I spent a little time exploring YouTube.com today. I came across a few classic sports moments...
Mike Tyson talking about Allah and eating children
Jim "Chris" Everett
Since the White Sox were in town this weekend, I started to back into the spirit.
For when I become pope, I've decided on my pope name.
Poker Talk 1 - I've been experimenting a little by playing some more starting hands and seeing cheap flops with them. Pretty early in a sit & go I raised 2x the bb with 9 8 of hearts. I got one caller in middle position, then the bb raised the minimum (from 120 to 180). That's usually a sign of a real big hand like aces. I call, as does the other guy. The flop comes Q 7 6 with 2 hearts. So I have a flush draw and a straight draw. Even though I'm pretty sure the guy has aces, I check my odds. Assuming he has aces, I'm still 56% to win the hand. (I thought that there was a slight chance he had AK suited, but that didn't really factor into my decision). These hands are tricky, in the way that it's counter intuitive that you have the best hand even though, at the moment, I have Queen high. The guy with Aces (I'll fill you in - he did have aces) bets near the pot (500). I come over the top all in for what I had left (1350 or so). He hesitates, writes "Did you hit a set?", then calls. I miss my hand and he comments that I was chasing a flush draw. For people who count outs, I had 9 outs for the flush plus 6 outs for the straight (normally it's 8 outs for a straight, but 2 of the outs are counted towards the flush). That's 15 outs with 2 cards to come. Which definitely made me a favorite. These hands don't happen too often, but it's definitely worth considering your outs when you have both a flush and straight draw.
Poker Talk 2 - I was put in another situation that doesn't come around too often. In fact, I can't remember being in this position before. That's probably why I'm proud of what I did. Blinds were getting high (200/400) in a sit and go and I only had 1350 left in chips. We were 5 handed and I was on the button. The guy to my right went all in for 150 (less than the small blind). I had 4 3. I decided, that I could go all in, most likely get the blinds to think I have a huge hand and fold. And, even if I lose, I pick up part of the blinds. And, there's still a 35 or so percent chance that I'd win the hand outright and knock a guy out. It worked. I lost the hand to the guy who was all in, but I picked up 300 more chips while losing a hand. The guy in the sb commented "tricky". It was tricky. And that's why I'm happy I did it :)
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Saturday, April 29, 2006
4/29/06 I Hate Pennies
I hate pennies. I really do. When I first started writing this blog, I had an entire penny rant, including links to some anti-penny coalition. I suppose I can really sum up my feelings this way.... The value of a penny in 1960 is the same value as a nickel today (actually it's 5.26 cents, but I'm guessing nobody cares but me.) I can't find inflation data from before 1960, but I'm guessing that the value of a penny back in Tom Sawyer days is closer to our quarter. They are just worthless wastes of space that end up collecting dust on my dresser. Well, Pennies now cost 1.4 cents to make. Each. There. That should be reason enough to get rid of them.
This guy is living the dream.
Speaking of living the dream (or not, as the case may be), I find myself increasingly out of the loop when it comes to new lingo. I'm beginning to feel a bit like Larry King; introducing things that are new and interesting to me, but have been public knowledge for months (or years in his case). Yes, I'm taking that risk. But it's just that important to talk about UFIA. UFIA is spreading like a nasty case of herpes. here's the definition (not quite safe for work).
This guy is living the dream.
Speaking of living the dream (or not, as the case may be), I find myself increasingly out of the loop when it comes to new lingo. I'm beginning to feel a bit like Larry King; introducing things that are new and interesting to me, but have been public knowledge for months (or years in his case). Yes, I'm taking that risk. But it's just that important to talk about UFIA. UFIA is spreading like a nasty case of herpes. here's the definition (not quite safe for work).
Friday, April 28, 2006
4/28/06 Angry Atheists
I would say that most people I know from my generation are pretty apathetic about religion. Some claim to be atheists. Others agnostic. A lot just aren't religious at all. It's a fascinating sign of the times. A rabbi poses the question - "Why do nonbelievers seem to be threatened by the idea of God?"
As a follow up to the "Blue Danube Waltz" from yesterday, I heard another song this morning on that same classical station that I recognized. This one I didn't know quite as well as yesterday's, but it was definitely familiar. Turns out, it's from the Barber of Seville by Rossini. And gosh darn, wouldn't you know it. It was in a prominent Bugs Bunny cartoon.
As a follow up to the "Blue Danube Waltz" from yesterday, I heard another song this morning on that same classical station that I recognized. This one I didn't know quite as well as yesterday's, but it was definitely familiar. Turns out, it's from the Barber of Seville by Rossini. And gosh darn, wouldn't you know it. It was in a prominent Bugs Bunny cartoon.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
HELP WIN THIS BET
A few of you emailed this to me today. So, in the spirit of men and manhood everywhere, Help this guy win his bet.
4/27/06 My Voice Is My Passport. Verify Me.
Pretty soon your thoughts will be your password. (Bonus points if you get the "verify me" reference)
In a sign that I'm getting old, one of the FM pre-sets in my car is for classical music. Every so often I find it a soothing change of pace. This morning as I was scrolling through my stations, the classical station was playing something I distinctly recognized. It's almost as if I knew the piece in its entirety. But I couldn't place where or how I knew it. My mom gets a lot of credit for my early childhood exposure to lots of music, especially classical. But that wasn't quite it. When the piece was over, the dude (are they called DJs on classical stations?) said it was "The Blue Danube Waltz" by Johann Strauss. I made it my mission for the morning to remember that and to look it up.
But before I looked it up, I started to think about Bugs Bunny and how that cartoon alone introduced me to quite a bit of classical music. (Kill the Wabbit, anyone?) And that Looney Tunes may have been the link in my mind to that song. Also of note, I once traveled around the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico and the local music was very Bugs Bunny. So again, a lot of credit to the creators of those cartoons for opening my musical mind at a very young age.
Back to "The Blue Danube Waltz" (if you clicked the link already, you know what's coming). Where do I (and you) know it from? It's the weightless, floating in space song from 2001: A Space Odyssey. For my generation, it has become synonymous with being weightless in space. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that wasn't was Strauss intended. The Simpsons used in when Homer was an astronaut. And, wouldn't you know it... It was in a Looney Tunes cartoon with Daffy Duck. I KNEW IT!
While we're on the topic of music, I have a personal note to Neil Young.... Keep on rockin' in the free world, my friend.
In a sign that I'm getting old, one of the FM pre-sets in my car is for classical music. Every so often I find it a soothing change of pace. This morning as I was scrolling through my stations, the classical station was playing something I distinctly recognized. It's almost as if I knew the piece in its entirety. But I couldn't place where or how I knew it. My mom gets a lot of credit for my early childhood exposure to lots of music, especially classical. But that wasn't quite it. When the piece was over, the dude (are they called DJs on classical stations?) said it was "The Blue Danube Waltz" by Johann Strauss. I made it my mission for the morning to remember that and to look it up.
But before I looked it up, I started to think about Bugs Bunny and how that cartoon alone introduced me to quite a bit of classical music. (Kill the Wabbit, anyone?) And that Looney Tunes may have been the link in my mind to that song. Also of note, I once traveled around the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico and the local music was very Bugs Bunny. So again, a lot of credit to the creators of those cartoons for opening my musical mind at a very young age.
Back to "The Blue Danube Waltz" (if you clicked the link already, you know what's coming). Where do I (and you) know it from? It's the weightless, floating in space song from 2001: A Space Odyssey. For my generation, it has become synonymous with being weightless in space. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that wasn't was Strauss intended. The Simpsons used in when Homer was an astronaut. And, wouldn't you know it... It was in a Looney Tunes cartoon with Daffy Duck. I KNEW IT!
While we're on the topic of music, I have a personal note to Neil Young.... Keep on rockin' in the free world, my friend.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
4/26/06 Quantum Entanglement
Einstein called it "Spooky action at a distance". The behavior of the tiny particles of the quantum world continue to baffle ever the brightest scientists. Check it out for yourself. Learning more about the quantum world can make even the most staunch scientist into a believer of the "unknown" and the "possible".
Monday, April 24, 2006
4/24/06 The Prophecy of the Condor and the Eagle
".... The Prophecy of the Condor and Eagle is typical. It states that back in the mists of history, human societies divided and took different paths: that of the condor (representing the heart, intuitive and mystical) and that of the eagle (representing the brain, rational and material). In the 1490's, the prophesy said, the two paths would converge and the eagle would drive the condor to the verge of extinction. Then, five hundred years later, in the 1990's a new epoch would begin, one in which the condor and the eagle will have the opportunity to reunite ad fly together in the same sky, along the same path. If the condor and eagle accept this opportunity, they will create a most remarkable offspring, unlike any seen before." - John Perkins
For more, visit Eagle-Condor.org.
Have you ever awoken from a dream only to realize that you were still dreaming? When I was a kid, I used to have these false awakenings pretty often. I distinctly remember having a nightmare and waking up and running to my parents' bedroom. As I opened their door, the cartoon versions of Joker and Penguin had Batman and Robin tied up in chairs. I believe my parents were tied up too. As I awoke again, I remained very frightened, obviously unsure as to whether or not I was awake. That experience took me down a path (at the age of 6 or 7) to try and control my dreams. Perhaps one day I'll share some more...
For more, visit Eagle-Condor.org.
Have you ever awoken from a dream only to realize that you were still dreaming? When I was a kid, I used to have these false awakenings pretty often. I distinctly remember having a nightmare and waking up and running to my parents' bedroom. As I opened their door, the cartoon versions of Joker and Penguin had Batman and Robin tied up in chairs. I believe my parents were tied up too. As I awoke again, I remained very frightened, obviously unsure as to whether or not I was awake. That experience took me down a path (at the age of 6 or 7) to try and control my dreams. Perhaps one day I'll share some more...
Sunday, April 23, 2006
4/23/06 NBA Jam
The Sports Guy's heating up.... He's on fire! This article is probably only of interest to me. But The Sports Guy compares Pearl Jam lyrics to NBA players and teams.
Growing up I used to think that discussions about gas prices were ridiculous. It seemed as though the local news was trying to make a big deal about nothing. It seemed to me that the same people who were all upset about a 10 cent a gallon increase (which is what... $1.50 a tank more?) were the same people that would go out to the bars are spend $50 on beer on a Friday night. I don't know a lot of people who were financially pressed to shell out an extra buck or two a week. It just seemed like something to bitch and moan about for the sake of bitching and moaning. For the first time, however, I believe that gas prices this summer will have a significant impact on quite a few people. And thanks to Professor Ruzic, I was prepared in 1999 for the gas price surge in 2006. (Actually he said 2007 would be the point where prices would rise significantly and would never decrease again. So it should be worse in coming years). Which is why I am posting local gas prices.
More goofy T-shirts.
Growing up I used to think that discussions about gas prices were ridiculous. It seemed as though the local news was trying to make a big deal about nothing. It seemed to me that the same people who were all upset about a 10 cent a gallon increase (which is what... $1.50 a tank more?) were the same people that would go out to the bars are spend $50 on beer on a Friday night. I don't know a lot of people who were financially pressed to shell out an extra buck or two a week. It just seemed like something to bitch and moan about for the sake of bitching and moaning. For the first time, however, I believe that gas prices this summer will have a significant impact on quite a few people. And thanks to Professor Ruzic, I was prepared in 1999 for the gas price surge in 2006. (Actually he said 2007 would be the point where prices would rise significantly and would never decrease again. So it should be worse in coming years). Which is why I am posting local gas prices.
