9/30/06 Google Trends

So, uh, that's who's searching on "uranium enrichment".

Sticking with Google - The 10 coolest sites on Google Earth.

My newest goal in life - Star in a Pepto Bismol Commercial.

9/29/06 Maps

I went a little map crazy today. First, here's a map of the history of the Middle East. In 90 seconds, it shows all of the empires in that region. Second is some WarGames scenario. I'm guessing it's WOPR scenario 50 - Pacific maneuver.

"TBS Once Again Leads All Networks In Leslie Nielsen Ratings"

9/28/06 Kip Hawley is an Idiot

Some guy wrote "Kip Hawley is an Idiot" on a quart bag that he brought through airport security. Kip Hawley is the head of the TSA. Guess what ensued. (A big thanks to Mike for reminding us all that our civil liberties are slowly disappearing).

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Beautiful people are just real simple and easy on the brain. Or so say a bunch of awkward looking scientists.

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I was reading some article on Nuclear Fusion today. And it got me to thinking. Elizabeth Shue was REALLY hot in "The Saint". After I cleaned out my shorts, I really got to thinking. As a kid I was told that nuclear fusion would be the key to the world's problems. We wouldn't have to use fossil fuels anymore. Air pollution would be a thing of the past. We'd pretty much have an unlimited supply of energy with zero pollution byproduct. Which is what bothered me today. What would happen if we collectively had a virtually unlimited supply of energy? What then? I'll let you just mull that over for a while before I give my opinion. Consider that your "Question to ponder for today" - "What will the world be like once nuclear fusion is economical, stable and readily available?"

9/27/06 Selfish Prick

In recent years, signs on the highways have told you about accidents ahead. It usually reads something like this - "Accident N I-5. Traffic Jammed." To which, I tend to have one of three reactions:

1) "Thank God I'm not heading in that direction"
2) "I'm pretty sure that if I take the 57 to the 91 west, I can bypass the traffic"
3) "Shit"

There's actually a 4th thought I usually have that is independent of thoughts 1-3. It's along the lines of "I bet the accident was caused by some (fill in your own bad driving stereotype here)".

But not once have I thought, "Gee. I really hope everyone in the accident is ok." Does that make me a selfish prick?

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Why does T.O. continue to make headlines? Does anybody really care? I swear that whenever I see a link to anything T.O., I treat it exactly the same way I do the headline "Nicole Richie Doesn't Miss Former Friend Hilton". I gag. I swallow any remnants of vomit that may have made their way into my mouth. Then I shake my head in my overall disappointment in humanity. Then I move on. That all takes a total of 1.5 seconds. Which is a second and a half longer than I'll ever spend on writing about T.O. ever again. You have my promise.

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I haven't seen the videos yet. But this page appears to have lectures on Quantum Physics for beginners. Let me know if they're any good.

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I was talking to a guy at work about "White & Nerdy" when he told me to Wikipedia "Nerdcore Hip Hop". He says that some of these guys put Weird Al to shame. Naturally, I'll be checking them out to validate/invalidate his bold claim.

9/26/06 Black Liquorice Power

There are two types of people in this world. Those that like black liquorice and those that don't. That very debate resurfaced again today at work. Then some dude in the far corner yells out, "Why are you making this a black thing? What about red liquorice?" At which point everybody (in my very multi-cultural office) had to get their office-friendly racist joke in. And I simply sat stoically in my black panther, black power pose (fiercely defending my preference of black liquorice). Why this story? Cuz I found the whitest and blackest names. And, despite the crappy transition, I wanted to tell that story. So there. Black power.

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Old and Busted: String Theory. New Hotness: Loop Quantum Gravity, Twistor String Theory, Causal Dynamical Triangulations, and Non-Commutative Geometry.

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I think it would be cool to be a bee keeper. That's it. It would just be cool.

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Are you feeling down about yourself? Some call it Seasonal Affectional Disorder. Doctor Me says that life just sucks sometimes and you need to learn to make the best of it. Doctor Me also prescribes reading this guy's obituary -

"Thomas L. Cook, who died at 54 when he was fatally hit by a car Sept. 11, spent much of his life recovering from the misadventures that plagued him even in the womb.

