8/29/07 The 10 Weirdest Things You Can Buy on Amazon

Check out the 10 Weirdest Things You Can Buy on Amazon. Included is a metal container filled with Uranium-238. I've added that to my Amazon wishlist in case you're interested. On an unrelated note, you can also pick up an Ultimate Anal Douche for $8.95.

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Nigel was right. Everything is better in Australia. Even the way they cut apples.



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Mythbusters: Do pretty girls fart?



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Turn around, bright eyes.



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If you're looking for birthday gift ideas...

8/27/07 Balls

I think we all need another game to waste some time today. The game is called Balls.

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I stayed up until now (3:12am) to watch the lunar eclipse. It was so worth it. The downside is that I'm going to sleep and I'm not going to write anything else today.

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8/26/07 Lunar Eclipse

I just found out that there's a Lunar Eclipse this Tuesday. (Thanks to No Longer Neighbor Natalie). Check out this site for the best places on earth to see it. The western US and Oceania will both be able to see the entire thing. I told my buddy Nigel in Australia that Australia is the probably the best place to view it. He responded by saying, "Australia is the best place for everything."

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You know how every year there are articles about the mindset of the incoming freshman class? Stuff about how they know nothing of the 1980's? Well, here's the mindset of the class of 2011. What's even more fun is this article - The mindset of the class of 2029.

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Every year or so I need to post this as a reminder. This is why I love Nickelback.

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My brother sends this Clearasil commercial.



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8/24/07 Anytime

The movie Predator is on TV. It's been at least 15 years since I've seen it last. I can't think of another movie with a higher Future Governor to non-Future Governor ratio. In 1987, if you had to guess which of the actors would become governor, which would it have been? I would've chosen Carl Weathers hands down over Arnold and Jesse.

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There were two commercials that irked me today. Well, two that I bothered to jot down.

First, a commercial for Levitra - It's Viagra's boner competition. They focus on two different guys, each of whom says something like, "I had no idea that my high blood pressure may have led to my erectile dysfunction." And, "My diabetes may be contributing to my E.D." The entire commercial was focusing on the fact that, despite diabetes and high blood pressure, you can still get an erection if you use Levitra. Which begs the question... why aren't these guys most focused on fixing the diabetes and high blood pressure? Especially since it's clear that those are the causes of their pee-pee problems.

Secondly, some Wrangler jeans commercial with Brett Favre. He's playing pickup football in some old-timey field with a bunch of friends, like they're at an extended family picnic or something. I say friends since two black kids try and sack him in the opening frame. So I figure it's not family. Actually, I can't figure out why they were all hanging out. The only part that really bothered me is that it seems unfair to have one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time quarterbacking your pickup football team. When they were picking teams, I imagine it was like this:

Team A Captain: "I'll take Brett."
Team B Captain: "Oh, sure. That's fair. You know what? Screw you. And screw you too Brett. Packers suck."

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No Longer Neighbor Natalie sends a video on The Church of Mormon.



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I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm happy this week is over. To celebrate the end of this week, I present... after much anticipation.... Trapped in the Closet, Chapter 13.

8/23/07 Flaming Momma's Boy

More than a year and a half ago, I had a drink named in my honor. Since then, I thought I had lost the ingredients. I did a little cleaning today - and - you guessed it... I found the ingredients. The story behind the drink is simple. On a vacation with extended family, I told my mom that I wanted to spend time with her; whatever it was she wanted to do. After we had our mother/son bonding time together, I introduced her to the bartender that had been so generous to my cousins and me during the week. During my absence, my cousins and Neil (the bartender) concocted a drink in my honor. So, to hopefully keep this recipe in the family for generations to come, here's how to make a "Flaming Momma's Boy"....

• 1 oz Bailey's
• 1/2 oz Chambord
• 1 oz Chocolate Vermeer / Dark Creme de Cacao
• In a shaker, shake well and pour
• Top with whipped cream and garnish with a cherry

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In case you want to mix it up a little, you can also make yourself a "Cousin Eric" (Fruity, with a dash of masculinity).