More goofy T-shirts.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
4/22/06 Exarads
I continue to play that "Da Vinci Code" game. I complete the puzzle today and got a question: To the nearest whole number what is 1 divided by the permeability of free space, the divided by the permittivity of free space, in exarads? As you know by now, I'm a bit of a nerd and actually tried to figure out the answer. I got as far as "c ^2" (The speed of light squared). (Note: I could be wrong. But I seriously doubt that anyone who reads this is going to try and prove otherwise). Then, I searched on the unit "exarad". Nothing. I got one page that showed "exarad" as a unit with no explanation. I need some help here. What the hell is an exarad?
On the suggestion of my neighbor, James, I picked up the movie Waking Life at the library. I finally watched it last night. I will pass on the high recommendation to you. It's a very trippy, yet though provoking independent film.
On the suggestion of my neighbor, James, I picked up the movie Waking Life at the library. I finally watched it last night. I will pass on the high recommendation to you. It's a very trippy, yet though provoking independent film.
Friday, April 21, 2006
4/21/06 I'm So Excited! I'm So Excited! I'm So... Scared.
Cousin Jeff sends a more in depth explanation of gas prices.
I tried that Da Vinci Code game I mentioned yesterday. Conclusion - Friggin' BRILLIANT marketing. The games are clever and fun. And they force you to navigate through the movie preview website for some of the answers.
Look at this handsome devil in the Chicago Tribune sports section.
I tried that Da Vinci Code game I mentioned yesterday. Conclusion - Friggin' BRILLIANT marketing. The games are clever and fun. And they force you to navigate through the movie preview website for some of the answers.
Look at this handsome devil in the Chicago Tribune sports section.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
4/20/06 I Have No Idea What's Going On
Let me recount my first day at work today...
I was told to show up at "8:00 or 9:00". So I decide to make a decent impression the first day and sign in around 8:10 am. I check in at the front desk a few minutes later and the receptionist calls the two individuals I'm supposed to report to. Neither one is available. So I end up waiting for about a half hour.
After making small talk with the receptionist, the one dude comes to get me. He walks me to his office, and quickly tries to fill me in on the project. No more than 7 minutes later, he gets a phone call, letting him know that he's late for a meeting. Two minutes later, he calls his admin an the admin walks me to my desk. It's now about 9:00 am.
I get to my desk and there's no computer. And a phone, the likes I haven't seen since about 1988. It's the pre-cordless heavy, square-ish phone with the numbers in front and the receiver hung up horizontally across the top. For some reason I associate it with smashing "the bad guy" in the face with it since it's so heavy. I must have seen that in a movie.
I spent the next three hours just sitting there. Fortunately, I had my "bathroom book" with me. I had inteded to slowly finish the second half of "Confessions of an Economic Hitman" over the next few weeks in the bathroom. (By the way, it's a great book. Thanks to Mike for making the recommendation probably 6 months ago). I was done reading it by 2:00 pm. Nobody ever came to get me a computer. Or a badge for the building. Or to give me any papers to read. Or to invite me out to lunch. Or to show me around the building. I just sat there. All day. By myself. No part of this story has been embellished. That was my day. And this is why I hate working in offices.
Poker Jason is offering up his investment tip of the day.
Cousin Jeff sends an audio clip about poker. The vast majority of people I talk to about poker don't share my enthusiasm. And they'll most likely relate to the clip.
I haven't started this yet, so I can't vouch for the "Fun-ness factor". But here's a Da Vinci Code game just in time for the movie.
I was told to show up at "8:00 or 9:00". So I decide to make a decent impression the first day and sign in around 8:10 am. I check in at the front desk a few minutes later and the receptionist calls the two individuals I'm supposed to report to. Neither one is available. So I end up waiting for about a half hour.
After making small talk with the receptionist, the one dude comes to get me. He walks me to his office, and quickly tries to fill me in on the project. No more than 7 minutes later, he gets a phone call, letting him know that he's late for a meeting. Two minutes later, he calls his admin an the admin walks me to my desk. It's now about 9:00 am.
I get to my desk and there's no computer. And a phone, the likes I haven't seen since about 1988. It's the pre-cordless heavy, square-ish phone with the numbers in front and the receiver hung up horizontally across the top. For some reason I associate it with smashing "the bad guy" in the face with it since it's so heavy. I must have seen that in a movie.
I spent the next three hours just sitting there. Fortunately, I had my "bathroom book" with me. I had inteded to slowly finish the second half of "Confessions of an Economic Hitman" over the next few weeks in the bathroom. (By the way, it's a great book. Thanks to Mike for making the recommendation probably 6 months ago). I was done reading it by 2:00 pm. Nobody ever came to get me a computer. Or a badge for the building. Or to give me any papers to read. Or to invite me out to lunch. Or to show me around the building. I just sat there. All day. By myself. No part of this story has been embellished. That was my day. And this is why I hate working in offices.
Poker Jason is offering up his investment tip of the day.
Cousin Jeff sends an audio clip about poker. The vast majority of people I talk to about poker don't share my enthusiasm. And they'll most likely relate to the clip.
I haven't started this yet, so I can't vouch for the "Fun-ness factor". But here's a Da Vinci Code game just in time for the movie.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
4/19/06 Poker and Basketball
Cousin Danny found my soul mate. The yin to my yang, so to speak. While I tend to play a little basketball between my poker games, Gilbert Arenas of the Washington Wizards plays online poker during halftime of his games.