"He was kinda accident-prone, I swear to God, even before he was born," said his sister, Mady Eitani. "

9/25/06 Terry Bevington

I just felt like searching on "Terry Bevington" today. (Probably because I'm sickened by the 2nd half collapse of the White Sox - Which, is worse than I realized. And I just wanted to remind myself of how bad things were a decade ago.) Google yielded some discussion forum. Which yielded some priceless quotes, such as:

"Besides the fact that all his players hated him, and he was/is a disgusting human being (when he got fired a writer saw him on the way out of the park and wished him well, Bevington told him he wished the guy a slow and painful death, I believe it was Joe Goddart), the only thing you really need to know is he went out to the mound once to remove a pitcher, and had no one warming up in the bullpen." (If memory serves correctly, Cousin Danny asked him about the bullpen fiasco in person - I'll let Cousin Danny tell the whole story).

"Let's put it this way: He was such a good manager that 10 years after his tenure with the Sox, he has risen to the level (at only 49 years old) of managing the Edmonton Cracker Cats (Northern League). We saw him in Joliet a couple of weeks ago."

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A long time ago I published some high resolution photo. Here's another one - Of the Sydney Harbor. Be sure to use the "zoom in" feature to truly get a feel for the quality.

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9/23/06 The Greatest American City

American Cities That Best Fit You::

70% San Diego

65% Austin

65% Honolulu

60% Atlanta

60% Miami

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

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My buddy and fellow White Sox fan, Marc, is going to be on the Tyra Banks show on Monday. He's been reminding me, so I'm passing along the news to you. The whole show is about women who can't get a 2nd date. And he's one of the guys who goes out and gets filmed while on a date.

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In nerd news - the top 10 video game weapons.

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In poker I complain about suckouts all the time. In fact, earlier today I was heads up and had my opponent against the ropes 3 times. First, I tricked her by limping with A 10, then calling her all in when she had A 8. I lost that hand. Soon after, I had her all in with my K9 against her 8 7. I lost again. Finally, we were all in with my A7 against her A 3. We chopped. And ultimately she won. It was very frustrating. But the next game I played, I sucked out bigger than I've ever sucked out before. And I'm man enough to admit my terrible play. I limped with K8 on the button and 5 of us saw the flop. 200 in the pot. The flop came 876 with 2 hearts. The sb guy bets the min, there's a caller and I raise the size of the pot. The initial limper pushes all in big. It's one of those moves that I see all the time when a guy is on a draw. It stank of a guy who had a flush draw and 2 overcards. So I deliberated and called with my top pair. The guy had 9 10, for the nut straight. I feel like a complete ass for making such a terrible call. Then, the turn brings a King and the river an 8, giving me the near impossible runner runner full house (I haven't checked the odds of winning that hand yet and I'm a bit scared to). Whenever I suck out like that, I tend to thank the powers that be and make a promise that I'll take advantage of my dumb luck and play great poker from there on out. And I did. So there - I sucked out. Huge.

9/22/06 Robot Chicken

I have to plug the show "Robot Chicken". Each episode goes for about 11 minutes, so even you can find the time to watch it once and give it a shot. The show uses action figure animation and most scenes are based on 80s and 90s references gone bad. Example - This week's episode showed E.T. returning to his home planet (did you ever wonder what happened when he got home?) Only to find out that he was the "retarded kid" that nobody liked. Which is why they sent him to earth in the first place. Ok, maybe it's not for everyone. But check out samples here here here and here.

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Fox News and McDonald's is normally a recipe for disaster. For once, it's quite the contrary. McDonald's may be offering breakfast all day long. MmmmmmMcMuffins.

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Here's the original song that "White & Nerdy" is based off of - Ridin Dirty (uh, just thought you might wanna know. That's all).

