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Here's my recipe for scrambled eggs - Make an omelette. Screw up the folding a couple of times. You're done.
Jose Contreras is on his way to the glue factory.
If Barry Bonds ties the homerun record in LA, I might have to trek to San Diego this weekend.
You can Simpsonize yourself here. (The site was bombarded and down for almost a week).
I found out that the William Tell Overture is almost 6 hours when performed in its entirety. I then thought it would be cool to see a full performance. Afterwards I searched for the music online, hoping to hear the one part we all recognize. After 60 seconds of some other crap, I changed my mind.
Here are parts of the William Tell Overture you'll probably know. Again, I think I know the first one from Bugs Bunny (although it may be some other cartoon).
And of course the finale we all know from the Lone Ranger...
In a sign that it's Monday and I've really nothing to occupy myself, I'm going to tell you about my mail. In the past week I've gotten two pieces of mail that seem worth talking about. First is my very own AARP card. I put it in my wallet. And I'm going to present it anywhere that offers and AARP discount. This seems like a losing proposition, since, as soon as I prove who I am with a driver's license, I also prove that I'm not of retirement age.
The second piece of mail was from Victoria's Secret. In my name. Included in the mailer is a card for a free pair of cotton panties. I may also put that in my wallet. Then, next time I'm in the vicinity of a Victoria's Secret, I'm going to get my free pair of cotton panties. And I'm going to tell them they're for me. Then, depending on the level of security threats made against me, I'll go try them on... And ask the salesperson how they look as I make that backwards look at my backside and make that face of "Is my ass fat?" and give the salesperson those puppy dog eyes hoping she'll say something uplifting to falsely boost my ego. Ok, I know you're sickened at this point. You have every right to be. Also know that I'm joking. Sort of - These thoughts have crossed my mind... (Not the cross dressing part) But I don't have to cajones (no pun intended) to go through with it.
Somewhere in some marketing database, I'm labeled as a 55 year old female. Awesome.
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I feel a little better about myself. Not because I wrote an entire paragraph about cotton panties. But because I'm not the only one who had the Harry Potter book cover problem.
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My mom always told me that musicians are strange people. I've met many musicians over the years. However, we may have found the cream of the crop....
Here's a fun quote of the day. I just came back from a soak in the hot tub. As I'm getting out, some girl I don't really know that well (I don't know her name, if that gives you an idea) asks if I really have a nacho website. I say yes. She looks at her friend and then has this look on her face like she has something really profound to either ask or tell me. I give the look back suggesting, "Yes, go ahead and ask..." She asks (And this is the quote of the day), "Is it true that some restaurants are better than others?" My mouth remained halfway open in stunned silence. There is absolutely no appropriate response to that question. The moral of the story? You're imaginging her as blond. She was brunette.
Today I learned about the Dunning-Kruger Effect. It's something we've all seen. "The Dunning-Kruger effect is the phenomenon wherein people who have little knowledge think that they know more than others who have much more knowledge."
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From the "Just buy a Brita" files: The water from both Aquafina (Pepsi) and Desani (Coca Cola) come from a public source. In other words, they're purifying tap water and bottling it.
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I was watching another episode of "The Universe". This week's episode was about Saturn. Saturn has something like 48 known moons. The biggest and most talked about it Titan. What's interesting about Titan is that is has an atmosphere. The atmosphere consists mainly of nitrogen and methane - Which is similar to earth's early atmosphere. Since it's so cold on Titan, methane is in a liquid form. Here's the part I found cool - It rains methane and there are methane rivers.
Today I've been thinking about certain words of wisdom many of you have passed along over the years. I'm going to paraphrase the best I can. Feel free to correct any of the quotes. Or misquotes as they may end up being. Also, this could be a work in progress - One that I'll periodically update as I think of more. Feel free to add your own. One last thing - don't be offended if you're not on the list. It can be something to aspire to for future words of wisdom.
"If logic ruled the world, men would ride sidesaddle." - My Dad
"Nobody doesn't expect Mexican chupacabras to vacation in the Wisconsin Dells." - Some anonymous commenter 2.5 years ago.
"Who's cooler than me?" - Cousin Eric
"Metallica ceased to be Metallica when they started singing 'Please excuse me while I tend to how I feel'." - Roadtrip Joe (Lyrics from "Hero of the Day").
