This is one of the cooler online test thingies that I've found in quite some time. But I need to warn you - It takes some time. Maybe 15 minutes or so. It's a test to show if your brain works like a typical male or female. Oh, and you need a ruler. Because I ended up finding a ruler online and measuring my fingers against the screen... only to find out that the ratio between my ring finger and index finger show that I lacked testosterone in the womb. Or... I'm just leaving this out there as a possibility... I had a difficult time using a PDF file ruler. That being said, it's still an awesome test.
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In the tradition of year end awards - the worst TV ads of the year. I'm thrilled to see the Dominoes Fudge Ems made the cut. And, even though the pepto bismol commercial made the list, I love the new version. (Yes, poops and farts are still funny to me).
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In baseball, getting signals from the base coaches can be the difference between winning and losing. Or, maybe even the difference between life and death.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
12/26/06 Pleo
I trust you all had a great Christmas. Somehow I ended up with a copy of Wired Magazine to my name and address. (The transition here was supposed to be gifts and Christmas, but I'm too tired to tie that all together). The problem is that I forget if I ordered it for myself or if somebody ordered it for me. It's my first copy. And there's no bow or ribbon or card. If you got it for me - thanks. Cuz it's awesome. (And I'm now certifying myself as a complete and utter nerd.) There's an article about the next generation Furby. It's called Pleo. It does all of those things that people claimed Furbys could do but really didn't. Like learn and make certain sounds if you respond in the same way to those sounds. Eh, just read the webpage.
From the same magazine, I learned that the new passports (after the new year) will have an RFID chip in them. And the best way to disable it is to take a hammer to your passport. Which, in no way invalidates it.
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Alright - A new online game. In the spirit of Rocky - Play Ivan Drago: Justice Enforcer. It's like Double Dragon on the original Nintendo. Then you fight Apollo Creed. Who happens to be alive again. Then I died. So I don't know if there's more game after that.
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On Christmas Day, I was having dinner with some friends and was rambling non-senically as usual. My friend told me straight out that I need to find a job. Or at least find better ways to spend my free time. He's right. But maybe he'd change his mind if he knew that I found a Google map landscape that looks like, uh, you know.
From the same magazine, I learned that the new passports (after the new year) will have an RFID chip in them. And the best way to disable it is to take a hammer to your passport. Which, in no way invalidates it.
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Alright - A new online game. In the spirit of Rocky - Play Ivan Drago: Justice Enforcer. It's like Double Dragon on the original Nintendo. Then you fight Apollo Creed. Who happens to be alive again. Then I died. So I don't know if there's more game after that.
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On Christmas Day, I was having dinner with some friends and was rambling non-senically as usual. My friend told me straight out that I need to find a job. Or at least find better ways to spend my free time. He's right. But maybe he'd change his mind if he knew that I found a Google map landscape that looks like, uh, you know.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
12/24/06 Not a Creature Was Stirring
Well, the year end lists are starting. Like I said earlier, I love this time of year - for the lists and tv shows. Here's a list that I wasn't planning on seeing. 2006 might go down as the year of the horny female teacher. For your viewing pleasure - a list of the teachers. With pictures. (Ed. Note: Some of them are really hot. Sadly, the twin teacher thing isn't nearly that exciting.)
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More lists - ESPN's top sports stories of 2006.
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Well, it's been a while since I've talked baseball. But I've gotten a bunch of emails and calls lately. They all sound like, "What the hell are the White Sox thinking?" If you're not a fan of baseball (or you don't follow during the offseason), here's a quick overview of what happened. The White Sox have had one of the more formidable pitching staffs in the major leagues. In fact, they have had one of those nice problems that every team would like to have. Six quality starting pitchers for five positions. So they traded one starter (Freddy Garcia) to the Phillies recently to make room for the young guy. That made sense. Sort of. (They didn't get a whole lot in return, but whatever). Then, out of nowhere, they trade the young guy (Brandon McCarthy) for a few young pitching prospects. Now they have 4 starters for 5 positions. Huh? Cousin Jeff sends a stat lover's analysis of the trade.
Since I trust the Kenny Williams (GM of the White Sox), I can only justify these trades if...
A) They package up some of these prospects for a huge player like Carl Crawford. OR...
B) They see how much money mediocre pitchers are getting this year (See Gil Meche, Ted Lilly, Jason Marquis, Jeff Suppan). And they're stockpiling young arms to counter these ridiculous contracts.
During my research on this topic, I ran into one of the funniest videos I've seen in a long time. (NOTE: You probably don't want to open this at work.) You know the video of that German kid going nuts at his computer? Turns out - He's a Cubs fan.
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More lists - ESPN's top sports stories of 2006.
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Well, it's been a while since I've talked baseball. But I've gotten a bunch of emails and calls lately. They all sound like, "What the hell are the White Sox thinking?" If you're not a fan of baseball (or you don't follow during the offseason), here's a quick overview of what happened. The White Sox have had one of the more formidable pitching staffs in the major leagues. In fact, they have had one of those nice problems that every team would like to have. Six quality starting pitchers for five positions. So they traded one starter (Freddy Garcia) to the Phillies recently to make room for the young guy. That made sense. Sort of. (They didn't get a whole lot in return, but whatever). Then, out of nowhere, they trade the young guy (Brandon McCarthy) for a few young pitching prospects. Now they have 4 starters for 5 positions. Huh? Cousin Jeff sends a stat lover's analysis of the trade.
Since I trust the Kenny Williams (GM of the White Sox), I can only justify these trades if...
A) They package up some of these prospects for a huge player like Carl Crawford. OR...
B) They see how much money mediocre pitchers are getting this year (See Gil Meche, Ted Lilly, Jason Marquis, Jeff Suppan). And they're stockpiling young arms to counter these ridiculous contracts.
During my research on this topic, I ran into one of the funniest videos I've seen in a long time. (NOTE: You probably don't want to open this at work.) You know the video of that German kid going nuts at his computer? Turns out - He's a Cubs fan.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
12/22/06 Not Quite What You Think
1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is www.whorepresents.com
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company… www.powergenitalia.com
6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always www.ipanywhere.com
8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church . Their website is www.cummingfirst.com
9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com
10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe ? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company… www.powergenitalia.com
6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always www.ipanywhere.com
8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church . Their website is www.cummingfirst.com
9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com
10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe ? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com
Friday, December 22, 2006
12/21/06 Harry Potter and the...
My mom sends some great news. The new Harry Potter book title has been announced. "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows".
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Since only one of you played yesterday's Rocky quote game (Poker Jason, no less), I thought about giving up on this blog. But that's not fair. You know, it's the holiday season. As they say, "Give more, expect less." So, I'm continuing to chug along.
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Only because I like causing political debate and like seeing the extremes of trusting and distrusting the government clash.... Here is an article submitted by Mike....
Mohamed Atta’s Best Friend Caught in South Pacific:
“You can’t arrest me, I’m working for the CIA.”
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Since only one of you played yesterday's Rocky quote game (Poker Jason, no less), I thought about giving up on this blog. But that's not fair. You know, it's the holiday season. As they say, "Give more, expect less." So, I'm continuing to chug along.
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Only because I like causing political debate and like seeing the extremes of trusting and distrusting the government clash.... Here is an article submitted by Mike....
Mohamed Atta’s Best Friend Caught in South Pacific:
“You can’t arrest me, I’m working for the CIA.”
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Thursday, December 21, 2006
12/20/06 There Is No Tomorrow!
Those of you that know me well know that I don't watch a whole lot of movies. I was just over at my neighbor's and a few guys were tearing me a new one for never having seen Scarface. I also watched The Shawshank Redemption for the first time ever just last week. (You're thinking, "You've never seen Shawshank!?!?" - Yeah, I've gotten that since about 1994. I'm used to it.) So, it's a rare opportunity for me to talk about seeing a movie on opening night. I'll do my best to keep my review of Rocky Balboa very brief and promise not to ruin anything.
But, before we start, a little game to make this post interactive. Post a comment and leave your favorite quote from any Rocky movie. My latest favorite is Apollo Creed in Rocky III yelling at Rocky - "There is no tomorrow. THERE IS NO TOMORROW! THERE IS NO TOMORROW!"
But, before we start, a little game to make this post interactive. Post a comment and leave your favorite quote from any Rocky movie. My latest favorite is Apollo Creed in Rocky III yelling at Rocky - "There is no tomorrow. THERE IS NO TOMORROW! THERE IS NO TOMORROW!"
- The movie theater is 3/4 full for a 9pm showing on a Wednesday night. Not bad. After 85 minutes of horrendous previews, the MGM lion roars (and nobody remembers to cue up Dark Side of the Moon). The horns start to play the Rocky music, some people start to clap and cheer. And for a brief, brief moment, I get reactionary chills, as if prior Rocky memories are ingrained deep into my psyche.
- The first hour or so is an attempt to piece together a story. There are more unintentionally comic moments than anything. You already know the premise is pretty silly - A 60 year old dude fighting the current undefeated heavyweight champion. So you kind of just follow along.
- Then, out of the blue... The training montage. The theater suddenly perks up and you get a few more claps and cheers. Alright. This is what we've been waiting for.
- Rocky is listed at 217 pounds for the fight. He's closer to 270.
- Followed by the actual fight, with a comically classic cameo by Mike Tyson.
- I won't ruin anything by saying anything else. But there are no spine tingling moments. It just is. Out of the two people I saw it with, Poker Jason remains defensive and does a good job of supporting the final installation of Rocky. (If he sends me his own review, I'll post it). And Pro Player Pete thought the entire movie was silly. I lean more towards Pete's take, but am somewhere in the middle of the two. I'm also thrilled to have seen it on opening night. Because now, I can say that I saw Rocky movies in theaters in 3 different decades.
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Sidewalk drawing are fun. If you're a little girl! Just kidding. These sidewalk drawings are absolutely unreal.
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Now that I am a bagpipe player, I have a little problem. (Other than the fact that I still can't put it together properly). There's a kilt shortage.
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Remember the Charlie Brown Christmas with Scrubs from a few days ago? Google Nicki sends the same cartoon - Sung to Hey Ya. I still love how the Peanuts gang dances. They each have their own little individual dance. I'd like to re-enact that somehow in real life.
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This is kind of old. But it's right on. PS3 vs. Wii.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
12/19/06 Gonna Fly Now
I call it Rocky VI. But it's really called Rocky Balboa. Poker Jason has convinced me to see it opening night. So, I've been trying to pump myself up for the occasion. First, I changed my ringback tone (you'll have to call me to hear it). And now, The Sports Guy re-posted an old article about the first 4 Rocky movies. (Yeah, you read that right. FOUR Rocky movies.) So, I'm finally pumped.
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The power of the mind is pretty amazing. Some Buddhist monks have been able to meditate so that they can raise their body temperatures and dry towels that were dipped in cold water.
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Your nose smells in 5.1 surround sound, er, smell. Or, at least it smells in stereo and can detect the direction of smell.
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The power of the mind is pretty amazing. Some Buddhist monks have been able to meditate so that they can raise their body temperatures and dry towels that were dipped in cold water.
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Your nose smells in 5.1 surround sound, er, smell. Or, at least it smells in stereo and can detect the direction of smell.
Monday, December 18, 2006
12/18/06 Ads
You probably don't pay a whole lot of attention to it anymore. I know I don't. But there are Google ads off to the right. I got an email from them today sending an update. I checked how many ads were clicked this month. Two. And last month? Two. For a grand total of 63 cents. They will pay me out when I hit $100 in revenue. I did the math. I'm on pace for $4 a year. Which equates to 25 years before I get a check. When I do, we're having a party.
Ah, college... The best 82 years of your life.
If I told you there was an 80s movie with Kelly Preston, Joaquin Phoenix, Kate Capshaw, Lea Thompson, Tom Skerritt and Lamar Latrell, you'd probably give it a go, right? Yeah, so would I.
Kudos to Pro Player Pete for an admirable showing at the World Poker Tour event at the Bellagio. Out of a field of 583 (with many pros), he finished 17th.
Ah, college... The best 82 years of your life.
If I told you there was an 80s movie with Kelly Preston, Joaquin Phoenix, Kate Capshaw, Lea Thompson, Tom Skerritt and Lamar Latrell, you'd probably give it a go, right? Yeah, so would I.
Kudos to Pro Player Pete for an admirable showing at the World Poker Tour event at the Bellagio. Out of a field of 583 (with many pros), he finished 17th.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
12/17/06 Simon Sez Santa
In case you missed the comment the other day, check out Simon Sez Santa for a little Monday morning distraction.
Google Nicki sends the Small World Project. It's basically a way to try "six degrees of separation" for real. You sign up, (give way too much information) and then get a penpal-like friend that you need to find in 6 degrees. So my person is a retired nurse between the age of 55-59 who lives in St. Vincent and the Grenadines. I thought about how I would find her for maybe 10 seconds. Then gave up.
I briefly looked for a doormat for myself. And I came across the greatest doormat ever. Sudoku Doormat. (Man, I'm such a loser).
15 strange coincidences. This is fun if you're into bathroom reader stuff.
Finally - Help me in sending good vibes to pro player Pete. He's making a run at a big World Poker Tour event.
Google Nicki sends the Small World Project. It's basically a way to try "six degrees of separation" for real. You sign up, (give way too much information) and then get a penpal-like friend that you need to find in 6 degrees. So my person is a retired nurse between the age of 55-59 who lives in St. Vincent and the Grenadines. I thought about how I would find her for maybe 10 seconds. Then gave up.
I briefly looked for a doormat for myself. And I came across the greatest doormat ever. Sudoku Doormat. (Man, I'm such a loser).
15 strange coincidences. This is fun if you're into bathroom reader stuff.
Finally - Help me in sending good vibes to pro player Pete. He's making a run at a big World Poker Tour event.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
12/13/06 Just Wasting Time
Every so often I get random IMs from friends saying, "I'm bored. What websites are good time wasters?" Well, beyond the 720 or so posts on this one, here are PC World's top 15 Time Wasting Sites.
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For those that missed it - Barack Obama on MNF.
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So, uh, you know the Aaron Neville thing I was talking about yesterday? Here's the song. I'm having a hard time dealing with the cheese in the video. If I watch it once more, I might retract everything I said yesterday. Plus, the obligatory Family Guy parody.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
12/12/06 Attention Star Gazers
This is kind of like a public service announcement. The Geminid Meteor showers are in town. And tickets are going fast. You can best see the meteor shower on December 13th and 14th.
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Both of my parents chimed in with links recently.
My mom sends "We Didn't Start the Fire". Animated.
My dad sends "I triple dog dare you". Interactive.
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Since I had to be out of the apartment all day today, I made good use of my time. You're probably thinking - Wow, I wonder what new and exciting ideas he came up with. Wanna guess? Give up? I spent it working on my Aaron Neville impersonation. Which means, given all of that extra free time, post-impersonation, I made a stunning revelation. I have a new criteria when it comes to marriage. Now, I'm looking for someone that will (at least attempt to) sing the timeless duet between Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville, "I Don't Know Much" with me. (No, I'm not drunk blogging. It's just a little late and I think I might be getting a cold. Which is making this seem like a real good idea right now. C'mon. Admit it. You'd pay good money to see that duet happen. I do a mean Aaron Neville, too.)
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Both of my parents chimed in with links recently.
My mom sends "We Didn't Start the Fire". Animated.
My dad sends "I triple dog dare you". Interactive.