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I'm allowed to brag. Just this once. After all of the self deprecating crap I always write about, I'm entitled. You've been around to hear all of the super sad stories about our softball team. We went an entire season without a real win (we had 2 wins by forfeit). We started this season last week by losing 24-6. But tonight, the stars were aligned. The planets were set up perfectly (I think it's because Pluto no longer counts). And we won. We really won. For once the slaughter rule was instituted for the other team. Final score: 16-1. Everything just seemed to go our way. We batted around in the first inning (12 players). We were up 9-0 after half an inning. Am I really allowed to brag? Sure. Just this once. Because it's never happened before. Here it is... I hit a grand slam. As I was rounding third base, the third base coach was saying to stop. Since I'm so slow, I actually had the chance to tell him, "I've gotta try". So I kept running and it paid off. Somehow I caught my breath enough to take the mound, throw strikes and not give up our normal huge inning. I felt like Freddy Garcia today. After an entire season of suckage, I somehow pitched a near perfect game. (Ok, perfect game is an exaggeration, but in softball, a near shutout is close). The funniest part of it all... Two teams were warming up for the game after ours and some guy says, "So, you guys are the team to beat, huh?"

9/21/06 The Search For Part 2

For the past 15 years or so, I kept hearing that "Spaceballs 3: The Search for Part 2" was in the works. Much like the rest of my life, I'd be filled with hope and expectation, only to be disappointed. Well, this time it seems like it's a reality - Spaceballs: The Cartoon.

Speaking of space - remember the old picture of a face on Mars that led to all sorts of speculation of Martians? Here it is in higher resolution.

Time waster alert! (A few of you have jokingly complained that checking this site makes you extremely unproductive at work, so I'll do my best to warn you before you click a link). The American Film Institute has been putting together Top 100 lists every year since 1998. It started with the top 100 movies (Citizen Kane is in my Netflix queue, since I feel like I have to see the "best" movie ever). My favorite is the top 100 movie quotes. Well, here's a link to all of the top 100 lists. Enjoy your next 20 minutes.

9/20/06 White & Nerdy

Thanks for thinking of me, Google Nicki. It's already on my MySpace page. Weird Al's "White & Nerdy". Awesome.

The NFL is running a contest to "Take a player to school" day. Some kid wanted Kyle Orton. The NFL said "no".

While scrolling through my radio presets this morning, the classical station was playing another song I knew. This time I recognized it as the intro to 2001: A Space Odyssey where the monkeys were doing their thing. It's called Also sprach Zarathustra. And it rules as morning music.

From the "Yeah, we already knew that, but it's nice to be reminded" files - Music helps children's memories. Thanks for the violin lessons, mom and dad.

In 2005, 786,545 people were arrested in the United States. For marijuana violations. If you read the comments, most people aren't real happy about that.

This is completely inappropriate. Don't open it at work. In fact, if you're over 40 (and particularly if you're related to me [that means you, mom]), you don't want to click this link. But some anonymous cousin, who happens to live in Virginia and whose name rhymes with Derrick, sent me something with "Hot Karl" on the page. Which led me here.

9/19/06 Yar, Mateys!

In an annual tradition, I'm reminding you that it's Talk Like a Pirate Day.

In related news, the Pirate Party did not receive quite enough votes in the Swedish election to get a seat in Parliament.

An anonymous friend (Whose literary opinion I highly respect) recently told me - "If you can ignore the bombings, the Unabomber's Manifesto is actually a good read." I'm only about a third of the way through, so I'll reserve judgment until a later time.

I saw a great poker hand tonight. The short stack goes all in for 650 with blinds of 100/200. I was the small blind and thought about calling with A4 off and a decent size stack. I opted to fold, figuring I was a huge dog (either against a better ace or or pair bigger than 4s.) The big blind calls. The bettor has AA. The bb has KK. (In a small tournament, you're usually always rooting for the "all in" guy to lose.) Flop comes K 5 5. Sweet - The all in guy is drawing to THE last ace in the deck (I folded the other one). Turn is a 5. One card to come. River is a 5. The "all in" guy wins with four 5s and an ace (beating four 5s and a king).