Uh huh huh huh huh. Huh huh. Huh huh. You said.....
This blog got a bunch of extra hits today. Turns out, if you search Google for "Unsexiest Men Alive", I'm the 2nd result. Thanks Google. For confirming what most of us already knew.
59 things a man should never do past 30 years old.
You know - I was thinking about flying to Venezuela. But, it might be worth the drive.
Uh huh huh huh huh. Huh huh. Huh huh. You said.....
This blog got a bunch of extra hits today. Turns out, if you search Google for "Unsexiest Men Alive", I'm the 2nd result. Thanks Google. For confirming what most of us already knew.
59 things a man should never do past 30 years old.
You know - I was thinking about flying to Venezuela. But, it might be worth the drive.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
4/18/06 Black and White Babies
Mr. Bob sends an article about fraternal twins. I think this is in response to the Macaroni and Cheese comment I made a couple of weeks ago.
Poker Jason suggests a new hobby.... Blindfolded Rubik's Cube.
Neil Peart. Junior.
Poker Jason suggests a new hobby.... Blindfolded Rubik's Cube.
Neil Peart. Junior.
Monday, April 17, 2006
4/17/06 New Religion
I've been doing a whole lot of soul searching lately. Actually, I've spent the better part of my life soul searching. Which leads me to my big announcement. I've found a religion that suits me. And I'm dedicating my life to it.
You probably notice that I post a lot of science articles. Well, here's more proof that scientists rock.
Two more things...
First, I'm sad to announce that I have a new job. And, from the looks of it, it might be pretty intense. So, take it for what it's worth. But it might mean that I may not be posting as often as usual.
Second... One of the worst poker moves I've ever experienced just happened online. The top 3 players get money. There were 3 of us left. And for every place we move up, the more money we get. Blinds were 300/600. I had the most chips and was first to act. The important thing here is that the guy in the small blind only had 200 chips and didn't even have enough for his blind. I have AJ, but decide, for the best interest of the game, I am just going to call for 600. The big blind (who I trapped twice and I had him for all of his chips, sucked out on me both times) decides to raise to 1600. I end up folding my AJ. The dumbass raiser in the big blind had K 8 off suit. Fortunately the small blind had K 2 and was knocked out. Just in case you're ever in the same situation... check. Knocking a player out is far more important than any additional chips you can win.
You probably notice that I post a lot of science articles. Well, here's more proof that scientists rock.
Two more things...
First, I'm sad to announce that I have a new job. And, from the looks of it, it might be pretty intense. So, take it for what it's worth. But it might mean that I may not be posting as often as usual.
Second... One of the worst poker moves I've ever experienced just happened online. The top 3 players get money. There were 3 of us left. And for every place we move up, the more money we get. Blinds were 300/600. I had the most chips and was first to act. The important thing here is that the guy in the small blind only had 200 chips and didn't even have enough for his blind. I have AJ, but decide, for the best interest of the game, I am just going to call for 600. The big blind (who I trapped twice and I had him for all of his chips, sucked out on me both times) decides to raise to 1600. I end up folding my AJ. The dumbass raiser in the big blind had K 8 off suit. Fortunately the small blind had K 2 and was knocked out. Just in case you're ever in the same situation... check. Knocking a player out is far more important than any additional chips you can win.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
4/16/06 The World Juggling Federation
Before my little trip last week, I set up my DVR to record a few shows. Randomly, in my search for shows I found the 2005 World Juggling Federation championships. It's pretty impressive stuff. Watch the videos here. (Vova's probably the best of the bunch). Also, if you catch it on TV, the announcers are brutal assholes. They make sure to nit pick at anything and everything. How they move their hips too much from side to side. How their form is too robotic. Even how a guy smiles too much. If they had any idea how to promote their "sport", they'd be a little more enthusiastic about the competitions.
While playing poker at the Bellagio last week, I was chatting with the dude to my left. He had a very fascinating theory about the recent poker boom. He said that poker took off as a result of the hockey strike last season. ESPN and other sports channels needed to fill their hockey slots with something else. So they began to air poker far more often. I can't really disagree.
The same day I saw Doyle Brunson, Jennifer Harman, Barry Greenstein, Davd Sklansky and Mike Sexton playing for stakes about 1000 times what I was playing for.
While playing poker at the Bellagio last week, I was chatting with the dude to my left. He had a very fascinating theory about the recent poker boom. He said that poker took off as a result of the hockey strike last season. ESPN and other sports channels needed to fill their hockey slots with something else. So they began to air poker far more often. I can't really disagree.
The same day I saw Doyle Brunson, Jennifer Harman, Barry Greenstein, Davd Sklansky and Mike Sexton playing for stakes about 1000 times what I was playing for.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
4/11/06 National High Five Day
I'm giving you fair warning. April 20th is National High Five Day.
$5 a gallon gas this summer. Yay.
Game 6 of the 1986 World Series - RBI Baseball Style.
I'll be going dark for the remainder of the week. If you need anything, please contact Audrey Raines at CTU. (Seriously, I won't be posting for the rest of the week. And seriously, if I could be Jack Bauer, I would.
$5 a gallon gas this summer. Yay.
Game 6 of the 1986 World Series - RBI Baseball Style.
I'll be going dark for the remainder of the week. If you need anything, please contact Audrey Raines at CTU. (Seriously, I won't be posting for the rest of the week. And seriously, if I could be Jack Bauer, I would.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
4/9/06 USA RPS
My dad tells me that the USA RPS is battling with Canada RPS as to who has THE official RPS championships. I've gotta be honest. I'm siding with Canada here.
In the spirit of Pop vs. Soda... Sub vs. Hoagie vs. Grinder vs. Hero vs....
In the spirit of Pop vs. Soda... Sub vs. Hoagie vs. Grinder vs. Hero vs....