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Since I had to be out of the apartment all day today, I made good use of my time. You're probably thinking - Wow, I wonder what new and exciting ideas he came up with. Wanna guess? Give up? I spent it working on my Aaron Neville impersonation. Which means, given all of that extra free time, post-impersonation, I made a stunning revelation. I have a new criteria when it comes to marriage. Now, I'm looking for someone that will (at least attempt to) sing the timeless duet between Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville, "I Don't Know Much" with me. (No, I'm not drunk blogging. It's just a little late and I think I might be getting a cold. Which is making this seem like a real good idea right now. C'mon. Admit it. You'd pay good money to see that duet happen. I do a mean Aaron Neville, too.)
Monday, December 11, 2006
12/11/06 Trip Down Memory Lane
I took a YouTube trip down memory lane. To watch shows, some of which I haven't seen since I was maybe 4 years old. Just to see what in the world was being fed into my brain during those formative years. I'm convinced that these shows were the aftermath of the hippie/Woodstock era. You know what I mean. Here are a few:
3-2-1 Contact!
The Great Space Coaster (with Gary Gnu).
The Greatest American Hero (Did they really have a 2 minute intro every time?)
The "I learned it by watching you" anti-drug commercial with the creepy moustache dad.
(Which, on a side note, I was just watching an episode of Scrubs where they parodied that exact commercial. Man, I should be a writer for TV shows.)
(I'm still searching for Captain O.J. Readmore and the Knowledge is Power ones. I'm not even sure the guy's name was O.J. But that's how I remember it.)
Wait, I found it. His name is O.G. I guess he truly was the original gangster.
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I figured out the celebrity look-a-like thing. And, uh... I look like old guys. And one kid. Robert De Niro, Oliver Stone, Dean Cain, Carlos Santana, the guy who banged Salma Hayek in Frida, and the kid who sees dead people. Eh, it was still fun.
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For those of you in the area, I need to be out of my apartment for the entire day on Tuesday (tomorrow). Do any of you want to do lunch? A long lunch perhaps?
3-2-1 Contact!
The Great Space Coaster (with Gary Gnu).
The Greatest American Hero (Did they really have a 2 minute intro every time?)
The "I learned it by watching you" anti-drug commercial with the creepy moustache dad.
(Which, on a side note, I was just watching an episode of Scrubs where they parodied that exact commercial. Man, I should be a writer for TV shows.)
(I'm still searching for Captain O.J. Readmore and the Knowledge is Power ones. I'm not even sure the guy's name was O.J. But that's how I remember it.)
Wait, I found it. His name is O.G. I guess he truly was the original gangster.
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I figured out the celebrity look-a-like thing. And, uh... I look like old guys. And one kid. Robert De Niro, Oliver Stone, Dean Cain, Carlos Santana, the guy who banged Salma Hayek in Frida, and the kid who sees dead people. Eh, it was still fun.
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For those of you in the area, I need to be out of my apartment for the entire day on Tuesday (tomorrow). Do any of you want to do lunch? A long lunch perhaps?
Sunday, December 10, 2006
12/10/06 Sevens Wonders of Your State
The seven wonders of every state.
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Man, we're almost halfway through December already. (Yes, I know. That's the way old people start meaningless conversations.) But one thing I like about December. Those year end articles and TV shows. The top (fill in the blank) of 2006. The most (whatever) of the year. I love those shows.
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Speaking of looking back and getting sentimental - I checked the orginal "Something I learned today" page today. I haven't quite done the math, but we're nearing the 5 year anniversary of this page.
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When talking football, I tend to mention quarterback passer rating. In face, I glanced over at the San Diego game today and there was a mention of a perfect QB rating. (I think it was 155.8). But I have no idea how it's calculated. So I looked it up. It super intense. Here it is:
• Average Yards Gained Per Attempt — 3,969 yards divided by 461 attempts is 8.61. Subtract three yards from yards-per-attempt (5.61) and multiply the result by 0.25. The result is 1.403.Note: If the result is less than zero (yards per attempt less than 3.0), award zero points. If the result is greater than 2.375 (yards per attempt greater than 12.5), award 2.375 points.
• Percentage of Touchdown Passes — 35 touchdowns in 461 attempts is 7.59 percent. Multiply the touchdown percentage by 0.2. The result is 1.518.Note: If the result is greater than 2.375 (touchdown percentage greater than 11.875), award 2.375.
• Percentage of Interceptions — 10 interceptions in 461 attempts is 2.17 percent. Multiply the interception percentage by 0.25 (0.542) and subtract the number from 2.375. The result is 1.833.Note: If the result is less than zero (interception percentage greater than 9.5), award zero points.
The sum of the four steps is (2.014 + 1.403 + 1.518 + 1.833) 6.768. The sum is then divided by six (1.128) and multiplied by 100. In this case, the result is 112.8. This same formula can be used to determine a passer rating for any player who attempts at least one pass.
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Man, we're almost halfway through December already. (Yes, I know. That's the way old people start meaningless conversations.) But one thing I like about December. Those year end articles and TV shows. The top (fill in the blank) of 2006. The most (whatever) of the year. I love those shows.
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Speaking of looking back and getting sentimental - I checked the orginal "Something I learned today" page today. I haven't quite done the math, but we're nearing the 5 year anniversary of this page.
