Friday, October 06, 2006

10/6/06 How To Beat Anyone in RPS

Since the World Rock Paper Scissors Championships are just around the corner... And years after my run to glory, people continue to ask me how I became an international competitor... I present How to beat anyone at RPS. Also, a new t-shirt is available - Scissors Cuts Paper.

The Sports Guy writes his weekly football article and titles it "There's No Reality in Fantasy". The overriding theme is that fantasy football is such a crap shoot that there's really no skill left in playing it. (He also lets his wife write a couple of paragraphs - She writes about how stupid fantasy sports are off to the right. Definitely worth checking out).

Rolling with the topic above... I'd like to propose that there's no fantasy in reality any longer. When you read that Indiana Pacer, Stephen Jackson, was punched, hit by a car and fired shots outside of a strip club - AND he was with 3 of his teammates... Did you, for even a split second, feel surprised or shocked? Didn't think so. I am going to make a broad generalization and lump the NFL and NBA together here. Both leagues are trying SO hard to pretend like the vast majority of the players are upstanding citizens with zero human desires. That somehow these young men (Some of them under 21 years of age) won't continue to be young men. NBA Commissioner, David Stern, has done just about everything humanly possible to make the NBA appear to be an upstanding league. I, for one, don't buy the illusion. Never have. But I know a lot of people that do - and it's important for them to believe that their hometown star player is an upstanding citizen in addition to being a great athlete. (This is the same syndrome that affects local communities with their star high school athletes... But I won't get into that today.) What's the point here? I dunno. I would just rather that athletes just do whatever they wanted in their free time without being held to some different standard. Instead, grown men believe the illusion that these athletes are just cool guys that would invite us over for pizza, beer and poker on the weekends.

I wanna take a bulldozer.... yeah.... a crane with a wrecking ball... and a bulldozer... and one of those really nice shovels. And a back hoe and a forklift. And a front end loader. And a combine. Oh yeah. And a getaway car. And some rubber. Only then will I score.

Sorry - My brain continues to be mushy so most of what I'm writing won't make sense. So, uh... here's what I'm talking about (for the impatient, fast forward to the final minute).

No comments: