I used to be a big advocate of boxed wine while in college. Franzia's Chillable Red was probably my favorite. Where else could you get 5 liters of wine for $9? I used to get harassed about it too. Well, my friends, I always knew my day would finally come. I was just ahead of my time. No apologies necessary :)
25,000 year old cave drawings have been found in France. They show stick figures with their hands in the air, waving white flags.
A number of years ago, Cousin Michael figured out a way to get into the Olympics. Curling. He was definitely onto something. Does anybody else feel like working hard for 8 years and making it into the 2014 Winter Olympics with me?
Ask your doctor if you should take Panexa. (Sent by my dad).
On my way to work today I noticed that the sky looked extra hazy off to the east. It looked like one of those disgusting ozone alert days, only worse. Years ago I had some post nuclear war dream and the dream took place in Southern California (which was years before I ever considered living here). So, my imagination took a turn for the worse as I drove into the disgusting haze. Then, about 2 miles from my office, little pieces of white began to fall on car. My first instinct is that it's starting to snow. Then, as I pulled my head out of my ass, realizing that it's 68 degrees out, I start wondering what the hell is going on. And why wasn't any radio station talking about haze and white shit falling out of the sky. As I got into work, dodging little pieces of white crap, I asked security what was going on. She said it was the wildfires caused by the Santa Ana winds. And the white stuff was ash. So, I felt better about the whole situation. And it wasn't some big nuclear winter covered up by a grand government conspiracy, putting a gag order on local radio stations.
But still, wouldn't you think that for a second on the radio somebody would say, "In case you notice a 25-mile long, toxic-looking cloud in the sky with pieces of inexplicable white particles falling on you this morning, don't worry. It's just a wildfire."