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When talking football, I tend to mention quarterback passer rating. In face, I glanced over at the San Diego game today and there was a mention of a perfect QB rating. (I think it was 155.8). But I have no idea how it's calculated. So I looked it up. It super intense. Here it is:
• Average Yards Gained Per Attempt — 3,969 yards divided by 461 attempts is 8.61. Subtract three yards from yards-per-attempt (5.61) and multiply the result by 0.25. The result is 1.403.Note: If the result is less than zero (yards per attempt less than 3.0), award zero points. If the result is greater than 2.375 (yards per attempt greater than 12.5), award 2.375 points.
• Percentage of Touchdown Passes — 35 touchdowns in 461 attempts is 7.59 percent. Multiply the touchdown percentage by 0.2. The result is 1.518.Note: If the result is greater than 2.375 (touchdown percentage greater than 11.875), award 2.375.
• Percentage of Interceptions — 10 interceptions in 461 attempts is 2.17 percent. Multiply the interception percentage by 0.25 (0.542) and subtract the number from 2.375. The result is 1.833.Note: If the result is less than zero (interception percentage greater than 9.5), award zero points.
The sum of the four steps is (2.014 + 1.403 + 1.518 + 1.833) 6.768. The sum is then divided by six (1.128) and multiplied by 100. In this case, the result is 112.8. This same formula can be used to determine a passer rating for any player who attempts at least one pass.
12/9/06 I'm Mama's Boy Otis
I think I may have posted this once. But Mrs. Charlotte Dan recommended that I try Celebrity Face Recognition. You upload a photo of yourself am it tells you what celebrities you look like. I uploaded one of the rare photos where I liked the way I looked. The website said it couldn't find a face in the photo. So, taking it all in stride, I used the option to show them where the face is. Again, couldn't find my face. So I sat home and cried all weekend.
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What did coked out musicians do before rock and roll and coke? They played bass in a marimba band, of course.
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Just the other day I mentioned (not for the first time) that the show "Scrubs" makes me happy. What could possibly make me happier? The Charlie Brown Christmas special. With sound clips from "Scrubs".
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Start your Sunday off on the right foot and take another world geography quiz. Then spend the next 15 seconds going through a bunch of self-denial and justification as to why you don't need to know that stuff anyways. That's why they make atlases anyways.
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What did coked out musicians do before rock and roll and coke? They played bass in a marimba band, of course.
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Just the other day I mentioned (not for the first time) that the show "Scrubs" makes me happy. What could possibly make me happier? The Charlie Brown Christmas special. With sound clips from "Scrubs".
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Start your Sunday off on the right foot and take another world geography quiz. Then spend the next 15 seconds going through a bunch of self-denial and justification as to why you don't need to know that stuff anyways. That's why they make atlases anyways.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
12/8/06 Would You Like and Apple Pie With That?
Cousin Eric sends a postcard of himself at his new job. (If this seems familiar, it should. He's just pissed that someone sent the same link the day before. And I'm an asshole.)
Thursday, December 07, 2006
12/7/06 Turk Turkleton
As I was saying yesterday, the holidays are made, and made better by the women in our lives. Continuing with that spirit, Neighbor Natalie sends a timeless classic - Ding Fries are Done. (She also deserves a lot of credit for starting the little holiday spirit I'm starting to show.)
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I found a fantastic college acappella group while scouring MySpace yesterday. (This will probably interest only 2 of you. Namely Mr. Abrams and my brother). They're called Off the Beat. If you check their music, they do some pretty awesome stuff. You know, most acappella groups do your typical U2 and Sting and pretty "normal" arrangements. This group does System of a Down, Breaking Benjamin's "So Cold", Coldplay, The Killers, Radiohead, Spacehog's "In the Meantime", A Perfect Circle... The list goes on. They're a lot of fun. Their site also led me to Acappella U - A podcast dedicated to college acapella. (Again, probably only 2 of you interested, but it's awesome nonetheless).
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We're taking a poll. Ok, I'm taking a poll.
Question: Which sporting event video makes you cringe/the most queasy while watching it?
Video 1
Video 2
To be perfectly honest, I had never seen either one until today.
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1% of the world's population owns 40% of the wealth. I'm not particularly surprised by that. But, I didn't know that, if you are worth $61,000 in total assets, you are wealthier than 90% of the people in the world. And, if you are worth $500,000, you crack that elite 1%. On the very sad end of the scale, 50% of all people own 1% of everything. Something to think about.
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Scrubs makes me happy.
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I found a fantastic college acappella group while scouring MySpace yesterday. (This will probably interest only 2 of you. Namely Mr. Abrams and my brother). They're called Off the Beat. If you check their music, they do some pretty awesome stuff. You know, most acappella groups do your typical U2 and Sting and pretty "normal" arrangements. This group does System of a Down, Breaking Benjamin's "So Cold", Coldplay, The Killers, Radiohead, Spacehog's "In the Meantime", A Perfect Circle... The list goes on. They're a lot of fun. Their site also led me to Acappella U - A podcast dedicated to college acapella. (Again, probably only 2 of you interested, but it's awesome nonetheless).
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We're taking a poll. Ok, I'm taking a poll.
Question: Which sporting event video makes you cringe/the most queasy while watching it?
Video 1
Video 2
To be perfectly honest, I had never seen either one until today.