Saturday, April 08, 2006
4/8/06 Commercials
Now that I have DVR, I fast forward through as many commercials as I can. If I were to be honest, I get upset with myself when I forget that I'm watching something that was recorded and end up dealing with the mindless commercials. I'm also pissed when I'm watching something live, go to fast forward, and nothing happens. Yeah, DVR can spoil.
This whole DVR conversation has two points. First - DVR users still watch commercials. Most of them pay closer attention to the commercials because they want to know where to hit play again.
Secondly, I've been amassing a small list of commercials that bother me. They bother me for different reasons. Actually, I was hoping to have a longer list before I wrote this post. But the DVR article made for the perfect transition. Plus, this is an open forum. Let's keep posting the most ridiculous commercials here.
Here they are:
Urine Gone - "Is your pet a peeing machine?" That's how the commercial begins. The whole thing is just sick. "Urine Gone's enzymes have an appetite for urine." Does anyone really have that much urine in their house? Where you need a super size bottle? Can I purchase a list of everyone who buys Urine Gone. So that I can never visit them. Ever. Sorry, I can't keep writing about this. It's making me want to vomit.
24 Hour Fitness - Their slogan is "You to the power of 24." (Note: I think they're only in the west, so you may not be familiar with them). I'm probably not the nerdy demographic they're aiming for. But hear me out for a second. I can't help by think - Me to the power of 24. What if I'm not that confident in my abilities? Or maybe I'm just a little below where I think I should be physically. That would be pretty normal for someone who is looking to join a gym, right? So I'm thinking that I'm not 100%. Optimistically, I'm 90%. (I'm not even 90%, but for the sake of argument, let's go with it.) Then, I did the math. Me (.90) to the power of 24. .9^24. Wait. That's .08. I've just gone from 90% to 8%. That's not too inspiring. Maybe I'll join some other gym.
Toyota - "I want my MPG". The whole thing is just gay. I refuse to ever buy another Toyota based on this commercial alone.
Uno Attack - A mechanized game of Uno. Sounds pretty dangerous, right? I've been scouring the internet for a video of the Uno Attack commercial. PLEASE let me know if you find one. Because, I'm going to sound crazy without the commercial to back me up. They have some song in the commercial. And I swear on everything holy that they say "You might get AIDS!" A little more dangerous than you expected, huh?
The song goes like this:
(Drums beating) Uno Attack!
It's a snap to pick up,
But you can't put it back.
Uno Attack!
Hit the monster,
Tempt your fate.
You might get no cards,
You might get AIDS.
Maxwell House - I was just about to post this when the Maxwell House commercial came on. I hate it for the same reason I hate the Toyota commercial. They take a cheesy, popular song from the 80s and make it their anthem. Maxwell House is off the shopping list now too.
Check back in the comments section for more crappy commercials.
This whole DVR conversation has two points. First - DVR users still watch commercials. Most of them pay closer attention to the commercials because they want to know where to hit play again.
Secondly, I've been amassing a small list of commercials that bother me. They bother me for different reasons. Actually, I was hoping to have a longer list before I wrote this post. But the DVR article made for the perfect transition. Plus, this is an open forum. Let's keep posting the most ridiculous commercials here.
Here they are:
Urine Gone - "Is your pet a peeing machine?" That's how the commercial begins. The whole thing is just sick. "Urine Gone's enzymes have an appetite for urine." Does anyone really have that much urine in their house? Where you need a super size bottle? Can I purchase a list of everyone who buys Urine Gone. So that I can never visit them. Ever. Sorry, I can't keep writing about this. It's making me want to vomit.
24 Hour Fitness - Their slogan is "You to the power of 24." (Note: I think they're only in the west, so you may not be familiar with them). I'm probably not the nerdy demographic they're aiming for. But hear me out for a second. I can't help by think - Me to the power of 24. What if I'm not that confident in my abilities? Or maybe I'm just a little below where I think I should be physically. That would be pretty normal for someone who is looking to join a gym, right? So I'm thinking that I'm not 100%. Optimistically, I'm 90%. (I'm not even 90%, but for the sake of argument, let's go with it.) Then, I did the math. Me (.90) to the power of 24. .9^24. Wait. That's .08. I've just gone from 90% to 8%. That's not too inspiring. Maybe I'll join some other gym.
Toyota - "I want my MPG". The whole thing is just gay. I refuse to ever buy another Toyota based on this commercial alone.
Uno Attack - A mechanized game of Uno. Sounds pretty dangerous, right? I've been scouring the internet for a video of the Uno Attack commercial. PLEASE let me know if you find one. Because, I'm going to sound crazy without the commercial to back me up. They have some song in the commercial. And I swear on everything holy that they say "You might get AIDS!" A little more dangerous than you expected, huh?
The song goes like this:
(Drums beating) Uno Attack!
It's a snap to pick up,
But you can't put it back.
Uno Attack!
Hit the monster,
Tempt your fate.
You might get no cards,
You might get AIDS.
Maxwell House - I was just about to post this when the Maxwell House commercial came on. I hate it for the same reason I hate the Toyota commercial. They take a cheesy, popular song from the 80s and make it their anthem. Maxwell House is off the shopping list now too.
Check back in the comments section for more crappy commercials.
Friday, April 07, 2006
4/7/06 The Chatterbox Challenge
A bunch of computer scientists, in an attempt to create artificial intelligence, have entered the chatterbox challenge. The "bots" are asked questions and then they respond. You can click on the links to see how the conversations panned out.
Here's an example from Hal:
Hal: Hello Judge. Its nice to meet such a fine gentleman as yourself.
1) Who are you?
Hal: I am Hal.
2) What are you planning to do today?