9/18/06 The Dharma Initiative

It's Confession Time: Season 2. This is a follow up to my confession about the show "Lost". Last time I said that I returned all 3 of my Netflix DVDs at the same time, so I'd have discs 1, 2 and 3 arrive at the same time. I started watching Season 2 exactly 8 days ago on a Sunday night. The plan was to finish them by the season premiere in a few weeks. Well, a week later, I've completed all 6 DVDs. 24 hour-long episodes. I'm a sick human being. I swear that I'm not some sort of recluse - I do have a job. And I have at least one friend who can vouch that I'm not 100% anti-social. But I've never looked forward to a TV show before like I did this one. It's like a Scooby Doo mystery for adults. Except the guy who disappeared after the first 5 minutes isn't the one behind the mask (or is he?). So I fed my nasty addiction, knowing that today, I'd suffer the inevitable withdrawal. (fortunately, I can now start surfing all of the "Lost" discussion boards without worrying about spoilers). You have until October 4th to catch up ("Lost" is the only show I can think of where, you have no choice but to start watching at the very beginning or it'll make no sense whatsoever) - At which point you're invited to join me for the season 3 premiere.

I don't think I'm spoiling anything by writing this, but in case you're super sensitive, don't read anymore... Ok, I started to read "Lost" message boards since everyone has theories as to where they are and what the numbers mean and just about everything else that's going on. The message boards are its own online culture. There's all sorts of amazing crackhead stuff out there. Which led me to research The Philadelphia Experiment and The Montauk Project. They're both military experiments with super high electromagnetic fields, both of which are of questionable historical accuracy.

That's it. I didn't learn anything else. 4 8 15 16 23 42. Execute.

9/17/06 Cartoons

Things we learned from Cartoons in the 80s.

The Human Cartoon has been speaking very highly of Idiocracy. So, in turn, I pass along the recommendation.

Avast there. September 19th is Talk Like a Pirate Day. This is 2 days fair warning.

I searched YouTube for the top viewed video of the month. It's some guy who took a picture of himself, everyday, for 6 years.

Buddhism in America is on the rise. "People feel that Buddhist figures like the Dalai Lama and Thich Nhat Hanh of Vietnam are contributing something, not trying to convert people," says Lama Surya Das, a highly trained American lama in the Tibetan tradition. "They are not building big temples, but offering wisdom and ways of reconciliation and peacemaking, which are so much needed."

9/15/06 The Geography Challenge

Are you ready to be humbled? Take the Geography Challenge. I got a lot of "Find Micronesia". "You selected East Timor. Micronesia is highlighted." Ouch. The 2nd time through I got some easier ones (Russia, Ireland) and managed 6/10. Usually I'm within the vicinity (right continent, sometimes one country off). But I guessed Tonga to be about 13,000 miles away from where it really is. Damn, I'm smooth. How did you do?

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I read two quotes in the past 24 hours that I liked. One was sappy and the other funny.

First - The sappy... There's a church I pass on the way home from work and they put some pretty neat quotes on their board out front. (Most churches just put bake sale announcements and stuff about salvation, so this is a fine change of pace). The quote read "The best things in life aren't things."

The second quote was on a t-shirt. It read "I would check raise my grandma." You've gotta love the spawning of the new poker culture. (Years ago, my grandma would crush my brother and me at 5 card draw. So, at this point, I would probably check raise my grandma too.)

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Our softball team moved down to single-A ball this season, so you'd think our chances for a non-forfeit win would improve. The fall season opened last night. After an inning, we were up 3-1. After 3 innings we were tied 4-4. After 4 innings we were down 7-6. Then our pitcher had a Javier Vazquez, 3rd time through the lineup implosion. Combine that with my 2 errors at 3rd base (one ball between my legs and a throw to first off-target) and probably 4 or 5 additional team errors, we somehow gave up 2 touchdowns and a field goal and entered the bottom of the 5th inning down 24-6. Seriously. 17 runs. Before recording 3 outs. In a coed league. I really couldn't make that up. Needless to say, we got one last chance in the bottom of the 5th and the game got called on account of us sucking. It's a good thing I'm not an abusive alcoholic with a kickable puppy. (Note: Please don't hurt animals. Animals are just like people. Except they never grow up, never talk back, lick your legs and, in general, have no idea what's going on. So they're like furry, mentally challenged people. Ok, I'm done digging my hole. I could erase this who animal abuse thing and avoid looking like a complete dick, but I've put too much effort into it at this point that I'm just going to leave it as is. So, not only can't I play 3rd base, but I'm an asshole for insinuating that animal abuse is ok and comparing mentally challenged people to animals. I was merely trying to make a point that I was upset last night, mostly with myself, for sucking so bad.)

9/14/06 Your Tax Dollars at Work

Congress is hoping to create a search engine to show where your tax dollars go.

I browsed the billboard #1 hits of the past 20 years. Turns out that crappy music isn't just a recent phenomenon. I mean, Kris Kross on top of the charts for 2 months? Snow? That "Bad Day" song was on top for 5 weeks earlier this year?! 14 straight weeks of the Macarena? Ace of Base? Shouldn't we be collectively ashamed of this? The challenge I present - Out of the #1 songs of the past 20 years, which one is your favorite? Go ahead. Challenge yourself. Find one song you really like. I'll post my answer at the bottom. I guarantee you'll never guess mine. (Hint: It's not Nickelback).

It's always fun looking back at "expert" predictions after the fact. I found ESPN Expert predictions for the 2006 MLB Season. I can safely say that, based on their predictions, The Indians and Braves have had the most disappointing seasons.

Speaking of baseball - Where does your favorite ballpark rank in the fan value index? (The results may surprise you).

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-.-- -.-- --.. (That's morse code for YYZ and also the rhythm to Rush's song of the same name)

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Lose Yourself" Eminem.

9/13/06 I Could Teach You, But I'd Have to Charge

For those of you who don't have the privilege of living in the land of Carl's Junior, you're missing out on some quality commercials. The most talked about commercial (in a poll conducted by me, right now, by myself) this past summer was the Cow Shake. Well, just yesterday (during the Angels/White Sox game, no less), Carl's Junior outdid themselves. If you must know, it actually gave me a semi. It gives me great pleasure to share Milk Shakes.

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Recently someone told me about GeneTree - A place where you can get DNA testing for parental and ancestral reasons. The guy who told me about it said that he found out, in exact percentages, of his European, Asian and African background. While I worry about the privacy of the tests, it's pretty tempting to look into.

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Google Nicki sends a link to - The SimpsonMaker.

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Poker Jason sends a video from his cubicle at work.

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What's that giant popping sound? Oh, it's the sound of housing foreclosures around the country. Nevada foreclosures are up 255% and up 160% in California.

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Cousin Jeff sends a fun improv game played at Yankee Stadium.

9/12/06 Two Seamer With Some Hair

Since the White Sox are in town, I had the rare pleasure of watching an entire game on TV. Those of you who enjoy sports and watch them on a regular basis should understand my fascination with announcers. When you follow a few teams during your life, the announcers become part of your day. They become the friendly voices you look forward to spending your evenings with. For the sake of this post, let's just focus on baseball. Ever since I can remember, Ken Harrelson has been the voice of the Chicago White Sox. There's something strangely comforting in hearing his voice. (Many tend to disagree with my opinion of Harrelson and we can save that debate for another time.) When an announcer gets replaced, I immediately feel resentment towards the new guy. It's almost like your mom getting remarried and, no matter what the new guy is like, you're automatically ready to cut him down. I still haven't quite gotten over Darren Jackson replacing Tom Paciorek as the color commentator.

What am I getting to? I got to watch the game last night with the Angels announcers. Listening to new announcers is a little discomforting, but it's also an eye opening experience that gives you a bar for comparison. You begin to understand if your hometown announcers are really good or bad. You find out what you're missing. But you also find out what you've got good and have taken for granted.

