Saturday, April 08, 2006

4/8/06 Commercials

Now that I have DVR, I fast forward through as many commercials as I can. If I were to be honest, I get upset with myself when I forget that I'm watching something that was recorded and end up dealing with the mindless commercials. I'm also pissed when I'm watching something live, go to fast forward, and nothing happens. Yeah, DVR can spoil.

This whole DVR conversation has two points. First - DVR users still watch commercials. Most of them pay closer attention to the commercials because they want to know where to hit play again.

Secondly, I've been amassing a small list of commercials that bother me. They bother me for different reasons. Actually, I was hoping to have a longer list before I wrote this post. But the DVR article made for the perfect transition. Plus, this is an open forum. Let's keep posting the most ridiculous commercials here.

Here they are:

Urine Gone - "Is your pet a peeing machine?" That's how the commercial begins. The whole thing is just sick. "Urine Gone's enzymes have an appetite for urine." Does anyone really have that much urine in their house? Where you need a super size bottle? Can I purchase a list of everyone who buys Urine Gone. So that I can never visit them. Ever. Sorry, I can't keep writing about this. It's making me want to vomit.

24 Hour Fitness - Their slogan is "You to the power of 24." (Note: I think they're only in the west, so you may not be familiar with them). I'm probably not the nerdy demographic they're aiming for. But hear me out for a second. I can't help by think - Me to the power of 24. What if I'm not that confident in my abilities? Or maybe I'm just a little below where I think I should be physically. That would be pretty normal for someone who is looking to join a gym, right? So I'm thinking that I'm not 100%. Optimistically, I'm 90%. (I'm not even 90%, but for the sake of argument, let's go with it.) Then, I did the math. Me (.90) to the power of 24. .9^24. Wait. That's .08. I've just gone from 90% to 8%. That's not too inspiring. Maybe I'll join some other gym.

Toyota - "I want my MPG". The whole thing is just gay. I refuse to ever buy another Toyota based on this commercial alone.

Uno Attack - A mechanized game of Uno. Sounds pretty dangerous, right? I've been scouring the internet for a video of the Uno Attack commercial. PLEASE let me know if you find one. Because, I'm going to sound crazy without the commercial to back me up. They have some song in the commercial. And I swear on everything holy that they say "You might get AIDS!" A little more dangerous than you expected, huh?

The song goes like this:

(Drums beating) Uno Attack!
It's a snap to pick up,
But you can't put it back.
Uno Attack!
Hit the monster,
Tempt your fate.
You might get no cards,
You might get AIDS.

Maxwell House - I was just about to post this when the Maxwell House commercial came on. I hate it for the same reason I hate the Toyota commercial. They take a cheesy, popular song from the 80s and make it their anthem. Maxwell House is off the shopping list now too.

Check back in the comments section for more crappy commercials.


Cousin Jeff said...

A special place in hell is reserved for that Applebee's commercial with the song about shrimp set to the Gilligan's Island music.

Anonymous said...

Unless you live in Charlotte, this will not resonate, but there is an ad for Honda of Concord and their catch phrase is "The new Honda of Concord" The manner in which the same woman has said this since they're been open is driving me insane. Plus they've been open for about a year and a half which to me is far beyond new, so everytime this woman says this catch phrase, I feel a chill run down my spine and I want to throw something at the TV