Thursday, March 31, 2005

3/31/05 Buy Me Some Peanuts and Crackerjack

What a great time of year. Spring is in the air (or soon will be, depending on where you live), a new NCAA champion will be crowned on Monday and baseball is only a few days away. In honor of opening day, ESPN presents one prediction for every day of baseball in 2005. It kept me entertained at work today, so I've opted to share.

While Terry Schiavo and The Pope are making headlines, a comedy legend passed away today. Rest In Peace, Mitch Hedberg. You brought me and many of my friends lots of laughter. We can only hope that it's some sort of sick April Fool's Joke. Some of my favorite Mitch Hedberg quotes:

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.

I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut em up."

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... It's dirty.

My friend was walking down the street and he said, "I hear music." As if there is any other way of taking it in. I tried to taste it, but it did not work.

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.

I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips...

Why are there no during pictures?

I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so, Yeah."

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