"Must've been some other ho" - An ex-girlfriend every time I'd recall a story about something I thought she and I did together.
This one is less quotable. But Mike once and for all convinced me that toilet paper goes OVER and never under. The reason? You don't want to be scraping your knuckles against the wall to find the next square. He's right. Argument settled.
"The worst way to hit on a girl is with a bat. A hammer is pretty bad, too." - This one is going to remain anonymous for obvious reasons.
"Life is not a game to be played with a catcher’s mitt on both hands. You have to be able to throw something back once in awhile." Hot Corner Heidi quoting Maya Angelou.
"Arguing politics is like participating in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, in the end you're still retarded."
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You know what I don't get? Other than laid? Is how the U.S. even has a Naval Base at Guantanamo. Cuba doesn't exactly consider the U.S. an ally or friend or anything of that sort. How then did the U.S. carve out a piece of Cuba and say, "Hey, uh, we're just gonna hang out here and do some secret military stuff. Is that cool? Actually, we're not asking. We're just telling at this point." Could you imagine the exact opposite on U.S. soil? Where a bunch of Cuban military officers were just hanging out around Lake Okeechobee?
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Since nobody really seemed to respond to the logic puzzle from the other day, I'm just going to assume that you loved it. Here's another one:
Adam picked up one of his usual, five-card draw poker hands the other night. He noted:
All of the cards were below a jack and no suit was missing. The cumulative total of the even cards and the odd cards were equal. The spades totaled 14. The red cards totaled 10. The lowest card was a heart.
What was Adam's hand?
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I wanted to post this on Monday in the middle of Harry Potter madness. Thanks to No Longer Neighbor Natalie for helping me find it.
What was the #1 song on the day you were born? 18 years from now, kids are going to be playing the same game. But their answers will be "Gold Digger" and "Drop It Like It's Hot".
There was a man who, at low tide Would walk with the Lord by his side Jesus said "Now look back; You'll see one set of tracks. That's when you got a piggy-back ride.
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Big Daddy Dan sends this guitar duo performing David Bowie. Since I don't understand a word of British, I'm trusting Dan that it's very funny....
Harry "Friggin" Potter. Ok. I'm done. We can talk. Just not here. This is still a No Spoiler Zone. I set a personal record of 53 hours from start to finish. I know for a fact that some of you finished WAY earlier. I don't know about you, but I don't think my eyes are going to recover for another 53 hours.
This Harry Potter book sold 8.3 million copies in the first 24 hours. But here's a bet you can make with your friends... Tell them that it won't be a New York Times Best Seller. In fact, tell them it won't crack the top ten.
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This afternoon, as I was moving sporadically from my couch to my bed to my toilet to my kitchen and back to my couch - With Harry Potter in hand - Through the window I overheard my upstairs neighbor exclaim, "This is a GREAT CD! It's Nickelback!" I stopped reading. Laughed. And wrote down the quote.
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Cousin Jeff sends a fantastic logic puzzle. It takes knowledge of Texas Hold 'em. It took me more time than expected to find a solution. Good luck.
I was ahead pre-flop, flop, and the turn, but no matter what card comes on the river, at best I split the pot.
What do I have, what does my opponent have, and what does the board look like?
(Note: I only have one opponent. And by "ahead", I would win the hand then and there. Not "ahead" in a percentage sense.)
Has there ever been a book release like this final installment of Harry Potter? Even I've gone a tad gaga. After thinking about standing in line with a bunch of kids and their parents on Friday night, I decided to pick up my copy on Saturday morning instead. My biggest fear is that somebody is going to ruin the story. So I make this promise. We are in a NO SPOILER zone. However, feel free to let us know when you're finished reading. That way, those of you who are finished can discuss. My brother's rule seems to be the best... If you ruin anything, you get punched in the nose; regardless of age. That applies here, too.
I'm so paranoid about hearing a spoiler that I seriously considered not going to a pool party today. Between kids and drunk people, I didn't like the chances of being in public. Eventually I went. With my book. BUT... (I'm such a loser, I know), I swapped the Harry Potter cover with a Stephen King cover. So nobody would bother asking me about it. Ironically, the dude I was sitting next to was also reading it. And he removed the cover too, for similar reasons. My buddy was able to concentrate better than me over all of the music and other noise. I finally asked him how he was able to concentrate. He bluntly replied - "There isn't a whole lot that can distract me from good looking girls in bikinis. But this story is THAT good." Thus far, I'm in complete agreement.