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1% of the world's population owns 40% of the wealth. I'm not particularly surprised by that. But, I didn't know that, if you are worth $61,000 in total assets, you are wealthier than 90% of the people in the world. And, if you are worth $500,000, you crack that elite 1%. On the very sad end of the scale, 50% of all people own 1% of everything. Something to think about.
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Scrubs makes me happy.
12/6/06 Elf Yourself
It's the holiday season again. And I'm starting to feel the cheer. No, really. There's something about women and holiday cheer. I'm risking making a sweeping generalization, but the holidays seem to be a woman thing. At least in my experience. Women seem to be the ones who want the festivities and the decorations and the gift exchanges. And you know what? As guys, we should be thankful for all of that. Because, if it were up to us, none of those festivities would be 1% of what they are. So, thanks ladies.
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A special holiday thanks to Google Nicki for sending Elf Yourself and North Pole Dancing. (Be sure to upload pictures of yourself or your family/friends.) There should be some sort of slogan for this. Like - "If it was sent by Google Nicki, it's gotta be fun." Or something way cooler.
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I'm in a hurry. So, lots more for tomorrow.
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And oh... I went to Target today. Which means... you know... Damn Target.
(And the t-shirt. I'm back in funny t-shirt mode. And I saw a Simpsons recently where my favorite character, Ralph Wiggum, put an ice cream cone on his forehead and said, "I'm a unitard". More t-shirts to come.)
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
12/5/06 Modern Day Fables
I have two stories for today. In reverse chronological order. But in forward disgusting order. (I'll warn you when the first story ends and the second one begins, in case you are a little squeamish). I found myself in the little library in the clubhouse where I live at about 5:30 pm today. I decided I was going to sit outside, read a book and watch the sunset. And afterwards, not quite ready to head home, I sat in the library and continued reading. Recently, a nice flat screen HDTV was installed in the library. Personally, I'm not exactly happy about a TV in a quiet reading space. But whatever. My favorite (heavy sarcasm) show was on CNBC. "Deal or No Deal". What's the only thing worse than watching "Deal or No Deal"? (No, it's not watching it on a plane). It's watching it in a room with two elderly gentlemen (somewhere between 70 and 85 I would guess) who just couldn't seem to grasp how the show worked. Half out of kindness and half out of insanity, I offered up a little help in the conversation. About 30 minutes into the show, the one guy who seemed to sort of get it, just left, not particularly interested in the outcome. He got up saying, "I would've taken the $89,000. So I'm done." Which left me trying to explain the show to the other guy. Never before in my life had I ever been rooting for a "deal" so badly. Just so I could leave.
End of first story. Start of the unnecessary, disgusting story. Skip to the break if you don't like stories about bodily functions.
I had a perfectly unique poop today. I know. You're thinking... "Why does he have to talk about this?" The honest answer is - I spent the better part of the afternoon thinking about this particular poop. And if I don't write about it, it'll get stuck up there in my head, potentially leaving me vulnerable for an aneurysm as I get older. And we don't want that. Besides, I even gave the poop a name. It's called, "The bases clearing triple". Why "The bases clearing triple", you might ask. Because, much like the most exciting play in baseball (the triple), it was by far the most unexpected thrill of my week thus far. But why bases clearing? And why was it so exciting? For that, we have to back up a little bit further. I fell asleep somewhere around 2am the night before. And woke up only 5 hours later. I got started for the day and took a fantastic morning poop. It was great. One of those poops that just gets you through the day with a smile. That was the beginning to the rally. You need to fill in some of the blanks, namely how the bases became loaded and how we ended up with two outs. (I know, I failed to mention that the bases clearing triple happened with two outs. I just decided that it did right now. It seems to make sense for later in the story.) But early in the afternoon, a bloating pain came about. Out of nowhere, I had to go again. I REALLY had to go. And this time, it was even better than the fantastic one I had to start out the day. Quick, hugely massive, easy clean up and, above all, one of those lifters of the spirit that makes you wonder if God really does exist in the most subtle of daily activities. There's really no explanation as to where it came from. But it was a pleasant surprise, empowering me to finish the week strong (and it's only Tuesday). Your last question may be - Why not a grand slam? Two reasons. One: The bases clearing triple seems far more exciting than the grand slam, despite the outcome. Two: With two outs, there's still hope to drive in one more run. The triple gave me hope for a poop trifecta before midnight. However, if it doesn't happen, it still doesn't matter. We busted open a 3 run lead with the triple and that's the most important part. I still have my fingers crossed for the two out RBI.
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I need to explain why I didn't post this on 12/5. It was written. It was ready. I came back to my place around 10pm, ready to log in and post it. And for some reason, there was no connection through my cable modem. So, I start the process. Check that cable TV is on. Check the router, check the cable modem. IP release. IP renew. Restart. Turn off router. Turn off cable modem. Restart them. Restart computer. After about 45 minutes of being a techie nerd, it hits me. I look for a flyer from Time Warner cable. It says that they're taking over service in my area between 12/4 and 12/7 and to expect some service downtime. I call their 24/7 service line just to confirm. They trace my cell phone caller ID to Chicago and tell me that I'm not a Southern California customer. And they hang up on me. Awesome. So I give up on going online for the remainder of the night, hoping that service will return in the morning.
