know if you have better sources cuz this is interesting...

Whenever I have a serious topic, I try to end on a light note. So today you can see what it would look like to travel at the speed of light (thanks to a computer simulation).

5/13/05 Question of the Day

A few months ago I was posting a question of the day. That was sort of fun while it lasted. This morning at work my team started talking about comedy movies. And we've been given the task to list our favorite 5 comedy movies of all time. My manager said his top two were definitely "What About Bob?" and "Groundhog Day". Obviously a big Bill Murray fan. Post yours here under the comments section - I'll post mine later...

In the news today (sent by Cousin Eric) - A 12 year old girl stabbed a 12 year old boy at my Junior High School. If you were wondering why I'm so bad ass, it's cuz I grew up in a rough area.

Fugly is in the dictionary. Who knew?

Can you tell the difference between a condiment and splooge? You don't have to play if you don't want to. I didn't.

5/12/05 I'm Rick James, Bitch

Dave Chappelle has probably heard that everyday for two years now. You'd think that would drive him crazy.... You're right.

Mensa approved games.

That's all I've got today... Happy Birthday, Nacho Expert!

5/11/05 Designer Jeans

Every so often I remember to check The Best of Craigslist. Today I read about designer jeans.

The Gallon Challenge - I've always sort of wanted to try this.

The runaway bride. On EBay.

Be sure to wish "The Nacho Expert" a happy quarter century tomorrow...

5/10/05 Early Retirement

When I was out of work recently, small talk was sort of difficult. So whenever somebody would ask me, "What do you do?", I'd say I was retired. Turns out, I'm not the only one who enjoyed an early retirement. This article hit a little too close to home for me...

The age old question - Is Paris Hilton really that dumb? Read CNN's interview with Paris and determine for yourself.

You found bigfoot? Come on!

Probably the most useful site I've come across in a long time.

Try this game. It's way harder than it looks. I got maybe 10 and quit.

From the hella-cool category, you can play Boggle online with others. From the hella-uncool category, I pretty much suck at Boggle and now realize I have the vocabulary of a 6 year old.

5/9/05 Pink Flamingos

My first IM of my crusty-eyed Monday morning was from Google Nicki. The conversation in its entirety went like this. (Notice how we skip the "Hi, how's it going?" type formalities).

Nicki: Flamingos are pink because they eat shrimp
Me: What color are they otherwise?
Nicki: Gray
Me: How do you know this?
Nicki: Snapple Fact #11

End of conversation. So by 9:30 am, I had already learned something new. Thanks again, Nicki.

Do your best Neil Peart impression on this virtual drumkit. If you don't know who Neil Peart is, it's your homework to find out. Nobody should go through life without knowing Neil and his work.

Tired of cops in your town? Check out the Speedtrap Exchange.

5/6/05 Which is Worse?

Which is Worse? (Not for the squeamish)

A site of Great Facts that's way my interesting than my generally lame facts.

Some guy on a soapbox.

My family once dominated El Yunque. Yup, we're awesome.

Once again I'm computer-less for the weekend. Which means no updates 'til Monday. So until then, have a great No Pants Day and a wonderful Mother's Day. Just make sure to put your pants back on before you hang out with your mom.

And for those of you who are following my Powerball prowess, I've cracked 12,200 RPM recently. And while I may never break the world record of over 15,500, I think I have a shot at the top 100 board. Number 100 sits at 13,700 or so.

5/5/05 El Cinco de Mayo

Once again the site is getting a whole lot more hits than usual. And once again, I have put very little on the page that anyone is probably looking for. Shame on me. So, the only thing I can post that's worthwhile is that I plan on being at Sharkeez on the peninsula tonight to celebrate a holiday that nobody in Mexico really celebrates. See what a little clever marketing from Corona and Cuervo can do to us?

Thanks to my dad for sending some all important Rock Paper Scissors information.

It's not a tumor!

When teaching your kid how to hit a baseball, throw the ball harder. Here's the science.

Hawk Harrelson will be absent from the White Sox booth for 8 games while he has surgery on his detatched retina. Sitting in for him will be Robin Ventura and "The Pope" Don Pall.

And I almost forgot - Tomorrow is No Pants Day.

5/4/05 Freeway Shootings

Freeway shootings have become so commonplace in Southern California that, after the 8th shooting in less than 2 months, a Freeway Shooting Team has been established. The good news is that out of 11 shootings this year, only 4 have been fatal. So the odds are still pretty good even if you do happen to get shot at.

Some dumbass army recruiters are now under investigation. Two journalists posed as high school dropouts with drug problems. The article has details of the ensuing hilarity.

VoteForTheWorst.com is encouraging people to vote for the worst American Idol candidate. At least American Idol now has an excuse for why the show sucks so badly. I've seen karaoke nights with better singers. (Note: I refuse to watch the show out of my own free will. My roommate was watching it when I came home last night).

In a goodwill gesture toward our soldiers in Tikrit, Iraq, the Brummer brothers have launched Operation Salami Drop.

This T-Shirt Rules.

I finally read Mark Cuban's blog. I, personally, hold a favorable opinion of him. Others have disagreed.

Google Maps have made my blog again... This time there's a page full of Interesting Satellite Maps. Like Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch, Bill Gates' house, the White House and the Vegas Strip.

This guy that works right across from me is a big Baltimore Orioles fan. And as an avid White Sox fan, I began thinking how this year could be a repeat of 1983, where Baltimore and Chicago met in the ALCS. I then checked to see who met in the NLCS that year. The Dodgers and Phillies. The White Sox, Orioles and Dodgers currently have 3 of the best 4 records in baseball. The difference from 1983 is that instead of the Phillies and Orioles in the World Series, the White Sox and Dodgers are bound to meet up.

5/3/05 This Day in Music

What song was #1 the day you were born?

It's good to know that I'm not the only one who gets sentimental about T-Shirts. The T-Shirt Nation has spoken and guys just never want to throw them away. Women, on the other hand, seem ready to throw us away if we don't detach ourselves from our T-Shirts.

The 8500 calorie Manwich.

Yes, I know you're bummed that Bud Bundy's rap career didn't take off like it should have. But you can still listen to his music. (Click the link on the page).

I know I posted something about Scavengeroogle the other day. But I gave it a shot and I've solved 2 of them. If you're into puzzles and problem solving, it's frustrating and fun at the same time. Otherwise, you'll probably think it's lame.

5/2/05 Burrito Boy

A big thanks to Lauren for sending The Tale of Burrito Boy. The brothers Grimm have nothing on this tale.

Attention all time travelers! Please meet in the East Campus Courtyard of the MIT campus on May 7th at 10 pm.