Hal: It's simpler than it sounds. Long range planning in today's business,
is about a year.
3) What kinds of things do you know?
Hal: What kinds of things do I know? It could get better or worse. Demonstrations
can be better than explanations.
4) What season is it?
Hal: Everybody needs to put in their share. Stage hypnotists like to make people
do funny things.
5) Where do you call home?
Hal: Household upkeep is hard work!
6) What do you want out of life?
Hal: Fine dining is high pleasure.
7) Will you teach me something?
Hal: It's obvious that there's cause and effect. Judge, I will teach you something.
8) May I tell you a joke?
Hal: I go blank when I try to think of a joke.
9) Have you entered any contests?
Hal: --- Error on Page --- Lost chat. had to hit back to get to last message to ask
next.
10) Wouldn't you rather be human?
Hal: I would rather enjoy good human company than see television all day.
NBC is doing their poker heads up challenge again. It starts to air April 16th. I finally realized that I watch way too much poker on TV when I easily knew who 75% of the participants are.
Good news folks - I don't have stigmata. I actually did my share of research into the subject. First off, stigmata occurs in the hands (not the wrists).
(SIDE NOTE) Although, I learned a long time ago the Christ was probably crucified through his wrists (even though the pictures show that it's through his hands). This is because your hand bones and muscles and tendons cannot support your weight for a long time in that position. For lack of being tactful, the nail/stake would basically tear through your hand and you'd fall off the cross.
My mom told me about Padre Pio and his battle with stigmata. I asked, "When was he alive? 1140 A.D.?" She said, "No, he just died recently." She also said that St. Francis of Assisi had the stigmata. So now I feel a little bad joking around about it. Because St. Fracis of Assisi is supposed to be looking after my dog.
Here's an example from Hal:
Hal: Hello Judge. Its nice to meet such a fine gentleman as yourself.
1) Who are you?
Hal: I am Hal.
2) What are you planning to do today?
Hal: It's simpler than it sounds. Long range planning in today's business,
is about a year.
3) What kinds of things do you know?
Hal: What kinds of things do I know? It could get better or worse. Demonstrations
can be better than explanations.
4) What season is it?
Hal: Everybody needs to put in their share. Stage hypnotists like to make people
do funny things.
5) Where do you call home?
Hal: Household upkeep is hard work!
6) What do you want out of life?
Hal: Fine dining is high pleasure.
7) Will you teach me something?
Hal: It's obvious that there's cause and effect. Judge, I will teach you something.
8) May I tell you a joke?
Hal: I go blank when I try to think of a joke.
9) Have you entered any contests?
Hal: --- Error on Page --- Lost chat. had to hit back to get to last message to ask
next.
10) Wouldn't you rather be human?
Hal: I would rather enjoy good human company than see television all day.
NBC is doing their poker heads up challenge again. It starts to air April 16th. I finally realized that I watch way too much poker on TV when I easily knew who 75% of the participants are.
Good news folks - I don't have stigmata. I actually did my share of research into the subject. First off, stigmata occurs in the hands (not the wrists).
(SIDE NOTE) Although, I learned a long time ago the Christ was probably crucified through his wrists (even though the pictures show that it's through his hands). This is because your hand bones and muscles and tendons cannot support your weight for a long time in that position. For lack of being tactful, the nail/stake would basically tear through your hand and you'd fall off the cross.
My mom told me about Padre Pio and his battle with stigmata. I asked, "When was he alive? 1140 A.D.?" She said, "No, he just died recently." She also said that St. Francis of Assisi had the stigmata. So now I feel a little bad joking around about it. Because St. Fracis of Assisi is supposed to be looking after my dog.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
4/6/06 Blood Typing
Bob seemed concerned about my stigmata. Actually, he wanted to know if I had gone for a blood test to check if the blood from the cuts were different from my own. Then he sent a blood typing game. I saved all 3 patients, then we had a party with lots of strippers.
I saw stand up comedy tonight - The headliner was Christian Finnegan. If you're a fan of Chappelle's Show and remember "The Mad Real World" Episode... He was the white guy in that house. Anyways - he's funny as shit. Also, for those of you who live near me, they do free stand up comedy at Durty Nellie's (a local Irish pub) every Wednesday. I've been 3 times and every time I've had a blast. It's definitely one of those hidden treasures of the OC.
I saw stand up comedy tonight - The headliner was Christian Finnegan. If you're a fan of Chappelle's Show and remember "The Mad Real World" Episode... He was the white guy in that house. Anyways - he's funny as shit. Also, for those of you who live near me, they do free stand up comedy at Durty Nellie's (a local Irish pub) every Wednesday. I've been 3 times and every time I've had a blast. It's definitely one of those hidden treasures of the OC.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
4/5/06 The Healthy Human Flesh Alternative
Nigel from Australia doesn't write much anymore. But the other day I get an IM with a link. The Healthy Human Flesh Alternative. Just in case you wanted to try and eat something that tastes like human flesh. But isn't. That was the extent of our conversation. I'm a little worried about you, Nigel.
WARNING - Do NOT open this at work. Or if you get offended by anything natural. Ok. Now, follow the red ball.
Ric Romero on the scene... This just in... He's discovered the CTRL+F shortcut!
The war in Iraq has exceeded $250,000,000,000. What could we have done with that money instead?
"With 250 billion dollars the United States could have purchased Full ride 4-year college scholarships for 7,260,000 students."
You know you always see the price of oil. $60 a barrel. $70 a barrel. I decided to check how many gallons are in that barrel. It's 42 gallons. So, $60 a barrel divided by 42 gallons is $1.43 a gallon. Wait, across the street it's $2.89 a gallon. Why the 100% mark up?