In case you're wondering, I'm on page 268. (I was born a slow reader - What can I say?) I hope to be at least halfway done by tonight. I'm guessing that I'll either finish late, late tomorrow night or sometime Tuesday. I'll let you know when I do. So if you're done, we can compare notes.
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Are you into the whole "Dark Side of the Moon" and "Wizard of Oz" thing? If so, you may also enjoy "Willy Wonka" with Rush's "2112".
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I actually want to get back to Harry Potter. So I'm done for now. But I'll leave you with this.... Prison inmates re-enacting "Thriller".
Because I'm such a cool cat, I was watching "Universe" on The History Channel. My favorite tidbit was about the planet Mercury. A year on Mercury is 88 earth days. But a day on Mercury is 180 earth days or so. My confusion lies in the whole "day" thing. Cuz after one revolution of the sun, only half a day has passed. But some parts of the planet got lots of sunlight. While other parts got little or none. You know, how about this? Take a second and get two things out of your desk and play with me. The big thing is the sun. The little thing is Mercury. Now, let Mercury orbit the sun once. But as it's orbiting, it will only rotate about half way. Oh wait, here's a better idea... Make your desk lamp the sun. That way you can see which side of Mercury is getting sunlight. Cool, huh? Actually, I have no idea which way the orbits go. You know what? New plan. Put your objects back in your desk and get back to work.
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We're just going to go full on science today. As a kid I remember going to a museum and playing a computerized tic-tac-toe game. The game would never lose. At about the age of 8, I think I mastered the concept. The new hotness? Computerized checkers. "It took an average of 50 computers nearly two decades to sift through the 500 billion billion possible draughts positions to come up with the solution."
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Who's the real culprit when it comes to pollution and CO2 emissions? Beef. "Producing 2.2lb of beef generates as much greenhouse gas as driving a car non-stop for three hours".
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As of this post, the world population is estimated at 6,599,478,950. And is increasing by 3 people per second. The number of hectares of productive (arable) land is 8,561,816,049. And is decreasing by one every 7.67 seconds. I'm simply making an observation. And the observation is this - Something's got to give.
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Just in case you weren't familiar yesterday with Strong Bad and Trogdor.... Much to my surprise, there is a full Wiki dedication to HomeStar Runner. Which got me to thinking. Maybe I should start a Nacho Wiki. You think it would be hard to do?
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And for the final science tidbit of the day.... Spooky action at a distance. That's what Einstein called the Theory of Quantum Mechanics. Here's the simplest way I can explain it... All communication takes time. The universal speed limit (as we currently understand) is the speed of light. The speed of light is very fast. At the same time, it is not instantaneous. The light we see from the sun take 8.5 minutes to get here. Even gravity works at the speed of light (Another one of Einstein's great contributions). If the sun exploded or, hypothetically speaking, just disappeared, the earth wouldn't hurdle into space for 8.5 minutes.
One of the inconsistencies that Einstein saw with Quantum Mechanics is entanglement. Two particles can become "entangled" (the details aren't important right now). But, much like Chainsaw and Dave, they share the same brain. As soon as one particle's spin is determined, the entangled particle instantaneously spins the opposite direction. So, let's say for instance, you take two of these entangled particles and shoot them in opposite directions. One towards the sun and one out into the far reaches of the solar system. Just before the one particle hits the sun, you determine its spin. The other particle, in theory, will immediately spin in the opposite direction. But how does it know? Remember the speed of light takes 8.5 minutes to travel to earth. So now, those two particles would need twice that (17 minutes since they are in opposite directions) to make any kind of communication.
All experimental signs point to that being the case. Even more - it points to Einstein being wrong about Quantum Mechanics. And this, my friends, is one of the many mysteries remaining in the world around us.
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To conclude the nerdy post - Star Wars on Robot Chicken. (My favorite scene is the final one on this first video).
Back in some previous life I tried learning computer science. The endeavor didn't last all that long. Officially I transferred out of that major after 2 years. Unofficially I started taking business classes after the first semester. Un-unofficially, I checked out after about 3 weeks. It wasn't for me. I got a 38% on my final exam and an 11% on my final project and still somehow managed a C. It wasn't quite the start I had in mind for my collegiate career.