• 1/2 oz Blackberry Brandy
• 1/2 oz Cherry Brandy
• 1/2 oz Chambord
• 1/2 oz Bacardi Razz
• 1 oz Cranberry Juice
• Pour over ice and stir

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I never quite got into NASCAR. Until today. I finally watched this long time coach explain the intricate details. And now I'm at least intrigued....

NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: 'Drive Fast'

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Weird Al's song "Bob". Can you figure out what all the lyrics have in common?



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It's not often that you hear anyone prioritizing their renditions of "YMCA". In fact, I never intended to ever post anything "YMCA" related. However, given the topic today, it only seems appropriate... To present my favorite performance of "YMCA".

8/21/07 You Bet Your Balls It's Neil Diamond

LinkedIn is MySpace for grownups.

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There are two types of people in the world: Those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't. For those that do:

8/20/07 The Pageant of the Masters

The Pageant of the Masters came highly recommended to me. I was an idiot and ignored those recommendations until last night. What is the Pageant of the Masters?

"Ninety minutes of "living pictures" - incredibly faithful art re-creations of classical and contemporary works with real people posing to look exactly like their counterparts in the original pieces. An outdoor amphitheater, professional orchestra, original score, live narration, intricate sets, sophisticated lighting, expert staff, and hundreds of dedicated volunteers have won recognition for the Pageant as the best presentation of its kind."

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Amazing Presidential Facts:

8/19/07 Star of Bethlehem

The Star of Bethlehem may have been the planets Venus and Jupiter. On June 17th, 2 B.C. Venus and Jupiter, two of the brightest planets in the nighttime sky, appeared as one bright "star".

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Time Magazine examines "Are We Failing Our Geniuses?". "...it can't make sense to spend 10 times as much to try to bring low-achieving students to mere proficiency as we do to nurture those with the greatest potential."

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This was sent by my mom - George Harrison's "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" on ukulele.



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Bob found a video that I've been looking for for quite some time now. I know at least one other person who will be super excited for the complete song... "Right Field".

8/17/07 Answers

No Longer Neighbor Natalie is back in full force. She sends "Answers I wish I thought of".

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Worst compliment of the week: "The moment I met you, I pegged you as an accountant." (Given by the same person who compared me to George Costanza recently).

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Do you have free time today? And access to YouTube at work? Good. Here are the 50 greatest commercials of the 80's. I learned from watching you!

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When I was growing up, I remember a big push to move away from paper bags at the grocery store in order to save trees. Then a decade or so later, there was another push to stop using plastic bags because of their harm on the environment. Now, you have to make one of those cognitive dissonance type decisions every time you're done buying food - Kill a tree or non-biodegrade? You feel like it's a no win situation, right? That either choice you make is morally harmful.

Well, the point here is that we're so bombarded with information like this that it's nearly impossible to feel good about anything you do anymore. And just so you feel even worse, I present this argument: "Walking damages the planet more than going by car." It's simple - Food production (which leads to consumption and body energy) is more energy intensive than the equivalent driving distance. There are more carbon emissions in that food production than come from your car. At this point, nothing you do for the rest of your life can be construed of moral or ethical. You're welcome :)

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Finally, from the "So hot, want to touch the hiney" files: No Longer Neighbor "I told you she was in full force" Natalie sends an interview with Winnie Cooper.

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8/15/07 WikiScanner

Do you ever wonder who's been updating Wikipedia? Now you know. You know who changed what when. (Thanks, Mike).

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I know where next year's Superbowl party is: UC Irvine. With their newest 200 million pixel TV.

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More "Shut yer pie hole" files: Just shut up and pay your phone bill.

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Do you like countdown lists? Then you'll like the Top 50 Top 50 Lists.

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Old and busted: Guitar Hero. New hotness: Rock Band.



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Let's just stay video game and go old school... With one of my favorites - Baseball Stars.