Around 11pm, I'm taking a post-interner-fixing leak (I know, unnecessary. But not really.) And I hear a noise at my back door. (Why am I telling so many stories? At this point it just seems like it'll make this whole post complete). It's my upstairs neighbor. Who appears to be intoxicated with a drink in hand and a snake around her neck. (She owns a snake and I've seen it before, so it wasn't as surprising as you might think. Although it looks like it's shedding.) And she looks like she just wants to come in. So, I have my guard up, not exactly wanting company (especially drunken company) at this hour. Despite my desires, I open the door anyways. I take advantage of the intoxication to tell her that I'm planning to learn the bagpipes and to tell her about the noise it's going to make. Thanks to intoxication, she doesn't care. In fact, she's excited. Long story short, she ends up in my kitchen and I notice that the snake it bleeding from the mouth in my sink. I tell her that she needs to get the snake to a vet. She asks me to hold the snake while she cleans up. I hand the snake back to her, saying that it needs a vet and that I'll clean up. And she finally leaves with the bleeding snake. I clean up the snake blood all over my kitchen. (Looking back I should've saved it and sold it to some voodoo shop). And no, I haven't heard what happened with the snake. This, my friends, equates to the number 8 hitter (.232 on the year) swinging at a 3-0 pitch, driving it foul and hitting the 3rd base coach in the head, causing a concussion. Only, the batter is told to take the next pitch, then swinging at ball four up near the eyes and popping up to end the inning. (Translation: No evening poop. End of rally. End of inning. Not a good feeling. Momentum is ruined. But overall, still a good day. Thanks to the bases clearing triple.)
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I also briefly tried NBA '07 on PS3 at Circuit City. AWE... SOME!
----------
George W. Bush - The Cartoon.
End of first story. Start of the unnecessary, disgusting story. Skip to the break if you don't like stories about bodily functions.
I had a perfectly unique poop today. I know. You're thinking... "Why does he have to talk about this?" The honest answer is - I spent the better part of the afternoon thinking about this particular poop. And if I don't write about it, it'll get stuck up there in my head, potentially leaving me vulnerable for an aneurysm as I get older. And we don't want that. Besides, I even gave the poop a name. It's called, "The bases clearing triple". Why "The bases clearing triple", you might ask. Because, much like the most exciting play in baseball (the triple), it was by far the most unexpected thrill of my week thus far. But why bases clearing? And why was it so exciting? For that, we have to back up a little bit further. I fell asleep somewhere around 2am the night before. And woke up only 5 hours later. I got started for the day and took a fantastic morning poop. It was great. One of those poops that just gets you through the day with a smile. That was the beginning to the rally. You need to fill in some of the blanks, namely how the bases became loaded and how we ended up with two outs. (I know, I failed to mention that the bases clearing triple happened with two outs. I just decided that it did right now. It seems to make sense for later in the story.) But early in the afternoon, a bloating pain came about. Out of nowhere, I had to go again. I REALLY had to go. And this time, it was even better than the fantastic one I had to start out the day. Quick, hugely massive, easy clean up and, above all, one of those lifters of the spirit that makes you wonder if God really does exist in the most subtle of daily activities. There's really no explanation as to where it came from. But it was a pleasant surprise, empowering me to finish the week strong (and it's only Tuesday). Your last question may be - Why not a grand slam? Two reasons. One: The bases clearing triple seems far more exciting than the grand slam, despite the outcome. Two: With two outs, there's still hope to drive in one more run. The triple gave me hope for a poop trifecta before midnight. However, if it doesn't happen, it still doesn't matter. We busted open a 3 run lead with the triple and that's the most important part. I still have my fingers crossed for the two out RBI.
-------
I need to explain why I didn't post this on 12/5. It was written. It was ready. I came back to my place around 10pm, ready to log in and post it. And for some reason, there was no connection through my cable modem. So, I start the process. Check that cable TV is on. Check the router, check the cable modem. IP release. IP renew. Restart. Turn off router. Turn off cable modem. Restart them. Restart computer. After about 45 minutes of being a techie nerd, it hits me. I look for a flyer from Time Warner cable. It says that they're taking over service in my area between 12/4 and 12/7 and to expect some service downtime. I call their 24/7 service line just to confirm. They trace my cell phone caller ID to Chicago and tell me that I'm not a Southern California customer. And they hang up on me. Awesome. So I give up on going online for the remainder of the night, hoping that service will return in the morning.
Around 11pm, I'm taking a post-interner-fixing leak (I know, unnecessary. But not really.) And I hear a noise at my back door. (Why am I telling so many stories? At this point it just seems like it'll make this whole post complete). It's my upstairs neighbor. Who appears to be intoxicated with a drink in hand and a snake around her neck. (She owns a snake and I've seen it before, so it wasn't as surprising as you might think. Although it looks like it's shedding.) And she looks like she just wants to come in. So, I have my guard up, not exactly wanting company (especially drunken company) at this hour. Despite my desires, I open the door anyways. I take advantage of the intoxication to tell her that I'm planning to learn the bagpipes and to tell her about the noise it's going to make. Thanks to intoxication, she doesn't care. In fact, she's excited. Long story short, she ends up in my kitchen and I notice that the snake it bleeding from the mouth in my sink. I tell her that she needs to get the snake to a vet. She asks me to hold the snake while she cleans up. I hand the snake back to her, saying that it needs a vet and that I'll clean up. And she finally leaves with the bleeding snake. I clean up the snake blood all over my kitchen. (Looking back I should've saved it and sold it to some voodoo shop). And no, I haven't heard what happened with the snake. This, my friends, equates to the number 8 hitter (.232 on the year) swinging at a 3-0 pitch, driving it foul and hitting the 3rd base coach in the head, causing a concussion. Only, the batter is told to take the next pitch, then swinging at ball four up near the eyes and popping up to end the inning. (Translation: No evening poop. End of rally. End of inning. Not a good feeling. Momentum is ruined. But overall, still a good day. Thanks to the bases clearing triple.)