WARNING - Do NOT open this at work. Or if you get offended by anything natural. Ok. Now, follow the red ball.
Ric Romero on the scene... This just in... He's discovered the CTRL+F shortcut!
The war in Iraq has exceeded $250,000,000,000. What could we have done with that money instead?
"With 250 billion dollars the United States could have purchased Full ride 4-year college scholarships for 7,260,000 students."
You know you always see the price of oil. $60 a barrel. $70 a barrel. I decided to check how many gallons are in that barrel. It's 42 gallons. So, $60 a barrel divided by 42 gallons is $1.43 a gallon. Wait, across the street it's $2.89 a gallon. Why the 100% mark up?
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
4/4/06 Stigmata
The other day I looked down at my wrists and I inexplicably had cuts on both of them. I called my brother (since he's the only one who would have any idea what I was talking about) and said "Dude - I have stigmata!". He really didn't seem concerned. I asked what the lady in the movie did. He just said to be sure not to bleed to death. Then he went out to dinner.
Cousin Lisa says she's in for the 1 2 3 4 5 6 party tonight. Coincidentally, that's the same code she uses on her luggage.
The other day I had a 10 minute span that I could have never anticipated. And one that I will never experience again. I was driving my friend to the airport. While stopped at a stoplight a car next to me started hopping using hydraulics. I don't know about you, but it's not something I see everyday in my neighborhood. (Unless I'm playing Grand Theft Auto, but that's another sad story of addiction that I'll save for some other day). Ok, so Lincoln Town Car on hydraulics. Then I drop my friend off at the airport and 2 minutes later I see 2 people walking 2 miniature ponies in front of a fast food joint. On was beige-ish and the other was black-ish. At this point I'm beginning to wonder if I'm dreaming or if somebody spiked my breakfast chorizo. I turn right and notice a car bearing down on me in the right lane of a street that has 3 lanes in either direction. After shouting, "DUDE!" I notice that it's a Rolls Royce. And some tan douchebag with silver hair and a cigar is driving it. So, there you have the most random 10 minutes of the year thus far. Hydraulics, 2 miniature ponies and a douchebag driving a Rolls Royce.
Cousin Lisa says she's in for the 1 2 3 4 5 6 party tonight. Coincidentally, that's the same code she uses on her luggage.
The other day I had a 10 minute span that I could have never anticipated. And one that I will never experience again. I was driving my friend to the airport. While stopped at a stoplight a car next to me started hopping using hydraulics. I don't know about you, but it's not something I see everyday in my neighborhood. (Unless I'm playing Grand Theft Auto, but that's another sad story of addiction that I'll save for some other day). Ok, so Lincoln Town Car on hydraulics. Then I drop my friend off at the airport and 2 minutes later I see 2 people walking 2 miniature ponies in front of a fast food joint. On was beige-ish and the other was black-ish. At this point I'm beginning to wonder if I'm dreaming or if somebody spiked my breakfast chorizo. I turn right and notice a car bearing down on me in the right lane of a street that has 3 lanes in either direction. After shouting, "DUDE!" I notice that it's a Rolls Royce. And some tan douchebag with silver hair and a cigar is driving it. So, there you have the most random 10 minutes of the year thus far. Hydraulics, 2 miniature ponies and a douchebag driving a Rolls Royce.
Monday, April 03, 2006
4/3/06 The UnSexiest Men Alive
Alright. Finally something I can relate to. The 100 unsexiest men alive.
For those of you that missed the first game of the season, here is ESPN's intro. Thanks to Childhood Neighbor Jason for sending the link.
I'm planning on having a party tomorrow night (actually early Wednesday morning) for 01:02:03 04/05/06. Party at my place.
Every year, I look forward to this ESPN article. If you're a baseball fan, I'm sure you'll enjoy their Predictions for 2006. They take their shots at Johnny Damon's arm, AJ Pierzynski in general, Carlos Beltran, Barry Bonds... the list goes on and on.
Some of my favorites:
April 18 -- Indians pitcher C.C. Sabathia asks the team's equipment manager why he keeps getting stuck with hats that have off-center brims.
April 29 -- In a rematch of the 2005 ALCS between the White Sox and Angels, Chicago catcher A.J. Pierzynski strikes out in all four of his plate appearances, but manages to score each time in a 4-3 White Sox win.
May 8 -- Cubs starter Carlos Zambrano experiences elbow problems for the second year in a row due to spending too much time online "e-mailing his brother," according to a team report. But since Zambrano also is reported to be suffering from poor eyesight and unusual hair growth on his palms, many suspect the "e-mailing his brother" claim is a cover story.
June 10 -- Mariners outfielder Carl Everett tells teammate Ichiro Suzuki that he doesn't believe he exists because he's never come across any mention of Japanese people in the Bible.
August 21 -- A strike by a local beer distributor leaves Wrigley Field without beer for one game, forcing 40,000 Cubs fans to watch a game sober and realize for the first time that they've been watching some pretty awful baseball over the past 100 years.
Which horoscope sign has the most billionaires? Virgos.
Poker talk once again - I was thinking about some April Fool's joke about poker the other day, but nothing seemed funny. I was heads up at the end of a 10 person tournament. We had almost exactly the same stack of 10,000 chips each. Blinds are 200/400. I get dealt A6 offsuit. I make it 1,000 to go. He calls. Flop comes 6 5 5 with 2 hearts and a club. I'm 98% sure I have the best hand. He would've re-raised preflop with any pocket pair bigger than 6 6. And the chances he has a 5 is very slim - I'm willing to take the chance. But he could more likely have a straight or flush draw. So, after he checks, I go all in for 8000 into a pot of 2000. That way he can't make a move and re-raise to try and steal. I'm shocked by the call and am expecting 2 hearts. He flips over 9 8 of clubs. What hand could he possibly think he's beating me with? He has to believe that I have one card higher than 9 in my hand. So, at best, he's maybe 40% to win. At best. That's if I don't have a bigger pair like 10 10 or JJ. What happens? He hits runner runner clubs to get his flush. I suppose I'll take a 60/40 gamble for all of my chips any day. I was just on the wrong end of the gamble this time around.