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While we're at it, how about 100 NES games? (Personally I had 2 distinct reactions while watching this - 1) More than half of the games I didn't remotely recognize. 2) I'd get all giddy when I did see one I recognized. Oh and there's a 3rd - I started thinking of other games I'd like to see on the video. Like T&C Surf Design.

8/14/07 Shut Yer Pie Hole

From the "Shut Yer Pie Hole" files: Quit complaining - it may make you feel worse.

8/12/07 Chorizo

At the grocery store today, I started looking at foods I normally don't buy. I was in a mood to change things up. One of the foods I started checking out was chorizo. I've had some real good chorizo tacos in my Mexico days. And I figured to bring those days back. At least in my mouth. At the same time, I'm also a label reader. I avoid certain ingredients, like MSG. I start reading the chorizo ingredients. As you know, ingredients are in order of content from most to least. They began: "Beef salivary glands, lymph nodes and fat..." I swallowed the little bit I threw up in my mouth, put the chorizo back down and continued shopping.

8/12/07 Television Tunes

If you have speakers and ears, this site could possibly take up half of your day - Television Tunes. Not only can you listen to 2454 TV Theme songs, but you can also play Name that Tune. One of my favorites is the sad walking away music from The Incredible Hulk. (If you really must know, I also re-did my entire MySpace page so that all of the songs are TV Theme songs).

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Does this look like your grandmother's computer?

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I actually watched "The Monster Squad" this weekend. It was a nice trip down memory lane. Here's the best part:



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8/11/07 Week in Review

I must be paranoid about my sanity. Because I've continually searched Google this week for "Ernie Banks Quadratic Formula" to see if anyone else noticed the hat. It finally showed up on some San Francisco Giants newsgroup. My favorite post is the final one:

- I was just saying the other day: "you know what you never see? Ernie Banks in a quadratic equation hat."

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Pop quiz hotshot: Where does the U.S. rank in average life expectancy compared to all other nations? Answer: Forty-first. You know who lives longer than we do? Guamanians.

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Headline: Teen's Eulogy Mostly Nickelback Lyrics.

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I think I've come up with a rough plan for world peace. Hear me out for a second. This isn't my air conditioning idea again. Nor is it my sharing nachos idea. (Although some intricate combination may ultimately be the key). You know how hardcore Christian groups are adamantly anti-Harry Potter? Well, Muslims apparently are also equally anti-Harry Potter. Now, if Christians and Muslims can't join together in love, then let's bring them together in mutual hatred. The old saying goes, "My enemy's enemy is my friend".

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This guy does a good Dane Cook:



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8/9/07 Guamanians

People from Guam are called Guamanians. I learned something new today.

I was also given possibly the worst compliment ever today. With no context necessary, some lady told me, "You're better looking than George Costanza."

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Some guy got beaten senseless at a Nickelback concert. I would imagine that it helped take his mind off of the pain.

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My grandpa loves Jim Cramer. He's the stock market guy on CNBC that rolls up his sleeves and goes nuts with investment tips. For a guy that normally goes nuts, he still went overboard the other day. Here's the Jim Cramer meltdown: (Note: It also led me to searching YouTube on the "meltdown". It's fun if you're bored.)



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You know how sometimes you think your parents' generation is a little awkward? It's ok to admit it. I think I've figured out why. Here's why:



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This is like a double neck guitar. But the opposite.



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And finally, a song called "Nachos". With a name like "Nachos", it has to rule. (I'm trademarking, patenting, whatever that saying).

8/7/07 Ernie Banks and High School Algebra

A few more nuggets that have been on my mind:

• I'll admit that I've been casually watching the Barry Bonds homerun chase over the past week or so. During one of the games, the camera panned over to a guy in the stands who looked like an old-timey kind of player. (I'm not real good at recognizing people like that). The announcers said that it was Mr. Cub Ernie Banks. It really made no sense that he was there and getting camera time. But ok. That's fine. What really caught my eye was his hat. At first I thought I didn't quite see it right... You know, like it was one of those Rorschach inkblot tests where you see what your mind wants you to see. I rewound the TV and I wasn't seeing things. Ernie Bank's hat had the full quadratic formula on it. Immediately afterwards, I did a toxicology report on myself and my surroundings and no hallucinogenics, narcotics or otherwise were found. It was real.
• You'd think with all of the magic and wizardry at Hogwarts, they would've found a way to correct Harry's vision.
• Microwaves can be confusing on the hour. Like, when it's 1:00, you're unsure why there's a minute on the timer.
• I think I might have found a job.