Needless to say, I don't remember a whole lot about CS125 or the programming language Scheme. But I do distinctly remember one class where we were learning about random numbers and now to create them. To give you an idea of how great the faculty was, they spent the majority of the class talking about the intricacies of "random numbers" vs. "pseudo random numbers". In the meantime, I couldn't program for shit and would've preferred some sort of real lesson. Ironically, I remember the "pseudo random numbers" discussion more so than any other part of that class. From what I remember, all computerized random numbers aren't really 100% random since they use the internal clock (like using the hundredths of a second) to generate the number. From what I was told, the only real way to generate a real random number was to use a Geiger counter.
So, to all of those computer whizzes, here's something that may make your day... The first "true number generator" is online. And, despite what I learned, it doesn't use a Geiger counter. It uses the uncertainty of quantum physics.
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There are a small handful of bands that I'd like to see perform live before I die. Or they die. One of those bands is Rush. Rush is performing locally next Wednesday. So I'm putting my feelers out to see if any of you have ticket hookups.
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I found a video that cracked me up. But it seems like such an inside joke kind of laugh, that I'd probably be better of not mentioning it. Instead, I'm going to try and explain for the 2 of you that will think it's funny. Let's start with Strong Bad. Strong Bad is a long running animated character online. He checks weekly emails and responds to them. One of my favorite emails is about Trogdor the Burninator. Subsequently, the Trogdor song ended up as an extra on Guitar Hero II. So, here's the Trogdor email....
Now, for the funny video. Somebody made a parody of the song about their dog, Falcor. (As a very small added bonus, notice "The Neverending Story" reference). Like I said. You probably won't find it funny. In retrospect, I should've not written about this. But at this point, I'm so invested that I wouldn't feel right erasing it. So here.... Here's Falcor.
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I saw this dude on TV playing in the World Series of Poker. Then they started showing his infomercials from the 80s. Wow. Yeah. That really happened. Here's Tommy Vu:
My mom (by proxy of my dad) sends a video of a guy playing "The Toreador Song". In a way you've never seen before. Also, a shout out to my brother - TOREADOR!!!!
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It's a year old already. But I'm obsessed with the song "Knights of Cydonia". The reason? I saw that it's going to be on Guitar Hero III. So I gave it a good listen through. There's something about the galloping rhythm that fascinates me. So does the acapella breakdown about halfway through.
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Since I didn't post yesterday, here are some videos that will keep you busy for the remainder of the week. They're all game show moments.
The California wine competition is over. More than 350 wines were judged. The best chardonnay? Two buck chuck.
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It really is the Ides of July. The Romans made things real complicated for some reason. Instead of numbers (which were confusing enough already... hadn't anyone heard of the deca system?), they used the following:
Kalends (1st day of the month) Nones (the 7th day in March, May, July, and October; the 5th in the other months) Ides (the 15th day in March, May, July, and October; the 13th in the other months)
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By now, you're familiar with my obsession with odd commercials. The commercial for the Oozinator might be number one in the "Just Wrong" category.
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Have a good start to your week. And remember - It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
The new Harry Potter movie rules. If you have the time and the few extra dollars, I highly recommend seeing it on the IMAX. The 20 minutes in 3D towards the end are definitely fun. I promised that I'd never be one of those "The book was SO much better than the movie" kind of people. It always seemed so snotty to say. So, I'll phrase it a little differently.... The movie could have been an hour longer and included many more of the character interaction details. And it would have kept my attention the entire time.
The Smokey Lady has started her own blog where she is showing off her gorgeous handmade jewelry. The jewelry is unique and great for gifts. (And VERY affordable).
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I'm sorry it took me so long to finally post this. But in this month's Wired Magazine, there's an infographic that compares how informed Americans are on world issues versus their main source of news.
Was today free slurpee day? I must have missed it this year.
Two people have told me that the Transformer movie was good. I've made a mental note not to take movie advice from either of those people again. I haven't seen it. I don't plan on seeing it. All I need to make my decision is this:
The Island Bad Boys II Pearl Harbor Armageddon The Rock (Ok, I sort of liked the this one) Bad Boys Playboy Video Centerfold: Kerri Kendall
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Remember when I used to link to games? Those were the days. They just don't make games like they used to. This game in particular deserves some sort of warning. Like, don't drop acid before playing. Or, WTF?!