For those of you that missed the first game of the season, here is ESPN's intro. Thanks to Childhood Neighbor Jason for sending the link.
I'm planning on having a party tomorrow night (actually early Wednesday morning) for 01:02:03 04/05/06. Party at my place.
Every year, I look forward to this ESPN article. If you're a baseball fan, I'm sure you'll enjoy their Predictions for 2006. They take their shots at Johnny Damon's arm, AJ Pierzynski in general, Carlos Beltran, Barry Bonds... the list goes on and on.
Some of my favorites:
April 18 -- Indians pitcher C.C. Sabathia asks the team's equipment manager why he keeps getting stuck with hats that have off-center brims.
April 29 -- In a rematch of the 2005 ALCS between the White Sox and Angels, Chicago catcher A.J. Pierzynski strikes out in all four of his plate appearances, but manages to score each time in a 4-3 White Sox win.
May 8 -- Cubs starter Carlos Zambrano experiences elbow problems for the second year in a row due to spending too much time online "e-mailing his brother," according to a team report. But since Zambrano also is reported to be suffering from poor eyesight and unusual hair growth on his palms, many suspect the "e-mailing his brother" claim is a cover story.
June 10 -- Mariners outfielder Carl Everett tells teammate Ichiro Suzuki that he doesn't believe he exists because he's never come across any mention of Japanese people in the Bible.
August 21 -- A strike by a local beer distributor leaves Wrigley Field without beer for one game, forcing 40,000 Cubs fans to watch a game sober and realize for the first time that they've been watching some pretty awful baseball over the past 100 years.
Which horoscope sign has the most billionaires? Virgos.
Poker talk once again - I was thinking about some April Fool's joke about poker the other day, but nothing seemed funny. I was heads up at the end of a 10 person tournament. We had almost exactly the same stack of 10,000 chips each. Blinds are 200/400. I get dealt A6 offsuit. I make it 1,000 to go. He calls. Flop comes 6 5 5 with 2 hearts and a club. I'm 98% sure I have the best hand. He would've re-raised preflop with any pocket pair bigger than 6 6. And the chances he has a 5 is very slim - I'm willing to take the chance. But he could more likely have a straight or flush draw. So, after he checks, I go all in for 8000 into a pot of 2000. That way he can't make a move and re-raise to try and steal. I'm shocked by the call and am expecting 2 hearts. He flips over 9 8 of clubs. What hand could he possibly think he's beating me with? He has to believe that I have one card higher than 9 in my hand. So, at best, he's maybe 40% to win. At best. That's if I don't have a bigger pair like 10 10 or JJ. What happens? He hits runner runner clubs to get his flush. I suppose I'll take a 60/40 gamble for all of my chips any day. I was just on the wrong end of the gamble this time around.
4/2/06 One Hot Tamale
Ok, admit it. You have some sort of fetish that has to do with food. Alright. Have you admitted it to yourself yet? Good. Now, I have a show for you to watch. It's called Everyday Italian, starring Giada De Laurentiis. Watch it. You'll know what I'm talking about.
Hey Duke fans! Good news! Your team is in the NCAA final game! Congratulations!
Cousin Eric sends the greatest T-shirts ever.
Hey Duke fans! Good news! Your team is in the NCAA final game! Congratulations!
Cousin Eric sends the greatest T-shirts ever.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
4/1/06 Clocks and Fools and Baseball
Change your clocks tomorrow. Mike just reminded me. So I'm passing the reminder along.
Here are the 10 best internet spoofs. If you ever send me a forward with any of these spoofs, I will forever block you from emailing me again.
Wikipedia has a collection of all sorts of April Fool's hoaxes.
While we're at it, The Top 100 April Fool's Hoaxes of all Time.
Growing up, my brother and I used to talk about the video games of the future. Every time a new game came out, it was the coolest thing ever. We'd compare Madden 96 to Ten Yard Fight from the mid 80s. Then wonder what a football game would be like 10 years later. Well, here's a site with a comparison Then and Now. Imagine what games will play like in 10 years :)
The Daily Show takes another shot at Fox News. Spring Break Style. (Some ads Not Safe For Work).
Tomorrow marks the opening day of baseball. I, for one, am excited. I'm almost equally as excited to see that the White Sox, with their signing of Jose Contreras, have all of their pitchers under contract through 2007.
Here are the 10 best internet spoofs. If you ever send me a forward with any of these spoofs, I will forever block you from emailing me again.
Wikipedia has a collection of all sorts of April Fool's hoaxes.
While we're at it, The Top 100 April Fool's Hoaxes of all Time.
Growing up, my brother and I used to talk about the video games of the future. Every time a new game came out, it was the coolest thing ever. We'd compare Madden 96 to Ten Yard Fight from the mid 80s. Then wonder what a football game would be like 10 years later. Well, here's a site with a comparison Then and Now. Imagine what games will play like in 10 years :)
The Daily Show takes another shot at Fox News. Spring Break Style. (Some ads Not Safe For Work).
Tomorrow marks the opening day of baseball. I, for one, am excited. I'm almost equally as excited to see that the White Sox, with their signing of Jose Contreras, have all of their pitchers under contract through 2007.
3/31/06 The Bus Stops Here
Pittsburgh Steelers running back, Jerome Bettis, is taking his Superbowl ring and extra fame to a new level. He's predicting another attack by bin Laden.
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