-----------
I also briefly tried NBA '07 on PS3 at Circuit City. AWE... SOME!
----------
George W. Bush - The Cartoon.
12/4/06 Star Gazing
For the stargazers out there, Mercury, Mars and Jupiter will all be bunched together this week, "making this the closest trio of naked-eye planets since 1925 and until 2053".
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There's a new game on YouTube. It's called Try Not to Have a Seizure.
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Wait. Gil Meche is going to get $40 million over 4 years? $34 million just went to Vicente Padilla over 3 years? What the hell is happening in baseball? These guys kind of blow, at best. If I ever have a kid and it's a boy and he's left handed... wait, the odds of that are like .2*.5*.1, (boop boop boop... 1 in a 100 chance) so it's not even worth thinking about... But in my fantasy world, I'd make sure he learned how to pitch. (Note: the .2 was made up, solely based on nothing. But the .5 was for the chance of a kid being a boy and the .1 was the 1 in 10 chance that he's left handed. Those were for real).
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Good.
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Most random thought of the day: You know you can shop for perfumes and colognes on Amazon.com? These are the things I learn when putting together a "wishlist" for the holidays. How long until you start getting free sample smells through the internet? Actually, I'd probably just find a way to get a free sample every day and never buy a bottle. But then again, if they figure out how to invent smell-a-net, they'll surely figure out a way to stop cheapskates like me from free sampling my way through life.
Speaking of holiday wishlists - I want one of these.
--------
There's a new game on YouTube. It's called Try Not to Have a Seizure.
-------
Wait. Gil Meche is going to get $40 million over 4 years? $34 million just went to Vicente Padilla over 3 years? What the hell is happening in baseball? These guys kind of blow, at best. If I ever have a kid and it's a boy and he's left handed... wait, the odds of that are like .2*.5*.1, (boop boop boop... 1 in a 100 chance) so it's not even worth thinking about... But in my fantasy world, I'd make sure he learned how to pitch. (Note: the .2 was made up, solely based on nothing. But the .5 was for the chance of a kid being a boy and the .1 was the 1 in 10 chance that he's left handed. Those were for real).
-------
Good.
-------
Most random thought of the day: You know you can shop for perfumes and colognes on Amazon.com? These are the things I learn when putting together a "wishlist" for the holidays. How long until you start getting free sample smells through the internet? Actually, I'd probably just find a way to get a free sample every day and never buy a bottle. But then again, if they figure out how to invent smell-a-net, they'll surely figure out a way to stop cheapskates like me from free sampling my way through life.
Speaking of holiday wishlists - I want one of these.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
12/3/06 SAM-MY
So... uh, what has Sammy Sosa been doing in his time off?
A) Relaxing, keeping in shape and thinking about coming back to baseball
B) Putting lots of grease in his hair, claiming he wants to be more like Jason Giambi
C) Somehow learning to speak English fluently after claiming to need a translator at the congressional steroid hearing
D) All of the above
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A film on sexual harassment. And how to avoid incidents in the office.
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A "how to" film on being a cyber stalker.
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Today, Poker Jason called the Chicago Bears, "The worst 10-2 team ever". I beg to differ. (I think he's just jealous. On the flip side, I'm jealous that he outplayed me in a friendly game of poker today. So I'm stuck resorting to juvenile posts like this).
A) Relaxing, keeping in shape and thinking about coming back to baseball
B) Putting lots of grease in his hair, claiming he wants to be more like Jason Giambi
C) Somehow learning to speak English fluently after claiming to need a translator at the congressional steroid hearing
D) All of the above
-------
A film on sexual harassment. And how to avoid incidents in the office.
-------
A "how to" film on being a cyber stalker.
-------
Today, Poker Jason called the Chicago Bears, "The worst 10-2 team ever". I beg to differ. (I think he's just jealous. On the flip side, I'm jealous that he outplayed me in a friendly game of poker today. So I'm stuck resorting to juvenile posts like this).
Friday, December 01, 2006
12/1/06 White Out
There's something about toppling dominoes that makes me happy. Really happy.
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Like I was saying earlier, it's good to see that athletes are being held accountable for taking performance enhancing drugs. The latest bust - darts. For marijuana. What? Damnit. Forget it. The trifecta from hell is almost complete.
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Two years ago, the White Sox traded Carlos Lee to the Brewers for Scott Podsednik. This last week Carlos Lee signed a contract for $100 million. Yesterday, Scott Podsednik also signed a contract. For $2.9 million. What seemed equal 2 years ago doesn't exactly seem equal today. I'm just making an observation here.
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Oh. You're wondering about the picture. Looks pretty "The Shining" kind of frightening. Right before I went to sleep last night, this was the front and center photo on CNN.com. I guess this guy is really mad at snow. I love mainstream media. They're funny.
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