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I was wrong last month of the 2nd installed of Trapped in the Closet. It's now coming out on August 21st. For no logical reason, I'm actually excited to see it.

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There's a video game coming out for the show Lost.

I think I found this at 3am. At 3am I thought it was worth saving. Now I'm not 100% sure... The Ultimate Showdown.

8/6/07 Minesweeper: The Movie

Minesweeper: The Movie

8/5/07 I Love "The Money Pit"

I've recently been taking credit for some quote I heard on some science show. Well, I haven't exactly been taking credit, but I've been repeating it. The last couple times I've been to the beach, I've told my friends to pick up a handful of sand. And to imagine each grain of sand as a star in the sky. That's a lot of stars, right? Then we look at the entire beach and imagine all of the sand as one star per grain. That's a ridiculous amount of stars, right? The quote I'm "stealing" is "...the total number of stars in the universe is greater than all the grains of sand on all the beaches of the planet Earth." It's almost inconprehensible. But it's absolutely true. And it's a reminder of how small and insignificant we are here on earth in the grand scheme of things.

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If you needed another reason to take your shirt off in public... Sunshine helps fight against breast cancer.

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This is, by far, one of my favorite Family Guy scenes.

8/4/07 Sousaphone Hero

"Activision Reports Sluggish Sales For Sousaphone Hero".

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I should probably start questioning my choice of television programs when, among the commercials is one for Yoplait Yogurt. Their slogan? "It is so good." Alright. Not real clever. But to the point. But then after the slogan they show a little yogurt container and written in pretty big letters (not fine print by any means) you see - "May be good for digestion". They say it too. May be? What kind of confidence is that? Doesn't that leave the door open for all sorts of questionable advertising claims? It's the no risk, all reward deceiving advertising campaign. I want to be in charge of this... "Yoplait Yogurt - May lead to mind shattering orgasms". You don't think they would sell an extra yogurt or two? You'd see women eating Yoplait for breakfast, lunch, dinner and most definitely right before bed.

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When I was 11 years old, I had a crush on Winnie Cooper. Some things haven't changed a bit. Danica McKellar wrote a math book specifically for girls.

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Finally, from the "Wolfman's got nards" files: The Monster Squad is finally available on DVD.

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8/1/07 Blue Screen of Death

Most girls I know say that they like the nice, smart, funny guy. But deep down, as we all know, they're really attracted to the badass with the tattoos. Well, ladies - Finally you can have your guy and eat him too. (Or something like that). Here's your man.

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I found this rant hilarious. It may be for the more musically inclined. I'm not sure. But this dude hates the Pachelbel Canon probably more than I hate Semisonic's "Closing Time".



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I bet these kids would rock at Guitar Hero.



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You know how much I dislike "Closing Time"? Let me put it to you this way - If I had the choice of hearing an entire Nickelback encore set list instead of listening to this song, I'd probably take it.

The piano part could have been written by a mildly retarded 4 year old with 8 fingers missing. The lyrics... well, the lyrics are like 2nd grade English lessons. Here's the plan - Every sentence will start "Closing Time..." then you just fill in something related to that. Oh, and you need a chorus too. Since we're running out of time, it's just "I know who I want to take me home". You want a longer chorus? Well, uh, just repeat the chorus as many times as you need. You, uh want chords too? Damn, this music business is like, really hard work. How about G D Am C? Over and over. Yeah, for the verse. The chorus? Same thing. G D Am C. Yup. There's our song. Drunk college kids will love it.