I'd like to compliment the Angels announcers on their enthusiasm and their legitimate appreciation for the opposition. Their player of the game was the opposing pitcher (Jose Contreras) and they interviewed Joe Crede, the opposing 3rd baseman, after the game. But I also had to find out who the 2nd fiddle color commentator was - For two reasons. First, he's one of the voices on the video game MLB '06 The Show. On the video game he's a little obnoxious in a sense that, well, I just call him "Captain Obvious". But it's a video game with limited space (and every time Tadahito Iguchi comes up to hit, the stadium PA announcer says, "Now batting - Robinson Cano" - definitely far from perfect), so it's excusable. What's not excusable? The fact that he's like that in real life. I asked a guy at work today who the announcer is - His name is Rex Hudler, former Angels player. I don't remember word for word, but last night he said:

• After the top of the ninth - "The Angels are down by 2. Which means, if they get a runner on, the tying run will come to the plate."
• White Sox hitting, runner on 1st, nobody out - "Lackey would sure like to get a double play here. He would probably prefer striking out this hitter and getting a double play after that."
• "If he doesn't start throwing strikes, he'll walk the leadoff hitter."

So I had to do some research. Can a paid, professional announcer really be as bad as Bob Uecker's cohort in Major League? (You know the guy... "Fly ball. (long pause). Caught.") And now it all makes sense...

"Hudler was hospitalized in 2001 with a brain aneurysm. He was suspended briefly from his broadcast job in 2003 after being arrested at Kansas City International Airport for possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia."

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In the past I have expressed my complete and utter contempt for Rupert Murdoch without much explanation. He owns News Corp. Go ahead. Click on the link. He owns all of those media companies. Most of what you read or hear today on the news is the result of his puppetry.

"The Company publishes more than 175 different newspapers, employing approximately 15,000 people worldwide and printing more than 40 million papers a week."

"The Company's television stations group has enjoyed ten consecutive years of record profits, and FOX Broadcasting Company is America's most watched network among young adults."

"FOX Broadcasting Company is America's most watched network among young adults."

Which means.... It's the same dude who publishes your newspaper, offers your TV news, makes the movies you watch, monitors your MySpace activity (I'm up to 25 friends!) AND provides cable and satellite services to your home. And he continues to build his empire, giving us the illusion of choice in media, when in reality, he's the puppet master behind it all.

9/11/06 We Love the Subs!!!

What happened to the creepy Quiznos guys? It was on TV one day then the next day they're gone (that was meant to sound like Will Ferrell impersonating Harry Caray or some lame topical comic). But seriously, I do miss those guys. Note to Quiznos - my consumption of your food has exponentially declined since you stopped airing those ads.

Good news - On Saturday night, some dude let me slap his cheek Godfather style, so I've gotten that out of my system and no longer feel the urge. Which means you can feel a little more comfortable in my presence. (Although, I've yet to get the kiss on the forehead out of my system, so be sure to remain vigilant and on Orange Alert).

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It's the five year anniversary of the attacks of 9/11. Every knows this. All of the major, mid-major, division II-A and minor news outlets are talking about it. People are reminiscent, sentimental, re-invigorated to defeat terrorism - the day is chock full of countless emotions. MSNBC took full advantage of perhaps the most memorable day in our lifetimes with an in-depth look at America: 5 years later - Do You Hate Your Job?

9/10/06 The Kirbinator

In recent weeks, the world famous Kirby has had another setback. He had a glaucoma attack and, uh, his eye sorta blew up. (It's actually a really disgusting and sad story and my way of dealing with it is trying to make light of it). When I saw him, he looked a little like the Terminator with the red eye. So, in honor Kirby's legacy, I asked my dad to get a picture of "The Kirbinator" for all to see.

Another website has posted an in depth history of nachos.

There's something to be said about the blatant racism in the TV programming of my childhood. At the time, I didn't know any better. But looking back, I sort of think that all Swedish people talk and act like this.

Does anyone care to join me for the White Sox vs. Angels this week? The best ballpark nachos in centerfield are my treat.

9/8/06 Good Health

Usually when I stop writing for a few days, everyone kind of assumes that there's no good reason to check this site anymore. And it takes a week or two to get the reader base back. So, before everybody gives up on me, I'm writing my obligatory mini-post while on vacation.

Thanks to everyone who sent birthday wishes and to those who celebrated. I am completely overwhelmed with the phone calls and emails and visits - it's been absolutely wonderful. In time, you will each get a personal thank you and a big fat kiss on the forehead. Or a Godfather slap on the cheek. Your choice. You can't have both. Or neither. You get one. Wait. This isn't such a good idea after all. The end result is going to be that you'll never wish me a happy birthday again. Ok. I'll forego the forehead kiss and the slap. Unless you really want one. Then I'm more than obliged. To tell you the truth, I can't remember the last time I did either one of those. It sounds like fun.