The word "Ginormous" is now in the Merriam-Webster dictionary. A while back I made fun of the crap ass commercial for "Buzz Ballads" because they used that word. It was something like "32 ginormous hits!" I'm still looking for that version of the commercial. All I have is another version. One that promotes 32 of the songs that collectively destroyed alternative music as we used to know it.
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My dad suggests a way to avoid the TSA and airport security. Use 105 helium balloons and a chair.
Poker Jason claims to be very busy at work. At the same time, he send me links to Human Tetris:
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Poker Jason also tells me about a wedding he attended this weekend. A wedding where the bride and groom decided to play a round of Dance Dance Revolution for their first dance. To complete his trifecta of awesome, Poker Jason also sends more information about Guitar Hero III.
Talk about coincidence.... In the past week, I've received good news about my "Trapped in the Closet" fascination. R. Kelly's sequel (or, more precisely, chapters 13-22) is coming out this month. And I thought that July 2007 was reserved for Harry Potter (the book AND the movie), Guitar Hero 80's edition and the baseball all star break. Could this month possibly get any better?
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To my college friends: You'll be happy to know that within the past week, I've taught the game Zoom to two different groups of people. And it still remains a lot of fun. Hopefully the British will bring the game overseas and spread the word. Or three words, as the case may be.
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My newest favorite commercial. It's by FreeCreditReport.com. Some easy going dude with light brown hair looks around in a peculiar way and says, "I'm thinking of a number. Do you know what it is? (Camera zooms in and he looks straight at you). It's 20 million." I'm not sure about you. But I was off by more than 19.99 million.
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Maybe I'm going through some sort of age crisis. But I continue to search for memories of my childhood. I recently found 2 of my favorite videos from school. You can thank me later....
Donald Duck in Mathmagic Land
And Part 2
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Powers of 10 (I've been looking for this since about 1st grade):
Let's do this backwards. First I'm going to wish you a festive and safe 4th of July. When holidays like the 4th are on a Wednesday, you usually have one of two extremes. You either get the day off and do something low key like going to see fireworks. Or you just go nuts and have yourself a 5 day weekend. The reason I'm talking about the 4th two days early is that I'm choosing the latter. And I will be offline for the remainder of the week. Just so you won't miss me too much, I'll leave you with some extra videos to help hold you over until Monday. But this isn't about me. It's about having fun this week with the holiday. Enjoy yourself. Get some sun. And don't blow off any limbs or anything stupid like that.
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Conservatives are claiming that sites like Wikipediaare liberally biased. So they've started their own site called Conservapedia. It appears very fair minded. As an example, I searched on BarackObama. From the entry:
"In June 2007 the Chicago Sun-Times reported Obama had actually recieved nearly three times more campaign cash from indicted slum landlord Tony Rezko and his associates than Obama has publicly acknowledged."
"Senator BarackObama's political views have been a matter of controversy even before he put himself forward as a Presidential Candidate. Former House Majority leader Tom DeLay has described Obama's record in the Illinois Senate as that of a “Marxist leftist.”"
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This is a fun card trick sent by Luis:
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Since I talked about Canada's national anthem yesterday and stated it's my 2nd favorite national anthem, I figured that I'd take some time and give you my top five. Here they are:
#5 - Kazakhstan
#4 - The United Arab Emirates (The video is really well done and earned its way into the top five. And the fact that they didn't feel like using words also earned them bonus points.)
Happy Canada Day. I hope you all celebrated as much as I did. In honor of Canada Day, some of my Canadian friends organized a barbeque. While I can't say much, what I can say about Canada is this - they have my 2nd favorite national anthem of all time. And I learned that "According to a national beer-drinking survey on behalf of Moosehead, an eyebrow-raising 40% of Atlantic Canadians said if they had to choose between beer and sex, they would forego carnal pleasures and opt for a cold one instead."
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Like I said, ESPN.com had way better draft coverage than I could. Just ask the Sports Guy.
Every so often I get into a "Trapped in the Closet" mood. Not so much for the song or the video. But because I don't quite understand what it's all about. So, here they are for your viewing pleasure.
The original -
The Weird Al version, "Trapped in the Drive Thru" -