Because I'm linkless today, here's The Sports Guy's mailbag /week 1 picks.

9/5/06 The Unofficial End of Summer

A few of my friends were getting a little teary eyed yesterday, as Labor Day tends to mark the unofficial end to summer. Then today, in some sort of summer to fall transition, I somehow got into a whole bunch of conversations about all of the new TV shows starting this week. Which sadly is what a lot of us have to look forward to. Confessions came out of the woodworks today. People started to tell me how they cancelled plans on certain nights of the week for TV shows. So, here comes the game. It's called "How sad am I?" What are you doing to make sure you watch your favorite show? I'll go first - I made sure to watch all 3 of my Netflix DVDs over the long weekend, so that I'll have Lost: Season 2, disks 1-3 in my mailbox when I get back home. AND - I'm hoping to watch the entirety of season 2 before season 3 premieres on October 4th.

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I'm slowly moving up the online poker ranks. I actually find it easier to play at the more expensive tables. The players tend to respect your bets and you're not playing for all of your chips in the first 5 minutes. It's real poker with real skill. Today I made a raise after the flop with QJ and a flop of Q 4 2 and two diamonds. The initial bettor goes all in for 4 times my raise. I write in the chat box, "Re-he-he-eally?" He immediately responds, "Bumblebee Tuna". So, the fact that he got the Ace Ventura reference, I gave him respect and folded.

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What ever happened to those After Dark screen savers with the flying toasters? I miss those.

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I've spent my evening trying to figure out what's permitted/prohibited on airplanes nowadays. Under "Permitted", the fourth bullet point reads:

"Up to 4 oz. of essential non-prescription liquid medications including saline solution, eye care products and KY jelly "

The whole "taking it up the ass" joke just writes itself.

9/4/06 Crickey!

RIP Crocodile Hunter.

How come nobody ever told me about Donnie Darko? How did I miss this movie? About once every two years I see a movie that captures my attention from beginning to end. I found myself entranced by the symbolism and the mystery unraveling and the music and... well, everything. It's one of those movies that I continue to ponder the morning after. Absolutely awesome. (It's along the lines of "12 Monkeys", "Memento" and "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", if you're into those kinds of movies).

My sincere apologies to Michael Barrett and all Cubs fans for my comments yesterday. I unfairly assumed that his "groin injury" was vaginal related. By no means do I have any proof that he has a vagina. All evidence is purely circumstantial.

9/3/06 Squirting and Slapping

Ok, another game - Give it time to load. It's one of those games that could've almost passed as an NES game in 1986. It has shades of Contra, shades of Kung Fu, a little Sonic going for it. And it gave me shades of "Oh dear lord, I will never get that half hour of my life back" after playing it. Best of all, the goal is to make bratty little kids cry. (I'm just kidding - I don't enjoy making kids cry. But the guys at the pool today that said they were going to buy me a prostitute because they think I could never get a girl on my own - Them I wanna make cry.)

While I'm on a violent streak... Remember that hand slapping game you may have played as a kid that depended on quick reflexes? Well, these women just have it all wrong. (The ads are a little unsafe for work, just in case).

Catcher Michael Barrett may be out for the rest of the season due to excessive vaginal tearing.

And now we return to our regularly schedule programming - Saved by the Bell (this clip, for some reason, is marked as inappropriate by YouTube).

• Zack and Slater go all Brokeback.
• An homage to Jesse's greatest line ever.

9/1/06 OK Go

Google Nicki (in perhaps an effort to promote Google Videos) sends OK Go.

If you haven't seen it, it's a very unique, well done video.

Because of the Sports Guy, I found myself putting way too much thought into the following question:

Which music video is cheesier?

Apache or Separate Ways? I dare you to tell me that you're not watching them in their entirety.

That's it. Just 3 music videos. My posting may also be sparse this weekend as I'm pretty busy. Enjoy the long weekend.